just finished this book. it was incredible to say the least. here are some quotes that i enjoyed.

 

i'm reading this book and it is amazing. read it.

"the history of love" by nicole krauss.

 

this is my favorite excerpt so far.

"Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings wer being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and anliennation and loneliness on the other. It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the the hips that marked the birth of ecstacy; a bolt of lightening that caused the first feeling of awe. Or maybe it was the body of a girl named Alma. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came aftger people had enough time to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surpise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia."

 

and it goes on being beautiful afer that but i am lazy and tired. read it.

in one of my dreams last night, the phone number of an old friend, that i haven't talked to in months came to me. i called the number this morning and it was still in service and still his number! how weird is that! i am very excited that my dream spoke to me in this way...i wonder what other things i can summon up!

 

in other news, i made tacos tonight and they were delicious.

that is all.

so, i'm sitting reserve right now in baltimore. i'll be on reserve for the next five days. fun stuff. i'm sure i'll get a trip at some point but today i did a bunch of sitting around. basically, i watched about six movies...checked my email and myspace about 300 times...checked my crew website to see when i'd be going to work....sent a lot of text messages and listened to trisha say "it's a beautiful day...we should be outside" about 100 times. funnn stuff. now the neighboar kids are having a karaoke party and it is LOUD and AWFUL.

anyway, now i'm not tired and i wish i could go out but i am stuck in boring linthicum. FUNNN.

also, this is completely unrelated...but i really love the song "moonriver". it's sooo good.

 

 

    how the hell i know so many people?? i know everyone but like five of my friends on myspace. this is baffling to me. i also wonder how i'll keep up with all these people when myspace is no longer as addicting as it is now.

strange.

i flew with this girl a few weeks ago who asked me why i was still single...if it was a personal choice or just chance? i thought it was a weird question but once we started talking about it, she made some points to me that made a lot of sense.

first of all, she asked me to describe my perfect type...i have two. then she asked me if either of those types were the description of former boyfriends. um, yeaaaah...just a bit. i am defintely interested in different types of men, but when asked to describe my ideal type, i describe two very different types of guys but very similar to former flames. i think this is so funny! i  never really thought of it that way. anyway, she said that someone gave her advice a few years ago and she listened to it and found the love of her life. the advice was to find someone that was the exact opposite of what they usually looked for and find something to like about them....and now she's married to the opposite of every guy she had ever dated.

i think this is great in theory...but you can't help but be attracted to a certain type of look. i fall in lust with several different types a day, but generally what attracts me initally are two different types of  looks, and once the initial physical attractiveness of a new person wears off, i have to fall for their personalities as well. here is where i've found a fault with one certain type that i love...they usually end up being the biggest assholes ever or the lamest dudes ever with horrible personalities. the problem with the other type that i fall for is that they tend to not be "exciting" enough for me. this is a major malfunction in me. my good friend megan once told me that "my picker" was broken when it comes to men. i think she was right. i think i just need to find a man who has passion like i do for similar things...like music and literature. i'd like to find someone who can stimulate my mind as well as my heart...

i have no idea where i'm going with this...just avoiding the task i should be accomplishing....typical.

 

 

so i'm in seattle for the day. i got here at noon and i leave tomorrow morning. i picked up this trip just because i wanted to have a beautiful day in downtown seattle. unfortunately, it was kind of gloomy this afternoon so i didn't spend much time downtown at all. we did go down to pike's and i took a bunch of pictures of all the beautiful fruits and vegetables. i've decided i'm going to print the pictures and make something pretty out of them. the farmer's market in pike's place is one of the number one reasons that i want to move to seattle. i am quite sure that i could make the most delicious meals ever from all those lovely vegetables and they're sooo cheap. especially compared to baltimore.  

anyway, after we went downtown, i relaxed in my room for a bit, and then i went for an incredible walk/run around the neighborhood behind my hotel. it was beautiful and the air was crisp and i was happy to be there. now i'm going to go lift some weights and hit the hay.

love.

do you remember when you were graduating high school and you felt like everyone else had big, big plans and you had nothing? and nothing turned out to be the greatest aventure yet? i do. and now, i am here. in baltimore. and it is pouring and nothing and EVERYTHING, every little thing, and every great, big, gigantic thing is behind me and i am here. my things, big and small, are in my best friend's closet. my sister is in a car, moving to georgia. and her things are in a moving truck in god knows where. and my heart is in texas, but i am here.

i believe that there are moments in your life when everything comes together at once and then there are moments when everything falls apart. but sometimes there are moments when nothing happens and you are just there. you're just there. so here i am. i'm at that point when it all falls apart just right before it all comes together. at least that's what it feels like. heavy. tough. big. infinitely big. and i am sad, but i am tough and i can make it through this if i made it through everything else.

but i really can't believe i'm out of batteries because what i really need right now is to sit on my patio and listen to this song.

 

and live journal is blocked on this computer, so myspace gets to hear all about it.

first of all, i love my job. i love the friends i've made because of this job. and i love my friends in austin for supporting me and loving me and letting me know that i am missed.

i kind of want to cry. life is good.

there are little thoughts that run around my head sometimes. what if i made the biggest mistake of my life quitting my job at the mall? what if that's the greatest thing i'll ever do? what if i suck at being a flight attendant? what if i don't make it through the first week of training? what if everyone hates me? what if i do well and everyone loves me and i start making all these new friends and i forget to make time for my old friends? what if my best friends forget me when i leave? what if? what if? what if?

i've decided that reading sort of settles all those stupid questions that run circles around my mind. i read so much this past week; it was insane. actually, i've read more in january than i've ever read in my life. it's weird because reading does settle my active my mind about my future and things like that, but it does bring up thoughts about old things and tends to make me run circles around fires that burned out a long time ago. so many what ifs, it's ridiculous. oh well, what can you do?