Funny, useful, and effective tips to wining video contests.
1. Enroll in speed dating. Talk about your entry with the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes that you meet. Try to enroll in speed dating that's below your "league"; your potential partners will be more interested in what you say and will therefore be more likely to vote for you.
2. Create an overly personal and sexual entry. Sell it to the tabloids under a fake name. Shame your family and collect your winnings.
3. Create a "making of" your contest entry and post it on YouTube. Preferably, make it absolutely mortifyingly embarrassing for you; people will take more pleasure in watching it.
4. Create a top ten list detailing why you should win. Post it on Digg.
5. Include Chuck Norris in your entry. Chuck Norris will never get old; Chuck Norris created contests.
6. Get a popular blogger to mention your entry in a daily post – even if it's making fun of you.
7. Get a keg and throw a party for all of your friends, their friends and their friend's friends; entry at the door will require a vote for your entry. If you don't have any friends, visit your local Legion or dive bar and yell "FREE BEER!" Try not to get your ass handed to you by the bouncers on your way out. This will also work with groups of surly teenagers; you can often find them at bus stations.
8. Write a "letter to the editor" of your local newspaper promoting your contest entry and how relevant it is to hot issues in your city. The more of a stretch it is the better!
9. Raffle off a date with you (or your hot sister) to anyone who votes for you. If you are awkward or unattractive and are not blessed with hot siblings, you may want to try giving away your car or some of your Mom's extra crap.
10. Create an online identity; a really ridiculous but still believable character works best. Get your identity a MySpace, Facebook, LiveJournal and every other social networking site out there. Get popular (or hated) – this may take some time. Then, when the time is right, promote your contest entry and watch your casual readers turn into voters.
11. Accost a local TV news reporter while they are doing a live story on the street and use your live air time to promote your entry. For added effect, rent a large furry animal costume.
12. Hold bake sales. Raise enough money to purchase the company holding the contest, fire its employees and rig it.
13. Offer to donate part of your prize to the punk kids in your neighborhood in exchange for their help. Enlist them to threaten local residents with random dog-shavings and car-paintings if they do not vote for your entry. Or be a Good Samaritan and donate part of the proceeds to charity.
14. Enter yourself into a local beauty pageant, talent show or open mic; use your time on stage to talk about your contest entry. For added effect, threaten your own life with a deadly weapon if audience members do not vote for you.
15. Rent a blimp and a megaphone. You know what comes next.
16. Do something of questionable legality with your contest entry. Ensure that your defense will hold up in court but give people reason to doubt. Word will spread fast.