whiskey breathe, whiskey plates
michigan nights turn to michigan days
they brought the love
we built the stage
got together and everyone came

this is a first gig head trip
i'm not come'n down 'til the kids beat me with sticks
or cut off my lips to kill this grin
your thick threaded frowns couldn't stop me from splitting a stitch
if you ain't gotta smile, you must be a slave
so shake of those shackles so seriously mistaken
for escape routes out of your mess
i'll take no part of it, i already made my bed
done in an instant
the moment i lifted my head
stretched out into the morning
i left no trace, i gave no warning
beating the sun to steal it's glory
giving me the opportunity to be the brightest thing burning
maybe you saw me on your way to work

i tied my shoes, i packed my bags
see ya in a second turned to, "just another minute i swear"
i never have to leave but i can't stay here
you were concerned
i eased your fears
we filled my heart before i disappeared

got told to get some rest
i laughed and said "i'd take a crack at it"
my eyes can't close 'til i take it all in
so don't hold your breathe
'cause last time i checked this place is big
i've gotten this far, you know i can't stop
to the edge of the earth
there's life after dirt
so put down your shovels
and see what the world is worth
witness all the reasons my jaw unhinges
some say they've seen everything
it's hard to believe as they yawn down their sleeves
and i'm left breathless by every little piece

we brainstorm, not convinced we're brain dead
all this day dreaming turns to nightly success
hypocrites pray, while we are blessed
you shared your doubts
i shared my confidence
everything came together without a hitch

nothing but love could make something like this
i'd ditch all the cash offers and architects
for friends with faith and a magicians assistant
she'll tell you my secrets
like where i hide the fragile things
they're up a sleeve past bracelets and ink
just within reach beats my trick heart
skippin' steps to slip down my wrist
pumpin' out more pride than the wizard could give
we laid the gold bricks
but used fake names in the credits

...remember; this is life, come take part in it...

i'd probably of shut my mouth by now; i was born in between lines spoken by comedians and scientists to stand there shaking in anticipation with every chain smoked cigarette, telling the world i just don't know how to bow to it, because it looks like everyone wears a crown from the clouds my head has been; and they're all a little bent from all the hills we've tumbled down just to find out the person in the mirror is the only one with any answers, even when we don't want to hear them.

the only compass i've ever had was the kind i double knotted, i've walked through gardens and i've stepped in shit; i've shot myself in the foot and have been too proud to limp, hell i've sprinted away from the sympathetic shoulder, but now i want to bleed on your shirt and tell you how it bad it hurts to live in a world where my heart starts things my brain stops with deft blows to an unwanted ego with half a mind to conquer the earth; i spin on my heals until i'm dizzy enough to stumble upon a path more scenic so i can chew it to its roots just to shrug and say i've seen it.

where the hell have i been all my life? somewhere counting down the moments between now and forever, telling myself it's just a little bit further, right around the corner, up the hill, can't miss it; "just walk boy, you'll get there sooner or later", knowing i've always been there, morning, noon, and night with ripped jeans and scarred teeth looking back at me.

have i found truth in anything? no, just a feeling that i can't stop this sureality. i don't have it in me to press stop , so i accept that i can change my surroundings at will and clusterfuck my way into heaven or hell just like everyone else. acting out all the words i've spilled to convince myself i'm the sum of a life lived with best intent; i still get out of bed with tired eyes to look at my mess and say "this is it, this will be the day you finally rest".

i don't own any pillows, all my blankets have been stolen or gifts, i've got a packed duffel bag, dirty finger nails, and a balloon for a head, i've swallowed, snorted, or smoked all my money if i didn't give it to a friend or buy something frivolous, i've always done just what i saw fit, even if the puzzle pieces came from different boxes, hell i'd jam them together just to see how it all stops making sense after the fourth or fifth; dip my toes? i'd rather dive in,after all, we came out wet...

maybe i can't justify my actions as well as you. i also don't expect any of my points to be sharp enough to cut through the bullshit laced wool that's been pulled over eyes that would go blind at the sight of the sun; i say i love you to deaf ears just as well to the open ones. honestly, i lost my ability to care about what slips from malicious tongues into my atmosphere. i've thrown myself down self loathing spirals that make any criticism look like a slip'n slide, so be snide, be cruel. i'll just grin, because my momma didn't raise no fool.

any real affirmation made towards this life is felt, not spoken. it's folly to believe we can wrap up the beauty of existence in a neat little package to be mass consumed; oh, we can try, hell i do and fail all the time. as humans we've birthed into our lexicons a myriad of ways to relate all the epiphanies that have flipped our perception on its ear, just to be purplemonkeydishwashered into something deemed worthy of fighting a war over or holding over each others heads like we're enlightened in a world full of supposed ignorance. we've some how come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't agree with all these unstoppable feelings we have then they're not valid. well as far as i see it, in a world where words can be misconstrued and things can be cut down, dug up, or blown to pieces to build more things, the only honest thing you have is that initial spark of emotion you get when it all makes sense to you; when you know it's love, when your fist clenches, when you laugh or cry, when you've found your faith. it's so personal, nothing can take it away from you, and by all means, share your experience, just don't raise it to the realm of universal truths all others should abide by.

hell, if i knew where to begin. -laughs- i suppose it's arbitrary, the beginning; it's not like we ever had choice in the matter, all we can really do is point ourselves in a direction that will get us to the end with as little pain and as many smiles as we can manage, and even in the the end, we don't have a choice, but damn it do we have the middle to breathe, and love, and fight, and fuck, and to just fucking laugh through it all. it's a "choose your own adventure" people, your own little slice of sandbox, you can either make pearls with the pressures of this universe, or you can shit in it; just act fast and take it easy, because it all comes natural.

what do i believe in? i believe in now, right now... and now... and all the future "nows" i can get my hungry hands on... i'd like to share it with you...

I’ve stared at a lot of blank pages lately, wondering if I’m still arrogant enough to ruin another piece of paper with these confessions of obsessions and the self imposed repression of anything that might show you my ego for what it truly is; all encompassing, self pleasuring, and oh so self destructing just so it can play humble and tell the universe “you can be the biggest.” But under my breath I mumble to it “I’ll be the dopest”, with a smirk that’d give any guilty man away; I strut with such swagger while I fan out my feathers and squawk about how I’ve got my shit together, however, the truth is a story of a jig saw boy whose held together by overworked twist ties, THC, the reassurance of friends, and the consistency of cigarettes; I’ve always been on the mend, ever since I could remember I never just let wounds heal unhindered, no matter the pain I’d pick, poke, and prod my way deeper like my bones were treasure, I’ll unearth my regrets and karmic debts I kept just far enough in to hide any evidence of when I went from being innocent to morally indifferent , all the loose ends from days spent tied too tight, spun out like a top not familiar with physics, blacked out and still moving, second guessing myself every hundred minutes or so because I was losing memory like weight , oh those days of perpetual euphoric daze where my ship wrecked eyes kept on the prize of being awake from sunrise to sunrise , those were devastatingly enjoyable moments where I filled notebooks, I got the job done faster, I was witty, I was clever, I never scorched a bubble or got in trouble. If you Tell me something funny, I’ll show you what I got to keep from the era of no sleep, just a crime scene for a smile, everyday behind my caution tape lips I tongue scars and remember to forget before I decide to play dentist with a hammer and some Rx’s, but it can’t be the ampheta-waves that eroded my fundamentals into ambiguous pillars of unwavering self justification, maybe instead of Jesus, I’m just the anti-christ, maybe I started out as one, and ended up the other, maybe it was my fathers insanity, or my mothers constant doting. Was it Philly? Or constantly moving, rated R movies, no it has to be the head injuries, high fevers, and that time my sister choked me….

after years of killing myself over and over again, just to come back; i have come home, to a state of mind that looks like a set of blinds just begging you to see what's on the other side, do i still seem foolish, well good; i am...

i don't really know what to start all the time and I'm not concerned where to finish, my heart doesn't race against guilt... i don't feel incomplete even though others have their complaints about my speed or "lack" of progress...

as opposed to my normal yearly synopsis on new years, i'm gonna toss it up now, not that I'm asking permission from you, but i do enjoy explaining myself, i really do, more so then most people are willing to hear most of the time, but i'm not doing it for you...


  so, lets see...

 so much has happened, but then again, it's been mainly a revolution of my own mind; the realization that i have to make peace with myself, or i'll always be waging war on my psyche has been a long time coming, and recently my brain got knocked over, spilt out the contents, and almost left me for dead; it let out all the skeletons and invited my friends over to shake hands with all my dirty little parts...

i suppose it was all the acid, but then again; i've been harboring guilt for things that i dreamt i did, vocalizing them like some sociopathic town cryer; as for the remorse i've had for the terrible things i really did, it's a work in progress to retrace my steps and assure the affected parties that my sincerest apologies are theirs to have and i don't need an answer as to wether or not they forgive me, i don't chase forgiveness like some prize to be won and hoarded; i say sorry for my own heart...


my head was always in the clouds, and my heart was a lead balloon, with free rides for every tom, dick and jane; the only stipulation being is that you have to deal with my behavior, which was more driven by greed , envy and fear than all the i love yous, have a nice days, and i hope your okays i wrestled away from people with clever little schemes and forked tounge kisses; i made myself into a two way mirror that showed people what they wanted to see and at the same time kept me safe from their invasive questioning, hungry eyes and for the most part, loving hearts...

this is the time, to break away and bring together...