"I must say a word about Fear. It is Life's only true opponent. Only Fear can defeat Life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. it has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, ALWAYS. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then Fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered Doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets Disbelief and Disbelief tries to push it out. But Disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, Reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread. 
"Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. You heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. EVERY PART OF YOU, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to Fear..."
"Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: Hope and Trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an *impression*, has triumphed over you.
"The matter is difficult to put into words. For Fear, real Fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with you mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must FIGHT HARD TO EXPRESS IT! You must fight hard to SHINE THE LIGHT OF WORDS upon it. Because if you don't, if your Fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of Fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you (203-04)."

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

let's go with lavendar for the night. its calming and soothing.  but its been a while since i've blogged my life away.  i've been meaning to.  not that there's anything really worth while that's going on.  also, everytime i come to this page to type, i get distracted or bored. so here it goes...at least until my mind wonders...

So, Life's going farely well.  Its the fall; well almost the fall.  Things kinda go crazy for me this time of year.  I woudl say everything is following suit.  Its the time I get attacked.  It's the time I strive for excellence ( not that I don't on a normal basis...but I feel it's really enforced right about now).  It's a time for good effin times!  ***new thought brewing***

So I've had some really odd dreams lately.  Dreams where people that are no longer in my life are appearing.  It's kinda weird. It's also with weird content.  They confuse me, but I'm trying to not let them totally control my mood for the day.  I'm just trying to take them into consideration, and then keep on talking and doing what I do.
   I did my second broadcast today.  It was kidna sweet. Apart from the rain that it.  I feel that I performed much better than I did my first.  I actually had content to talk about.  And I was giving away delicious Mt Dew that tasted like gummy bears! Super Sweet.  I met a lot of cool people too.  A nice amount of listeners stoped by for the free dew and to see what I looked liked. lol.  The one girl was like, I listen everday and wondered what you looked like.  It's sweet. I"m in the light but not completely.  I'll take it. And more thank you!
   I also saw Super Bad.  hahahahaha O my GoodNess!!! It was great.  The back line is seriously one of the best lines in the movie.
*the girl says something like ill sctratch your back or something*
kid
  oh, the delivery of it was priceless. haha. you must see if you haven't. 

I've been spending a lot more time for myself lately.  I'm not sure if I got the kittens...I think that might be part of the reason.  I also bought Guitar Hero 2...QUITE addicting.  But I really think this is one of the first times that I've gotten to take time for myself.  I really like it. I'm realizing a lot of things about life, about my life, and about things that are affecting my life.  I'm trying to carve out the negative and focus on the cleansing and the positive around me.  I really like it.  I feel like I mentally did a little bit of a spring cleaning and all is well.  I really like this wide eyed, bushy tailed approach with life.  It's envigorating.
************

I really do have a lot to say....but I'm seeing that I'm getting tired and again, the laziness kicked in.  I have nothing of real importance.  I'll get to that later this week.  I need my thougths out....but thank goodness for my sweet jobby.  haha I can always chat about what's on my mind.  What's even better when I do that is when I get the responses that I do.  Males in Centre County don't really like opinionated females.  Keeps me keepin on.  haha I love it! I'm evil.

life's goin good...for now anyways. but i must say...i'm happy with life. social and work. its awesome. that's all.

i feel invisible.  like a ghost

i'm not really a fan of that feeling. i guess its just something i'm gonna work on today.

BLAH

SooOoOoOo,

Friday night, I put in my two weeks at Damons.  I'm going to be super broke now...but I'd rather be broke than misreble with no time to do anything. I wanna take up that kickboxing class I've been eyeballin for almost 2 years now. YAY! You can't mess with me now suckas! HA HA! 

Also, I went home for the day yesterday.  Saw a Pens game with McCartney and played with Twinny.  I played with Twinny in a bar with her friends...it was sweet. I'm so glad I had the chance to meet a few new peeps and just chill in Twinny and Rocco's environment. Which brings me to my next thought that I'd like to express:

   I truely love the friends I have.  The friends that are actually close to my heart and care.  The ones that know me for me and don't think I'm strange...or that strange. Probably cuz they're just the same.  And really, WE'RE the normal ones...it's the rest of you that are weird. hehe. Besides, it's us normal ones that are the talented, artistic, intelligent ones...so beware world....your take over is vastly approaching.

i just need to say...this radio thing. i like. i'm trying to figure out life and what not and what i really want to do...but i feel that if i pluck away at this i can do something decent.  but what's really strange to me is when i'm at the various other jobs and people ask me what else is it that i do. or if i've met them before. then they say, "your voice just sounds so familiar." hahaha can i just say that its kinda super sweet to hear that. oh! but what's more super sweet is that that means people actually listen to me.

last saturday, for instance, i brought up an topic that i feel very adamantly about.  to put it in a nutshell, i find it irritating when girls are offered a job based on their looks. yes, this is how the world turns. but if looks are the only thing that she has going for her, then maybe...just maybe she shouldn't have gotten that job.  I also understand that with things such as television or even sales, the person for the job has to be visually appealing. but still. you need to have something in between your ears...otherwise in future years to come, you're going to have nothing. looks dont last forever.  ok, back to the story though. so i went on the air talking about this, go educate yourself, etc.  yes, my opinion was quite different than those of centre county.  a few calls were ok, disagreeing with me, but still civil.  the next one i get is a regular caller that talks about the situtaion in which i am ranting about is ironic and that i should think about it. *click*  hang up. so i air the call, saying about 3 points or so proving him wrong. he's saying because i'm a female, that's basically how i got this job. ...i'm in radio.  you dont see my face. in order to hold a job like this, i would have to have something in my head. so i just went on saying this and that i need to be able to speak and follow through with my words and that it doesn't matter what i look like because i am not judged on my looks. then i do the weather. yeah...i botched it up a little. i said "its 26 degrees, but its going to feel a crapton ..." i left out the word colder.  my bad. so this guy calls up being a smart ass asking what i ment by crapton what. cooler or warmer. then he proceeds to say that not only am i really really dumb, but i'm probably small chested too. *click* another hang up.  so i air the call. i just go on to say that all these guys are calling with different opinons of me. that's fine. i dont care. but they're trying to insult me. i'm sorry, i work for QWK ROCK, a rock station run by guys. do you really think i'd be here still, internship to part-time job, if i was someone to get offended or be insult by crudeness. no. so theses guys calling are hanging up on me and feel smug i'm sure about what "theyve accomplished." but what did they accomplish? you smack me...well quite frankly i'm not only going to smack you back but i'll probably do it w/ brass knuckles on.   that's just how i roll. but never-the-less, i went on saying that you're trying to insult me, but its america. i have the 1st ammendment by my side. AND this is just my opinion.  everyone has one. doesn't mean you have to agree with it. so i challenged them by telling the listerns to come here and talk to me, one on one. hold a decent coversation with me. then we can fight. (i know troy, i wont throw out addresses anymore. but i was being a smart ass.) but seriously, i pissed off that many people that they had to call me and hang up on me and try to insult me. i love it.  

i then got calls supporting me and bashing the idiots hanging up on me. that also made me happy.  one couple called in telling me that those guys have no balls and can't handle what i was saying.  we met at the poker tournament a few months back and they proceeded to tell me that they thought i was cute and that my chest was fine.

i'm going to try to make saturdays or even sundays my staple opinion days. i like it. we'll see how it goes. but with people listening to me; disagreeing or agreeing, perhaps i can take over the world now....