This year has been an interesting one for me. I got myself caught up in physics. I took it for natural world gen-ed. I picked it over biology because I would have had to take 3 terms of biology and I would only have to take 2 terms of physics. As it turns out, I ended up taking 3 terms of physics. I did it because it counts as writing requirement credit, I enjoy physics, the prof is awesome, all the people in the class are awesome, I needed to take something, and plus, the third term covered electricity which I think is really effin cool. I'm definitely gonna miss that class, actually...it was a shit load of work especially for a gen-ed class, but it was fun and I learned a LOT, plus all the random discussions in class about everything from global warming to the Blazers made it bearable. The more I think about what I learned, the more I think it should be a required class for CS majors. It has a lot to do with problem solving...I know all the CS majors would hate it, but damn, it's an awesome class!

I'm not sure if I can blame it singlehandedly on that one class...but it was a big reason I basically had no life this entire year. I seem to recall at the beginning of the year, the prof said that the sequence will be the hardest 200 level classes you'll ever take. I wouldn't disagree with him, well at least for the third term :) I've taken 300 and 400 level classes that were WAY easier!

Anyway, I'm not totally sure of the point of writing this...I guess this is the first time I've really taken a 3 term sequence in anything, and it's a funny feeling at the end when you're all done! (calculus doesn't count, since I completed it in 2 years) I'm just umm....sharing the feeling!

Hopefully this means that next year will be way easy :)

(One thing I learned this year...Gauss's law is PURE EVIL.)

For my dad's birthday today we went to Wildhorse casino...and I am normally a very responsible gambler, but today...let's just say I was not. I arrived at the casino with over $150, with no intention of actually spending it all gambling. I left the casino with a grand total of $2 in my wallet. Umm...bad Doug :) I can't afford to be doing that! I guess before I realized it, my wallet was empty...it's easy to lose track, and it's addicting. It's also easy to say "oh well, I'll put in another $20 and win back the $20 I just lost." Probabilities don't work like that, unfortunately. It's funny, I played right into the casino's hands. Normally I do blackjack, which has much better odds, but I got off to a good start with slot machines and video poker and decided to stick with them. Big mistake. I know better than to do that...oh well, sometimes you gotta learn the hard way!

Maybe now you guys see why I don't drink...:)

But hey, at least I got a free t-shirt out of it. ;) (and a headache from all of the cigarette smoke, but let's not go there)

Oh yeah, and to add insult to injury, my dad won $460 and my mom won $250. ;)

1. The ads on MySpace are really annoying. Yeah, THOSE ones. The thought of ditzy-looking women being on the computer and acting like they do in the ads makes me laugh. I don't think the ads are supposed to be funny either...:)

2. Getting tested in physics on stuff not covered in class is slightly irritating. It's still my favorite class though (and no, despite what this sentence says, I'm not a masochist).

3. Sad things aren't fun, but they bring us back down to reality. Sometimes we all need a firmly-planted foot up the ass.

4. I need summer really bad. You know you're tired/stressed/etc. when people notice it and tell you...

5. This evil early schedule is making me into an evil early person. I don't remember the last time I woke up after 9 am...it's sad that my life is coming to this ;)

6. I LOVE THE SUNNY WEATHER!

7. Go Golden State, you own Dallas!

8. Why am I awake right now?

9. Good night

So I've been spending a lot of time up at my aunt's house because my uncle passed away on Friday after a battle with a nasty blood disease...I think it's called myelodysplastic syndrome; from what I understand it's a precursor to leukemia. The way his health slowly deteriorated reminded me a lot of the way my grandma died of cancer. Really sad :( what really bugs me the most about death is just the fact that you never know when the last time is that you will see someone alive. I wish I would have known that on Easter, the last time I talked with him. With that said, it's pointless to live with regrets! I'll miss him though. I wasn't blood related to him but he was a freakin awesome man who had been through a lot.

I'm about 3/4 asleep right now and I need to tutor in 7 hours...great...why the hell am I on myspace right now? Oh yeah, that's right...I had to stay up late to finish my stupid physics homework that had nothing to do with anything we're talking about in class....and it was really hard and I had to search around on the internet to find a freaking clue about how to do anything because the book sucks at explaining the concepts! YAY!

I better post this and get off the internet before my jelly bean high wears off...candy and physics are a bad mix

Spring break is here. I already know half of my grades. I'm excited for a new start in a couple weeks. The bottom line is that life rocks, through both the good and the bad. With spring comes a new favorite song for now, from a band I recently discovered...

See the Sun by Black Lab

If I feel this feeling
if I let myself go deep again
Will you stay by my side, yeah
Cause if I feel this feeling
things won't ever be the same again
if planets collide I won't mind,
no I'll be fine

Cause I can't see the sun anymore
I can't feel the drugs anymore
I can't see the sun anymore
But I don't mind
You're by my side
And I feel fine

Are you my revelation
are you the answer to my question
Or have I wasted my time, yeah
Cause if I feel this feeling
Will you crawl out of your perfect skin
And climb in to mine will you shine
Will you be my light?

Cause I can't see the sun anymore
I can't feel the ground anymore
I can't see the sun anymore
But I don't mind
You're by my side
And I feel fine

Hey Michell we're too young to be alone
Hey 'Shell is your heart still made of stone
Hey babe I call will you take me home
Hey babe I'm calling hear me calling

Cause I can't see the sun anymore
I can't feel the drugs anymore
I can't see the sun anymore
But I don't mind
I go blind

I can't see the sun anymore
I can't feel the ground anymore
I can't see the sun anymore
But I don't mind
You're by my side
And I feel fine

(if you wanna hear this song, you can listen to it here)

So today I was thinking about how I'm 21 now...and then I thought...21 * 4 = 84. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that....assuming I die at the age of 84, I've already been through a quarter of my life.

That is a really creepy thought. Granted, many of those years I hardly remember because it was baby/toddler/younger kid time...but still...isn't that a creepy feeling? It just hit me today. And there are no guarantees I make it to 84...life is so short, we really should cherish what we've got and live the moment. Carpe diem! Little thoughts like that really put it into perspective, at least for me.

Before long, our entire generation will have passed away and a new generation will be ready to take over. How will we be remembered? Will anyone even care? This idea is really intriguing to me...but it makes me think. I guess my current attitude came from a song I've been obsessed with lately. Here's a part of it:

So should I return to trace the shadows of my chases
My steps will echo there from sand to stone
I will never let my eyelids close on empty spaces
My dreams will fill the void with tales unknown
Know the mighty infinite obscures the far horizon
The whispered road I take will never bend
Alone
And will the wind return my story to its promise
Or will my story chase me to the end

--"Arabian Nights" -- Sarah Brightman

Well, naturally, it's Friday night and I have nothing to do so I'm screwing around on MySpace...brilliant...okay. I'm really sick of this term and can't wait for a fresh start. I've gotten myself involved in so much crap and it's really starting to take a toll on me. I never feel like I ever have anything "done" but I'm the kind of person who likes to finish stuff and not worry about it anymore. Unfortunately I can't do that with a lot of the stuff I'm busy with.

Got my schedule set up for next term. Physics 223, CS 370, CS 380, and Stat 327...it's gonna be kinda busy but I think I'll survive.

If we just forget about everything that involves school, my life is good. Been playin a lot of Phantom of the Opera on piano lately. I've been doing pretty well at getting enough sleep, too....sleep is good :-) Well, I hope all is well with everyone, I hope you all are surviving! I'll leave you with a quote I found that I really like...

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony." --William Henry Channing

I don't know why, but walking home from math tutoring is like my favorite thing to do, so I write about it a lot. I guess I just love the night. It felt so great...it was drizzling rain and I was walking down the sidewalk, iPod earbuds blaring "Out of My Head" by Fastball, one of the ol 90's radio songs (it's on my profile). It is one of those songs that is just appropriate for a nice little evening rain walk.

I never realized it before, but I LOVE walking in the rain! It's so calming. It smells great, it feels great, I kinda wish I could just walk all night like that, putting that song on repeat, and then skip all my classes tomorrow sleeping through the day (ha, obviously that won't actually happen).

In other news, I have been eating way too much candy and I'm probably gonna feel like shit tomorrow...lol...I think I'll never learn.

Another random observation: Karma is very real...I've been discovering that more and more lately. Ever since the "chocolate fortune cookie" incident in the Dollar Tree last year, I have been a firm believer in karma, and I still am. It explains a lot of things...

I leave you with lyrics to the song mentioned earlier...

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if it can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet that I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet that I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an invitation
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet that I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

So yeah, tonight I was walking to the college to do some math tutoring and I looked up at the stars. Most of em were covered up by clouds (but the moon lighting up the clouds was absolutely GORGEOUS!), but I was able to pick out Orion in the mix of it all. I always forget exactly what time of year he's out but I can easily pick him out of the night sky. He's the most prominent constellation. I have an easier time recognizing him than the big dipper. I know science just says it's a bunch of randomly placed stars and the big bang and all that crap, but I don't care. When I see him up in the sky I feel like I'm no longer alone. I used to get a nasty feeling of fear whenever I saw him but that's changed.

I feel incredibly strange right now...I sat down to play piano and I played three movements of Beethoven's sonatas...the second movement of the Appassionata, the second movement of Pathetique, and the first movement of Moonlight. And for some strange reason, the piano sounded wayyyy out of tune. I mean I know it hasn't been tuned for years, but it sounded WAY different from normal. I'm pretty sure it's my ears or my head, because the sound wouldn't change that fast. And the other thing is, I was playing and everything seemed to be flowing for me. I felt like I wasn't trying but all the notes were coming out perfectly anyway. In fact that is happening right now as I type...I'm not trying to type words, they're just being typed. I don't know why I feel this way right now, but it's a really strange feeling. It's like a mixture of being lightheaded and playing a piano made out of Jello...yeah.

I don't know if it's due to lack of sleep or an afternoon Mountain Dew or what but yeah. Today has definitely been unique. I actually remembered a dream for once...and it was a weird dream because I wasn't even in it. It was like I was watching a movie, but it felt like I was part of the movie even though I wasn't in it. I know that makes no sense whatsoever, but yeah. I didn't even recognize the people who were in it....it was really weird. I don't get why I have such fucked up dreams, lol.

ANYWAY....busy with classes as usual and I hope you all are having a wonderful time! Now I'm going to take a break before I have to tutor math tonight. With my mind acting this way right now who knows what kinds of crazy things will happen during tutoring...

So yeah, it seems like the day has just begun, but something just doesn't feel right. I think I'm on a different page today. Almost like the world decided to go somewhere else but didn't send me the memo. Luckily I'm done with my classes today...but I better snap out of it soon!

First off, I got to CS class and I felt really good about myself, cause I got all my homework done last night. CS went okay. Then I went to physics and I felt all good because I got my entire physics assignment done last night too and it was...a pain...to put it lightly. But in class everything seemed all weird and it was all flying by and I had no frickin clue what was going on. Well, I understood some of it but I just couldn't think enough to connect it all together. Let's just say I don't usually feel that way in a class, so it just felt weird. That's not the end of this story...

After class I went to the bookstore to buy the last book I had to get...went to pay for it, and started writing my check. First of all I realized I wrote 06 instead of 07 for the year, so I had to cross that out. So then I started writing the amount...and the cashier told me that I was writing the amount in the wrong box. I looked down and realized I was writing it in the "pay to the order of" box. I don't think I need to say anything else...

I just don't feel like me today. I feel like some existence of me from a parallel dimension where there's no such thing as understanding. I feel like I'm in this strange world where nothing is supposed to make sense and everything just randomly happens in random places for no reason. A place where the sole purpose of our existence is to be lost in the chaos of it all.

Hmmm, wait a minute...I think I just described life.

Looks like Christmas break is just about over. :( It was fun while it lasted! Part of me is excited to get back to classes and see everyone, but part of me is sad because I'm gonna be super busy again. I can't really think of one word that totally symbolizes my Christmas break, but a miracle did happen about a week ago that totally brightened my spirits which I think have been failing me a little lately, so that was nice! Other than that, I can't complain...I got my sleep and got a break, what else can I ask for?

Just found out the other day that one of my classes has to be moved to a different time slot. Slightly annoying but I guess I'm not complaining, after all the professor has been out of the country this whole term so he probably hasn't had a chance to get any of this stuff set up. I still have no idea when the class will take place, I hope he lets me know so I don't inadvertently skip the first day. LOL, could ya imagine ME skipping a class? The only time I have ever skipped a class was during dead week and the professor even said that we didn't need to come unless we wanted to do review. Let's just say it was calculus class, and I worked it out that I needed like a 50% on the final to get an A in the class. That's right, I could have flunked the final and gotten an A. So review wasn't really a big priority for me! :)

I leave you with some random adjective-noun combinations....

optional ability
spontaneous bottom
detailed bile
excellent sack
super shower
informal mushroom
statutory productivity
abnormal steward
mathematical apple
depressed button
retired portrait
dominant pigeon
electric battery (WOW!)
gold hell
pregnant region
legal photography

LOL, that site is too fun just to see stupid combinations of words! Ever need a starting idea for artwork or something? There ya go!

Do you all ever take those crazy tests and stuff online when you're bored? There's one called the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) that divides people into 16 different personality types. (Disclaimer: I'm not sure how big of a fan I am of being classified into one of 16 types--doesn't seem like enough to describe a person--but I'm not going to go there...the test is cool anyway). So you should all take this test and say what type you are! It's kinda cool googling your type afterward and seeing what different sites say about your personality type.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

(I wonder if they teach this kind of stuff in psychology classes...) I came out as an INFP, also called a healer. The description is actually halfway interesting--I found that only 1% of people share my type. (Since there are 16 types, you'd expect each type to be 1/16 or about 6% of the population--nope). Some famous people of my type are/were: Homer (the writer, not simpson!), Shakespeare, Helen Keller, Audrey Hepburn, Neil Diamond (sick!), Princess Diana, Julia Roberts, and Lisa Kudrow. Obviously they didn't have all of these people do a test (especially in the case of Homer and Shakespeare) but they must have figured it out based on who they are/were.

It's funny because people of my personality type generally enjoy english, art, and music classes...lol...and I'm a CS major who generally enjoys math classes. Go figure...(I have nothing against any of those types of classes, they are pretty cool! But math is definitely my favorite subject)

Other than that, a lot of the personality type was actually pretty accurate, surprisingly enough. I don't like conflict, and I'm not usually all that outspoken, which is exactly what my profile says about me. The profile also says INFPs are usually perfectionists and they have high standards...bingo. (Which can actually be a bad thing) Talented writers and awkward verbally...bingo. Often reserved in expressing emotion...yep. Hard to separate work from play...somewhat true (how often do you guys see me solving math problems for fun? Yeah, lol) Probably more problems in mating than any other type...amen. Find good in pretty much everyone...yep. Think idealized to a fault...yep. I think this paragraph basically sums it up:

"INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant. They have a capacity for caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a cause. One word that captures this type is idealistic. At times, this characteristic leaves them feeling isolated, especially since INFPs are found in only 1 percent of the general population."

Anyway, I'm not gonna let these tests define who I am, because I already know that. But it's pretty interesting to look at these tests and see who pyschologists think you are. I was kind of surprised at how well my results matched me.

So...what type are you all, my friends?

I just love life...what else can I say? Seriously...everything just rocks. No studying, no cavities...no nothing. LOL...I went to the dentist today and...no cavities! The dentist assistant person was like "as usual, you don't need anything done..." (which is funny because last time I went, I had to get a filling-ish thing but I think it's just a cap). If this is looking weird and hyper it's probably because I just ate a crap load of chocolate. This is pretty much the best I've felt during a break though. I really deserve this break :)

I just have this sudden burst of happiness for no real reason...but I'm glad it's here :) I woke up at like 4 am today, seriously...maybe the early wakeup made me feel good. Or maybe it's because I've been listening to Soul Asylum lately. Even though some of the music is sad and depressing I love the tunes (and half of the songs are positive too!). Wow, can't believe I hadn't been into this band before! New music to me is like..I dunno..a new toy for a little kid. It's like winning the lottery or something, it just feels so good!

Anyway I've just been randomly reading wikipedia and other sites and stuff lately. It's fun to learn new stuff....I guess I'm always learning, I love to learn! I'm always craving new knowledge, what can I say? It's just more fun when I'm moving at my own pace instead of reading someone else's assigned book. Ya know? But at the same time classes motivate me to learn stuff that I otherwise probably wouldn't want to bother learning, so I guess it all works out in the end! So yeah, um...hope all is well with everybody, hope you're all having a good winter/christmas/hanukkah (WOW I spelled it right on the first try)/whatever break...anyway yeah life just rocks!

Hmm, maybe I should start pigging out on chocolate more often, I feel really good!

Howdy. Term's over, already know half of my grades...happy w/ em....helped at the robotics tournament again this year, it was sweet :) My sleep schedule is so fucked up, I've been sleeping all my days away...except for today, today I helped my dad put lights up on a tree outside our house...pretty cool as soon as we can get them working. Hopefully I can get back to a normal schedule now. All I've been wanting to do is sleep lately...

There are about a zillion things going through my mind right now, and I'm not quite sure where I am (am I ever really sure?). I have no idea what that means, but whatever...life is swell.

Last thing...been lookin through some of my old stuff, including my old obsession with Apple's Think different campaign (yes, I know everyone says it's incorrect grammar...but whatever, I think it's just proving Apple's point). When I was younger I used to have the magazine ads all over my bedroom door, it was actually really cool. There was also a TV ad, and I used to be totally obsessed with it, I think I still am...it's really cool though. Whenever I watch the commercial (it's from like 1997, I think?) I get chills down my spine. Here's the video:

Apple: Think different


"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or villify them...about the only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they change things, they push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." --Think different