I got kinda done with trying to decide who to put on my top friends.  Increasing the numbers didn't really help since there are just too many people I adore.  So instead I just put a few bands I like and called it good.  So people that were on the top before, I don't love you any less, it's just I could bear not including others and I'm way too fucking lazy to rotate.
Go Me!
-Abe

I'm actually kinda glad I've used this blog function over the past few years of myspacing.  Though many are little more than a waste of data on someone's server, collectively it shows so many changes.  Just from reading some old ones I just think wow, I can't believe I was the one who wrote that.  For example, the last post was in early February, Since then I've gotten a Job, got promoted at that job, changed how I look at life and what I expect, accquired a couple more vices, and changed locations(but still in town).  Perhaps the only thing I can say is that I was young and dumb in the previous blogs, and more than likely I'll say the same thing about this one in the future.

This is the follow up blog I promised.  It actually exists.  That's because I actually faced my fear.  The thing that scares me/is my weakness is my heart.  Having feelings for someone really messed me up for some reason, but now I feel closer to curing that dilema.  So I faced my feelings head and told the person.  Here's where it could have turned angsty and emo:  She didn't have the same feelings.  Fortunately, I'm still in one piece.  Now that I'm not so desperate to protect my heart, it doesn't seem so bad that things didn't go my way.  I'm just glad I didn't run away this time. 

I am no longer in Eugene Oregon.  I've left the University and moved back to Portland.  School won't be on my mind for a least a term's length.  I need to take a breather from busywork and stupid people.  I'm staying with some relatives in NE Portland, so sorry my dear SE peoples, I won't be quite as close, but it's a hell of a lot closer than Eugene.

I have come to realization about my blogs.  Something I should have seen after I posted the second blog.  This is what I have to say: Take my blogs with a grain of salt!  Having just read through mine after many months, there were a plethora of WTFs. You see, myspace is a great medium for many things, but somehow I can't quite put all of true self into a blog that's readily available for anyone.  The other thing is that given my personality, the feelings and thoughts recorded can become obsolete pretty damn quickly.  Therefore, when there is a large gap of time in between blogs (that will happen, trust me), the most recent blog could be so outdated it would have absolutely nothing to do with me at that point.  In conclusion, keeping reading my blogs because I'm me, and that's reason enough, but just don't read too much into what I say.  Don't be too concerned, and don't try and point out the inconsistencies.  The spaceship is being held up by a string and you can clearly see the stunt double's mustache, believe me, I know too.

By the way, thanks jake lloyd 'cause i stole this from your bulletin.

here goes:

Body: Last person who....

Slept in your bed: Me, and only me
Saw you cry: Would I let that happen?
Made you cry: Mother, she used to a lot, but that was long ago.
You went to the movies with: Matt and Ben maybe, geez I don't remember.
You went to the mall with: Just me.

Have You Ever...

Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes, but...
Gotten in a fight with your pet: They're too cute to fight
Been to California: Yes
Been to Mexico: no
Been to China: no
Been to Canada: Canada is fun
Been to Europe: no
Danced naked: That's what before and after the shower are for.
Wished you were the opposite sex: That's what my childhood was since my mom really wanted a daughter, oh well.

Right Now...

Do you have a crush on someone: Oh my.
What book are you reading now: Just finished "How to try a murder" and now it's back to Zarathustra.
Worst feeling in the world: Realizing you've wasted a large chunck of your life.
Future KIDS name: I don't want to think about kids.
What's under your bed: An empty duffel bag and a plastic bin with books.
Favorite sport to watch: Somehow it's football now
Location: Portland OR
Piercings/Tattoos: no
Do you drink: Hahahahahahahah
What are you most scared of: It's a secret.
Where do you want to get married: Not thinking about that
Who do you really hate: God, if I believed in him.
Do you have a job: Still looking for something long term.
Do you like being around people: People are good but I actually feel more secure alone.
Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: Hahahaha, Phoebe comes to mind.
Have you ever cried: Of course
Are you lonely right now: Not really because being alone is part of who I am.
Song that's stuck in your head: Australia by The Shins (why's it called that?)

Have you ever-

Been in love: I think twice, maybe 3.
Played strip poker: Not really my bag....unless.....
Gotten beaten up: no
Pulled an all nighter: Of course
Been on radio/tv: yeah
Been in a mosh-pit: no
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: Jesus, how conservative is this country getting? Of course I do, almost everyone does. That shouldn't even be a question.

In the last 24 Hours have you...

Cried: No
Bought something: Thank you espresso places
Gotten sick: Well, I am sort of sickly
Sang: In the shower
Been kissed: try again later
Had sex: not this time
Felt stupid: maybe a little
Talked to an ex: er.......maybe
Missed someone: Yeah, very much so, even though I just talked to them.
Hugged someone: yes

If case you didn't get the reference, it's a David Bowie song.  He rocks.  Anyway that title wasn't completely out of the blue.  I was thinking about how much I've changed in the past few years.  Amazing what a change in location and a boost of confidence can do.  I feel like I've become much closer to the person I want to be.  That meant admitting things I was slightly uncomfortable with before, now that I accept who I am it makes a lot more sense.  Since around age 16 through now I've become progressively more feminine, and to me that's okay.  It's the token punkass' que to call me a queer now.  I may have homo written all over me but there's one part of me that would beg to differ.  Hehe I'm getting off topic.  Anyway, embracing the dancer within has given my life a new layer of meaning and to deny that would just be absurd at this point.  I had my open showing for my ballroom class last night and it was just wonderful.  I'm also going dancing tonight.  It's hard to believe I used to tell people I hated dance.  I wish the broken little boy I used to be could see me now, he'd sure have a reason to smile.  Well I suppose that will do it for now.   Hehe until next time my dear fans...

The Johnny I'm talking about is Johnny Harper from the O.C. played by actor Ryan Donawho.  Yes, I watch the O.C.  Deal with it, and if you can't, then close this blog and go force your irrational beliefs onto someone else.  Anyways, at the end of the episdoe earlier tonight, Johnny fell to his death from a cliff while drunk.  He will be missed.  He was by far my favorite character.  I started watching a few weeks ago, and I instantly liked his character.  It could be because I understood his burdens.  He loved someone who didn't feel the same way, and an accident crushed his dream of being a pro surfer.  Essentially, he was very angsty.  His life had taken a huge dive, then he died.  That's really depressing.  I love to see the underdog succeed, and this case couldn't have been more to the contrary.  Johnny was a victim of death boosting ratings.  The O.C won't be the same without you.

P.S.  Screw Ryan

After the loss of my dear purple bubble cell phone, I was kinda down.  While checking my mailbox I noticed a slip that indicated I had a package waiting for me.  Seeing as my birthday is tomorrow, that wasn't too surprising.  The surprise was opening the box to discover my new cell phone, a perfect birthday gift.  It was LG C2000 phone with Cingular.  Words can't explain the feelings of joy dancing through my body.  Unfortunately, Eurphoria and I can't seem to stick together.  Upon attempting to make my first call (to my dad) I got a recording related to activating the phone.  No big deal I thought, as these things don't usually trouble me.  However, the recording asked for a PIN and I was like "What the duece!?"  I had methodically inspected the sheets of paper feeding me information about my phone, most of which was useless.  I looked on the website and learned that all default PINS are 1111, so I thought the problem was solved.  The recording did not argree.  There's just no pleasing Cingular.  Hopefully my troubles will be solved soon, or else garden gnomes will be kicked.