so im here, and ive been getting to know people better, and ive been thinging about things. like bisexuality, and conversation skills, and how everyone is getting so old. and i remember people the way we were and feel sad for the way we are. i dont want to lose track of the few people i actually like and i miss eryn and jay and eryk too because for a while we were almost like sisters (and eryk) and i dont know why i feel so strange thinking about it. i dont see people enough from middle school, but i feel like less of an outcast in hs after talking to sam. maybe its al in my head thati think people are put off by me or dont like me. maybe i should just talk to thm more, anthough sometimes i dont feel like i have anything to say, this summer will be good.

i want a haircut. i have alot of extrra hair in the back that i left for pigtails, but not i cant find my rubber bands for them and i never put it up. I will find a way to do it this week but as soon as i can i want to cut  it off again. Not all bald and 'dyke' looking this time, mostly short on the sides, leaving my bangs and shorter on the top and back. Partially it is because I'm bored, but part of it is also my little personal quest. I can't explain it but the movie 'Thirteen' reaffirmed it for me a while ago. I dont know if i could ever have long hair again. maybe bangs but the back will probably be short. I dont even know why im writing this, it made sense a minute ago. im sick of my frumpy head and i want my sexy head back.

these three blogs are pieces i wrote for writers workshop. these are the pieces i have selected for my portfolio.

A guide to Middle School Dating
Never confess your love. It is a terrible decision. Especially in middle school. You may find that that cute boy or girl in your class is staring at you every day, and as his or her eyes meet yours your heart jumps a little. This must be love! So of course the right thing to do is keep it secret, and admire them from afar, as your affections grow. Day after day observe him or her carefully and make note of their every motion. Photographs from around corners can be especially pleasing, even more so if you are not the one to take them. If you can collect articles of their belongings, then that is even better, as those prizes become good luck charms and will increase your chances for a successful relationship. But not yet.
Before you make a move you have to make sure it is worth the horrible agony of actually talking to your crush, or possibly even touching them. You must wait until you are sure that you will burst at the seams if you cannot marry them and have their babies in the next week or so, even if it takes months of silent affections to get to this point. Premature decision-making can be bad, so let the thoughts fester for a few months. Once this is achieved, the first steps of a relationship can begin.
First of all, never talk to someone you like. This breaks all the rules of middle school dating. If you talk to the person of your dreams, you will stutter and they will hate you. So always use a friend, to express your most private thoughts for you. Get them to follow your crush, and look for anyone else who you might be in competition with. Have them innocently bombard your love interest with questions about you, and encourage them not to mention that you are best friends. The more uninvolved your friend seems, the better.
Before asking them out, you have to make sure that he or she is interested. The key here is to talk to all of his or her friends, but make them promise not to tell your crush that you were asking. If their friends say that that special boy or girl likes you, or even that there is a remote possible your crush knows your name, then it is time to become extremely direct, and write them an anonymous note.
The first not should be anonymous just to me sure that nothing bad will happen once you release your feelings from your head. A simple "I like you" will do. Always sign it 'your secret admirer' but try and disguise your handwriting so they have no idea who it comes from. A quick prayer that your crush's friends didn't tell them about your previous questioning can also be appropriate.
At this time, tell all of your friends what you have done. Make sure that after telling each and every friend, and casual acquaintance the biggest secret ever, you make them promise not to tell anyone else. You want the satisfaction of doing it. Tell them everything and beg them not to interfere directly with your crush. All accept one. Pick your most trusted peer and have them hand deliver a note asking your crush on a date. This is the ideal situation so that your crush will not hate you if you blush.
If he or she say yes, hope it is in another note, because face-to-face communication is to be avoided. For the first week, conversation should be strictly on myspace.com. Then you may start to talk in school, but not too closely. By the time the first date comes around, you should be well acquainted digitally, and have gotten through all the background information. That way when you talk in person, you will have nothing to say, achieving the much desirable awkward silence. Of course since being in middle school means that you will have limited date options, this is ok because you will only be at a movie anyway. God forbid someone comes up with something original.
If the date goes well, then second and third helpings can be an option, but at the same time, you should flirt relentlessly with all of your classmates. Significant others LOVE this. It also gives you a foot in the door if tomorrow you decide that you like someone else better.
Remember that a relationship lasting longer than a month WILL give you a disease that will cause your genitals to fall off, so it is best to marry and have their babies quickly, before you get bored. If this is achieved then when it is all over, you should be left with a cute fuzzy memory, a box of their trinkets, chewed gum, and notes, and ability to label yourself as single.

Naked?
I walked into class, and I think I almost pissed myself. Sure Writers workshop has its perks, but nudity isn't usually one of them. I gazed around the room in horror, because the entire class was naked. Not bra and panties naked, I mean completely naked.
I stood there awkwardly for a moment, and thought that it must have been a strange dream. People were chatting and going through their bags just like they always do, and nobody was noticing that everybody was naked. I thought they were insane. The room was just as noisy as usual, and there was no sign of modesty. I looked to my teacher, and discovered that even Mr. Fairchild was sitting naked at his desk. And to add icing on the big naked cake, Brenan wasn't wearing his service jacket. A naked dog. Great.
I started to feel uncomfortable being the only person with clothes, and I noticed people starting to notice too. There were boys in the corner chuckling at me and pointing, and some girls were whispering behind their hands. It was creeping me out and I wanted to leave, but I didn't want my grade to suffer. Without making eye contact I asked Mr. Fairchild if I could go to the bathroom.
"Your not sneaking to the library to make copies are you?" he asked
"No, I have them already"
I left the room in a hurry, and paused outside the door. I waited a minute and then looked in. They were all still naked. A few people brushed by me, the usual stragglers late to class. I ran to the bathroom and shut myself in a stall. This must be a protest, I thought. But when I looked out of the bathroom I saw two hall monitors chatting in the nude. I shuddered a little. It's not exactly something you look forward to seeing. Actually its not something you want to see at all. Until that point I never put short wrinkly naked ladies in my school vision, and I didn't want to start then.
I thought I had collected myself enough to go back to class, so I left the bathroom, and made my way back down the hall.
"Hey come here!" the hall monitor said. "You aren't following the new dress code. You either have to change or go to the office."
Crap. Stupid dress code. What was wrong this time?
"Change?" I asked
"Yes, your shirt and pants are completely inappropriate. You have to take them off. And if you are wearing any inappropriate undergarments those must come off too."
I went back into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. This was freaky, but I shrugged. Hey if you can't beat 'em join 'em. Normally I wouldn't just strip down in school, but this was an extenuating circumstance. I had always wondered what it would like to be a nudist, and how much better hugs would be, without scratchy fabric and only soft skin. So naked it was.
That was all completely fine until I got back in the hall and to class. I had my clothes in a ball under my arm. I could feel the fire in my cheeks as a walked back to my seat, but nobody seemed to even look up as I passed. People were just reading their pieces to each other and of course talking in between. The backs of my knees were stuck to the seat.
I couldn't help but glance at the bodies around me. Some were quite attractive, others were average, but after a few minutes I started to notice a kind of natural beauty in all the nakedness around me. A girl stood up to read her piece to the class. I could tell she was nervous and fidgeting, but it was only in fear of public speaking, not nudity. She made no effort to cover herself, and as she read I no longer made an effort to look. Surprisingly I was actually able to comment on her writing.
At the end of class I was pretty excited to see who else was naked. I knew that I passed some particularly yummy looking people on the way to my next class and I figured that not only could I see more of them, but after that they would just be people again. Naked people, but I felt that I could focus more on them as people once calmed y curiosity about the rest of them. I was anxious to look around, but I actually did have to go to the bathroom this time. As I got into the stall I saw someone enter the stall next to me. I looked under the stall and saw her legs, clothes with blue jeans. Another girl in jeans waited in line for a free stall. Just when I was getting used to the whole naked thing, life was switched up again. I quickly redressed and left the bathroom. The halls were crowded again and somehow everyone was dressed.
I felt a little sad as I read logos and band names. Shirts mattered again and I received a few scratchy hugs from friends. There was no skin, and no freedom or the body. The monitors hassled some girl about her short skirt, and I continued on my way, wishing I was still naked.

Body Hair
Everyone has body hair. And most people do something to prune and control it. Men seem to get away with it easy. They just have to shave their face, maybe, and decide how they want to do it. Nobody really cares if a guy has hairy legs or arms, and if they have hair in other places, it's considered normal. But women have it different. They are expected to shave and trim much more than men, and to fail at doing this can be seen as unfeminine. Many European women don't shave their armpits, and still maintain their femininity, but in America that practice is generally considered undesirable. Yet I know many women who do not shave their armpits, and still have husbands who seem very much attracted to them.
Some people are embarrassed of their body hair, and go to great lengths to remove it. While at the same time, often a young girl will delay the shaving process, in fear of being the first one of their friends to do it. And not only do girls have to answer the question of to shave or not to shave, they have to decide where, how, how much, and of course, the all important, "can I really reach that?"
But does it really matter. Is a woman any less of a woman if they decide to shave less? Or not at all? Why is it that women are expected to trim and prune every square inch of our bodies, while guys have so few hair expectations?
It is rarely because of the standards other women put upon us. Girls would not strive to be like models, if men did not idolize them. They wouldn't feel the need to be perfectly hairless, if they didn't think it was what guys wanted. People say it is the media making young women feel inferior to the models, but they wouldn't feel they needed to match those standards if men didn't outwardly voice their preference for them. When a girl misses a spot, or forgets to shave, then there can be a shadowy self consciousness, that would not be there if guys weren't so scrutinous of her body hair. So until guys are expected to shave their legs all the way up, get razor burn on their pits, and spend forever on a bikini line that only results in pain, I don't think they have any right to complain about a little stubble. Especially if they are too lazy to manage their own.

freeform mushroom.

just a little something i made for mo mom.

http://www.jadeddreads.com/custgallery/Cara/cara.htm
http://www.jadeddreads.com/custgallery/Alli/alli.htm
http://www.jadeddreads.com/custgallery/asthetische/asthetische.htm


ohhhh i want to do my hair now please

so my dreams are telling me things, good and not so good. i love cody forever thats good. but i still feel like there should have been a few more first. not good. but even when i am dreaming about other guys, and it seems like its a dating situation, in my dream i always call it off and proclaim my love for cody. so nothing is really wrong, hes my snuggle bunny, i just find it interesting. and we will have lots of fun this winter doing stuff. with toby sometimes too i hope because that will be fun.

so twice while driving home my mom stuck her hands in my face to adjust the visor and made it so i couldnt see at all. the first time i was about to put it down so i could see better, but in the process, i realized that it blocked my view of the road. so i put it back up before i crashed. and then my mom sticks her hands in my face, and puts the visor down, so i cant see for a few seconds, and in the process knocks my mirror waay out of wack. then i went to adjust it just a little at a light so i could see the light better and she thinks im trying to close it and im doing it the wrong way, and fucks it up again so i cant see the light when it turns. i dont think you should be allowed to distract and blind an inexperienced driver with out atleast a heads up.