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Ellen

Ellen Hartman


Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 42
Sign: Aquarius

City: Ithaca
State: New York
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/6/2007

Blog Archive
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Wednesday, April 08, 2009 

Current mood:  naughty

I’m a technical writer. That means I write Frequently Asked Question pages (FAQs) on a regular basis. Did you know that most FAQs are made up by technical writers and have nothing to do with actual questions anyone has ever asked? Yep. It’s like writing fiction, except about bytes and bandwidth and secure passwords. And also the FAQs are usually nonfiction. Usually.

Anyway, I wrote an FAQ for His Secret Past and the comments were a ton of fun (here) so I thought I’d do one for The Boyfriend’s Back. 

1. The title is The Boyfriend’s Back, but the cover shows his front. What’s up with that?

Um. Good observation? But the title refers to the fact that The Boyfriend was gone and has now returned. He came back. Get it?

2. See that part on the cover where it says “Going Back?” Is that because her hair is blowing back in the wind? Is it, like, a caption? Because I didn’t think her hair needed a caption.

Well, no. Sorry. You’re 0 for 2 here. Going Back means this book is part of the Superromance themed series about characters who return to their hometowns. In this case, The Boyfriend. He is back. In his hometown. Get it?

3. In the book, JT has a degree in robotics from Carnegie Mellon. You went to Carnegie Mellon. Is your degree in robotics?

Not exactly. My degree is in Creative Writing—that would be the English department, not the engineering school. But I had a job in a robotics lab one time, which is what gave me the idea of sending JT there.

4. So you majored in writing and built robots in your spare time? Cool.

No. I majored in writing and did some writing for a robotics project in my spare time. The project was an early speech recognition program. I had to copy edit the manuscript the robot created. It was pretty cool.

5. It doesn’t sound cool to me.

I guess you’re not a writer/geek like I am.

6. I think I'm okay with that.

Did you have another question?

7. I read the back cover copy and it sounds like a secret baby book—guy leaves home and comes back fifteen years later. Girl has secret she’s afraid to tell him, and she’s got a daughter. Secret baby, right?

Well, fifteen years…not exactly a baby anymore, is it?

8. Are you supposed to be sarcastic when you’re answering these questions?

Sorry. Not a secret baby. Not exactly, anyway.

9. Are you supposed to be evasive when you’re answering these questions?

Argh. Do you want me to give away the entire plot? Is anticipation not part of the fun?

10. Stop answering my questions with questions. So in the cover
picture it looks as if Hailey is getting ready to have her way with JT.
What page is that scene on?

Heh. 30.

Any other questions?

Ellen

5:47 AM 
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Wednesday, March 04, 2009 

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
I am a book geek. (See previous post on this subject here: Harlequin Warehouse Trip.) I love reading books, writing books, touching books, sniffing books, and thinking about books.

So you can imagined my delight when I got some behind-the-scenes info from the cover design sessions for my upcoming May book, The Boyfriend's Back.

The first shot was the original concept for the cover.  My editor requested some changes because she thought the first draft wasn't as flirty as she'd like. I'm absolutely not a visual person so I wouldn't be able to pinpoint what makes something flirty, but I do like the second version better.

I spotted five things that were changed from the first to second draft. It's like that feature in the Highlights magazine from the dentist office--can you spot the differences?

First Draft



Boyfriend Before

Second (Flirty) Draft



Boyfriend After

Final Cover



Photobucket

I was really glad to get this extra look at the process and so I thought I'd share it with you. Thanks, Victoria, for making sure the cover came out great! I'm super glad they added the tie. I like the tie.  


Cheers,

Ellen





1:03 PM 
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Tuesday, January 06, 2009 

Current mood:  overstimulated
Category: Writing and Poetry
So you know how some people start the new year by resolving to lose weight or exercise more or keep their closets neat? I have no interest in any of those things, so I thought I would usher in the new year by participating in ridiculous "projects" and then posting them to YouTube! Brilliant, right? Hah.

Candy and Sarah from the Smart Bitches, Trashy Books web site have a book coming out this Spring. They're running a contest for book videos promoting the book. Here's the link for the one I helped with: The Day the Romance World Stood Still. (Be sure to check out Elizabeth Hoyt's framed photo of Colin Firth. Too funny!

If you like the video, you can give it stars on YouTube. I'll be here, hiding my head and guzzling a bottle of Boone's Farm from Kristan Higgins's wine cellar corner store. ;-)

Ellen
10:49 AM 
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Wednesday, October 22, 2008 

Current mood:  selective
Category: Games

I was folding the socks this weekend and I realized that I have memorized the sock preferences for three people who aren't me. My husband and my sons all wear similar socks, but with key differences. If I don't remember the differences, I can't get the correct socks into the correct drawers.

Evidence:

  • My husband is the only one who does not wear his socks outside without shoes. Therefore, his socks are relatively clean and he likes to keep them that way.
  • Number 2 son wears only AND1 brand socks and only the style that doesn't show above the sneaker and only in his exact size—no bigger socks need apply.
  • Number 1 son wears all the other permanently dirty, too tall, too big socks. Except if they're scratchy.

That's a lot of information, right? Does any of it have anything to do with writing? Absolutely not.

Which is my point.

I'm carrying all this useless knowledge around in my head which means I can instantly categorize and sort other people's socks and in the meantime I'm losing the plot threads and character motivations I've worked so hard to develop for my books.

Counter Productive Memory Stuffing (CPMS) is harming my writing. So I'm reversing it. Right here, right now. I've typed up this sock trivia, entered it in my blog, and, therefore, removed it from my brain. Poof. It's gone.

Feels great.

Want to try? You don't have to be a writer—this offer is open to anyone with extra mind clutter! Do you know the names of all the Thomas trains? All the lyrics to Jessie's Girl? Still harboring the astrological signs of every boy you ever crushed on in junior high? Now's your chance to clear these items out for good.

Simply type your extraneous facts in a comment and this blog will retain that information so you can make room in your mind for the important things. Like character details. Or the date of the next Nordstrom's sale. Or the pitching rotation for the Red Sox Rays.

Go ahead and give it a try. You know you wanna. Come .. some facts on my blog, baby!

Ellen

P.S. For anyone who wonders how I will sort the socks this week now that I no longer remember whose are whose, "Good question." I won't. Because I can't. But guess what? I bet the boys (big and small) will work it out. They might be picky about their socks but they're resourceful.

6:53 PM 
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Tuesday, June 03, 2008 

Current mood:  geeky
Category: Writing and Poetry
"Mommy, where do books come from?"

"Well, dear, if they're Harlequin books, it's likely they come from the warehouse in Buffalo, New York."

"A book warehouse? What's that?"

Glad you asked...

A few weeks ago I had the enormous pleasure of participating in the Harlequin Customer Service Representative Appreciation day. It was a fascinating day, meeting the customer service representatives and touring the Harlequin distribution center.

First thing I saw when I pulled in? Geese. Okay, that wasn't interesting. But the very next thing I saw was an eighteen-wheeler with the Harlequin logo on the side. That was totally cool. Too bad I forgot to take a picture. Next time.

When I met with the customer service representatives I was delighted to bring them gifts. Thanks to the generosity of the other Superromance authors, I had piles of signed books, bookmarks, pens, and other small presents. I'd also collected signed book covers and made them into a collage thank you card.

Sorry about the flash on the glass.



Meeting the representatives was fascinating. They deal with a lot of interesting questions. I was intrigued by how much really personal service these folks provide. It made me want to call them up after I got home just to chat about books. ;-)

After the luncheon, I had a tour of the distribution center.

Warning: The rest of this post includes extreme book geekery. If your idea of heaven on earth is a bookstore, read on. The rest of you are going to be bored.

Harlequin has a short-run press in the facility that they use for *wait for it* printing short runs of books. Sometimes reprints, sometimes advance reader copies. Lots of different applications.

Here's some paper waiting to go on the press. (I did warn you about the book geek thing, right?)



My book geek soul was on fire when I took this photo. It's an actual book being printed. Sweet! You wouldn't believe how fast and intricate the process is--these long rolls get printed, folded, cut, and turned into a book in a few seconds.



In a moment of serendipity, it turned out I actually know the author whose book was being printed. Hello Maggie Shayne's book on the press!



After the books are printed and bound, the covers are glued on, and then they go up this conveyor belt to the machine that chops the edges off clean. (I'm sensing a Mr. Rogers vibe here.)



Want to know what's inside the book warehouse? Books! See?

Well, actually those are mostly boxes that the books are going to go into.

Here are books.



Finally, a close up of the very best kind of books. Superromance! This picture shows some of the June Supers. This is just one small portion of the copies of these particular books. These pallets were destined for K-Mart, I think.



That's it. Tour is over, folks. Now if anybody asks you where books come from, you know where to send them!

Cheers,
Ellen
2:25 AM 
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Friday, May 16, 2008 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm a technical writer. That means I write FAQs on a regular basis. Did you know that FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions? I bet you did.

Did you also know that most FAQs are made up by technical writers and have nothing to do with actual questions anyone has ever asked? Yep. It's like writing fiction, except about bytes and bandwidth and secure passwords. And also the FAQs are usually nonfiction. Usually.

Anyway, I've decided to do an FAQ for His Secret Past.
  1. The lead character's name is Mason Star and he's a rock star. Weren't you trying too hard with the name?

    Excellent question. Yes. Of course, I was trying too hard. My sister told me it was cheap. My editor told me it was cheap. My critique group told me it was cheap. But I am a sucker for a cheap name. So pulling from my bag of tricks, I wrote fictional backstory for the name, blaming it all on the parents. (Because in fiction, as in real life, it's the parents' fault.) Mason's mom was a stripper who changed her name legally to Sierra Star. So he can't help it that his name is cheesy.

  2. Did you ever play that game where you make a stripper name for yourself out of the name of your first pet and the name of the street you lived on when you were a kid?

    No.
    Signed,
    Dusty Monastery

  3. I have the same problems with my golf game that Mason has. If I follow Anna's advice will my swing improve?

    Umm. No. And also you'll probably get kicked off the course. Even your more reputable miniature golf courses aren't going to stand for that kind of carrying on. I recommend instead, that you do what I did when I realized my golf game stinks. Retire. You get to spend more time in the clubhouse that way, and the clubhouse is where they keep the gin and the pretzels.

  4. On the cover of His Secret Past, Mason is wearing a tuxedo but he's at the beach. Who wears a tuxedo to the beach?

    Sigh. He's at a wedding. Those are tables behind him, not sand dunes.

  5. On the cover of His Secret Past, Mason is wearing a tuxedo and there is sand all over the tables behind him. Was there a dust storm or did the bride actually have "sand" as her wedding color?

    Next!

  6. Did you have to pay Rob Lowe a lot of money to pose for the cover?

    Okay, you know what? I thought this was going to be a serious discussion. Who's asking these questions anyway?


Any questions?

Ellen
Currently listening:
Why Is There Air?
By Bill Cosby
Release date: 1998-04-28
3:54 AM 
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008 

Current mood:  pugnacious
Dear Friends,

My cover is under attack by a man in a towel. Diana Holquist (who has yet to write a book about people with heads) has launched a vote--her towel guy against my tux guy. Tux guy is getting his formal-wear-clad butt kicked.

Help a cover out. Stop by Diana's blog and leave a comment. Viva the Tux!

;-)

Ellen

P.S. Here's the film that started the controversy in case you need a refresher.






2:46 AM 
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008 

Current mood:  overstimulated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
My friend, Diana Holquist, makes funny book trailers.

A book trailer is like a movie trailer, except with a really, really, really low budget and no actors. The exception to this is the trailer for a book written by Dennis Hopper's daughter. Watching it I learned that industry connections go a long way toward improving the look and feel of the trailer. Where are my movie star relatives when I need them?

Note: Because I'm petty that way I'm not posting the title of that book or the author's name because who wants to advertise the competition? But if you did happen to go to Amazon and search for "celebutantes" you might find it.

Anyway. If you'd like to see MY no budget, cheesy music, cut and paste 'cause we can't afford actors trailer, click here. What we lack in funding, we make up for in wit. Or in hot, hot men. Take your pick.





P.S. Okay. Fine. Whatever. I'm not that petty. Here's the link to the other trailer. It's not that great, right? So it has real actors. Pffft. I don't see a towel or a tux. But is that Taylor Townsend?

Ellen
5:05 AM 
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Sunday, March 30, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I write because it’s tidy.

No, not the process. The process sucks.

The writing process is a horrendous disaster involving way too many stimulants (all unhealthy although not, in my case, illegal), way too little sleep, and way too much self-doubt and bad temper. (Plus a little euphoria but I’m on a woe-is-me kick here so I won’t be admitting to that.)

The tidiness comes in when I take life--big scrambles of human emotion and chaos--and sort it out on paper. I write romances, so my books have happy endings. The villains get theirs, the hero and heroine get some, and my psyche is at peace knowing that these people, the fictional ones, will do what I tell them when I tell them to do it.

Non-fictional people do not respond to me in this way. They persist in leading their own messy lives, making bad decisions, living with ambiguity, and even, at times, settling for settling instead of striving for their Happily Ever After. Blech. Who wants to spend their time with people like that?

(Note: I’m not, of course, speaking of any of the actual real people in my life. These are just, you know, hypothetical real people. The people in my life are so healthily well-adjusted and serene it’s freakish. Hi, Anne!)

The made-up people follow the three-act structure. They’re not only familiar with the hero’s journey, they live it, in perfect structural order, every time. When I provide the fictional people with a brilliant insight into their motivations, for example, "You can’t commit because your mom screwed you up when she left home in 1979," they not only get what I’m saying, they change accordingly. Their fictional black moments end after a reasonable amount of time, instead of stretching on for years or decades or entire lifetimes.

Maybe if I were able to get myself a job as the dictator of a mid-sized nation I would give up writing. Dictators no doubt get a lot of opportunities to tidy the lives of real people—for example, they can dictate that today is National Confront Your Insecurities Day and next Wednesday is National Stop Dating The Wrong Guy Day.

But until that happy time when I manage to seize power, and as long as real life remains sticky, ambiguous, and full of people who don’t do as I tell them to do, I’ll write.

And I’ll be happy while I’m doing it.

(Had to get that happily ever after in there.)

The End.

If you write, why do you do it?

Ellen

(This post was inspired by the blog, "Why We Write.")
Currently listening:
The Impossible Dream
By Ronan Tynan
Release date: 12 November, 2002
9:31 PM 
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Friday, March 21, 2008 

Current mood:drunk with power
Category: Religion and Philosophy
In romance circles there are periodic kerfuffles about offensive language, themes, descriptions, and situations. I have always believed that it’s a big world out there and we should all just find something we do enjoy and ignore the other stuff. Who am I to tell you what words to write or read?

So open-minded, right?

Except…I decided I do care. And I also decided that I’m in charge. There are words that are offensive to me and I want them banned right now.

Except...(another exception already? I suck at fanaticism)...I’m too lazy to figure out how to get things banned through official channels and I don’t really like petitions, besides, would I have to walk to all your houses to gather signatures? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

So this is a list of words I will forthwith cease and desist from employing in speech or written expression both professional and personal. (That’s a little petition language in case I do decide to come around your neighborhoods with a clipboard.) Please do feel free to join me in the bannage, though, ’cause a protest is always more fun with a group.

You’re Outta Here!

Ping: When used to mean you’ve contacted or attempted to contact another human being. Example: Did you ping Roy about the meeting on Friday?
Acceptable exceptions: Ping pong, ping pong table, and when discussing Ping the Duck.

Euphemisms for erection: Sorry. There’s just no way to describe that little (or not) piece of physical business without using the proper name. Euphemisms including arousal, length, and heat all make me laugh. Not the desired response, especially not in that important moment.
Acceptable exceptions: Anything goes if you’re writing on the walls of a public restroom. Also, if you’re under the age of twelve and can’t say erection without giggling, I’ll give you a pass; everyone else, let’s grow up!

Hopefully: We’ve had enough chances and we keep getting it wrong. This morning I used it incorrectly for possibly the first time since Sister Raymond explained it to me back in sixth grade. Therefore…BANNED!
Acceptable exceptions: None. Hopefully (insidious, isn’t it?), this one can be released in a few hundred years once the improper use has died out completely. I guess if you’re one of those people who aren’t bothered by this one, you can use it. I can’t because then I hear Sister Raymond bellowing about slouching and sloth and other bad habits of poor grammarians. (I am such a bad fanatic.)

Podcast: This goes in the banned-on-account-of-being-unnecessarily-complicated category. You know what a podcast is? It’s a recorded audio file you listen to online. Why was a new word invented when we already had interview and audio and sound and about a million straightforward ways to describe this thing without the techno-babble?
Acceptable exceptions: Allowable only in the inverted form, as when discussing shelled peas thus, "I cast the pod in the compost bin."

All right. That’s enough for today. I need to start googling Government+banned+Words+ellen+hates+Language+reformation+Starts+Now. Anybody want to toss a few more words on the scrap heap while I’m doing my homework?
Currently listening:
100 Favorite Patriotic Songs
By Anonymous
Release date: 12 August, 2003
2:12 PM 
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