I predicted Swine Flu........
well not quite
but about a week B.S (Before Swine)
I asked on Twitter ..If video killed the
radio star then did the credit crunch kill bird flu?..
The date/time is logged on The
Girobabies Twitter
(april 22nd )
days later the Swine Flu hit the news
(im not for one sevcond making light of a deadly international virus BUT....)
remember Bird Flu? It was the editors
favourite scare story on a slow news day
make no mistake, newspapers need fear
to sell
(Tabloids can sometimes get lucky and
get away with Jordan flashing a boob,
Britney Spears shaving off her hair or
Paris Hilton in a sex-tape scandal but in general Big Brother and
X-factor wannabees dont inspire people to read)
Broadsheets and 24 hour news channels
especially need something a bit more CODE RED!
EMERGENCY!
Red lights flash!
Sirens screech!
You NEED this information NOW!
Your entire families lives depends on
it!
Keep watching!
Stay tuned!
And buy the paper on your way to work!
Before Bird flu it was terrorism that
did the trick.
Houses raided for terror suspects then
it would disappear from the news forever.
No follow up story saying ..No charges
brought.. instead a new story maybe saying something like ..One source
says : terrorists are going to attack the water supply..
a beginners guide to journalists
backing up opinions with ..Fact..
One source said:
One expert said:
One onlooker said:
Then it stopped. Not completely but
under-pressure ..sources.. and ..experts.. wanted to give the impression
that the war on terror wasnt A complete disaster so the
scaremongering was
replaced by inspiring stories of hope
These stories filtered through in the
same way the previous ones did.
Problem is they didnt grab the
attention of the watcher or reader.
It didnt make them ..Stay Tuned.. or feel
the urge to buy a newspaper on the way to work
So Bird Flu happened.
Well it didnt actually happen at all.
But it might have happened.
Experts and sources and graphics
combined to an alarming effect.
Pie charts, Graphs showing what would
happen IF...
The media seemed to be boring itself
with these facts and figures then credit crunch came along
Hallelejuia!
Meaningless numbers
Woop! Woop!
Experts called Donald and Harold and
Harrington-Smythe and the like
the advice they all gave was ..Dont
Panic!..
so Panic was the key word used over
months of 24 hour TV coverage
BOLD headlines on every front page
Banks started to collapse blah blah
blah
Blue collared workers and no collared
workers had been dealing with rising inflation and shit pay for years
but now the white collared was affected the panic button was well and
truly pushed
And personally, Lets be honest.... it
got dull
even the presenters were bored
The headlines bordered on ridiculous
only a few weeks ago I seen an Evening Times next to a till that
read ..Credit Punch: attacks on shop workers increase... The guy in the
shop must have had an uncomfortable night with that as a headline...
next to the till.... in a shop. It was an unfounded news story based
on a pun. If you get the right pun you can work the statistics and
the facts around it.
So I
apologize if now I..ve became sceptical of the pandemic that is
..Swine Flu..
Constant
bold headlines on the front page,
24
hour round-the-clock ..updates..
I have
a friend who is clued-up on the biochemistry of it all.
I
trust him more than the media.
Rather
disappointingly he agrees with the media and says it is a definite
danger
How
shit is that?
Girobabies
expert agrees Swine Flu is dangerous.
Ragin..!
But
the point is isnt everything potentially
dangerous?
Bird
Flu
Swine
Flu
Terrorism
Economic
meltdown
Nuclear
rockets
Alcohol
Cars
Butter-knives
Banana-skins
Susan Boyle
All potentially dangerous
blanket
coverage scares people and causes hypochondriacs to overload
(You
know the people that read the possible side-effects on painkillers
then suddenly experience all of them at once)
you
know hard it is for people with genuine concerns to get a doctors
appointment today because people with a sniffle think their going to
end the entire human race?
Whats
the symptoms?
Nausea,
Runny nose, Shivers etc.
I live
in Scotland, Between the weather and alcohol abuse these symptoms run
in our blood (Pun intended)
Its a
daily routine!
we
wake up cold, tired, Disorientated and feeling like shit.
Everyday!
Blame
the diet, Blame the weather.
Its just the way it is.
Now Throw
in the credit crunch-war on terror- style international
scaremongering that carpetbombs all media outlets into the equasion and you got
yourself a pandemic of paranoia
A
global pandemic of paranoia which always has a new angle constantly evolving....
Religious
leaders re-branding it mexican flu to avoid affecting religious
ideology
(Affecting
an entire nation is obviously fine)
CNN
aka Swine Flu TV blaming Twitter for hyping it up (The mind boggles)
The
tories trying to score points over Gordon Brown during the global
virus
whats
next?
David
Cameron making Brown apologize for infecting the world?
Susan
Boyle and the X-factor nuggets doing a Swine Flu benefit song?
A
pro-war politician claiming swine flu is a terrorist act?
Where
will it end?
Obviously
Ive stuck me and everyone I knows neck on the line here.
How
sweet would it be for people reading this blog in the weeks ahead
knowing I have died from a virus I barely believed existed?
How
ironic would it be for me to contract the swine flu and wouldnt it
serve me right for down-playing everything?
Yes
BUT it would be one in the eyes for the people who
said
ide die from smoking.
They
de be gutted.
So its
not all bad.
The
Smoking Ban caused swine flu and the credit crunch anyway.
Everyone
knows that ;)
on the
off-chance swine flu doesnt wipe us all out then please join us at
one or all of the following gigs
24/05/2009 Dirty Martinis All Day Festival,
Kilmarnock
, Kilmarnock, KA13 6LX
Cost: FREE 1pm- 1am
Featuring The Girobabies, The Dunderheids, The Statler Project,
Tempercalm, Dirty Angel, The Tenants, YAK, Midas Fall, Tragic O’Hara,
The OCO, Zoe Lewis, The Empathy & 1 more TBA
29/05/2009 20:00
at Nice ..N.. Sleezys W/ Sky Mangle/ Punto the Feef/ The
Cairos
Sauchiehall St, , G12 4ax
This
will probaby be the last ever gig for our fantastique French drummer
so
we want a big crowd making big noise to give him the send-off he
truly deserves
01/06/2009 1:00pm
at Jeremy Kyle Book Signing @ Borders
, Glasgow,
Cost: FREE
we will be playing all the Girobabies
hits including Jeremy Kyle (F***ed My Wife) to the man himself
hopefully
we have mobile amps and a sense of
adventure
Follow us on
www.twitter.com/thegirobabies
for more updates
**************STOP PRESS*************************
The
Scottish couple who brought Mexican Swine Flu into Scotland have hired
P.R Guru Max Clifford to sell their story to the press.
This is the kiss-and-tell P.R whore,
This is the guy who cashed in on a suppposedly 13 year old who fathered a child
(Turned out he didnt impregnate anyone but that was after the story was sold worldwide)
This is the same guy whose in talks about a Jade Goody: The Musical and now he s cashing in on swine-flu.
You couldnt make it up.
When i said ..What Happens next..... I didnt think of it! It was so obvious
********SWINE UPDATE***********
Total worldwide death count a week after porkmageddon was announced - 25
Experts admit the normal flu causes more deaths than that
90 people get suspected swine flu- everyone gets a mask
1 million people have AIDS yet nobody seems to want to wear a condom
(Especially the Pope and co who say condoms cause more AIDS than not wearing one. Are they next going to claim condoms are the biggest cause of teen pregnancy)
**********GIROBABIES UPDATE **********
We recorded a song in the style of Song 2 by Blur called Swine Flu
its on the player www.myspace.com/thegirobabies if you want fancy a listen
altogether now.....
I got my pig shaved/
It caused a big plague/
I Called Max Clifford/
I called Max Clifford
Swine Fluuuuuuuuuuuuu x 3
The end is nigh because of my pig sty
Its the swine flu
The end of the worlds come/
worse than a credit crunch
its not my problem/
It was the pig that did it
the swine!
the swine!
The...
Swine Fluuuuuuuuuuuuu x 3
The end is nigh because of my pig sty
Its the swine flu
Oink! Oink!
Oink! Oink!
Swine Flu!
************LAST UPDATE*************
Going to draw a line under this subject after hearing the N-Dubz singer has ..Suspected Swine Flu.. with a pic of her wearing a mask in a hospital bed
Death bed pics dont tend to appear on front covers BUT N-Dubz has a single out ....
AND its only The Sun with ..Sources close to the band.. type quotes
If she dies of swine flu I will make a full apology AND
Sing a song in the style of n-dubz whilst running through the streets naked
(I wonder who her PR Guru is....?)
The normal flu kills possibly more people,
The only way the world has changed is a few lucky people who had shares in ..the cure.. got richer
If you had masks to sell then it was also a good week for you too.
It also stopped all that dull credit crunch talk.
Now the government and HMO are saying be prepared for the 2nd BIGGER wave in Winter
(whats it gonna be Giraffe flu?)
THE END