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We received this email last week via our website, regarding our least-selling shirt, "Corey is My Homeboy:"

I am Corey Feldman's manager.  If you are going to be selling T-Shirts with his likeness on it we expect to receive a substantial portion of the proceeds. Today is August 9, 2007, I expect to hear back something within the next couple of days.
Scott Carlson

Intrigued, I did a bit of research, and found that Mr. Feldman's manager IS in fact named Scott Carlson.

After a mild heart-attack and a few words from my Voice of Reason (who is in no way related to me), I started thinking about the parameters of this request.

1. We have been in business for just over a year, and have not sold ONE Corey t-shirt. I look over our stats almost every day and see which pages are getting the most hits, which shirts are the most popular, etc. Prior to Mr. Carlson somehow finding our shirt out of the millions of other t-shirts on the internet, the last person to go to that page was someone in Witchita, Kansas.
2. Do we actually appear successful enough that our profits could make a big dent in Mr. Feldman's bank account? Or is he desperately in need of an extra 7 dollars a month?
3. Interestingly enough, Corey Feldman's new reality show, The Two Coreys, just began it's run on A&E. Is it AT ALL possible that perhaps the producers of the show are in need for some good televised conflict and instructed their interns go online and search for ANYTHING that could cause potential legal issues? Something that could maybe compete with Corey Haim's heart problem (which I only know about from seeing the previews for the latest episode...) I can see the scene now:

   (FADE IN on Corey F, seated at his computer, leaning back in his chair, chin in hand. He appears stressed. ENTER Corey H.)

   CH: Hey, man, what up?

   CF: Dude, these people out in Boston are selling a shirt with my face on it. Scott's been contacting them and telling them to either stop it or work out some licensing with us but they just keep blowing us off.

   CH: Yeah?

   CF: Yeah. (Sighs heavily, puts face in his hands) Crap, Dogg, I don't know what to do...

   (Corey H walks over to the computer and looks at the screen.)

   CH: Dude, thats a really cool shirt. I have a heart problem.

   END SCENE.

After some thought, and still not being quite sure if this is a legitimate email or not, we wrote back:

And finally, supplying us with the reassurance that we needed to bring us closer to the fact that this could quite possibly be legit, Scott replied:

We responded with this email:

Dear Scottie,

Thanks for your timely response. Our board of directors has decided not to discontinue the Corey Is My Homeboy-- t-shirts on account of the fact that there may yet still be some Corey Feldman fans in the lower 48 states, and that some of them might be willing to shell out some money for his likeness on their chests.

As for your offer to discuss a licensing deal, we'd be thrilled! After careful consideration, we've determined that you are entitled to 3.5% of net earnings generated through sales of Corey Is My Homeboy-- t-shirts on the www.mottoapparel.com website, on the sole condition that someone wearing the t-shirt appears on The Two Coreys (broadcast intermittently on AETV) for at least 3 consecutive seconds. The t-shirt must be both visible and legible to a television audience with a reasonable standard of vision, although any human over the age of 18 may wear it.

Please let us know if these conditions are acceptable; we anticipate another timely response.

Thanks!

Cordially,
Motto Apparel

P.S. Please high-five Corey for us.

We had a great run at Somerville's ArtBeat last weekend, (check out our YouTube interview here - about 19 seconds in, after the chick selling the cell-phone wipers) and were finally able to communicate face to face (through a haze of margaritas) with some of our fans. We sold a ton of shirts, and collected the thoughts and opinions of various ArtBeaters (on our inventory sheet where we should have been keeping track of what we were selling.) Here are some of our favorites:

"Those guys are jerks." - various

"Oh my god! I have an arrhythmia problem! I can't wait to wear this in front of my mom. She's gonna cry." - at least 2 people who actually had arrhythmia.

"I hope you're proud of yourselves." - various

"I have to get this for my friend Christy. She has a mockingbird and she's an alcoholic." - Christy's friend

"That's not art." - overheard

"That's true. I know some and they're really fun." - Alyssa, 11.

Thanks to our Test Kitchen, we've come up with some new stuff for you before this blissful summer comes to an end. And strangely enough, people seem to love the punny stuff. So check out our new items, and you can thank the general public for anything that makes you groan in disbelief.

Check it out! These shirts have proven to be our most purchased and most talked-about items, so for a limited time we're selling them for 25% off! Don't be the only one on your block without a Jesus Jazz Hands shirt - make friends at the gym in your No One Wants a Fat Friend tee! The possibilities are endless, but the outcome is always the same - our Best-Seller Collection will make you popular!

C'mon, all the cool kids are doing it.