Out on the road again! I wonder if it's some kind of mental disease to be so excited to leave behind everything and everyone you know and love for the uncertainty and nightmarish hygeine of a weeks-long tour. That being said, the name of the first venue seems appropriate to kick off this tour.
Night #1: The
Cesspool Castle, Joplin MO. After about a four hour drive, we pull up in front of a really nice looking apartment building, feeling confused. Luckily, we find goregrinding brothers-in-arms
METHADONE ABORTION CLINIC were waiting for us in front of said building.
Not a huge turnout for this show, but the sound of the small basement was indescribable. So indescribable, that I will now use an adjective to describe it. Fantastic. This is how DIY should be done: the right way. Great PA, soundproofing, mics everywhere, monitors. A refreshing break from the usual half ass 100w P.A.s you usually see in basements.
We played a nice tight show, hoping we could repeat this phenomenon the next night. Then MAC took the stage.
Good, immaculate entertaining goregrind is hard to come by, and these guys have got it. All three of us really enjoyed their set, and made plans to come see them soon in Roanoke, so after a quick meal provided by Gene we exchanged contact info and merch and we both set out for our next destination. Good luck, guys!
Farted out by John.
Also, pat liked this.
5/19
Night #2: The
Riot Room,
Kansas City, Mo. Showed up a little early so we went out and killed
some Gates BBQ. Fucking delicious. We were lucky enough to have a
friend in town, thanks again Don, so the forthcoming showers had us
excited to play. Shared the stage with crusties
NO MASTER, Motorheadbangers
THE TARDS, and party thrashers
SHRED SCARE. Fantastic show, we had so much fun we don't even remember what happened.
5/20
We were supposed to play a show in Tulsa, but thanks to the unresponsiveness of the venue we assumed they never found any other bands or cared if we even showed up. So we didn't. Instead, I got drunk. Me, my bud Don,his ol' lady, and his roommate headed back up to the Riot Room and drank a shitload of whisky. Fucking gorgeous.
5/21
The
Rock Theater, Oklahoma City, Ok. This place was fucking HUGE. Loaded right on to the stage as we were playing first, and proceeded after setting up to turding down the nearest bathroom. Great sound, huge stage, and to top it all we sold plenty of merch. Did i mention it was ladies' night? What else could we ask for? Joining us on this show were
BRUTALIS, and death metallers
BROKEN FLESH. Met Tony "Big Papa",(cant wait for the show man!), and "Ray Ray Drunk All Day". Great people !
5/22 (drivel from Pat)
The Ridglea Theater, Fort Worth, Tx. Really nice venue with great sound. This was kind of a last minute. We were added to the bill. Much better than a day off for sure. The only problem was the only people in attendance were the bands, who chose to hang out outside while we were playing, as well as the opening band.
DEAD RISING, who got us on the bill weren't even there, although maybe they just didn't hear us saying "thanks to Dead Rising for getting us on this show." Wierd "competitive metal" vibe at that show. We got a call from our pal Carcass John saying we might be able to do a short set across town at the Rockstar on the "Joe's Garage Tribute/Benefit show." We hurried across town and arrived at the Rockstar. Although we didn't get to play, Bruce "fucking" Corbit (
RIGOR MORTIS/Warbeast) got us in the show for free and was very hospital, as well as the rest of the DFW crowd that Bruce and Carcass introduced us to. The first band we saw was
MITRA, who had the drummer from Rigor Mortis. Good Motorhead-meets heavy as fuck band who did a killer ZZ Top cover. As the night went on, we became exhausted, due to a few days without good sleep. John crashed on the bus, while me and Jason watched the last band, a Ministry type of band. I started craving some cheeb, so I chilled outside talking to some DFW metalheads. I bought some merch to support the evening's cause and got the bus back out on the road. Started heading to Cache, OK.
5/23 (more useless banter from Pat)
What a stormy fucking day! Thunder, lightning, hail, heavy rain... Combine that with the rough, beaten back roads and you get one hell of a joy-ride. Every time we've been in Cache it has stormed like this. We played the Tacoma Building for the third time and it lived up to expectations. Good turnout and a great set from yours truly. Sold a bunch of merch as always. Apparently, a lot of people drove from other parts of Oklahoma and Arkansas just to see the most handsome band in the world. Ricky from Sawhawk Productions was as hospitable as possible (as always). The funniest/most retarded thing of the night must of been this "pirate band" (since when do pirates use hair products and wear $200 Doc Marten or Grinder boots?) coming into the hall's kitchen and doing pushups as a band, while making sure we knew what they were doing. All I have to say about that is, "come on, guys. My fat ass hasn't worked out in over 6 months and I can do more than 4 push-ups. We headed back to Fort Worth for round 2 after suffering a 30 minute soundcheck from ye olde pirate posers. Oh ya, the band before them posed up the place by mixing Sum 41 with every other imaginable shit form of music. Yes, I am VERY closed minded!
5/24 (more Pat ranting)
We wake up in a Wal Mart parking lot just outside of Fort Worth. It's Sunday and we have the day off. I exit out the bus's folding doors to a pile of dirty paper plates, plastic forks and bottles of urine. Hhhhmmm. Looks like Jason got up before the rest of us. We call good ol' Carcass John and head to his palace for showers and as we listen to the "25 Years and Beers" disc by
TANKARD. John tells us we should check out Forever Young Records and we do. I pick up
KREATOR's new LP, as well as
MOTORHEAD's Sacrifice and No Remorse in the leather sleeve. Even though this place was pricey, I got a hell of a deal on this limited version of No Remorse. I would've spent a fuckload of more money in this place, but we got there at closing time. We get a call from Carcass and he tells us he got us on the 3rd and final day of the "Joe's Garage Benefit/Tribute show. A total fucking honor! Even though we played first to a tiny crowd, it was well worth it and I personally am very proud to have been a part of this incredible weekend!
Around 10 pm we all start passing out in the bus while listening to John's stoner metal compilation attack. I decide to drive to a rest stop (or something). We end up at a picnic area about 70 or so miles south of DFW. John is snoring worse than I ever have (ya right), so me and Jason decide to get out of the bus while blasting Verbal Abuse, Gammacide, Pestilence, etc. It's darker than the most putrid of all diarrhea outside. We spot a water tower with a ladder on it and decide it would be a fantastic idea to climb this fucker. Little did we know there was a barbed wire fence right in front of the thing. Braving the sharp-impaling spike barbs, Jason decides to climb the fucking thing anyway. Although his climb up was very successful, the way back down wasn't as great. He landed on the fence and cut the fuck out of his leg. As I sit here in McDonald's stealing their wireless typing this drivel, he is still wearing the bloody shorts he had on last night. He could also use a shower at this point, as he smells like a 5 week old unwashed ass. Here's a few pics...
Oh ya, John is a little mad at me because I keep telling everyone who wants to "hook us up" that he is only into 400+ pound women.
Thanks for reading,
Pat
5/25
Bryan Texas-
Stafford Main Street. What a fucking interesting night this was. Showed up a little early, and hung around the outside of the venue. got to know a couple guys on the staff, nice dudes. Started drinking. No suprise there I guess. Anywho, a couple beers in
NUKLHED starts playing. Nice guys. We go on second, and if I can do this without sounding pompous, we fucking killed it. Maimed it. Slaughtered and beat it to death, then laid it out in the sun and made jerky with it. Great fucking crowd.
RIDE AT ANCHOR came up after us, great stoner/doom stuff. Got real drunk, bummed out cigarettes to girls for the small cost of a kiss on the cheek. Ain't I cute.
5/26, 5/27
TWO DAYS OFF=BOREDOMTOWN. Yeah that pretty much sums it up. Spent the time at an RV park. Fuck it, they had showers. Watched "Pursuit of Happyness" and "The Wrestler". Fucking amazing films. Pat worked on some
LUCIFER D LARYNX AND THE SATANIC GRIND DOGS OF DEATH stuff. I drank.
5/28
Fort Worth, Texas.
Rockstar Sports Bar. We were first up. And once again, we totally killed it. I sweat so fucking much on stage. It was hotter than a whore's vagina up there. Our buddy Carcass John paid for a live recording of the show, so, maybe if we don't think it sucks we'll put up a song or two. We hung out with Chris from
INSINNERATOR. Solid dude, lots of fun. He took the pictures of us you'll see below. Oh yeah, also there was this fucking sweet truck with a huge
IRON MAIDEN mural on it. I got drunk again, sold some merch, and hit on a waitress. WAY TO GO ME, I WIN!
5/29
Austin, Texas.
We arrive at Bobby of Blunt Force Trauma's place around noon or so. We absorb some A.C., shower and prepare for our third show in Austin at Room 710, which was also the CD release show for BFT's new CD, "Hatred For The State." The CD fucking smokes, by the way! It was great to be back in the area. Austin is becoming our home away from home. After snoozing a bit of the day away, or watching bad television in John's case, we head to Room 710 around 8PM. I remember just how horrendous parking in that area can be, so I'm sorta dreading it, although I think I found a solid spot near the highway which I'll try again when we're in Austin. While parking I missed all but a half of a song from the opener, SLUMLORD. What I heard was pretty sick! I was fortunate enough to talk with their drummer Jughead for a bit while BLOOD OF PATRIOTS took the stage. This was our second time playing with this awesome hardcore 3 piece. There's just something amazing about watching a 3 piece band! We went up next and enjoyed the hospitality that only Austin knows how to give a band (or so it seems!). I spotted our buddy Phil up front, who we got to hang out with after our first show in Austin. Unfortunately, this was the last I would see of him the rest of the night. (Next time, brother!) The crowd was fueled up by now and a drunken sweat-fest ensued. BFT came up next, played a pissed off set, which included their entire new disc. As usual they tore the place apart! This band is incredible live, always! After the show we head back to Bobby and April's. Alan, Alex Rager and a friend head back to hang out as well. The liquor is flowing steady until about 5AM, when almost everyone seems to disappear into different rooms in the house, into their cars, or in John's case the bus. Me and Jason have a long night of conversation with Alan of BFT. We listen to the new BFT CD, which is amazing. Go to there myspace page and check it out for yourself! We look at the clock at one point and realize it's going on 9AM. One last cig and it's off to my comfy bed in a beautiful guestroom. I love Central Air. Especially that far south in Texas. Thanks again to Bobby, April, Alan, Felix, Alex Rager and everyone else for going out of their way for us. BFT+HOC=BFF's forever!
5/30
San Antonio, Texas
I wake up at 5PM and remember that I wanted to visit the amazing Hogwild Records in San Antonio. John is already awake, most likely for several hours. We come up with a quick, half-assed plan. I mention wanting to make it to the record store, which closes at 9PM. Remembering Jason can be hard to wake up sometimes, I go and give him a quick heads up, hop in the shower, wash my Irish Gems and make sure he is up and in the shower. Blunt Force Trauma is joining us for the gig that night as well, so we kind of rush out the door and tell them we'll see them in San An (sorry for rushing! All my fault for sleeping til 5pm!). We get on the road at about 6:30 and I disobey every speed limit law in Texas in order to get to Hogwild. We arrive at about 8:20, leaving 40 minutes to look through their awesome store. If you're ever in the area, be sure to check it out! Plenty of metal, punk, hardcore to empty even the tightest of wallets in these hard economic times. You name it, they most likely have it. Tshirts galore! I had to refrain from spending more than I did! After that we find a cheap Mexican restaurant, then head to "Dixies Country Bar." This was our 3rd time in San Antonio. We arrive at the venue and we're greeted by our friend Aaron, from Goregrowler Productions, as well as the promoter of this particular show. We enter the venue and "Those Unruly," an OI! band from the area is cranking out some killer tunes. I enjoyed their set very much. Cool guys as well. Blunt Force Trauma takes the stage and as usual they get the crowd's blood boiling. There's a super-drunk guy that keeps grabbing the back up mic's and slurring into them. Bobby, being a the sole vocalist with no instrument is able to keep the guy off the mic with little effort so all is well. Being a little more familiar with their newer material after listening to their CD a few times, I really enjoyed the set, knowing the new songs a bit more. We're up next and the crowd is pretty drunk by this point. Lot's a chicks headbanging, dudes whirlybanging. Alex Rager of BFT was up front singing along with yours truly, damn near word for word! (You know most of the words better than I do!) "Drunk guy on the mic" is in full form by this point. We open with our usual instrumental, "Arise From The Wreckage," and the guy is all over John's mic. People in the audience, including members of BFT are gently pulling him off the mic and trying to keep the guy occupied. As "Arise..." ends, we immediately break into song #2, a new track called "Case Dismissed." This song has so many fucking lyrics that I hate to admit it's a bit of a struggle remember all (if not some) of them while playing the guitar as well. Too new. It might have been a little premature adding it to the set for this tour actually, but I think we pulled it off good on most nights. Anyway, midway through the first verse of the song, "drunk guy on the mic" decides he's going to yell along with me into my mic. Normally I might laugh this off, but this dudes breath was pretty atrocious. "Baked Bear Shit" as my father used to put it. I kind of shove the guy off, flip him the bird and get back to business. We ended up selling a rather decent amount of merch that night (which we left behind and had to go back to the venue for). We get paid with a check, which is a bummer considering it's Saturday night, but all went really well this night! We crash at Goregrowler's pad and watch this rather grueling Mentor's video before crashing out. (Sorry!) I crashed out in the bus while Jason and John crash on the couches. We grab some food and head to Corpus Christi.
5/31
Corpus Christi, Texas
It's Sunday. In the midwest you don't expect much when doing a Sunday show. We arrive at Zero's Hard Rock Club at about 7PM. Hardly anyone is there. We didn't expect a huge turnout, being Sunday. Eventually people started rolling in. People are apologizing for the turnout, but to be honest, it wasn't all that bad. We went on third out of 4 bands and the crowd really enjoyed our set. We met some really cool people, especially the headlining band, Leviathan, who offer to bring us back to town in October. Hang out with the door guy a bit as well as a local drummer. Good conversation. We look forward to it! We load up the bus and head out for a long drive to Lafayette, LA. (Sorry, no pics!)
6/1
Lafayette, LA
This is the first drive of the tour that was over 3 or 4 hours. I drive til about 8AM, which ended up being about 50 miles past Houston. Houston was a trip to drive through. It just appears so damn massive! We consumed a lot of fuel on this drive, so I was keeping my fingers crossed about the pay for that night! We had a couple canceled shows in Mississippi, so we decided to head back to St. Louis after the show, which was something like 14 hours of driving and of course a lot of fuel! John takes over driving at some point in the morning. Next thing I know we're in Lafayette at John's friend Chryssi's house. They grill up some food for us as me and John go to try and cash our check from the San Antonio gig. We get back and eat some excellent BBQ while Jason is cranking his latest vinyl finds from Hogwild. I eat and pass out for I don't know how long. I wake up and I'm told it's time to head to the venue. We arrive at Sadie's Upstairs Lounge and I have to admit, I'm not all that with it. John and Jason bring to my attention that they were both feeling sick, something I wouldn't have trouble with until later in the week. We have a long, late night ahead of us. At one point one of the locals tell me and Jason that this was a benefit show, which neither of us knew nothing about. This lead to some confusion that later sorted itself out (somehow involving my wallet). Oh well. Win some, lose some... It's great to be in a touring band sometimes! The crowd was highly energetic, entertaining and drunk at this show. I got to meet my "online buddy" Marcel, who did a hell of a job with his new band, "Graveripper." Not only did they have some killer original tunes, but they did some ripping Venom and Warfare covers. We played last and I guess it was pretty late, as the crowd had thinned out a bit, but not enough to cry about. Everyone was in high spirits and thrashed along gracefully to our set. We pulled out a few extra tunes we hadn't played in at least a year, at the demand of the Lafayette lunatics.
Leaving the show tired and hot, we started to head home for a couple of days. I took the late shift again and drove until I couldn't anymore. I woke up around 4PM and John says we're a little over an hour away from home. Of course it couldn't be a simple drive. There was an accident which brought traffic to a standstill. We sat in traffic for over an hour, making fun of people driving on the shoulder, trying to cut ahead. I guess we arrived at my house just before 7PM.
It's June 2nd. We have a little over 2 days to rest up and before heading back to Memphis.
6/5
Memphis, Tennessee
We leave around 12:30. The plan was to get to Memphis early and get around town a bit, visiting record stores and whatever else in Memphis. There's a lot of history there. I've never had the chance to get around that city, so I was looking forward to it. My lovely Cindy decided to tag along. She hasn't left St. Louis in what seems like ages, so she was looking forward to it as well. By this time I had contacted the "John and Jason Virus," which was now in full effect. I felt like total shit and wasn't really in a great mood. I drove all the way to Memphis. We arrive at the venue at 6PM, only to be told we didn't need to be there until 9. We then head out to see the town. Tried to go to Goner Records. Called them at 6:45 and asked if they had metal and punk vinyl. They say yes. We drive a whole three quarters of a mile to the place and they tell us they are closed. Your loss, Goner Records. Headed over to Beale Street for about a half an hour. Team J have a "Big Ass Beer" and Cindy's pays something ridiculous for a jack and coke. I blow snot into a napkin and look for some retarded stuff to take home. We return to the venue. By this time my sinuses are on fire. The first band, Torn Apart is Nu Metal. The whole semi-heavy part, uber melodic part, rap part, etc. Not a big turnout and most of the people there leave when Torn Apart was done. Met the promoter and "Angry Head," a dude who helps out around the venue, shining a flashlight when necessary and what not. The guys were happy to hear the venue provided 5 pitchers of beer to the band. This made me realize I would also be driving home. We were told we would be playing last, although I thought I requested that we play anywhere but last on the phone months before the gig with the promoter. I was too sick to even think about it that night. Up before us was FACEDIVE, a band that described themselves to me as "Hatebreed meets Nile." This band featured a 15 year old lead guitarist who did sweeps all over the damn guitar as if his fingers were the finest Hoover vacuum cleaner and the strings were a dirty shag carpet. They did an Amon Amarth cover as well. Nice dudes. We're up next and we play for maybe 15 people. The mic I was stuck with wasn't working, so no one heard vocals on the first 3 songs or so. I break out my mic I carry for these odd occasions and we continue our set. The remaining patrons and staff liked what they heard and requested additional songs. I broke a string on "Permanent Damage." Broke out the Explorer and finished the set. Sold a few shirts. My bangs were loaded with snot by the end of the set. Awesome. We loaded up and the guys had their free pitchers of beer. I'm out in the bus, feeling like shit. After a long dispute on whether we'd waste money on a hotel, park at a rest area or figure out who's gonna drive, I decide to start driving out, at least until someone wakes up to drive the remainder, which never happened. Thanks assholes! Four and a half hours later we're back in St. Louis and I have a bullshit sinus infection. I wasn't really in the mood for conversation. I rushed everyone off the bus in a crabby manner and drove off. By the time I get the bus back to it's home it's 10 AM. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks for reading!
See you in September!
Pat