He walks with his head high....... although when he opens his mouth, it's nothing but low! He acts like he has EVERYTHING worked out. Or is it, he lives like he has nothin to lose! OR DOES HE? At the same time he rubs off positive, but always puts off negative towards me. It's so fucking odd, on how he feels joy, you would think he hates life, BUT it is just me that he hates! Not life! It's a never ending delema.......He judges me to the tee! CAPITAL fucking T... He is a Control freak of his envirmoent! Even when it reflects on me! He can never just let shit be!On the same note puts his super guard up, to present that he is carefree... i would love to actually see how his thoughts are translating to ideas, to actions, to words.it feels like nothing will change, not even for worse not better! He is revolting aswell...... he makes me feel smaller than an ant! All the time, EVEN when i need a "pick me up"! He doesn't notice...................... This one is wise, but hard headed......thats how his life was, and well how it still is!COMMUNICATION is a odd, but decent problem with him and I! he's almost like a caveman, he has a routine, same shit almost everyday! He refuses to budge or give in to perdicaments! WILL HE EVER SHOW VONERABILITY? I believe not...

He's strong in whatever aspect one will think of! i respect him, he's made a deep and heavy impact in my life and on me! But at the same time, brings me pain because we could be so much more close and compatable like! I beleive he pushes it away! Ego might be a slight issue! HE HAS MULTIPLE PERSONILITIES!!!!! i want to say i've seen 3 so far!!!.........................
(~NORMAL~) reads,smokes, will talk but not to much maybe to less......SOLITARE!! helps on certain things but almost is hard, on me for some odd reason! Lazy but common! cool, calm, and content!
(~PMS~) Everything pisses him off, to how I tie my shoe or because i'm dumbfounded on certain verbal topics. Puts this image like everyone is below him,puts that shitty ass mood on everyone, almost like the plaque. Totally spreads to new people or people who know him! they start to be cold and decaying!Mood killer, hypercrit, and beleives his shit doesn't stink
(~THIRD view image~) This is when people are around. SMART ASS who puts me down where i'm under him so he feels masculine or even to make his more bigger than it allready is. He will talk like he's this fake person with a flashy shitty shell. "the people's image" But i'm not one to judge, but i all ready begun so i might as well finish! Although i can't stand his ass(half/Half) Love/hate. I do love him, i know he loves me even though ha has a hard time showing it! he has his problems and i have mine, i wish he would actually just really express his self differently and most of all: MORE! but who will know and time will show! I love him and he's all i fucking have, he really needs to take that in wether he likes it or NOT!

..> ..>

In my dream, i woke up began to notice i was prego, yup bread in the oven, baby on board! Well all sudden i began labor and it was a fairly quick one that is. Suddenly the "baby" came out and what i see is a CAT, yes meow! This cat was black wl white socks u know! All the sudden this cat starts running towards, he's gaining speed and headed right towards my face. I grab it around the neck like a mother cat would to her young and chucked it on the other side of the room.(normally i wouldn't be so mean to a animal but i knew it was possesed or something)........... this process starts again the cat turns around and runs right for my face, to attack me! the cat was tranzing in and out of reality i could see, like it had an alter ego and pondering over it's next action, with another being.I continuly keep fighting this cat for a while.......... then i got this weird hair up my ass or something and ranned across to the other side of the city to ask this weird(call him wise or cosmic i sapose)man to help me with this cat just popped out my ass and is attacking me like a cycle after cycle! This is what this man told me to do: In order to get this pozested cat to leave me be, i have to insert a cell phone into my ass.................... I was shocked and dumbfounded when i heard this. but i pondered it over, thought what the hell might as well try it! Then the cat blew up in smoke and that's when i literally awoke!

Welcome to my life: .................. FYI this is not a sympathy trip, just to make u think ON how the world reacts to certain things.

Ok I'm pretty much 21 years old and i've gotten diagnosed with MS (multple sclerosis), 2 years ago! I went threw a  denial phase and now i am actually making a mark on my life! Ms is a diesease that attacks your myelin nerves and blah blah  blah your nervous system will decrease and unable to control, i beleive, i'm  still leaning about it! WELL there are medicines out on the market to "sedate the ms" yeah that's all nice good! i'm GRATEFUL I AM ...........................................but THERE  IS A FUCKING MONOPOLY ON MEDICINE >>>  >>> MAN! AND i wanna bitch about it ........similar to diabetes or other fatal dieseases were some one needs every day or weekly treatment or medicine to stay allive or functionable..... yeah this government is a crock of shit! and i'll scream it proudly b/c i have to pay out of my pocket to buy medcine and treatment so i can stay allive and yo mama and tanika or who ever can  not work a lick and do drugs and be on welfare and cry and moan on how bad her life sucks because she's a failure and get FULL HEALTH INSURANCE and the whole 9 and be set for the rest of their life and possiblity their children's life! OR HERES A BETTER ONE( big up to my girl k flava)

A herion adict can get perscribe methadone when he's trying to quit drugs and get clean for FREE, government will gladly love to share that....... just so mouths are kept shut...... but in my case or anyone else with ms, glaucoma, diabetes, etc we HAVE TO PAY FOR OUR TREATMENTS!!!!! there's some help provided but it's so hard to get accepted in it to late!!!!!! this is how i feel if i effended anyone OH WELL this is the whole point for this myspace bull shit right?......................... May 20th 2007 Amanda benge

I bitch.............. and what I bitch about is, is what i freakin feel like, DUH! 

How about the bitchy people with their bitchy attitudes, how they feel like their the ulimate bitch!!! Hello we all live in bitch of america!!! DUH

We all need to learn when to bitch, how to bitch, why to bitch, who to bitch upon, and of coarse once again, HOW TO BITCH! bitch right DAMN IT~!!!

 If u feel a need to take a bitch class come holla at me!! One hour, u'll be SET!...........and lastly  please bitch remember what the hell your talkin about, because it always sucks when a bitch seizes you up! When u don't have the goods to back the bitchin` up!