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Lauren

Lauren DuBose


Last Updated: 4/27/2009

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Status: Engaged
City: Fort White
State: Florida
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/10/2007

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April 1, 2008 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  pissed off

.....pissed.

Don’t really know why, but when things smell like a fish, it’s probably cuz it’s fishy.

God give me all the words that come out of my mouth, and lead me with your will, and not my own selfish assumptions.

I suppose some people just don’t realize when they could be a splinter under the skin of a certain relationship or process. I’m sure I’m guilty as charged in other similar situations, but you never realize usually.

This summer all around is going to be exciting, but extremely difficult at the same time.....that is if the bank doesn’t come after me with a shot gun.

Me of all people knows that God provides. Which brings me to another idea Ryan......

This is just a strange time in my walk with God. It feels strange. Not really different.....just strange. I know that sounds silly, but it’s the only way I can describe it. And it’s not really the relationship that seems strange, but everything surrounding my relationship with God that feels strange. And I’ve left myself more in a cloud on the whole ordeal than when I started.

All I know is that I have alot more things I would like to say, but I wont and I can’t. They aren’t appropriate, and like everything else that happens to me, I’m supposed to keep it in hiding. And thats that, before I spill my heart out........

March 13, 2008 - Thursday 

I don’t have time to fully explain what I need to say, so what I will say is this:

expect a blog later. This could be a good thing as well, b/c I’ll have even more time to pray/think about things.

The main point, as of right now I think will be.....:

There’s alot of stuff thats been going on (for a few weeks now) that I haven’t really been in the posistion to talk about. And since I tend to expect too much out of people, in general, I need to regroup and focus on me and God time for awhile....alone(ish). My spiritual life is growing abundantly...just with some company I would have never expected. What I did expect was some concern....but since it didn’t come as predicted, before I get eaten up I’m going to close in a little. I don’t want anyone to get offended, but I need some good meditation time. I can’t wait around to "share" the experience anymore. Changes are with me now, not next week.

Ok, so I already wrote more than I thought, but I’ll be with you all soon.

<3 Lauren

February 14, 2008 - Thursday 

So today I got a call from Brody and he told me to be at snowbird on May 19th. So that was that....yay!!!!!!!!!!! I got accepted! woo hoo!
Better than that, I found out that I got to go to snowbird with my best friend ever....Ryan Gilbert Malone.
For a little while there, when he was being all discouraged (before his phone call) I realized how much I appreciated having a best friend I could go hang out with like whenever I wanted. wow. I didn't really know how to handle thinking about being at snowbird without him. And obviously it was because God wanted us to both go there. lol. And that makes me happy too.

So now my prayer is this:
That I thank God for the excitement that he's allowed me to have about what he's called me to do, that he fill me with passion for all the kids that come to camp this summer, and that I put that first before my excitement. I also pray that God will teach me how to have, and give me the same joy and excitement I have now whenever he calls me to do something that I'm less than thrilled about doing. That will be a true test of my obedience.

But I still think for now I'm allowed to be excited to go to snowbird.......with my best friend.....this summer is going to be pretty much amazing.

January 28, 2008 - Monday 

...and sometimes you don't.

I've learned that you can turn your back on your faith, but your faith won't turn it's back on you.

As bro. James explained it last sunday, "you get to a point where you come to a crossroads, and you have to make a decision about life or else you'll fall off the deep end" and "you realize that whatever decision you make could be your last."

wow. Ok, so I've been there. A long time ago. You name it, I probably was a part of it. This isn't the point for my speech now, only the introduction.

Confession: I've been so worried about the past, that until just recently, I worried about every move I was making so that I wouldn't "go back the way I came." -- (I Kings 11-33)       

In a way I did go back the way I came. I indulged in things that I knew God wasn't leading me to do. In fact, I've never been so close to God and shoved His will right back into His face only to turn and go the opposite direction. I thank Him for His mercy.

Well, since God's will is best, and mine, quite frankly, is not...I hit a dip in my life that was all to similar to the gorge I had been in only a year earlier. Only this time I knew better. The knife in my heart was too painful to ignore.

I've been learning about being anointed/the anointing of the Holy Spirit. In fact, God just placed the idea in my heart, and I couldn't find satisfaction in anything until I felt that I had received the whole message from Him on the subject. Anyhow, it's quite amazing to me how it all works.

(Matthew 26:6-13)
First, there is the story of the woman who "anoints" Jesus with expensive perfume, despite the critical statements of the disciples about her "waste." But Jesus saw that she wasn't worried about the price at all, but was taking a mighty leap of faith in who he was and what he could do for her. Later he was handed over for arrest....tortured, humiliated....then hung on a cross where he died for our sins. OUR sins. Not His.

When I looked at this story, I first saw the alabastar, or perfume. To me, this is sort of like my life. Only she didn't care about the PRICE of the perfume, but in a complete act of FAITH anointed Jesus. I should have the FAITH to "anoint" God with my life, no matter the PRICE, no matter what others say who do not know my heart, or God's will in my life. No matter what those people say who are encouraging or lying to me, to turn and come back the way I came. For it is God's will and his only.

So with just that example, as Christians, how are we suposed to share this with others? God anointed us, with the Holy Spirit, which we recieved in our faith of His son as our savior.

"God anoints people that love Him more than they love their own lives, and that love others as themselves. As we open our hearts to love others God's anointing flows through us. When we close our hearts to others and grieve the Holy Spirit the flow stops."

Ok. So I understand that I need complete faith in God to receive His Holy Spirit to allow the anointing to flow through me to other's. But now I'm in another crossroads. I'm not the same person I was a year ago...God has forgiven my sins, and will always continue to do so. But my life? To give up your whole life is a big leap of faith, but to do God's will...to reach and love others...this must be done.

"God's anointing flows to those who are hungry for a touch from His Holy Spirit. The anointing has less to do with the person that it flows through than it does with the person who receives it, and the One who sent it, God Almighty."

The price giving up my life is insignificant compared to He Himself, and those he touches using my life. But I must be obedient, having COMPLETE faith.

Now I'm gonna let you in on my recent life a little. I've recently had to ask forgiveness for some pretty big sins...the one I opened this up with. I went back the way I came, and I suffered the consequences. But through that, I learned about this complete faith, in which part of God's will for my life has been revealed. The following should give you an idea:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set  at liberty those who are oppressed; to proclaim the acceptable yeah of the Lord.--(Matthew 4:18-19)

I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the effective working of his power. To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the begining of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ; to the intent that now the manifold wisdom of God may be made known by the church to the principalities and powers in heavenly places, according to the eternal purpose which He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him. Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.

This is how I feel I am to "anoint" God with my life. Right this second he's using me. But sometimes we second guess our paths in God's will because of others' influences. I think of this, in relation to the first story of the woman anointing Jesus in Bethany, that the disciples thinking her act was a waste is similar to people discouraging the calling I have from God in my life.

So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house." Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief.--(Matthew 13:57-58)

I have alot of passages for encouragement for you. Because we need to GET REAL with our faith. If we don't GET REAL with our own faith, we can't get real with each other. Think about it....if we aren't honest and passionate for God, how can we even begin to be honest and passionate with each other, and for others, to bring glory to His name?

I'll start with Galations 6:6-9

Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocke; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Next I'll take you to Deuteronomy 30:11-20 (Thanks Ryan)

For this commandment which I command you today is not too mysterious for you, nor is it that far off. It is not in heaven, that you should say, 'Who will ascend into heaven for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?' Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, 'Who will go over the sea for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?' But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it.........
.....this is not all the way to verse 20. I think that if you really want to learn and be passionate about God and his will, this part will be personal enough to read the rest yourself. No, I'm not too lazy to type...it was personal to me so I hope that it will be to you as well, as you open your bible and spend time alone with God.

Finally...and the most personal to me in my walk with God is Ecclesiastes 2:17-24 and 9:7-9

Open your bible right now and read Ecclesiastes 2:17-24. If you don't have one, you can look the verses up online. This passage is exactly how I feel when I "toil" in worldy things. More specifically when I sit in a secular classroom, looking out the window at the world going on around me, in which are people that God could be speaking to through me. Yes, I know there are always people all around me, but God does not want me to be sitting still with this matter. For you, this passage could mean more than just what it means to me. But take it seriously. Please.

The last is Ecclesiastes 9:7-8. It goes like this:
Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, And let your head lack no oil.

This verse started it all. Let my head "lack no oil."
I think sometimes when we go back the way we came, we are letting our heads lack oil. We aren't using our anointing of the Holy Spirit to allow God to reach others through us. Going back the way you came is probably different for you than it is for me, but the goal is the same...to be anointed, and "anoint" God with our lives. When I say this, I mean to have complete faith in him and follow through with his will for our lives.
-----------------------------------------
I claim none of this. I prayed, opened my bible, read a verse, and God laid the rest on my heart, and through my faith in him, I was led to all of this. He also blessed me with a good friend, who cares enough about me that he helped me sort through all the thoughts spinning in my head. If God hadn't allowed such a combination of people and places in my life, this wouldn't have happened. We all know that I can't always clearly explain myself. Ryan does a pretty good job at translating! But it is all surely God's will.

 

 

 

January 23, 2008 - Wednesday 

SWO Application 2008 Part 2..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Spiritual Growth

 

1. Describe how you became a Christian and the steps of growth in your spiritual life.

Well, I was one of those kids who grew up in church. I was blessed to have parents that thought church and God was important, and taught me about God. From seven months old all the way to my senior year of high school I was in the same church, Westside Baptist in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Fort Pierce Florida, under the same pastor. At around 5 years old, I told my parents I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. However, it wasn't until about 11 or 12, right before I joined the youth group that I went forward, wanting to be baptized. It was then that I fully understood that God really wanted to forgive my sins and have a relationship with me. However, even though I understood that, I didn't really take the situation seriously until I was an upperclassman in high school. At that time I grew very close to God. There was a lot going on with my family, and I received all my strength and peace from my relationship with Him. Between being a member at Westside, and being a member now at First Baptist in High Springs, I was away at college for a year in Virginia. This was my dark time. Right before I left for school my relationship with my mother wasn't good. I tried to compensate I suppose, by being in a serious relationship with a boyfriend. I was losing focus, and the combination of all my circumstances was beginning to wear me down. College drug me further down. I continued to have relationship problems, because I wouldn't turn to the one whom I know could resolve everything. I had to learn the hard way, and I began to have major problems with authority. I was finally out from under my mothers thumb, as well as from under my boyfriend's unhealthy influence. I think it was midway through the year when I decided I wanted to come home, and right before I came home I hit my breaking point. I asked God to forgive me for trying out all my other options to cope before realizing He was better than any of them. I asked Him to give me the strength to get back on track, and guidance to give my life back over to Him. Since that point, my path has been a determined one to conform to the image of Christ, seek out His will and truly hear out His calling for my life. I want to continue to become like Him, so that I can know Him better and better.

 

2. At this time in your life what do you feel God is preparing you to do?

I know God has been preparing me to share what I've learned through my experiences and my spiritual growth. With all the good and the rough times, God has been revealing parts of His plan for me. I feel that God has been revealing those things to me, and making me confident to talk about them. I can begin using what I learned in the past to relate to others and help bring them closer to God as they look at how He worked, and is working, in my life.

 

3. What is your response to the following authority relationships?

            A. Parents

                        Parents have a say over your life. For me, as a teen, it took a long time to accept and respect this, but especially being a girl, I am biblically supposed to be under my father's authority until I am married and under my husband's authority. Luckily, I grew up with parents who also grew up in church and were Christians; however, if the situation had been different, they still would have deserved my respect as my authority.

            B. Employers

                        Employers should also have full respect and obedience as an authority. But, if I was ever asked to do something that would compromise my faith, or beliefs, I would have to back down from the task, because God is my ultimate authority, and will be the only one judging me in the end. (I John 2:27) The consequences of backing down from that task might be difficult, but if I was truly following God, His blessings for my obedience would surely compensate in some way.

            C. Government Officials

                        Government officials are similar to employers as authority figures in my life, only more important on a worldly basis. The bible wants us to obey the laws of the land, which our government officials put in place and enforce. However, as God's people, we must decide what Government officials would uphold our morals and beliefs the best. (II Corinthians 3:6)

            D. SWO Leadership

The SWO leadership, as far as I know, is running the camp based on how

God leads them. Their authority should be respected, and it is much easier to do so because we would all share goals for SWO under the same authority…God. As fellow Christians however, we should hold each other accountable for their actions, no matter what their position is. If I did feel led to question the actions of anyone at SWO, it would be prayerfully taken into consideration on how and when to deal with any such situation.

 

4. How do you study the Word of God? Do you study daily? What are you learning right now and how is it being applied in your life?

            I am not currently in a devotional, or any organized study curriculum. I do strive to read God's word daily. I pray before I open my bible and God always leads me to what I need to read. Since last summer, I've also been praying for God to prepare me for working at SWO, if He wills it anyhow. For awhile now I've been learning about relationships. I'm also reading a book called Hiding from Love by Dr. John Townsend, which is all about relationships. This has applied in my life because I've been gradually mending my broken relationship with my mother. We've come a long way, but only because of the strength God has given me and the faith I had to have to let Him guide me through the situation.

            I've also been recently learning about complete faith. I've been known as a "worrier", and I've been convicted of not having faith to let go of what I hold onto so that God can bless me and fulfill His promises to me. What I'm holding onto is control, my plans, knowing the details, and having things all laid out my way. I've been learning that you have to leave wiggle room in your life for God and His will, and have faith in Him to bless you in the end.

 

5. What has been your single largest battle with sin since you became a believer>? How have you sought accountability in this area?

            I would have to say that my single largest battle with sin since I became a believer has been authority. A close tie would have to be impure relationships, of which, I believe, is a result of my battle with authority. Looking at it on a large scale, I didn't used to fear God; therefore I didn't give Him proper authority over my life. If God didn't have authority, how could anyone else? Being where I'm at now, I've looked to close adult family members, and church members as authority figures, and gone to them for spiritual advice. Respecting what they say has helped me regain my respect for authority in the world, as well as God's authority. I've realized that authority is important, and I actively seek it.

            Impure relationships were also a huge issue. I'm talking about the boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship. I think this is where I sought out acceptance and love during the time I really turned my back on God, as well as when things at home were a little crazy. For awhile, just feeling ashamed kept me accountable, but I eventually had to fully forgive myself, so I could then accept God's forgiveness. I am thankful that I can seek out God to fulfill what I used to search for in other people. One thing began to keep me accountable here, and now, is God revealing part of His calling for my life. When I joined First Baptist I immediately began to get to know the youth. I'm really close to the girls, and I want them to be able to see where I came from and who I am now. They know it's something I've struggled with, even recently, but because they know I take my actions in this area seriously, as well as their actions we can hold each other accountable. I want my testimony to mean something to them. God is also leading me to NOT be in a "romantic" relationship right now. I respect this, and he has blessed me with amazing and Godly friends

 

6. What has been the biggest area of growth in your life—spiritually – in the last year?

            I think that my biggest area of growth has been first what I've struggled with most (5), but also faith. Because holding onto all those things I struggled with was showing my lack of faith in God to not give me something better in return. I want to give up my whole life to God, and doing that takes faith that I only thought I had. When I realized it was the simple act of holding on that showed my lack of faith, and not really what I was holding onto, then it made me begin to think about faith more seriously.

 

7. Are you currently involved in discipling anyone?

            I'm not specifically discipling anyone specific. Working with the youth at First Baptist, my main group of friends have become some of the high school seniors who are about to be where I was a couple years ago. However, they are all are spiritually in a better place than I was at that point. We are all close, and me being a little older, they look up to me, and for them being so spiritually mature for their age, I look up to them. Through this combination, we sort of disciple each other. With my spiritual knowledge now, I can look back and tell them how it would have helped in my experiences…the ones they are about to experience. They encourage me spiritually because I admire their passion for knowing God at their age.

 

8. Why do you want to work at Snowbird?

            First and foremost, I want to work at SWO because God has called me to do so. I've been in prayer since last summer for Him to prepare me for such a job, and I've prayed over this application numerous times, asking for Him to guide me, and telling Him that I want to obey where He is calling me.

            Aside from that, I think the camp experience is amazing, and it would be an honor to be a part of what God is doing there, and share what God has done in my life to all the campers that attend for SWO8, so that God can use me to plant seeds within them.

 

9. What do you feel would be the most difficult challenge if you are accepted?

            Although I know I'd be excited to work there 24/7, the sheer physical aspect of not getting much sleep will eventually have its toll on me. Even chaperoning last summer wore me out, and you put so much more energy in as staff….for 12 straight weeks. God will give me the energy and passion to make it through though.

 

Doctrine

1. Explain in detail, using scripture, the following doctrinal topics:

            A. Salvation.

            John 3:16. God sent His son, who is our salvation, and if we receive Him, we will in turn receive eternal life. To accept this salvation, we must confess our sins and believe that Jesus is in fact salvation (Romans 10:9, John 5:24). The gift of salvation is available for anyone who believes (Romans 10:13 John 1:12). (I Peter 1:18-19)

            B. Regeneration

            Regeneration is the rebirth and renewal done by the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5), and through this is the only way to the kingdom of heaven (John 3).

            C. Justification

            Justification is made possible in redemption and explains the shedding of God's blood for the forgiveness of our sin, and it is this blood only that can declare us worthy of being sanctified. (Matthew 26:28, Psalms 130, Romans 3:24).

            D. Sanctification

            Through justification, we can then become sanctified, or "set aside" for God's workmanship. We can then start to fulfill God's will in our lives. (Ephesians 2:8-10).

            E. Imputation of

                        1) Sin:

                        The creation, in Genesis can explain this because when Adam and Eve ate the fruit on the tree, they became sinners, and they were charged with sin, that we in turn inherited.

                        2) Righteousness:

                        God is the one who declared us righteous, and through following Him, with faith, we can all be righteous. (Romans 4:6-13) Righteousness comes from justification. (Romans 3:21-24)

            F. Glorification

            If we are of God, then "the old is gone" and "the new has come." (2 Corinthians 3:13-18, 5:16-21—emphasis on verse 17) (Romans 8:29)

 

2. What role does the work of Christ on the cross play in each of these?

            A. Salvation

            Salvation is Jesus on the Cross, and because Jesus is salvation, its promise is carried out on the cross for all those who choose to believe. (Romans 5:8)

            B. Regeneration

            If regeneration is the only way into the kingdom of heaven, and is only found through the belief of Christ as salvation, He on the cross is the only way to initiate any of this. (Matthew 10:38, Ephesians 3:14-16)

            C. Justification

            It's the shedding of God's blood…on the cross…that forgives sin. So, if there was not shedding of blood…on the cross…there would be no forgiveness of sin. (Romans 5:9, Romans 3: 25-26)

            D. Sanctification

            Without Christ dying on the cross we would have no opportunity to become sanctified, thus not allowing Him to fulfill His promises to us, through the works we are set aside to do. (Romans 3:25-26)

            E. Imputation of

                        1) Sin:

                        Because God had to charge His people with sin, He had to send His son to die on the cross to forgive them, as well as the rest of the future of mankind. (Ephesians 3:14-16, Philippians 3:17-21)

                        2) Righteousness:

                        1 Peter 2:24-25. Because Jesus died on the cross, we are able to die to sin, and live for righteousness. (Romans 3:25-26)

            F. Glorification

            The promise of salvation, issued by the act of Jesus on the cross, is to make new the old. If there was no cross, there could be no renewal. (I Peter 3:18)

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3. List and describe the work of the Holy Spirit in each of these

            A. Salvation

            It is the Holy Spirit that draws us near to God to be saved. It's what "moves" in us to come to be saved. (John 3:5-7)

            B. Regeneration

            The Holy Spirit is what actually renews us when we accept salvation. (Acts 1:5)

            C. Justification

            The Holy Spirit works in us constantly with the ongoing process of Justification, through obedience, because we always need to repent our sins. (John 6:7-11)

            D. Sanctification

            This is the result of all the work of the Holy Spirit within us. After we allow the Holy Spirit to move us, we can then become "set aside"—the Holy Spirit then continues to guide us where God wants us to go. (Acts 2:4, I John 2:27)

            E. Imputation of

                        1) Sin:

                        Through God charging his people with sin in the beginning, the Holy Spirit was needed to guide us back to salvation. (Romans 8:9-11)

                        2) Righteousness:

                        The Holy Spirit gives us faith through which we become righteous and are then able to yield, by obedience, the direction of the Holy Spirit, i.e. Good works. (Ephesians 5:18)

            F. Glorification

            The ultimate outcome of the working of the Holy Spirit is making the man completely new, in the image of Christ. (Romans 8:9-11, II Corinthians 3:18)

 

4. Explain the function of the church and what our responsibilities are in terms of seeking and maintaining community. Are we scripturally accountable to one another for intercession, accountability, and development of real relationships? Explain.

            Like explained in the bible, I believe that the church should at like a "body", unified under the belief of God as our savior, and the willingness and wanting to do God's work. I do believe that we are supposed to tell fellow believers if they are doing wrong and hold them accountable. Galatians 6 explains this. In Ezekiel 3:18-19, we are told to tell people of any evil doings, or else their "blood" will be on our hands and we will be held accountable. The same is explained in Ezekiel 33:6. I also believe God intended us to have intimate relationships with other people and believers. In this, I mean loving others how God loves us and to really know one another. John 13 shows this when Jesus, the teacher, bends down to wash His disciples' feet. John 15, where it talks about the branches and the vines also shows the intimacy of our relationship with God that should be extended to others. He also commands here to "love one another as I have loved you."

 

5. Explain the biblical mandate for:

            A) Baptism

                        In Matthew 28:19-20, God commands us in his great commission to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirit." We do this and hold it with such importance because God commanded it.

            B) Communion

                        Communion was shared with us by Jesus (Matthew 26:26-27) so that we can remember his body (bread) and his blood (wine) and what it has done for us. Communion in 1 Corinthians 11:20-34, is deemed as a sin against God unless we are participating in a worthy manner and have searched ourselves before eating and drinking in the remembrance of Christ. We also take part in communion because Jesus told us to take part in it to remember Him and what His death meant for us.

 

Relationships

1. In your own word, explain your view of marriage, and premarital relationships.

            I believe that a marriage should be biblical, and that God will bring one man and one woman together in his own perfect timing. I think it is something to be seriously prayed over and something in which to completely seek out God's will. I have also learned that premarital relationships are not something to be taken lightly. I think that both marital, and premarital, "guy-girl romantic" relationships should both be focused and centered on God, and should only be entered into if God leads both people to that relationship.

 

2. What guidelines do you have for relationships outside of marriage?

            I have been learning, in some aspects the hard way, about guidelines for premarital relationships, as well as any other relationship outside of marriage. For any such guy-girl romantic relationship, if both are truly focused on God within the relationship, both will be convicted of what guidelines to follow, and you should listen and obey what God tells you. Also, I feel like these guidelines are different for each relationship, but whatever guidelines God leads you to obey, you should make them principles to live by in that relationship. You should never second guess what God tells you, or let someone else talk you out of that either, no matter what kind of relationship it is.

 

3. What is your view/opinion of dating?

            I believe, as a Christian, that if you do choose to date, it should only be done between other believers. You want to be equally yoked with whoever could be a possible spouse, and I believe that's what the mindset should be going into any dating relationship. And as always, if God tells you not to date, then don't date. I have been in a dating relationship recently that ended in an unexpected manner, and now God is telling me not to worry about dating. Rather that I should just be patient, and leave it in His hands for sometime in the future.

 

Apologetics

1. Give proofs for the existence of God. Do not use the Bible.

            I have a few proofs for the existence of God without using the Bible. One is that I know in my heart God exists, because I asked Him to be there. Another is creation. Fossil history backs up a six day creation (the way the layers of fossils are found—plants, then animals, etc.), of which is common knowledge in the field of science. My favorite and most personal proof of God's existence is nature. When I lived down in south Florida I used to surf a lot. Being alone, way out in the ocean, early in the morning, with all the sounds of the ocean really makes you feel to something bigger than all of us….God. Also, seeing all the stars in a huge night sky…I can only think that someone as mighty as God could have put them there. Most importantly, a proof of God's existence is faith. People like to believe, and therefore have faith. If there was no faith, then people wouldn't believe in anything, which would only yield to the assumption that there was no God. But, faith exists, thus, so does God.

 

2. With Christianity holding such strong claims of exclusivity, there isn't any other way to know God personally. How can we be sure that out of all the religions in the world, we are right?

            John 4:16 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

            Christianity is right because we can have a personal relationship with God who hears and answers every prayer (John 14:14), and blesses us when we give our lives completely up to him. He makes, and fulfills His promises to His children.

 

3. How could God allow so much evil into the world?

            God can allow so much evil into the world because He is just. He judges everyone for their own chosen actions. In revelation 20, it talks about God judging souls in the end. Those who worshiped and praised God were able to reign with Him. It's not His job to "allow" the evil in…we create it, and he judges. Because He is just, He lets us choose our actions, but it's up to us to pass His judgment.

 

4. Can we be sure the Bible is 100% true? Explain.

            II Timothy 2:16 "Avoid Godless chatter, b/c those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly."

            I believe this shows the bible is 100% true because if we don't indulge ourselves in the world then we can become more Christlike and develop a more intimate relationship with God. The blessings and faith that follow show its truth. It is also true, because God said that through it we are sanctified. (Daniel 10:21, John 17:17)

 

5. What is your purpose? Explain.

            I'm not sure if I've figured out the specific purpose for my entire life, but as God's people we are to conform to His image so that we can show others His love in order to win them over to salvation.

            Just recently God has called me to really use all my experiences to reach out to youth, especially youth girls. God has slightly shown me a possible future in ministry concerning youth, but I'm still seeking His exact guidance. But the verse Ephesians 3:7 really touched me for this purpose. "I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of his power." This verse encourages me to use my experiences to show God's grace in my life. Its God's strength and will that drive what I want to do.

December 27, 2007 - Thursday 

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE LYRICS

"I Don't Love You"

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good message here. I would have put the song on my profile, but I couldn't find a descent recording.

So I supose you don't have the guts.
But I do, and God filled up the hole you left just like that.
But he also told me to be here....here for your dispense, so I'm biting my tounge as I say I'll be here for you. Because my mind can't comprehend moving on and being here all at once. But God's mind can. Thats all that matters.
Everyday brings new lessons learned, and I supose I've learned alot. So, thank you for that, because next time I won't second guess myself, or God.

And just like I said once before, "I'm not worried, one day God will bring me my prince charming"

<3 Lauren
I'm just a girl. Thats it. Whats different is that I'm after God's own heart. However, I'll never have a heart as perfect as his, because even after all the mistakes he'll still want me...unlike the world.

December 21, 2007 - Friday 

I have a new level of despise towards them(lies that is).

Especially when they are made on my emotional attatchments.
I'm not sure what God it trying to teach me here, but it's a lesson that hurts...alot.

All I know is this is something I can't handle on my own. All I feel I can do is pray, and hope that I don't slip from where I'm standing right now.

What does God want me to do here? That is what I'm trying to figure out.
I'm not making any decisions on my own right now. That will just make things too complicated.

December 5, 2007 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  electric

Husband,

I miss my labret piercing

my long hair, and being pretty.

I miss long summer days on the beach...surfboard beneath me, with my legs dangling in the water.

I miss my room. The one I grew up in. The one that, all because of one boy, I was never allowed back in.

I miss that care free feeling. Kinda like driving through the rolling hills of Virginia with mountains in the background...windows open with some ridiculous chic rock playing.

I miss Virginia sometimes too. Mostly sitting on around those horrible black round tables in front of the lunch room with a good friend, spilling my heart out.

I miss that house filled with friends, even after I turned most of them to enemies. Keeping one good friend out of any situation is worth going through the pain.

I miss you, husband. When I want to see you the most, I remember you are 7 hours away.

But, I know all that I have to look foward to will over compensate all that I miss. And I have to humble myself to knowing that if I'm patient during this time of waiting, that what will come later might be all the more perfect.

It's just hard sometimes.
Being able to see all the plans laid out in my mind, then realizing the time inbetween now and then filled with so much stuff to do.

At the same time, I NEVER want to miss what I'm feeling right now, the happiness of anticipating what I'm going to have, with you, forever. So, I never want to miss is, but I can't wait to have it. My mind and my heart sure love to make me dizzy. But just so you know, you are special to me. Because only you would ever be able to make me dizzy how I am right now. I'm not that open with anyone else nowadays.

Wife

December 4, 2007 - Tuesday 

I feel way to selfish sometimes.

I guess I expect everything just to happen. I think I'm getting that mixed up with having faith that everything will be ok. Because things turning out "ok" isn't always things turning out how I expect them to happen.

November 27, 2007 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  crushed

Everything with you is so perfect. I love you so much. I never forget for one second that you were a blessing from God...you coming into my life. I need you. I wish you would answer your phone.

I don't know how you can make me so happy...but I have this feeling again...

I didn't mean to pressure you about anything. When it comes down to it, just hearing your voice makes my day.

But I guess having my heart two states away is making me so lonely here. Nothing feels the same here. I've never been drawn to anyone like this before. I've never been so deeply attatched. The more right and perfect it feels, the scarier it is almost.

I just need to hear you say it's ok. I actually do want to hear you say not to worry about us that we'll be fine.

It's just so hard to know why it hurts if nothing is broken.

What did I do to make it so hard to get ahold of you. I love you.

your wife