Permanence 

How is it when you meet someone who makes you laugh makes you smile, and makes you want to do things you haven't done in a while, 

And you think everything feels so good...u know it's not permanent...

But you can't feel sad,

 Because after all you knew they were leaving from the start.

 But there's this liking for them that buries itself within your heart.

Cuz the sex with them was amazing,

And their loving had had u feelin light weight crazy,

The touch of his hands, the warmth of his breath,

Has your heart pulsating fast as the intensity rises,

He touches my body and it starts to shake, wanting him more and more

My body trembles my lips start to quake...

The more he touches the more I ache...

Yearning to feel him deep inside,

After the embrace I look at his face, knowing he's leaving and life will be back to boring, unoriginal and bland.

So now I, sit here thinking back to...the fun times we had the memories we shared, and I can't help to smile, and realize I'm wanting to pick up the phone and dial, cuz I haven't heard your voice in a while.

But I told my heart not to get involved, but somewhere along that road visions blurred and body and soul took over the mind...

And I became enthralled by him

And then when it was time for that final goodbye...

But I know I have no right to cry...but as you say goodbye....

My eyes begin to blurr...and I tell myself...it was worth it...

Everything was worth it.

Having him here was worth missing him when he is far,

Sittin in the hot tub and looking at the stars,

Bowling perfect games and hitting all the frames,

All the times I beat him in pool, and the times he beat me too...

it was worth it.

All the late night talks, and Oakland walks,

The movies I slept through, and the time I hung up on you,

.it was worth it.

The times id smile when he'd call, and the meals we cooked when fast food didn't do it all

. It Was worth it.

For every time we laughed, and every time he made me smile.. ..Ill gladly deal with the times I'm lonely and missing his touch

.and as he backs out of the driveway and drives outta sight...I stand there frozen..Not knowing what to do next..

Feeling empty...unsure....and hurt...but I wasn't supposed to get attached right....and you said you wanted to stay right? But I guess sometimes things just don't turn out....right.

March 28^th 2006

Fun times wth my friends :) Dont be jealous

What makes someone ugly? Is it the glasses that rest uptop their nose, there slightly non symmetrical eyes? Or maybe its the fact they dont have flawless skin and pleasantly plump lips, or could it be that there clothes just arent designer brand and they are  slightly outdated? No. What makes a person ugly is the feelings they feel on the inside, the things they do on the outside and all the bitter hatred that rests in between. The hatred for who they are, the hatred for how other people view them, and the hatred of knowing that they can never be who they truly want to be. So why is it that we walk around in this skin, this awkward skin full of scars and bruises that tell a story of whats beyond the outside. We live in a world where cold hard truth festers on the inside dying for an escape craving to be free, but we stifle it. We IGNORE what we desire We push away from what we crave all in an attempt to be what other people desire us as. So what makes you ugly? Do you find yourself stereotyping other people, yes that makes you ugly. Do you find yourself thinking you are better then other people, yes that too makes you ugly. Or maybe you simply dont appreciate what you have; yes yes that makes you ugly! IN fact being non-appreciative of what you have makes you by far the ugliest. Everyone strives for more and pushes past what they have and there is nothing wrong with that, but when you feel bad about yourself because you cannot achieve it you simply need to step back and look at everything you have, What is wrong with how you look? I challenge you..go find a magazine and pick out one person you find desirable.beautiful and pick it apart. Does their small waist make them happydo double d breasts help you sleep better at night? So for everyone that has made judgments and assumptions about me I challenge you to get to know me before you assume what Im, consider my lifestyle because it  is one you will never understandunless you understand me.

Yea men have done a great deal of image tarnishing. I
dont know where but somewhere along the line men
got this idea that it is cool to be a player or a pimp...but
why...are they truly happy...you can go around sleeping
with as many women as u want...but as there number
of notches on their bedposts grow.....their lack of
respect for themselves should be diminishing not
climaxing as it most commonly is today. And women
are looked as to be the sluts and the whores..why ??
cuz men make them that way. men are saying i dont
want a hoe...well stop treating the good woman like
hoes...they talk all that game and fuck with a womans
head to get what they want  and the discard
her like shes worth nothing more then sexual
pleasure. The trials and tribulations really begin to
weigh upon a womans self worth which is why
women run around throwing their pussy at men
because they are not quite sure what else to do with it.
a REAL man will cherish a woman for
the time they spend together and the positives
attributes she can bring into a relationship. Not all
women who have had shakey pasts..pasts scorned with
untold truths are whores..its the miseducation of how
relationships should work that have made the ideas of
cohabitation and relationship guidelines tarnished.
Since when is it cool to fuck a lot of women....why not
find the one that will be there for him and show him
that he can be happy and fulfilled in ways other then
sex. It must be nice knowing u can go home to
someone who cares deeply for you and would do
anything rather then just some girl u have no
intentions of ever seeing again. What does that do for
your image. Nothing. It will not make you stronger. It
will not be there for you when times get tough. Men
play this strong role. that they do not need
support  and love. But this is straight bullshit.
Things are done much easier as a pair. Every person
has strengths and weakness.....and together they can
form a bond where each others strengths support one
anothers weaknesses. With divorce so common now a
days and the sanctimony of relationships on the
rocks..its not hard to see why men and women
just cant get along. Call me old fashioned but
whatever happened to the day when til death do us part
actually meant something. Ask most men when the last
time he took a woman on a date with
intentions of actually beginning a
relationships wasand I guarantee you the last time
he took a woman on a dates in hopes to hook up with
her was more recently than that of the other option.
Now I am not the one to sit here and bash men because
women have done their part as well. With your over
flooding of money hungry gold digging women who
havent quite figured out yet that thats an unattractive
quality men really have to stop and take a good hard
look at the woman they are courting. But not all
women are meant to stay in the same mind frame her
whole entire life. Men go through phases as
do women. Take the time to really get to know
someone and I bet youll be shocked by everything you
find out so go ahead try right now.if u think
everything im saying is bogus or ridiculous.tell me
10 things10 preconceived notions you have about
me, or have heard about me, and Ill put you up on
game and tell you the real truth. No lies all truths. If
you read this and think shes full of bullshit and do
nothing about it, then take a look at yourself
my friend, and realize maybe youre the one whos full
of bullshit!

and the letter that struck this response.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: - rich -
Date: Jul 23, 2005 5:56 AM

that is true.. but the woman has to truely know what she wants. she may think she knows wut she wants but when its directly infront of her she don't VISUALIZE  him for who he truely is, but SEES him as being  too nice.. im comfortable when i say im not like any other guy i've met and will ever meet. read my profile if u havn't.. thoughts along those lines is WHO i truely am.. but when i need i have that ruthlezz image of a man a woman likes; who i am at the bar.. but when i express my thoughts.. sadly women think its a playa talkin.. thats how bad men fucked up our own relations.. lol

¢¾¢¾So I love the frontline ok...next time they perform check em out cuz they have tight beats and can flow just as good in person as they can on the radio! not to mention they are cute!  Ok so yea and by the way...San Jose is part of the bay area and im tired of people pretending its not     A city is a city..the people make the city it doesnt matter how many projects u have or crap like that.....But yea come party with me..and see about the bay! 

...I Luffff LEFT OF THE FRONTLINE