I hate that I love you.

I saw the best friend today. It was nice to catch up and hang out. We had lunch with his family, which was really wonderful. I really thought that I was going to go retarded and be a complete scatterbrain. I wasn't. It was as if we hadn't skipped a day, and we were just hanging out like it was any other day. Awesome.
I thought for sure that I would start feeling like I would want to squeeze him and not let go and that I would drive away in a panic when I dropped him off at the airport, wondering a bunch of "what if"s and similar such nonsense. None of that happened. I'm so glad. We talked about menial things, and that was okay. No need to go through the dramas of our lives, we've kept up with each other well enough via the telephone and emails.
I was questioning before I went to see him what affect this would have on my relationship with my boyfriend. I was scared that I would make some sort of huge mistake by trying to break up with him for stupid reasons, but instead I got home and thought about how great he is, and how great we are together. Perfectly dysfunctional. No stupid fuck ups this time, Fox. :)

fuck this, it can't be my life. do i want a lover, do i want a life? do you choose spring, summer, winter or fall? it's driving me crazy that i can't have it all.

i'm losing myself without you. too bad it ended so soon, but i guess we hung the moon. you thought you wanted someone like me, and i thought i wanted someone like you. why do we wait around in the wings? time never changes a thing.

drink up and pay; it's time to move on. nobody wants to hear the ravings of a bad drunk. they're afraid he'll speak their mind, and say "you find yourself alone, no matter who lives in your home." i wouldn't blame you for turning away. it's the least you could do, anyway. to find yourself alone.

these are the dead days we're living in. there's a new permanent haze hangin' around our heads. don't kid yourself- this won't improve. we are just prisoners now, where no good thing consumes. so i'm alright with your bitterness; cuz if you love this place, you'd be crazy or possessed. you hope for some highs. God knows there will be lows, but it's mostly just numbness between till you don't know how bad it can go.
 
our hooves hammering your coils. the rivers carve out your hollows with tears from me. return to me, my love. be still oh rusting river. unlock her name from your grass. unburden the pressures of fathoms of tears from me, and return to me, my love.

if i could turn back time, i would be with you. if i could change your mind, you'd miss me too. wish i could say those things, to make you want me.  but the hands of time only roll one way. days turn to years, and keep on slipping away. time don't do nothing but change everything.

i'm all mixed up. i'm free; i'm stuck. i'm yours; i'm not. crashing in the air, beyond compare. no stars, no stairs. no cars, no cares. take me with you. i may have doubts, i may pull out. i may see through the things you do, but take me with you.
 
you found me, a tattooed tramp. a dirty daughter from the labor cans. you laid me down on the grass of a clearing. I wept but my soul was willing. and oh, my love, my love.
we both go down together. our parents will never consent to this love, but you hold my hand.

remember when we were young? all of those songs we sung. remember when we were right? i don't want to say it's breaking my heart, and i don't know where to start. old friends are falling apart. time, like the name of a man. covered and we both can whine. i miss the straight, straight lines. the old times. remember when we held hands? never going back, never going back again.

 

[ ] My nails are always painted
[x] During the summer pretty much the only shoes I wear are thongs
[ ] My favorite toy as a child were barbies
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple
[ ] I was in Dance as a child
[ ] I love skirts
[ ] The Mall is my fav. place to shop
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear
[x] I love chocolate
[ ] I've never had a real job
[ ] My hair is straight or I make it that way
[x] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out with friends
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace
[ ] I've gone to a day spa
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.. Not to swim
[x] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] I Drink tea
[ ] I change my  AIM icon weekly
[ ] I have flowers and/or bows on my bra
[ ] I would never step foot into Hot Topic
[x] My mobile phone might as well become a part of me
[ ] I wear mascara everyday
[x] I've been on a diet
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I don't know the difference between a sheep & a goat
[ ] Big sunglasses are cute
[x] I have gotten my nails done
[ ] I own about 10 purses
[ ] MTV is my one of my favorite channels
[ ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[ ] I love to have other girls do my hair
[x] I give & receive hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs, snakes, lizards, spiders
[ ] Carnivals are so fun
[ ] Summer is the best season
[x] My swimsuit has 2 pieces
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
[ ] Musicians are so hot
[ ] You should write me a poem to tell me I'm beautiful & I'm all yours
[x] I am self-conscious
[ ] I cry sometimes a lot
[ ] My car smells like vanilla
[x] My dishes get washed more then once a week
[ ] I don't do sports
[ ] I hate to run
[ ] I squeal when I am surprised or angry
[x] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[ ] I love romance novels
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute
[x] I dance alot
[ ] I usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products
[ ] I love to get dressed up
[ ] Every part of my outfit needs to match
[ ] I talk on the phone/text at least once a day to a few of my friends
[ ] I would love to have a photoshoot
[x] Price on clothes hardly matters
[ ] I apply lipgloss 50 times a day
[ ] I wish I was a model
[ ] I want to meet Paris Hilton
[ ] I have been something that was semi-slutty on halloween
[ ] I own uggies
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music
[ ] I love pop music
[ ] I like to be the center of attention
[ ] Guys with Mohawks are crazy
[ ] Horses are beautiful
[ ] I'd rather not pay attention in school
[ ] Cats are adorable
[ ] I write my own poetry
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii
[ ] Valentine's Day is so cute
[ ] Black makes me look thin
[x] My closet is stock full of clothes
[ ] I hate the grunge look of a beard
[ ] I love to read gossip magazines
[ ] I love to gossip
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters as a kid
[ ] I loved Celine Dion
[ ] My bubble baths are 2 hours long
[ ] I've planned my wedding since I was 6
[ ] My friends & I are in a strict group
[x] I like kids
[ ] Diet drinks are the best
[x] I'm all about being vegetarian
[x] I check my emails everyday
[ ] I wear glitter sometimes
[ ] I love shiny things
[ ] My screen names have x's in them
[ ] I would never want to be the opposite sex
[ ] Its not what he/she said.. Its the way he/she said it
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed


GRAND TOTAL: 19 out of 94.