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Friday, October 17, 2008
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So, I was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in my thyroid about a month ago. Doc's are never really sure about these thing though because sometime a cyste(I can't remember how to spell this word because I just got home from the hospital and I am completely high on pain med's. Please forgive my errors.) just have some cancerous cells hanging around in side them that aren't full fledged cancer yet. You just remove the cystes and everything is fine forever. I was supposed to go to get surgery last week wed. but when I got to the hospital I was informed that my surgery was rescheduled without my knowlege. Anyway, I went in yesterday to have a routine thyrio..omy and when they opened my throat, the surgeons took a look at things and realized that my cancer was through out my thyroid and had spread to my lymphnodes. So now things have gotten a little bit trickier. They removed my thyroid and some lymphnodes and now I'm off to see a cancer specialst. No wonder I've felt so crappy over th last year or so. For anyone interested, I'll keep you updated.lov, brenda
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
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Current mood:  sad
Life is unfair. Your best friend dies of stomach cancer and you run over and kill your own dog. You go out to ride your bike and crush your fingers in the garage door. Then you miss seeing someone you care about play their beautiful songs. Your miracle drug, the one that cures your pain, makes you gain 20 lbs and your friends' husband kills himself and you just can't face her. The weather is solovelyl but you just can't get out of bed. And you just can't find the right words to describe how you feel.
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Monday, August 25, 2008
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Current mood:  indescribable
I'm watching an info-mercial about hair care. This blog has really nothing to with that, OK? I'm blogging about important things here. Sometimes late at night I get this high feeling. I dont know where it comes from but my insides seem to float around inside me and I feel giddy and I smile for no reason at at. And then I start to roam around the house looking for something meaningful and important to do. And I want to affect the world and and the sad people and lonely people in some really loving way. My sister says I'm an ass kisser, but while that may be true, I really love people. Yes. If you are reading this, I love you.And I am sending out love your way. Do you feel it? It's so Groovy. And I think alot about how to connect with people and I feel their pain sometimes. Sometimes I feel too much pain and I feel foolish about letting too much of my energy go into it. And if I let myself go and just do and say what I want according to how I feel sometimes people freak out and I end up alienated from them and I achieve exactly the opposite of what i set out to do. WTF.
My little sausage-dog is snoring on the love seat. His mouth is partially open and his tounge is sticking out between his walrus lips. I want to kiss his sweet flat face, but I am allergic to him. I get hives on my lips that swell up and make me look like a boxer that lost the fight. I hope that he doesn't lick my mouth because maybe I'd get worms.
This is the summation of my life. A little girl once told a friend of mine that she licked a dogs butt and got worms. She giggled and said the worms tickled her butt when they came out. I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud. Her Dad told her to shut up
I'm still feeling the god aweful huge LOVE. I wish I were more talented so I could do something fabulous with it.
I guess I'll just go to bed and dream..... dream.... dreammmmmm........
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
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Current mood:  animated
I haven't been doing anything. Ive been having a LOT of knee problems. The weather is messin' wif me. I'm really excited to be going in to record with Russ Brown. The song I'm going to sing on is so beautiful. And Russ is one of my favorite singers.Ever. I started to record again and then kinda lost my gumption. I really do plan to put out some new music soon but right now I'm burnt. Saw "Dethklok" last Saturday, along with "Chimaria" and"Soilient Green". They were awesome. I actually envisioned myself naked and being "hair" whipped by the lead singer from Soilient Green. God- his head of hair was GLORIOUS! Something about those guys with the long hair flipping that Glory Mane around-GRRRRR! I also had to punch a guy at the show because he pushed me over in the crowd. Also fell in love with Brendan Small from Metalocalypse. But alas, I am deaf now. And I have bad knees. Thank god I am still cute.
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Wednesday, October 10, 2007
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Current mood:  awake
Category: Music
I love singing harmony. I'm singing back-up's with Chris Thompson lately and it has been very satisfying. Chris and Steve are great and I must admit- I sound great with them. We really have awesome chemistry and I feel really buzzed when I'm singing. I haven't blogged for a long time. I've been too busy and too lazy to type. And now I have to purchase different gig clothes because I can't wear the same shirt over and over. I've been having more than 1 gig a month! People will start to notice these things. What the hell kind of pants do you wear when you have these thighs? Someone please tell me. I mean, I'm not a freak about body image or anything but there are things you realize about yourself, right? Damn these thighs! Damn them. Some facts about me: I have poor humor discretion. I'll laugh at almost anything. I am gullible. I can't stand or sit still when I hear music. I have a dirty sense of humor. I had braces on my teeth about 5 years ago. I love food. I can't spell. I taught myself to play guitar. I love soaps and lotions. I love salt. I hate to vacuum. I am completely crazy- but nobody knows it. I like to sing made-up opera's in my car, at the top of my lungs. I don't forgive people who are cruel. I love Brian and Russ. And I shouldn't. I love to sleep because my dreams are 'fricken awesome. I love myself and hate myself.
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Tuesday, September 18, 2007
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Current mood:  cheerful
I went to the movies alone. I saw the film "Silk". The lead male character was played by Micheal Pitt whose career I've been following since he first appeared as "Tommy Gnosis" in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", which is one of my very favorite films. I love this man, but I never really "see" him. I can look at him and say, "Hey, thats Micheal Pitt." but there is a translucent quality about his eyes that keeps me searching for him even when I'm looking at him. It's a strange sensation. He has a cherubic face with large clear, blue eyes and puffy pillow lips that are bow shaped and blood engourged blush against his pale complexion. He has a almost fragile appearance that appeals to me. I seem to be attracted to people who are the complete opposite to my angular face and aquiline nose. But thats not the point. When I look at him at him , I feel like I've just caught the shadow of something passing in my periphery vision. Like "Did I really see something just now?" kinda thing. I think maybe his eyes are so clear and round that I can see completely through them. And it's not like "....the window to his soul...." either. I feel like his eyes are a windows to more windows and maybe to things I know nothing about, or maybe to everything else. You can't catch that type of thing on film. And no, I'm not a freaked out fan. Just making an observation.
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
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Current mood:  curious
Went to see Harry Potter tonight and loved it. Just got back from camping where I nude sunbathed in the middle of a WI forest. Beautiful. Heard wolves howling in the trees and saw a billion stars in the sky. Realized how small I am. Squished some bugs and accidently peed on my ankle while squatting in the woods. Came home with a bladder infection and wrote a song about being a woman. Or maybe its about being me and I just happen to be female. Answered alot of questions and led my family on and epic journey downtown to eat and see "Harry Potter". Lead them out of the darkend theater when i realized that they had all "piled-up" in the hallway waiting for me to lead them out. They would probably still be in there bouncing from wall to wall had I not grabbed the bull by the horns and said "Let's go." Let Lou drive home . He nearly killed a drunk man riding a bicycle the wrong way down a one way street.
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Monday, July 23, 2007
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Lyrics The Angel made me crazy
Oh what the hell, here I go again I've got this feeling that I'm never coming down Damn these hands are shaking and my gut is filled with blue, inferno fire Where have I gone to On this saddest, wednesday evening
And am I landing now Or am I setting my foot for another launch? And i'm wrapped in voice and music like a shroud that saves me But it smothers me just the same desparation now Because beauty is so fleeting
CHORUS
Pull me up,Baby, pull me up Cause I cannot reach you When I'm kneeling When I'm prostrate, when my sweat has burned me blind Pull me , pull me up I cannot reach you in this hallowed place
The angel made me crazy He sent me straight to hell The Angel made me crazy He sent me straight to hell
CHORUS repeat
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Monday, July 23, 2007
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Devil on the dance floor
Bopping along all around this poptart town Loooking for you in all our hollow haunts I've got a hot-spot in my heart
Oh I see you in every window, everystreet light , Every hip-hop joint I've got a me-thats-minus-you Seeing you Like I've never seen you
CHORUS
OH! Boppin' around You're a devil on the dance floor Be-bop-doobie-dwee-ba-doot-n-do-dot-dow The ladies linger Looking for some Be-bop-drip-drop-laa-be-dootin-do-dot-dow Down you dip Low, low, low you go Your a devil on the dance floor
I thought you were shy,silly and sweet On the side My waiting, wilting, wallflower Tom I got a me-thats-minus-you But when i call it's click, click, click, click ring I'm out the door like a bat out of hell I've got a hot spot in my heart
How could I know You liked swingin' with the Susies
CHORUS, scat
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Monday, July 23, 2007
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This is something I know
What is it like to converse with you About the weather, your family and mine? What is it like to be a part of the whole and not just be apart I wouldn't know I wouldn't know
what is it like to look you in the face And not feel terrified you might find me out What is it like to push so hard That the blood comes followed by release That is something I know That is something I know
Time can't take it away fame can't take it away Even love cant take it away That I am crazy It's not like on TV It's not sweet or clean It does not inspire It's brutal and it's ugly And it cleaves me in two-crazy
What is it like to wake everyday with purpose And know that we love you What is it like to feel good everyday And not rotten inside, rotten inside ........ I'm rotting inside...........
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