Lol, remember the "Lame Memory" blog I posted like ages ago?
Well, now that I think about it, Campbell isn't as lame as I thought it would be. In fact, if I haven't transferred to Campbell High, I wouldn't have met Michael and who knows where I may end up, you know? Plus, I really had a great time there. Making new friends and meeting new people, I've actually grown out of my shell there! Sure, there were times some bad things have gone down and yea, I've gotten more tough, but still. Also, I enjoyed being a part of various clubs I did there and all the outings we've gone through, I never knew one could have so much as more than twenty friends from different cliches. Usually we're all labeled into different categories, but since we're all just out having fun, not giving a damn of what people think there was no differences and what once there was a line, there is a blur. I really, really enjoyed my time in Campbell and honestly, because of everyone I've met there, I've changed, for the better or the worse? I don't know, you decide, but for me, it's for the best. I speak what's in my mind and stand my ground when I need to, instead of letting others push me around like I would have back in Aiea High.

Anyway, enough about me, there are lots of amazing people I've met in Campbell too and I am really grateful to get to know them. First, there is Anthony. He was the one that introduce me to the group and everyone else in it. If it weren't for him, I would still have been hanging out with my brother and the Freshie's (not like it's a bad thing or anything but, hey! I was a Junior then. I needed peers around my age, you know?). Secondly, well, this is going to be hard, I'm grateful to get to know Zack/Zach, Brandy/Brandi (yes, both Zacks and Brandis that we know), Kristen, Jessica, Lani, Rowell (I'm still so freaken proud of you for what you did in our graduation rehearsal), Mitch, Mariah, CK, Manny, and pretty much everyone else that I know because I was there when you guys needed someone and in return you were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on to. I love you guys so much, I hope that we'll always stay in touch!!!

Well, that's pretty much it. . . I think. Lol, I'll just stop right here before I end up rambling about nothing. Also, notice how I never put Michael anywhere above describing how grateful I am to have met him or whatnot? Well, that's because I know you're all tired of me being all mushy and can like go on like forever talking about him, lol.

*sigh* God! Being dumped into adulthood so suddenly is not cool. I'm already under so much stress as that I am now making my own money that I have to pay for my own shit without any help. That's like almost impossible considering that I'm only gaining allowances and not the actual amount. I seriously need to start on my driving school before I start nursing school in August, that way I wouldn't be stuck having to catch a ride with someone and risking missing several classes if I couldn't make it. I mean driving school is only worth $450 for the whole thing and that's practically the same I am making, just that the only time I would be able to pay for it it during my nursing school and I wouldn't have the freakin time for that shit. Mother wouldn't help me pay for driving school and she makes well over $1,500. She wouldn't have to worry about paying nursing school anyway, because the way they do it, they take the money in by three or four portions in the nine weeks that I have to attend.

Not only that, but mother has dumped all the hard stuff in this care home business and she pretty much lays back. Geez, this is so much more than what I was planning on, and I'm doing more than what I'm being paid for. GOD! I hate this so much!

I also miss Michael. I know he has to go to New Mexico to further his education into film directory, but damn it! He was like the only support I had as in doing what I really want to do; acting. He encourages me to take the path, it's just that my parents doesn't support me into that path and we both don't have the money to pay for our own things. Not only that, but I don't really know how to do anything for myself as I am new into the adult-world. Michael and I have been inseparable throughout our last school year of James Campbell High and I can't help, but be depressed in his absence and having to remember all the fun things we went though; we never had a single fight/argument with anything serious.

I need help. I constantly feel depressed and unsatisfied with anything, unless I'm talking with Michael (but I can't because I used up all my minutes) and with all the stress, I could hardly sleep. The only way for me to sleep is by taking sleeping pills. . .

Kyle Patrick O'Neal, he was a cold-hearted and troubled person. He first came into my group of friends as a freshman during our sophomore year at Aiea High School. With me being outgoing and hyper as ever, I first spotted him near our group. I asked my friends who he was and they replied that his name was Kyle. Like a child, I skipped over to him, and normally people would expect a simple "Hello" before a conversation, but I randomly hugged him and introduced myself to him.

At first, he was weirded out that such a random person would hug him suddenly out of nowhere, but he slowly got the idea that I'm a very compassionate person and would give out hugs to everyone; including those that I don't even know. He also slowly got used to everyone else in the group as he, too, became a part of it.

One day on the way home from school, my closest friend and sister, Joselyn mentioned that Kyle was the kind of person who keeps things to himself and that he seemed to be troubled. Then the day after that, I got the chance to talk to him alone and found out that he and his mother don't really get along quite well. I gave him a hug as comfort and told him that if he ever needed someone to talk to, I would always be there for him.

It turned out that he did come up to me to work out his feelings; it made me quite happy that he did too. At other times, we would split up from the group just to talk about random things for hours; even Joselyn thought it was kind of suspicious that we would suddenly "disappear."

It was kind of funny the way she suddenly asked one day if we were a couple. I laughed, thinking it was some kind of a joke, but I saw the look on her face and coughed away the remaining laughter in me, as I gave her a questioning look in return. She even said that it already seemed that way, but I refused to believe it. I mean it was true that he was sweet, caring and protective of me, but we didn't see each other in that way.

Ironically, what she said turned out to be true. Even though both Kyle and I denied what the others said and continued to act like friends, we knew there was something more between us. Secretly, during one night over at a friend's house, we talked about our "relationship." After discussing, we both decided that we would stay friends and, all though it did hurt me, I agreed.

In time, he found something else that comforted him and helped him escape from his problems: weed and vodka. Since he did not like the idea of the others thinking we were together, he looked else where for answers. That was where I supposed the mental and emotional abuse and attacks had began towards me.

At first, he'd find a way to somehow lead me away from the group and I would innocently follow him, rambling on about this or that. He would get closer to me, bringing all of my attention to him and then, taking me all for himself by keeping me occupied.

Not too long after that, he would tell me things about my friends, making it seem as though they were against me and that my friends weren't really my friends at all. As much as I tried to ignore what he said, the more it seemed he was right that they ignored and isolated me from the group.

At this, I kept away from them, feeling as if they didn't want me around them any more. I began to close myself out from them, which brought me even closer to Kyle because I knew I could trust him and only him.

The more I stayed with him, the more I realized that his drinking and smoking habits had worsened. I tried to get him to stop, but he just wouldn't listen to me. Both of the drugs went to his brain so badly that he even thought of robbing a bank, using me as a hostage. I refused to do what he wanted to do and backed down from his plans, which made him upset.

That afternoon, instead of robbing the bank the way Kyle had wanted to do, we both lay on the floor in a friend's room alone together. We just laid there talking about our past. It was in that conversation that I found out that he had unintentionally killed another girl. He told her that she had no one, and believing in him, she pretty much died unable to handle the fact that everyone was against her.

Unfortunately back then, I didn't see the resemblance of what had happened to that girl and what was happening to me too. After exchanging our pasts, I felt even more sympathy for him and wanted him to feel better.

As days went by, he too, slowly pushed me away. It continued to be like that for a few more weeks until there was another sleepover at our friend's house. Vodka and weed were also involved, but I wasn't allowed to even have one sip or a puff of the stuff since my friends felt that I was rather loud, aggressive and destructive when buzzed. So, I just sat there watching my friends drink and smoke as they pleased while Kyle was downstairs with another group of people.

I ended up texting back and forth with Joselyn throughout the whole night, just talking to her about the ways Kyle and everyone else was acting. It was all pretty stupid if you asked me and how drunk Kyle was, scared me. I ended up falling asleep on the floor with my phone still on and open to the conversation.

I woke up a few hours later to find the others still awake and chatting on one side of the room and Kyle in another, my phone in his hands. I sat up and let out a small smile at him, but instead of a smile in return, he looked up from my phone with a death glare shot straight at me.

"I fucking hate you," he scowled at me before he got up, leaving my phone on the bed and marched out. Humiliated, I looked over at the others to see that they were all quiet. They all knew I had feelings for Kyle and heard the way he just said that to me, so I felt ashamed and exposed.

I quickly got up, grabbed my phone, and ran home before anyone could stop me. I sat on my bed that entire day, doing nothing but sobbing. I had felt myself growing ever so cold as I was being closed out from the world entirely as depression hit me so hard, it was almost unbearable; it was like suddenly choking and drowning in mud.

I've thought of many ways to commit suicide, feeling as though I would be better off killing myself than to deal with the heavy depression I was in. No one even knew I was troubled, nor did they even bother to listen to me when I tried to talk about it.

I let out a sigh and walked to the door of the garage. I had my hand on the doorknob and was thinking about grabbing my father's nail gun and pointing it to my head, but curiosity came over me as I wondered what kind of site "Gaia" was as Joselyn kept talking about it on our way home. To me, "Gaia" sounded a lot like another online site, where people around the world could interact and socialize with each other.

Without thinking, I turned away from the door and walked out towards the living room, where the laptop sat. I got on and wondered about a few parts of Gaia. To tell the truth, I was bored as hell and was just about to log out and continue on what I had in mind, but someone sent me a private message. I shrugged and replied back to the person.

For the first time in a month or two, a smile curled upon my lips as I chatted away to this person. His name was Logan and at that time, he was the only one who would listen to me. He even helped me out of my thoughts of suicide.

Logan helped me through the tough times and I continued to talk to him about my troubles. Not too long after that day, I met Hector in a role-playing site. Although I was still closed from the world and I had a hard time trusting people, I slowly opened up to these two and I now continue to live as happily as I am now; though there will be times where I am mentally and emotionally disturbed, I am doing ok.

There are also certain times when I couldn't help, but think back to Kyle, wondering what had happened to him. I think over the few lessons that I've learned from him. With the most important lesson learned from him was knowing how the things he does could affect other people and knowing I should never follow in his footsteps.