So my show on Saturday was pretty fucking amazing!  The only set back was I didn't have my mic and in turn the vocals could not be heard.  Not because I couldn't sing but because no one could hear me!  Shitty huh?  All that was heard was the music.  We still got cheered!  How fucking cool is that.  Two weird as fuck drunk chicks were headbanging right in front with me, along with the next acts drummer, who was also headbanging, and WASTED on top of it all.  After some bad timing in the first song, we adjusted the levels and the rest of the show, besides the vocal problem, went abso-fucking-lutely amazing!  Here's cheers to the new band o' mine!  Let's be the one breakaway band that doesn't settle and takes it all the way!  Terran, Josh, Jason, and Kyle, here's to you mother fuckers!

~Chovie~

Today is probably one of the saddest days in my life.  One of my best friends passed away tonight.  Strange how life can end so quickly... Especially from your own hands.  Yes she did herself in.  Not because of some simple minded bullshit, but the more complex issues crushing her into the soon to be dead category anyways.  With her husband leaving her and revealing that he had slept with 20+ different women while they were married she couldn't take it.  She was raising three kids with no job or way to support herself and an apartment to pay for.  When he left he took everything but the apartment, her, and the children.  She couldn't handle and took the children to grandmas, where they would be safe, and then said her goodbyes.  There were very few people she trusted and I happened to be one of them.  We got really close in jr. high and high school.  And in one instant she was gone.  She leaves behind a legacy of advice, riddles(more advice disguised), and mindfucking speaches that destroyed everyone she argued with.  No one is as cool a friend as she was.  So this is to you Andrea!  Cheers!  Keep my seat warm just like you promised in your goodbye note.  My tears have been shead for you and as we know... your blood flows with mine.  You are my best friend and I love you kid.  I will see you when I get there too.  Here's to you!

Cheers you crazy bitch.  I'll miss you more than you know.

Interesting how everything just kind of falls into pace isn't it?  In some ways it does.  It doesn't take much to start things in motion.  Just put a feather on top of the load already being supported and things will tumble, and sometimes you get lucky and it falls right where it should be.  Well... Things are falling right into place where I want em!  I started school and am working towards a degree in psychology or something else that catches my interest while I knock my generals out.  I just cleared two warrants and am clearing up the fines.  I have a new girlfriend who is downright amazing.  Honestly I could not ask for anyone better.  After Charity I thought that was it.  I couldn't do it again... but look at me now.  Pretty interesting huh?  That's all for now folks... I will tell you all more about everything later... or if you ask lol.

No this post is not about the title.  Honestly, why the fuck should I care how we came to be or wonder why shit happens.  "Why did he win the lottery and not me?"  I couldn't give two shits.  I see life in an entirely different aspect.  I just lost my fiance and that was tough, but as i stumble on I see that I have infinite possibilities!  During the time I was with her I neveer really got compliments so I never knew what to think of myself.  Well as I continue through this struggle I call life I am finally seeing the light.  It took me two haircuts, losing my fiance, and almost losing my life to see what I really had.  I have friends and my fucking family.  As much as I may hate them sometimes they have never given up on me.  Even when I had given up on myself they stood behind me to support my dying self.  I didn't think life would continue and here I am.  Now I see that I don't have to have someone to have fun.  I am taking what I have and fucking running with it!  I cleared two warrants and escaped with fines and thats all!  I have been given so many second chances by everyone.  Lets name a few...  wait lets name everyone who hasn't.....  That doesn't work either!  Every person I have ever been with or interacted with I have fucked up and they always give me a second chance.  Now life is giving me a second chance!  I am not going to fuck this one up.  I have already started to better myself.  With the reality of jail, death, heartbreak, and all the other shit in life showing their ugly fucking faces I am on the warpath for the fucking dream I have layed forth.  Thats what I do!  I dream and hope and think.  WHat are the possibilities in this minor setting!?  I don't see what is and leave it be.  I see what is and wonder what I can do to make it better or blow it up trying and having fun doing it!  SO now lets see what I dream of eh?  Here we go: How fast can I make a little 200sx?  Whats the meaning of the american dream?  Do you get money to do whatever and just sit around?  Or do you go blow $20,000,000 on nothing?  What is the real possibilites of the human brain?  With us using a mere 10% of our brains and having I.Q.s over 200 what would happen if someon can tap into that final 90%?  Would it be like the cartoon superheroes we see?  How much shit can one person accomplish?  Why is life so short for some(people doing only good) and so long for others(assholes)?  What is the justice in that?  Do the people who yell at everyone stay healthier by sweating when they yell at everyone?  They may lose weight and eat healthy so they can chase little kids?  If guns were never made and bombs never fathomed what the fuck would the history books be filled with?

Wasn't that fun kids?!  Now to go on about shit and whatever else I can think to complain about!  Who the fuck cares about anything!?  Most shit usually explodes into a trillion pieces?!  Someone actually asked me that today...  I was shocked.  How the fuck do you respond to that.  I came up with one fucking word.  THATS ALL!  One god damn word and it even opened my eyes.  I said "possibility".  Thats all.  Think about it before you think I am nuts.  What does that word mean exactly?  In my mind its "the chance that something might happen".  Think about that for a minute.  Nothing is ever set in fucking stone until you are dead!  I think the only thing set is your god damn birthday!  Think now for a minute kids...  Today your best friend died.  How hurt are you?  You hurt so bad you don't think you can carry on.  What is left to live for?  Possibility!  That's all.  There is always a possibility that someone else will come by that will blow your mind at how much you two are alike.  Even though you are scared to get close you can't help but love this person.  Don't quit when you trip and scrape your knee, don't pull back from a battle when you are barely alive, and don't ever give into anything but what you believe!  Nothing is worth killing yourself over.  Not a game, a boii, a girl, your fiance, nothing.  Today I meant someone amazing.  I thought in this shit world of life I was alone.  I thought I had it the worst.  My problems are dwarfed to this girl.  It's completely off the wall when you meet someone struggling like you are.  It really brings it into perspective!  "Was I really like this?"  As I talked to her and learned some stuff about her life, I realized what other people were trying to do...  All anyone was trying to do was help and I pushed them away.  This girl let me in.  I never did.  This is something that needs to be fixed with everyone.  Don't be scared to be at least a little open.  Be yourself and stay true to who you are.  Remember... there is always a possibility.

FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

Fuck YES!!!!  Well lets put it all up shall we?  I'm 21 finally and I don't fucking drink very much.  My fiance left me.  I am in a new band that is going to just destroy the entire Utah metal scene.  We are doing covers right now to just get everyone comfortable with each other.  In case you are wondering our genre is Metal/Black Metal/Death Metal.  And its all melodic with some frantic style death parts(think Cannibal Corpse).  Other than that not much else.  I am fucking lame and my head fell off this morning!  Pretty god damn amazing!  There is someone out there who is just blowing my fucking mind!  She knows who she is.  WHOA!!!!  FUck you!  I'm out =D