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The Silent E

Erik Marino



Last Updated: 11/29/2009

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Status: In a Relationship
City: Los Angeles
Country: US
Signup Date: 2/17/2007

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November 6, 2009 - Friday 
Jim Morrison
Jimi Hendrix
Janis Joplin
Kurt Cobian

and now the New York Yankee baseball club...

all dead at 27.

Maybe you've heard of the "27 club" - famous people (read: rock musicians) who died at 27 year of age.  Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones died at 27 in a pool under mysterious circumstances.  And last night, (allegedly) the NY Yankees won their 27th world series championship...

Bye-bye Yanks, nice knowing ya.  Let me know where to send the condolences, 'cause THIS IS IT:  The End.  The Denouement.  El Finale.  

New York Yankees:  Dead at 27.

That's it, folks.  Mark it done.  They're dead.  Done.  O-VAH!

I know of what I speak.  I'm a Red Sox fan, knower of things seen and unseen, and the reincarnation of someone in the 27 club (not joplin - but thanks for calling me fat in my past life!)

This year - the year of the Yankees 27th and LAST(!) Championship was also the the FIRST YEAR of the NEW Yankee Stadium.  What you may or may not know is that way back in 1912, in the very same week the Titanic sank in the Atlantic, the Boston Red Sox opened their new ballpark called FENWAY -- oh, and they won the World Series,too. Many a diehard Boston fan thinking these new digs at Fenway were GOOD LUCK and sign of MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS TO COME...

Not so.

The Sox would go on to win more World Series in the decade, but the played in the Boston Braves stadium...

Now think.

The HOUSE THAT RUTH BUILT IS GONE.  Gone.  Bye-bye.  See ya later.  One of the UNSAID reasons for the building of a NEW Yankee Stadium (which can be many things but NOT THE HOUSE THAT RUTH BUILT) is that the Red Sox staged the GREATEST COMEBACK IN BASEBALL HISTORY to destroy the vaunted Yankee mystique, wiping out the Old Yankee Stadiums mojo once and for all...

So the Yanks built themselves a NEW DEN OF EVIL, and hey when it turned out that NO ONE WANTED TO SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY TO SEE THE YANKEE NOT WIN, well, major league baseball made sure they did.  all summer long.  it wasn't good baseball being played, it was MLB Survivor Marketing.   (MLB could not have THIS HUGE OF A FINANCIAL FAILURE in New York.  Not this year.  Not with the NBA having so many financial worries that they're not even concealing the fact that they shipped Garnett to Boston so he could reignite the NBA only true rivalry)

Dead at 27.

That's as far as you go, New York.

And deep down, you know it.  Yankee fans know it.  They know that A-Rod is douche, and now that he's a champion douche he's never has to pretend that he likes Jeter or that Jeter is a better shortstop than he is.

So while many a Yankee fan is celebrating the latest Yankee banner, I celebrate THEIR LAST BANNER!

The line has been drawn.  
The die cast.
It's over (forever) in the Boogie-Down Bronx.

The New York Yankees:  Dead at 27.

just like Cobain.
just like Jimi.
just like Janis.

Just remember:  you read it here FIRST!


See ya in America!
The Ghost of Jim
 













September 28, 2009 - Monday 
THE MARINO GUARANTEE

I'll make you 17% funnier

or your money back.

That's the Marino Guarantee.  I'll make anyone -- ANYONE -- 17 percent funnier OR their money back.  

I helped Ellen DeGeneres win an Emmy for being gay.  
I helped Mary Lousie Parker sling dope on Showtime.
I helped DL Hughey and Cedric the Entertainer be Kings o' Comedy.

I can help you become 17% funnier.

That's the MARINO GUARANTEE!
(no purchase necessary.  offer not valid in Guam or American Samoa.)

Not getting the LAUGHS you think you should be getting?  Then spend some time with MARINO (home of the MARINO GUARANTEE!) and find yourself getting funnier and FUNNIER.

17 percent funnier OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

Get in touch with your Comedy Life Coach today!
You got nothing to lose, except being not funny.


See ya in America,

E E Marino
(america's favorite party guest)
July 18, 2009 - Saturday 
Walter Kronkite
Michael Jackson
Ed McMahon
Farrah Fawcett
Karl Malden
Steve McNair
Arturo Gatti
Billy Mays
Robert McNamara

There's a whole lotta dyin' going on this summer, so - the question, if 1967 was the "Summer of Love" is 2009 The SUMMER OF DEATH??

Well, I'm declaring it so.

2009 -- THE SUMMER OF DEATH

came up with the idea while hearing about Walter Kronkite at the Comedy Store, walking home I saw Dennis Woodruff drive by...  I decided then and there to choose Dennis Woodruff for next up in my Death Poll.  Gave Dennis a "thumbs up" and told him so.  

WHOO-HOO, DENNIS WODDRUFF!  2009!  SUMMER OF DEATH!  I GOT YOU NEXT IN MY DEATH POOL, DENNIS!!

He waved.

See You in America,
Erik Enright
July 7, 2009 - Tuesday 

-Los Angeles
-The Staples Center
- A Golden Casket made from every gold record Michael Jackson ever made!

Stevie Wonder played.  
Jermaine and Marlon Jackson not knowing when enough's enough.

And Magic Johnson got paid an UNKNOWN SUM to mention the words "GRILLED CHICKEN" and "KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN" as many times as possible by Corporate America...

let's go to the transcript:

(Kobe Bryant standing sullenly in background, realizing he just read bland platitudes off AEG's teleprompter while Magic Johnson (who WILL ALWAYS BE GREATER THEN KOBE) is telling a story about HOW HE ACTUALLY KNEW THE MAN IN THE GOLDEN COFFIN)

Magic:  "So Michael asked my over to dinner -- so we could talk about the video.  The chef asked me what I'd like.  I'll just have some GRILLED CHICKEN.  And when the chef comes out with my GRILLED CHICKEN, he serves Michael a whole thing of KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.  Here I am with GRILLED CHICKEN, and I'm like "Mike, you like KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN???..."   

Grilled Chicken.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Grilled chicken NOW AVAILABLE AT KFC 
Kentucky Fried Chicken -- even Michael Jackson eats there.
And so does Magic Johnson.
They like Grilled Chicken and KFC
Just like you do.
They're normal people who get buried in golden caskets at the Staples Center

Just like You.




*this blog is a paid-for viral marketing campaign, sponsored by GRILLED CHICKEN and your friends at KFC   (try our new Grilled Chicken Golden Casket -- all your favorite KFC grilled chicken goodness now served in a commemorative Michael Jackson Golden Casket.  limited timed only.  not available in Alaska or other states where Governors resign for "higher calling"s.) 






This has been an ENRIGHT ENCORPATED PRODUCTION.  in case of an actual production, you will be told where to go and what to do when you get there.  this is only a test.


See Ya in America!



June 26, 2009 - Friday 
Michael Jackson was worth more dead than alive...

400 million dollars in debt...  on the cusp off a speculative "come back" concert tour that was already being postponed and delayed due to "health problems"...

What if the 50 date "come back" tour was yet another failure?  Another VICTORY TOUR?

What if more people today are listening to, and once again, LOVING MICHAEL becuase he is no longer with us.

Alive
-- Michael Jackson was a pariah.  (You don't get put on trial TWICE! for touching children unless there some smoke near a fire.  (Please.  You don't.  You wouldn't.  You think AFTER BEING ACQUITTED OF MOLESTATION you'd EVER HAVE ANOTHER KID SLEEP IN YOUR BED??!!  You wouldn't.  Michael Jackson did.))

DEAD -- we're all free to mourn him.  praise him.  LOVE HIM once again.  They way the sidewalk lit up when he walked.  The way he could magically walk backwards...

400 Million Dollars in debt...  and once married to Elvis Presley's daughter... 

You're gonna tell me with all the "rumors" about Elvis really being alive (and marrying Lisa Marie, MJ was sure to know some stuff we don't), that the IDEA OF FAKING YOUR OWN DEATH didn't (at least) cross his mind???

Think about Elvis.  Dead on a toliet Elvis.  How much is Dead Elvis worth?  Something around 60 million a year. 

Everyone wins in a "Dead Michael Jackson" situation...  the people who repo'd NeverLand Ranch can turn it into the West Coast's  GRACELAND.  (trust me, California needs all the NEW BUSINESSES it can create)...  Sony gets to re-release eveything Michael's entire catalog (y'know, the same catalog they swiped, conned and leveraged from him when they dropped the dime on his kiddie fetish to the authorities...  Michael himself, the "corpse", gets to stop being talked about as a kid-fucker and be beloved again in a way that he hasn't been since 1986...

Just THINK ABOUT the GUEST LIST to this funeral:  E.T. might show up!  If Kermit the frog sang at Sammy Davis Jr.'s funeral, there's good chance a number of puppet, muppets and other fictional characters may actually show up at the memorial...

And speaking of memorials...  and 50 date concert tours...  wouldn't people go to MICHAEL JACKSON MEMEORIAL CONCERTS ALL OVER THE WORLD???

Take his "body" in a glass casket and travel the world!  Play all the same arenas!  Make it a JACKSON-PALOOZA!!  special quests in each town...  surviing members of the Jackson 5 singing ABC with a Young Michael on video screen...

Please, if millions of people went to see "BeatleMania" back in the 70's and 80's, the OFFICIAL MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL TOUR would crush.

By the way, Jackson's "live-in" "doctor" (yeah, I'm gonna put both terms in quotes) is "missing"...   (really?  no shit.  I'll keep ya posted.)

Sure you're dead, Michael.  Sure you are.
You're not in Cuba.  or Dubai.  or hiding in a closet in Encino.

Sure you're not.


See you in America, Michael...  (or whereever you're hiding)

The Great & Powerful 
              E



 



June 25, 2009 - Thursday 
or let me put it to you this way...

where are you right now?


And how much did Jackson hate Farrah Fawcett and the rest of Charlie's Angels to BUMP HER FROM THE TOP OF THE HOLLYWOOD OBITS???!!!
(Here I was already to blog about Farrah, her hair, the 1970's and that wonderful day when I found out the Bionic Man (Lee Majors) was married to Charlie's #1 Angel -- that was the "Charles and Diana" wedding of my youth and I lived thru "Charles and Di" -- nothing could compare to two of my FAVORITE ABC STARS MARRYING EACH OTHER (it was like Superman marrying Wonder Woman!), except if Fonzie had married Laverne AND Shirley!!! (and I don't mean Henry Winkler, Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams -- I mean the character FONZIE marrying the characters LAVERNE & SHIRLEY!!!)

There's a reason I watched BATTLE OF THE NETWORKS STARS -- to make sure ABC beat the shit outta NBC and CBS.  I LOVED when Gabe Kapler (Mr. Kotter) kicked RObert Conrad's ass.  Or when (CBS's Incredible Hulk) Lou Ferrigno threw a ball  broke the dunk-a-tank target...

which brings us back to Michael Jackson - as it was this very same Hulk (Lou Ferrigno) who was "training" Michael Jackson for his upcoming "comeback" tour in England...  and now MJ is dead.  DID HARD OF HEARING LOU OVERWORK HIS CLIENT???

Could he no hear the high picthed whines of the never very athletic Jackson???

Will will be treated to inteviews with Lou talking about "'Ow 'E 'Twained Mi'chal"?? (ouch that was cruel.  good thing Lou can't hear this)

People will now wax eloquently abotu how this tour COULD HAVE, WOULD HAVE and SHOULD HAVE made wnough money to wipe out all of Michael Jackson's debt -- but when I start reading/hearing about all this massive debt, I thinks to myself: 

WHAT A GREAT REASON TO FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH.

Michael Jackson ALIVE wasn't really worht shit to anybody anymore...  BUT DEAD...  well, kiss my dead on a Graveland toilet ass, Elvis -- a DEAD MICHAEL JACKSON IS WINDFALL FOR EVERY MEGA-CORPORATION THAT OWN A PIECE OF MJ'S LIKENESS

And just in time for FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND!!

Think you'll be hearing lots of Michael Jackson "tributes" in the next few weeks?
Bet on it. 

And here's you MTV silver lining:  MTV WILL BE PLAYING VIDEOS AGAIN!   (albeit just Michael Jackson videos that aired over 40 billion times 20 years ago...  but WHO'S BAD??!!)

And here's to hoping Prince Michael 1, Paris Michael, and Prince (Blanket) Michael II all finally get returned to their REAL BIOLOGICAL PARENTS!!!!
(for chrissake -- he made them wear masks CUZ HE WAS SWAPPING OUT THE KIDS!!!)

More on Michael as the spirit moves me.

EEM
















June 25, 2009 - Thursday 
The King of Pop is dead. 
at least according to TMZ

Long Live the new King of Pop - whoever that may be.  (maybe Justin Timberlake will pick up the thorny crown.)

I like to make fun of Michael Jackson.  when he was alive.  unless of course he still IS ALIVE.  and then I still like to make fun of him WHILE HE IS ALIVE.

otherwise, I'm going to have to start liking to make fun of Michael WHILE HE'S DEAD.

Of course, I've already been doing that for years...  you see,

One of my greatest jokes revolves around Michael Jackson ALREADY BEING DEAD -- that he actually died in 1984 (while shooting that Pepsi commericial with his brothers - - you remeber, his head exploded!)...  I contend that MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD, and that Your US Government then contacted the Imagineers at Dislneyland and the Jim Henson Muppet Shop and THEY BUILT US A NEW MICHEAL JACKSON!!!

and that (if you think about it) explains all the NOSES and FACES and VOICES and MARRYING LISA MARIE PRESLEY... and Captian EO... and taking Webster on his date with Brooke Shields

that this Animatronic-Muppet Michael Jackson's programming has gone HAYWIRE - and he's trying to put his pee-pee in little boys' poo-poos AND THAT IS WRONG!!!

I'm not sure how you were raised -- Red State or Blue state - but we can all agree that ROBOTS FUCKING CHILDREN IS WRONG!!!!

And now -- that cagey Robot-Muppet Michael Jackson has gone and either KICKED THE SILICON BUCKET... or...

HAS STAGED HIS OWN DEATH!!!!

pretty seanky, sis.

Lady B just texted me, asking is Michael Jackson just died.  (I can't text her back cuz my phone's on double secret probation with T-Mobile.  I hate TMobile.)

Lady B and I have a Michael Jackson connection...  on our second date, Walsh Brother Chris drove us to her place -- but not before turning on the radio and saying: "WHATEVER SONG COMES ON IS YOUR SONG"

Michael Jackson's CAN'T STOP TIL I GET ENOUGH was playing on the radio, and that became "our song" -- probably two years ago to the day. 

And now the MJ who is not Jordan is dead. 

Guess he finally GOT ENOUGH and he could finally STOP.

...OR...

That sneaky fucking muppet-robot Michael is trying to outfox me again!  (cuz a heartless robot can't be killed by cardiac arrest)


See Ya in America (or the most reasonable facsimile),

Eric Enright Marino
(libra, pop-ologist)













June 18, 2009 - Thursday 
C'mon...   it'll come to me...

I wanted to post something today...

just something quick...  and the thought I was just having was actually right on the money.  short.  quick.  on point.

It wasn't about work...  i just watched that thing about the Red Sox pitching rotation...  Dice-K?  Becca's vacuuming right now -- tha's not helping me restruct the recent past.

Was watching 24 on dvd earlier.  weird how pro-torture I am while watching the show -- so anti-torture in real life.  (Insert Dick Cheney/Jack Buaer joke)

But that was NOT THE THOUGHT.

...

more vacumming.  now from other room.  quieter.  still distracting. 

hmmmmmmm.

thinkthinkthink

Sammy Sosa?  No, that was yesterday's quick thought.

Might have fucked up at work.  In such a stupid bad sit-com way that I almost hope I did.  Just to see the whole castratrophe play out.  (Ah, if only you could work for a blind lady with me.  We'd have som much more crazy shit to talk about).

Oh, The Blind Lady (my sometime boss, sometime ex-boss) may want me to get her high on the medical maurijauna sometime.

Maybe I can heal her.


But that's wasn't the thought.

Oh well.  Back to Jack.  It's 9:36 pm and about ridulous shit and some alternately bad acting and writing is about to go down.  (Not that all of it is bad.  Some of it is great fun.  But sometimes I have to yell at the TV.  Which sometimes I enjoy.  I enjoy being smarter than TV.  Most people do.  That's why most TV is so dumb -- so even all the the dumb people can feel better.)

(and that wasn't the thought either)












June 17, 2009 - Wednesday 
Just ask Sammy Sosa.
May 28, 2009 - Thursday 
I can't be your Wingman anymore, America. 
I can't be Goose to your Maverick.
Or Maverick to your Iceman. 
(I root for Val Kilmer in Top Gun - Blonde American Unite!)

I'm sorry, but that time is over.  I'm in a great relationship with a woman whose 17% better than I would have asked Jesus for -- so, my days of being your Wingman -- flying into the night in a rich target enivorment with you - are over.

But here's what I can be for you now:  your Aircraft Carrier!  Some place to land and refuel when the battles get to rough in the unfriendly skies.  A place to chill out and look cool (or at least stop looking so uncool) at a party or a bar.  Fly over to me and have a converastion - take some downtime.  Take a few moments to NOT LOOK DESPERATE while you have a drink and a laugh on the decks of the USS MARINO. 

You don't have to go back out there til you're ready.
And if your let us debrief you on your current asigment, we may be able to help you strategize new... um...  strategy for taking down that hard target.

Welcome to your floating floatilla of friendship out on those rough seas of trying to get laid (excuse me - I mean, Meet Your Soulmate (for the evening)) 

See you in America,
The USS MARINO. 
breakfast is now being served on the Lido Deck