Check out my recording and let me know what you think!

This song will bring tears to your eyes.

So it's been well over a MONTH since Aemie and I spent all damn day slinging around copies of USC's crappiest and only student magazine, The Garnet & Black.  I've done this before and been paid with a check from the editor's business account... until this last time.  Apparently, I have to get on payroll to get this one effing check.  I had to play an eternal game of phone and e-mail tag so I could finally fill out the required paperwork, and I just got an e-mail saying I'm going to have to have to find the time to go fill out MORE paperwork so I can get the money direct deposited at some point in the future.  This is the first, last, and only money of mine that payroll would ever have to deal with, and I don't understand why they're making it harder than it has to be.  Why can't I just get a check like with any normal job and be done with it? 

"When Will I Be Paid?"
Well the money's wearing low
Just as low as it can be
And I did a lot of work for you but
I've yet to see a cent

And although it's been a long time
And I mean quite a long time
And although you have the money
And I mean a lot of money
And although it's been a long time but
I've yet to see a cent
I cannot help but think of you as
A crook
Because you have to have a maze of paperwork
Or else the real work isn't worth a damn

And all I really want
Is the money you owe me
Without having to jump through flaming hoops
Or ride a unicycle across a tightrope
While walking a dog
And playing the ukelele (though you're talking to a virtuoso here)
So shove Garnet and Black up your ass
Because all I give a DAMN about
Is green

Man, I hope I never get rich. And if I do, I hope I never have children.

"POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL"
Poor little rich girl
Millionaire's daughter
Little fish swimming
In the big fish's water
Ain't it a shame
To live so well
Ain't paid no dues
Ain't caught no hell

Poor little rich girl
Daddy's little junky
Never got soulful
Never got funky
Ain't it a shame
To get it so good
Never had to worry
'Bout gettin' no food

Poor little rich girl
Self-obsessed
Thinks she's great
But she ain't best
Ain't it a shame
She ain't been round
Don't give a damn
'Bout the poor side of town

Poor little rich girl
Up on daddy's shelf
Doesn't say anything
Unless it's 'bout herself
Ain't it a shame
She won't be satisfied
Don't nobody matter
Unless she's by their side

Poor little rich girl
Daddy's little jewel
Doesn't quite yet realize
How much she is a tool
But as long as dad's alive
She'll twinkle in his eyes
And she'll damn sure get his money
After dear ol' daddy dies.

Everybody's gotta believe in something, right?

"Hot Dog Heaven"
When I die... oh yes lawd when I die...
I don't wanna go to no lake of fire
Oh no no no.
I think I'd rather go to a lake of chili
Or maybe a lake of cole slaw
Or mustard
Praise the lawd
When I die... oh yes lawd when I die.

When I shuffle off this mortal coil
And trip the light fantastic over to that other side
May my soul become a hot dog
Oh yes, lawd, a hot dog
And may my reward in heaven
Be a lake of chili
Or maybe a lake of cole slaw
Or mustard
Praise the lawd
When I shuffle off this mortal coil.

I haven't always been a saint
But lawdy lawd I try so hard
To be decent
So when I die... oh yes lawd when I die...
I can spend the rest of forever
In Hot Dog Heaven.

Because, dude, really, I mean, like, nobody understands me.

"Teen Angst"
(cry)
Gah, mom, you're so lame,
You don't understand me.
Gah, dad, you're so lame,
You don't understand me.
Gah, grandma, you're so lame,
You don't understand me.
Gah, pet goldfish, you're so lame,
You don't understand me.

(scream)
So I'll drink drink drink
And smoke smoke smoke
And write write write
Fake suicide notes
Oh thank heavens for Fall Out Boy
Oh thank heavens for Fall Out Boy

I am, you are, and hopefully everyone else will be too.

"Everyone's Getting Fat"
It's been a long time
Since I've seen you
But I've seen pictures
Big ones too
I remember you as a tiny brat
But that's all changed
'Cause we're all fat

Back in the day
We'd-a-liked-to've starved
Bodies all tight
Abs all carved
Now there's caverns
Where we've sat
'Cause it's all changed
'Cause we're all fat

We like to drink
We like to eat
We dare not walk
From our nice seat
We once were trim
We once were flat
But that's all changed
'Cause we're all fat

Blah blah blah dank blah blah blah poem blah blah blah ha ha ha blah blah blah.

"Half a Damn"
When I was just a little boy
On ol' granpappy's knee
He lit himself a stogie
Then he said these words to me:

Boy you 'bout as 'tarded
As a shark up in a tree
An' boy you 'bout as graceful
As a bird trapped in the sea
An' boy you 'bout as purty
As a possum on the road
'An you about as charmin'
As a dad-gum horny toad
Well boy you ain't worth half a damn
'Cause half a damn you ain't...

My ol' granpappy, bless his soul
He told the truth, the saint

Deep and dank and retro!

"The 80's"
Hey you guys
Let's all snort some cocaine
And pretend it's the 80's
Because it was so rad back then

Gimme a sec
And let me strap on my tights
And maybe if you're lucky I'll
Tease my hair
Just listen to this New Wave on vinyl
While I adjust my shoulder strap
To hang just slightly off
Because it was so rad back then

And the synthesizer drones on all night long
God, music was so real back then
Square Pegs, baby,
and Breakfast Club
All the way

Now, my child,
That you listen to analog
Maybe we can
STICK IT TO THE MAN
Together, yes?

If you appreciate something because it's good, is it the same kind of appreciation you have for something that isn't?  Maybe.

"Good/Suck"
If you're gonna be good, be really really good
Be the best there's ever been
But if you're gonna suck, suck as hard as you can
'Cause folks'll still listen in

And I've learned by loving good and bad
Both good and bad I've seen
So be ye good or be ye bad
Just don't be in between