So some of you already know but for those of you who don't I lost my Jason on February 8th.  He just went to sleep and drifted away peacefully.  He fought long and hard and was an inspiration to anyone who came into contact with him even if it was just for 2 minutes.  He would go out (in wheelchair with yarmulke and tallis on) so people would know that no matter what you have going on you can still move forward and do the things you need to do everyday.  We had a love that I thought only existed in movies or t.v., certainly didn't expect to find that in the real world but all I can say is that I am lucky and blessed to know a love like the one we have (will always have).  The girls and I are doing okay and I promised Jason that I would be okay and make sure the girls are okay so that is what I am trying to do.  Keep my promise to him and keep on keepin on.  Thank you for all the patience and thoughts and prayers that have come our way.  I appreciate them more than I can say.  Life is precious and it's a gift ....I finally realized that I can have bad days and not be a horrible person for it just know that it was a bad moment and pick yourself up and move on. I learned so much from Jason..how to be stronger, how to really love and how to just be me and know that that is good enough.  xoxo to everyone and I hope that life is good and if it isnt' then do what you have to to make sure it is because we only get one shot at this particular life so make the best of it okay :)  Take care.
Love,
Melodie

So where do I start.  Jason initially went into the hospice program because obviously he wasn't do to well.  Over the last two months he has gained back some weight and is taking in food better and just in general looking fantastic.  I know this wouldn't be possible without all of the help from the people at hospice so I really want to say Thank You!! to them and also to our nurses and maybe a little bit to me as well :)  I think Jason gets the bulk of the credit for having the will and determination to keep on going and fighting this Multiple Sclerosis of his.  I am always in awe of his spirit and character and I love him more and more everyday no matter what life throws at us to deal with.  So that is what I wanted to let everyone know and just to say Never say it's over Never say Never (even thought I just said it 3 times LOL) My love to all and thank you for all of the well wishes and keep em coming because it is working!!! :)

xoxo,

Melodie

Okay so as most of you know (if you read the bulletin post) we have signed Jason up for hospice care.  Now this doesn't mean that something horrible is going to happen to him in the near future it just means that we are trying to make him as comfy as possible.  I just wanted to thank all of those who have sent their thoughts and prayers and I definitely want to say how brave and strong my girls are and how much I love them.  They are taking all of this in whatever stride someone takes this in but have been understanding when I am tired and cranky or when I am sobbing and they just seem to know when to give me a hug that I want them to know it means the world to me that they know and understand how hard all of this is and I want them to know that I am here even if they think I have to much to deal with I will never have to much on my plate to not take that second to talk to them!!! 

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life and all the while Jason is telling me that everything is going to be okay.  I just wish it didn't feel like my heart was being ripped open at the thought of not having the one person who understands me the best possibly not be here at some point.  I just want all of you know that I really appreciate the prayers and that I want you to promise me that whatever grudge you've been holding or whatever something that has been keeping you from getting in touch with a loved one, family member or friend. LET IT GO it's not worth it especially when you think of it this way..what if they weren't there tomorrow and you never got that chance to say what you needed to say!!  Love to all and I will keep everyone posted on how things are going here.

xoxo,

Melodie

So I am having one of those moments again where I just feel so much gratitude for my life and for my husband and kids.  I heard a line the other day while passing the t.v. and it was something like.."nothing good worth getting is ever easy".  Well ain't that the truth!!  It all comes down to choices.  I could choose to be overwhelmed or choose to be filled with love and the desire to improve myself with every day that comes along..as a wife, mother and human being.  Don't get me wrong..it's not always roses and honey.  My family will tell you sometimes I can be a total raving lunatic but at the heart of it all we all truly love each other!!!  What a rare and wonderful thing.  My kids still WANT to talk to me.  I hope they know how much that means to me. 

We had a wonderful Father's day brunch today and even though I skipped my usual nap it was well worth it.  I love that we all get together and laugh and have fun at the table (of course I mean restaurant..like i'm gonna cook or clean up that mess LMAO)!!  Jason is truly in his element when telling stories of his hijinks growing up and we love to hear them.  I have a lot of blanks from when I was growing up and I can only hope that the kids remember all of this love ...for them and for all of us.

Gonna go just chill out for a bit I suppose and I hope that you all had a fabulous day today no matter what you had planned and next time it all feels like it's piling up on you ...let out the biggest yell you can muster clear your head and try again!!  Life is to short to get caught up in the small stuff eh?!? :) 

Peace and love to all,

Melodie

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Favorite Music

So as I listening via the monitor I use to keep listen on my hubby while he's on the vent, I heard that wonderful flute play when Charlie finds the golden ticket in Willy Wonka.  Isn't that just one of the most delightful sounds  I was thinking about albums that I had a few years ago lol and my first ever was John Denver with the Muppets Christmas album. LOL  I can still see the cover.  Of course Thriller I had and Andy Gibb.  Ecclectic in my tastes even then.  I still buy albums..mostly signed for my husband.  I found this amazing Pink Floyd Masters of Rock album for him as well as a few other awesome albums.  I like the smile on his face when I present him with a new one. No matter what kind of day i'm having there is always music I can think of to go along with it.  Lately I fancy Pink Floyd to chill out to and quite a few of the new artists I have found on here to rock to such as The Moog, Holmes, The Lazarus Plot, Engine #9 (favs of mine for quite a while now) and the list goes on!!  I still feel like it has been the best thing about myspace for me..all this brilliant music out there at my fingertips. I'm also grateful to have a window out into the world because I generally don't leave the house expect maybe to grocery shop.  I am so happy to find intelligent and fine people to chat with on here!  So now at 2 am I guess I should be doing some sort of household work while i'm awake and I also want to send my thoughts and prayers out to all the Hokies..current students as well as Alumni like my brother and sister-in-law.  My heart aches and I think some of it may be fear.  Fear that in the 5 years to come when my oldest goes off to college that I now feel worried.  I know better than most what it is like to deal with the fragility of life and the hope for more than just trudging mindlessly through our precious days.  I'm a mom too so of course it comes with the territory to worry!!!  Most people need tragedy to serve as a wake up call and that is sad because we get one go at this thing called life, so after all of my rambling I guess what I want to say it embrace every miniscule second of your life.  I try to ...I try to sit quietly for a minute most days and just watch out of the window in my florida room and see the birds(i'm crazy because I whistle back sometimes and they answer LOL) and the breeze blow through the tops of the trees.  I try everyday to get better at being a mom and wife and person.  Okay that's about it for the rambling today.  Thanks for being patient lol..I get like this once in a while..and as i'm finishing up I hear another favorite from Willy and that is Pure Imagination.."wanna change the world..there's nothing..to..it" On those notes I will say Au Revoir.