So, I know I've been lax in my posting of blogs but I'm back now.  What have I been up to you ask?  Good question.  After a short stint of actually being in love and being stupid enough to think that they loved me back, I'm doing what comes a little too naturally for me.  Being alone.  And as usual with fresh wounds comes feelings of depression.  It also explains the music, background and quote change.  So I just have some words of inspiration per se.

For those that have loved and felt the bitter sting of loss...
For those that love with all their heart and aren't afraid...
For those that fight against all odds and never surrender...
For those that fall and get right back up no matter how painful...
For those that think they'll never find true love...
For those that are in the dark, thinking there is no light...
For those that think no one can hear their pleas....
For those that make it through life one day at a time...
For those that think their sacrifice is too much...
For those that have been beaten down and broken...
For those that have been neglected...
Raise your glasses and toast to those that have come before and those yet still to come.
Because we are never as alone as we think we are and we'll never give up the fight.
And we'll find nothing but pity for those that say they need love in their life but aren't willing to fight for it.
This drink is for you cuz I'm buying the next round with my two cents.

The last place I would expect to find deep meaningful words that make my internal processors hum is Fred Meyers, in the home decor section.  It's just not the place where I would see something normally so thought provoking, unless it were glow-in-the-dark Cheez Whiz.  So as I was perusing the home decor section I found framed words and as I really examined those words, reading them over and over, my mind reeled at how profound those words were.  Here is the saying:
"Work as if you didn't need the money.  Love as if you have never been hurt.  Dance as if no one is watching."
It's a lot to take in all at once.  Let's break it down, shall we.

"Work As If You Didn't Need The Money":  It's pretty hard to accomplish this one, since the modern society we live in demands that we have things; food, clothing, car, house, bills.  That normally cost money...lots of money sometimes.  But we shouldn't make money the goal in and of itself.  This is greed and like the other six deadly sins it is generally hazardous.  I prefer to put it thus "Money is a means to an end, not an end of itself."  If we spend our time working more hours to get more money or working increasingly more demanding jobs, certain things are going to be neglicted and eventually all you're going to be left with is the money.  And while at work enjoy it.  You're there for eight hours or more a day, forty hours a week, be insane.  Play air guitar, sing, dance, do something other than being a mindless drone.

"Love As If You've Never Been Hurt": Humans, for the most part, have a learning curve.  We make a mistake and we learn not to do that again, like sticking a paper clip in a light socket.  Love is kind of the same way.  We've been down the road before, we know what happens and usually somebody ends up getting hurt.  It's hard to trust anybody after you've been hurt once.  That fear and trepidation keeps us from experiencing a truly wonderful thing like love.  If you love someone, don't hold back.  Love them with every piece of your heart and soul.  Yes you might get hurt but as long as you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say "I'll never do it that way again."  Then you can say you lived life and conquered fear.

"Dance As If No One Is Watching":  When I dance, I look like a goofball.  I know I look like a goofball hence why I don't dance in public very often.  I'm a shy person and I've always been a little concerned that people would think I'm a weirdo.  But why the hell should I care what a group of random strangers thinks about me.  Is it going to influence me at any other point other than the right now?  Probably not, unless I decided to moon the clerks at Wal-Mart.  I know there are certain things that aren't acceptable in normal society but there are things you can do to have fun, let loose, be a goofball.  Life is too short to be uptight about every little thing.  When you're next in a line, do the conga, even if it's just by yourself.  Dancing is freeing and relaxing and it's fun.  Children don't worry about who's watching them dance.  They'll dance, they'll dance as if they were crazy, they'll dance like an animal, when they feel like dancing, they dance.  So shake your groove thing and dance.

That's my two cents.

Not many people can dream big dreams.  Dreams that change the world. Dreams big enough to die for.  Now I've never had big dreams like that, but I am a follower of those dreams.  And I live in Idaho, a place where there's about as much diversity as there is culture.  I grew up knowing nothing about other cultures or people or places really, quite sad you might imagine.  Once I found out there was something other than us white folks around, I was excited.  Knowing that there was some diversity other than pasty faced white kids that grew up on a farm.

Now I'm a pretty open minded guy and I'm accepting of alot of things, except stupidity, but even I have had moments of totally blind racism.  I've never been judged by the color of my skin.  So I can't tell you I know exactly what that is like.  But I've been judged by for failings my physique or my receding hairline but not color.  But I'm still white.  I don't know oppression or racism, other that what we've caused.

Recently I've found the woman of my dreams.  Everything I wanted in somebody.  Does it matter to me that she's of a different ethnicity than I am?  Hell no!  Personally, I've never thought that way.  My predominently white brain and shackled me with women of the same background I was.  Once again I was judging on purely physical features.  The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what color your skin is, love knows no limits.

"I have a dream that my children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

My dream.  Is to not judge others by their outward appearance, as I have been judged.  But to extend my hand with no preconceived notions and say "My name is James..." That's my two cents.

So.  I work at a call center.  Not just any call center but a call center for computer users in the Navy.  Apparently since most of them have the brains no bigger than walnuts, they are always calling.  Mostly because they can't get email.  It's like, just walk down the hall and talk to people.  To top it off they don't do any troubleshooting.  "Does your Outlook say Offline? If yes, then hit the connect button.  Retards."  Now most of the people aren't that bad but an insane portion are that way and most are located on the East Coast so us backwoods bumpkins in Idaho have to be there extra early.  How early do you ask? How does 0400 sound?  Yeah not that great especially since I have to wake my happy ass up at 0300 to be at work at that time.  This wouldn't be so bad if it were my normal schedule, no this is manditory overtime, which seems to keep getting extended every week.  I've been working these times since the first of November and it's going to continue for the next two weeks.  Most of the time, I'm too tired to do anything when I get home except crash on my bed and veg out.

So, 'tis the New Year.  2007.  (Insert forced enthusiastic comment here).  The only good thing about a new year is the false sense of starting over.  Fresh, beginning a new, tabula rasa if you prefer Latin.  If it were only so easy as wiping clean a black board or even shaking up an Etch-E-Sketch.  The events of the previous year seem to haunt us, torment our thoughts and bind our decsions throughout the "New Year".  Maybe instead of New Year we should label it something else, more politically correct.  Like Semi-Improved Year or Slightly Different Year.  But I guess those don't have much marketablity and they are quite depressing.  It must be that people just need the hope that this next year will be better than the last.  That the slate has been wiped clean and some sort of peace of mind can be obtained by that single solitary fact that this year is somehow magically "New".  It's like the feeling of hope after repenting for your sins, a cosmic do-over, if you will.  So while wishing somebody a Happy New Year is for you optimists, I'll just wait for the giant cosmic Etch-E-Sketch to reset.
That's my two cents.