Today walking through Bushwick on my way to record a mix, cholo dude of about 25 asked me for a light. His still full pack of cigararettes fell to the ground as he crossed the street. He asked if I lived in the area, I lied and said no as I put the fire to his tip. He then reached into his pocked and pulled out a hundred dollar bill and asked me to fuck him...

I told him I wasnt interested and quickly walked away,
but it'd have been a lot funnier if this blog was about my eating a bunch of sushi
because I just came into some money

PROOF:

I don't know what's going on but that appears to be a photograph of old me with John Lennon...


What's up Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys!

A couple friends recommended those 5 Hour Energy things. They said it was like a bunch of energy...

So last night instead of taking a disco nap, I took one at 8PM. It was a rush! I was flying high! I walked across Burnside SO FAST FER REAL. And I smoked a bunch of creepy Camel crush cigarettes that I squeezed the filter and became menthols... Anyway Around 9PM I felt a crash. The burst of energy where I wanted to run around in circles like a dog was gone and I was like really focused on thought but looked at everything. At the same time. But I could have conversations at the same time.

So I went to another spot. I walked across the bridge a little slower than before but had my phone out and was using the memo pad to write down all the amazing ideas I was having, every other second. My body was actually really fatigued and was looking forward to sleeping.

BTW: Yesterday and last night was fucking hot! My pants were wet with sweat!

So I went to where the Techno was. And I danced. Smoked more creepy cigarettes. And decided that I am more energetic than the 5 Hour Energy thing. Around 1PM I went home. On my way home I was euphoric. A car turned the wrong way down the one way I was walking down and I wanted to give the driver a hug and tell them I've been there, but I thought that might be a bad idea then I had another idea so I had to memo pad it.

So I got home drank a bunch of water and starting doing some minor interneting. Then I started getting and decided I should go to sleep. Then around 2AM, I went to sleep.


Then at 430AM, I woke up. Not just kind of awake like billion thoughts a minute, I wish there were others awake right now awake. So I interneted a little more and an hour later at 540AM I went back to bed. And it began occurring to me that the sleep I was experiencing wasn't really sleep. It was like when your inbetween awake and a sleep. It was like a super crazy idea/dream state where I was able to rest and focus all energy on STUFF.

I dreampt that James Brown was leading a group of the Rat Packers inside and outside of a Bridal shower. And James would say we need to go outside and all the Rat Packers were yes men and were like "YEAH WE NEED TO GO OUTSIDE". Then James Brown decided that he wanted to go back inside and they were all like "YEAH WE NEED TO GO INSIDE" and they were all obese. Then I'd start laughing cause I didn't really understand what was happening.

Anyway I woke back up at 7AM.
This stuff is like just taking your hand in a bag full of pills and seeing what happened. The combination of one thing ending as another begins was fucking intense and in a way I feel like the last 12 hours has been closer to a little bit of acid than 5 hours of energy. And an experience and though I don't want to do it again. I mean it wasn't a bad experience and I'll probably do it again but yeah it was like a lot of different substances of amino acids and b-vitamins and enzymes doing different things at different times because, get this: THEY WERE!


And it's still hot outside!



And I'm exactly 12 hours into this and I'm not proofreading it.
Because I think it's the most way.
ya know?

I sent this letter off this morning.

Dear Gottfried Heinwein,
As one of my favorite hyperrealists I felt you to be one of the better people to answer a question that has been burning in my mind: Why isn't there hyperfantasyrealism? Fantasy realism that is so real it's fantasy. I ask because I'd really like to see a very heavy metal looking devil dressed as a Ninja wearing an iPod attached via armband arm, posing with a thumbs up at a Denny's. What do you think?

Dear Brian Hugh Warner,
You're friends with Gottfried Heinwein. See to it that he gets back to be regarding the issue of hyperfantasyrealism. I have included the letter I sent to him as I think you'll be into it. Brian, please don't let me down.

This is a true story from last summer.
Rush Rush goes the Rumor

Thursday, I was called into my boss' office at work and told that the hotel can do drug testing at anytime. "Chuck, I think it's a great idea! We need to keep razor sharp and I am vehemently against anything that might dull the team. You have my approval to go ahead with this measure!" I reach out to shake his hand.

Chuck's hand stays on his lap. He bows his head to look through the top of his bifocals. "Joee, it already is a rule, Im just reminding you of it."
"Oh. Um OK. Would you like me to get tested after work?"
He shook his head no. "That wont be necessary."

I had a few minutes before the start of my shift so I went outside for a cigarette. My supervisor was there. "Jon, Chuck just 'reminded' me that I could get drug tested 'at any time.' Do you have any idea why I would be pulled into the boss' office and informed of this?"
"Well, Joee, people talk."
"And?"
"Someone said they saw you doing cocaine in the bathroom."
My eyes must have popped out of my head. I havent touched blow since the last time it went up my nose and that wasn't at work. Now someone is saying they saw me doing it at work! "They saw what?!"
"Someone said they say you doing coke in the bathroom." He didnt get the rhetoric in the question.
"Who?"
"I cant say."
"Bullshit! Who the fuck said it!"
"Joee, I really cant say. Sorry."
"Jon, let me ask you something."
"Sure."
"Who said it?"
"Joee, I..."
"You've seen how much I make."
"Yeah."
"Do you really think that I make enough to afford doing cocaine enough to necessitate doing it at work? Actually Jon, if I had the money to afford a coke habit, I wouldn't even have a fucking job. I'd be living a life of powdered leisure."
"Joee, it was just a reminder."
"What else have you heard?"
"Just that."
My ass just that!

The next day I go into work and Im called into Chuck's office again. He asks me to close the door. He composes himself, takes a deep breath and exhales the following sentence: "Joee you know the women's locker room is for women only."
"Yes, Chuck. I've known that since I was a wee-one. Why are you asking me this?"
"Someone said they saw you in the women's locker room in a compromising position with Iva."
"Who is Iva?"
"The new Russian housekeeper."
"I'm shocked and stunned."
"You're shocked and stunned that someone would say this?"
"No, Chuck, Im shocked and stunned that I haven't been introduced to a Russian housekeeper, who would fuck me at work."

Anatomist Gunther von Hagens, with the help of Dr. Sui Hongjin, developed a way of preserving human bodies and body parts in a technique called plastination. The two split and GVH then used this technique to make millions and millions of dollars by putting them on display at Body Worlds.

Gunther has total control over the exhibits which there are three. No photographs may be taken by visitors and all taken by the press must be personally approved by him via strict path of approvals which ultimately permits one photograph her publication to be used.

The exhibits are currently in North America. Although GVH is from Germany, he has more or less told his motherland to fuck off which may or may not have had anything to do with Germany being eliminated from the 2006 FIFA World Cup finals earning a disappointing 3rd place win over Portugal and allowing an Azzurri Cup victory over France (minus Zidane) in a shoot out. I spent quite some time googling Von Hagens and the World Cup and have found no links connecting the two but I will continue looking.

Gun's been accused of sensationalism and accused of using bodies of prisoners without their consent. He claims that all bodies used in his Body Worlds exhibits have doner paper work, however he does not make that claim for all bodies used at his Plastination Institute.

Dr. Sui Hongjin has an exhibit titled Bodies...The Exhibition. Hongjin uses unclaimed bodies from Chinese Mental Institutions and other bodies that were not able to be properly buried. Von Hagens set up a body doner program for his Plastination Institute. He's signed over 7600 doners, 461 of which have already died.

While there are currently 3 Body Worlds exhibits, at the current donation rate it may be possible for there to be Body Worlds 8 (Infinity)! And if Von Hagens finds a way to live forever he'll easily make his way to the top of the Forbes richest persons list and if he makes contact with other planets he can put bodies on display all throughout space and maybe become the richest being in the whole universe which may or may not be a problem for Forbes because there may already be a universal magazine doing such a list that we're just not privy too because only people in mental hospitals are currently talking to other worlds and it seems like we know where they're going to end up.


AFTER VISITING:
Yesterday I went to Body Worlds 3. While there I got scared. If Gunther von Hagens develops a plastination gun it could mean the end of everything as we know it. It might first start by taking over an entire city...Like Portland. Gunther going from house to house kicking doors down shooting us with his Plastination gun so people can forever see what people did in Portland in 2007. I don't even want to get into if the gun was given to the military but he gave it to both armys so he could have Plastination battle fields!

And about him living forever, what if he eats the life from the donors! You are what you eat! He must be stopped! At the end of the exhibit there were $2 off coupons for return visitiors in the Body Worlds 3 gift shop so I grabbed all of them and passed them out to people waiting in line. If you go I encourage you to do this!

PS: I touched the camel and it felt good and soft.

Do you remember what you were doing on this date last year?
I was a roadie for Norwegian Black Metal Band Gorgoroth. I got the job through my P.O. I was a little weirded out by some of the stuff I was threatened by...Feed my liver to the dogs so they will rise up and slay the rest of me...I thought they just didn't know how to relate.

So on this date last year they grabbed me from my bunk on the bus. And guess what I did? I sacrificed a goat. Actually...I actually sacrificed many goats! Gaahl told me I had finally pleased the dark prince.

Personally I don't like Gorgoroth's Music.
Ever hear someone yell "Play some Slayer!!" At a show.
Then either as a joke or because it's Slayer they play some Slayer.
It's boring.
Like really really boring.
What do I really like?
Like really really?
Like a Lot a Lot?
IRON MAIDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!