It has been nearly four months, since Skibicki Research has been called to action, but like always, some people just have to know! I was working one happy day at work, which out of some strange miracle of God is still Boscov's, when a couple of girls I know happen to be upset. So to settle the situation from becoming an angry mob, I decided to ask what, pray tell, could be wrong. Why I ask never really makes sense, but I have a natural sense of curiosity that sometimes puts me in harms way. According to the two lovely ladies that withheld their anger like a puma, they thought a certain someone was quote/unquote an asshole! Normally, I would leave this issue to someone such as Dr. Phil, but he does not do Boscov's. So we go to Skibicki Research to come up with the answers!
As you all should know, this particular individual is an male! How I know is not important. Okay! This is the explanation! Women never seem to call other women assholes very often. Usually, women tend to leave that to the opposite sex, which really brings us to the true meaning of an asshole. This may later get me shot, but here it goes. Asshole: 1. (noun) another name for the rectal area on mammal. 2.(noun)  a person whom is mean spirited and is offensive in every quality that individual can be towards another individual or individuals. 3. (adj.) A male insult used by female(s) to describe certain male qualities that most females may never understand. 4.(adj./noun.) a male praise to another male, a compliment to another male without sounding gay. A male status word of well-being. If I encounter I mob of angry women after this is read, I truly understand. As the world turns, the gap between us males and the loveliest creatures we know as females seems to inch slowly larger than the Grand Canyon. And though, men and women may never understand each other, we can all certainly use some of the Skibicki Reseach Guide To Understanding Men, which will be coming soon to a bookstore near you in 2030.
It was once said that this is a Man's World by the famous singer James Brown. Of course, he backed his statement up by saying that it wouldn't be nothing without you ladies. An though he makes it seem like we come up with everything, the truth of the matter is that men only invented most things due to priority issues. After observing my sisters doing multiple tasks, and still understanding what they were doing, Skibicki Research has found that us guys like to simplify things, where as, women like complexity. But before we end up spoiling future filling in my book, Skibicki Research would like to explain assholeness. The problems that occur with most women excepting male behavior almost always resorts in calling their male an asshole. I should know. You can ask any of my girlfriends, and they, too, without sugar coding it, would say that I was an asshole. What usually causes this name calling usually has something to do with your needs for you females out there. It is not that we don't care about your needs, it is usually just the timing. The questions I have for all ladies out there are these: what is currently going on in the male surroundings? Are there other men around? What duties is currently running through his mind? Is there danger near? Or are we doing our stupid hobby that equals mental well-being for our simple mindsets? Whether our mindsets are involved with defending our ladies or doing some useless hobby such as pimping out our car, most males have one mindset going on at a time. Some of us are talented enough to have three going at time! It is rare, but it happens! But then again, look at George W. Bush?
The point is for some of our female requests is that some of requests to your needs are a little too demanding! But since Skibicki Research is the Devil's Advocate of things, there are several things that us assholes seem to always do wrong. 1. We forget to call you. 2. We forget important dates such as birthdays, but I bet you we all know the date that we first slept with you! 3.We fail to sound sincere about your feelings. 4. We definitely say stupid things. 5. We definitely insult you with out knowing it. As an example of the last one, I found myself telling a girl that she wore a certain outfit a lot. That does not sound like much, but I'm sure it was insulting.
Either way, I figure that I should be a little evil to explain us assholes. The problems between the valid insult and us guys comes down to the definition of the word itself. Believe it or not, there are some guys amongst us that truly do not know the difference between the insulting asshole and the male complimentary one. It is sad, but true. Not all of us are as smart as the creator of Skibicki Research. Then, again, I did once misspelled my own name. Either way, the point to understand males for you ladies is to come up with a better explanation of your frustration than calling him an asshole. Why not try: "You insensitive Bastard" or "You Fuck-Face"! Those tend to draw more attention. Either way, as a personal note, I would like a better reason for being single other than being an asshole. I should not be docked for a natural talent.

Skibicki

As sorry as it might seem, yes, I, David T. Skibicki, am exactly guility of eviction. I can't say that it was accidental as all of the other times I went to court, which are still as adventurous as the event that transpired. After the quick determination that I was going to visit my family down in Georgia, I found myself distrusting the idea that I would not have any problems. I have always found a streak of bad luck. I figure in advance that something stupid would happen, so I figured I would do something as stupid as not pay rent to insure that I would not have a major issue, if a problem should occur. Let's just say for the record that something occurred for the future of another interesting tale. As the story goes, I went to the lovely rental office to tell them, I would be paying them two months rent in one happy week. Theory, in turn, say okay, that I would have no issues about it. Of course, as luck would have it, they sent a three day eviction notice that I had to pay by three days. Problem, was that is was dated three days earlier. So with that in mind, I went to court four days after paying what I owe and a month's worth. Too be quite honest, I love courts. The origin of my love really comes from the Peoples's Court back in childhood. I loved watching those shows. Of course, this is not the first time in court. Other than the simple traffic court, my first experience of court where I felt guilty at was for check fraud. There was a point of life where Wachovia lost $2,000+ of my money, which bounced some bills such as rent and some other stuff. Unfortunately, they forgot about a Dominos Pizza bill. What happens in check fraud is that they give your name out to cops whether you know it or not. Since My mail was the worst in this country, I found out one day that I was wanted for check fraud from Dominos Pizza at 2 in the morning. So of course, I had to call and ask why I was going to be arrested for check fraud. I ended up spending my Jack Daniels money for a pizza I don't remember eating.
Either way, my first real experience in court was awesome. I ended talking to a whole bunch of people there who ended being there also for check fraud, but with Walmart. Of course, I felt like a lone rancher about the Dominos thing, so I felt compelled to ask. So I stood on top off a chair a said, "If there is a person not here for Walmart, please stand!" Of course, no one stood! I got off with a first offense, since I unknowingly designed the backyard for my judge for the best garden. I wanted, I still want to do garden design.
Either way, for my New York court experience, I went their nervous, since I pay most bills on time. Either way, I arrived at 8 am, where a lady and her husband beat me. Of course, the first thing the lady say was something like this: " Don't ask why we are here?". Like I asked? Either way, she still explained later that they were being evicted for having their dog, a Pitbull, bite a Face off a worker who was also their cousin. The dog was never violent before, but happen to bite the face off of this cousin after he threw eight bottles at this dog. Of course, after the the 200 evictions at Valley View Apartments, in which, where I live,they dropped the case. I found that I was depressed, because, I never heard the pitbull case. Evictions go in alphabetical order, so I went at 8am to get out at 11:30. If it wasn't for work, I would have stayed to hear this stupid story.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It appears that something is in the air! And if you live near a paper mill, you are probably thinking: "No shit!" Really, we are on a verge to change our society! There is a New Revolution in the air! And it is starting in your local Footwear Department Stores! You might not have noticed it, unless you are retired or one of those extreme shopaholics! You might even claim to be the Rambo of Shopping! But I think you might even be missing this. For the past two months, the disturbution of ladies footwear has decreased. It hardly seems possible, because there are alot of you ladies out there that love shoes! And a strange twist of fate, those same women think feet are creepy? I would get all Dr. Phil on it, but I reserve that for further research! All I know is that places like my store and others seem to be lacking in Women Footwear!
There are to ideas that come in mind! One, is that their is a corporate Jackass that needs to be tazerred in his office! And the second one might be cultural? The first one seems to come from a moron who failed the basics of Supply and Demand. It is almost as easy as 1 plus 2. I am sure his/her answer was 12! The Ad campaigns that companies have been dishing out have taken the turn of sexist! They have some idea to try to get more Men shopping in the stores up here! There plan, have sales on certain shoes that we have for women and make them cheaper than the women's shoes. Of course, if they wanted to get more men into stores, they could just hurl a rock at his head and run for dear life into the store. Maybe, while cooling down looking for this person, he might buy something. Then again, on the turn for the worse, the employee insurance rates would skyrocket!
One the more Cultural side of things, most of our shoes are now being made in places like China and Vietnam. Both countries could be just getting back at us Americans by making our women jealous of us guys finding our shoes easier than ever before, thus resulting in us not getting laid, and causing sexual distress! Most likely, it has to do with the role of women in their society. It seems that over there, their society is slightly pro-male! The males of the family carry on the family's name and honor! So really, it is their habit to make more things for us guys! Sure, they might be out of their minds, but it happens! But everything is being made over there by cheap labor, and you know they have to be irrate about all of the U.S. Recalls. Question: what kid has anything in their mouth long enough to have Lead-Poisoning!? Wouldn't the choke-factor be more of a concern, you stupid parents! Sorry! You all might not all be guilty of such things! I apologize!
Either way, with the new campaigns, they want to gain more sales with us guys! As usual, they never really research things though. This sounds like our government? We know this based off of several bloopers of corporate America, such as, the car called the Nova! Spanish sales were down the tubes based on the fact, in meant "No Go!" in Spanish! Or who can forget the Pepsi Campaign in China with the slogan of "Pepsi, The Choice of the Next Generation!" In Chinese, it was often translated that "if you drink Pepsi, your ancestors will come back and haunt you!" So I wonder where they got their research?
There is a joke amongst my co-workers always helping out the ladies in my department. For one, I am a guy, and I like women! But mostly, it has to do with the common male shopper. This works like clockwork. Everyday, there will be multiple guys who will shop in the Footwear Department. You can spot them right away, because of how they walk into the store like on a mission more important than any CIA Operative's. It is really a simple exchange of words!
Self: "How can I help you today?"
Guy: "I got want I am looking for!"
Self: "Have a nice day!"
Guy: no response.

The best is when they simplified it to a science: I am a size 10; therefore, a size 10 is what will get." Usually, this is record time shopping, because you see them leave at the same almost at the same time they entered, but with a pair of shoes. Unless they are The Flash, there is no way that they tried their shoes on! I just tell them the same thing as the rest of them: "Have an nice day!", but in my mind, I am thinking: "See you later!" I know I will because they will come back and exchange it saying that it did not fit! But I have to give them some props for it, because at least they will simply admit failure, or at least, to me, they do! Women will make it a story involving anything to soccer practice for their kids to an earthquake in Los Angles! They really feel that guilty!
So since I have not received any shoes for women in the last month, I would like you ladies to stand together and demand you shoes from Corporate American. March to Washington. D.C. armed with stilleto shoes!
And why you are demanding, can you ask for the socks as well?

Skibicki

I wanted to let you all know that I am not much of a political person, because these days you have to be politically correct to have an opinion. It is a sad state that our country is in, because we seem to do things without thinking them completely through, and then, over-analize the situation to complete chaos. We don't have to mention examples, because we alreally know them. But I am also here to tell you that there is hope! On the horizon is the year of 2008 where it seems everyone under the sun, including the Sun, is running for President. My vote will have to be for Leonard Nimoy aka Spock or Mr. Spock for some! I know that it seem out there, but really, here me out. The way I figure it, it would be great to have a man who questions everything! I would love to hear him say something to the United Nations, such as "you are not logical!" I know he would take out the emotion involved in foreign policy desicions. Even if he was not elected President, he should still be involved in the Cabinet just to keep the President in check. So who would I vote for, if not him? I think I might have to go with Hillairy Clinton only because she somehow seems more purposeful, and she let Bill live! President Bill Clinton may have been able to pardon himself from certain crimes, but wives never truly pardon cheating husbands. She must have a plan to sell him of to Bosnia for his listed War Crimes. My concern for her in leadership as has to do with one thing: PMS! That might add a little spunk to our Foreign leaders! "We promise to do anything you say, just don't kill us!"
But like most people, I have been kind of one-sided for our government, because the reality is that the President is not the only representative to our government! That's right, there is Congress. I have a big problem with those guys, and it has to do with something along the lines that they take up a channel on T.V. to show us our government in action. This usually consists of 12 to 20 (that's rather high optimism) doodling, sleeping, and drooling on what appears to be an agenda! Now, maybe it is just me, but I thought we were paying them with our mighty tax dollars to do something. At least, get some exercise! What we really need is the passion; the Patriotism we so long ago had! We need to hire the Japanese Parliament! IF you haven't seen them in action, then you never witnessed real politics! Japanese are all about their work and policies they support! They get so into it that they will actually fist -fight over it! Can you imagine your Congressmen attacking another person to fight for you rights in mortal combant! Needlessly to say, after one congressman is sent to the hospital, I am sure while there, he might have a "Motion to Reconsider!"
But our government runs on checks and balances to run in a fair and civilized way, so we have the Supreme Court to watch over all the little chidren, so they play fair! I better not become President, because I would have to appoint Samuel L. Jackson to the Court! Either way, we have alot of issues to deal with. If our President really wants to change Iraq, make it the 51st state, and then, they can vote on it! Vote Spock for President!
Skibicki

P.S. Does the Starship Enterprise have Geico as their Stapship insurance, because that seems too illogical to go Warp 9 through Unknown Space?

I woke rather late for a Tuesday, so like most people who have Tuesday off from, you have to entertain yourself. Some people go to the mall. Some pay bills. Some people go shopping. But I decided to surf the web. I figure this would save money at the same time as it might inspire me. It is not like I need much to inspire me, because I am a Guy! We always have inspirational moments. I mean, it was probably a Tuesday afternoon when a group of guys had an inspirational moment and alot of beer to launch pumpkins a half mile and start an annual contest! I mean, Newton got his ideas from getting hit in the head by an apple! And he was doing nothing!
But I think us guys have to come clean with you ladies out there. We are running out of inspiration. Our ideas are stuck in the mud. I know this, because I was surfing on the Web! And nothing shares this more than the website Utube! I was watching random stuff on Utube when somehow my eye caught a related video that said "How to Pick Up Girls". Now, I knew I should have never peaked into this video! I knew deep down inside that this was one of those moments that put the "Oop" in Stupid. And sure enough, this was no exception. It showed a guy who basically walked up to a girl and said something so outrageously stupid that I dare not print his statement! But out of some miracle of God, but mostly Satan, it worked! Of course, it was in a bar, and they never showed what happened to the couple as they left the bar. I can only imagine that she beaten him to death in a back alley for such a stupid pick up line!
To this day, I never understood the "Pick Up Line." Who was the first idiot who started it? Now, I can understand saying stupid things to girls, because I have had my share. And all guys say stupid things from time to time. And if the guy is married, ALWAYS! But seriously, us guys are fairly simple creatures, and indirectly, though lying to ourselves, we know you ladies are smarter than us. So why even respond to these "pick up lines"? Why do they exist to begin with? Well, as usual, Skibicki Research is sent out on another search.
As we all know, most ladies need a guy in their life that is confindent in themselves in what they do. Girls want bold, confident guys, but without all the creepiness. And if you ladies really knew the Truth: All Guys are Creepy! Some are just professional creepy people. It happens! So somewhere in the history of Bars, some guy must have had a not-so-inspirational moment, He was drunk, decided he has met the most beautiful girl in the world who just happens to also be in the same bar. Since this sir had such clouded vision, he probably found it hard to come up with an opening line to talk to this lady. For some reason I imagine an Irish Pub. Instead of just walking up and saying "Hi", he decided to say something impressive such as: "You are hotter than a fox in a forrest fire!" So how this worked and forever forged the way to more original lines that might lower your IQ, we still don't know!
After Skibicki Research found various sources of Pick-up lines, we still cannot find the closest relative to that one guy to beat with a bunt object. But we can't blame him completely. Somehow, there are ladies out there who except these pick up lines. Maybe, we look so stupid, you feel sorry for us. Maybe, it is funny to you and you feel compelled. Or maybe, after 58 pick-up lines, you become immune to them and just don't care. Please, be sure to share your opinions of course! I always imagined that this would appear on that show Unsolved Mysteries where it would not involve another missing redneck abducted by aliens!
Either way, there is no way anyone can avoid seeing the various examples of male stupidity without sharing the Pick-Up Lines. After all, sharing means caring! Here are some Bar Time classics:

1. Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?
2. Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?
3. If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
4. Do you like blueberries or strawberries? (why?) Because I want to know what kind of pancakes to make you when u wake up.
5. Your lips look so lonely, Would they like to meet mine?
6. We would go great together like peanut butter and jelly
7. If you were a Oreo baby, you'd be double stuffed!
8. Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
9. If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
10. Are you on America's most wanted? Cause you're at the top of my list.
11. Santa must've come early this year, cuz you were first on my christmas-list.
12. Do you like ice cream? Good because you look like my favorite topping!

This is just a disclaimer: I am not responsible to such events such as beating, death, slaps, disappointment, and.....well, whatever other terrible things that can occur at the bar. So please, try not to use them! Either way, Guys, there might be hope for us yet! Maybe, we will find new inspiration. Until then, see you at the bar!

Skibicki

As many of you may know, I sold my soul to Sports Authority, again. And though, this round lacks the fun of meeting celebrities in person! And this time, the employees do not watch Kung Fu movies! And I don't get to fight Atlanta traffic! I must admit, I am enjoying myself at this one location in none other than in Latham, NY, home of something of importance that no one is quite aware of yet! But I am having fun, because this time, I am in the most important department out of all Retail! This can be debated, but I work in the Shoe Department! They left none other than ME in charge of everyone's feet! This can go two ways trusting me. One, everyone can have a happy experience shoe shopping and pampering their feet with actual comfort. Or Two, they can leave uncomfortable and later be hospitalized wearing track spikes for a hiking trip while their shoes are too big. So in a sense, I have some indirect power! Okay, I might have got carried away with myself. No seriously, I am in the shoe department to help the general public! It was once said by someone I don't feel like citing that the key to any major victory is a soldier's footwear! Of course, the people I serve probably are not going into any battle other than your local traffic jams and fights at the register of some store. But it is that very directive I am challenged with at the local Sports Authority.
But I must say, I have a complaint about shoe companies. It has recently come to my attention that there is something just as scary as Global Warming. Just as the Polar Ice Caps are melting, so are the size of shoes. I am sure there is no direct relation with the two events, but it can't be good! As the story goes, everyone seems to have been upgraded in their size. There seems to be a few reactions to this! One is just surprise! The other is complete 100% denial! For whatever reason, there are people out there that believe that they can only have one size shoe for them. This seems to be the general reaction of most women, because the idea of getting something bigger is a very big "No-No" in female logic with exception of SUV's that seem to be rivaling most 18-wheel tractor-trailer trucks! Men tend to take this more as a victory like a Viking conquering a town! And they are not surprised, because the average guy tends to have three sizes of shoes. Either way, the shoe sizes are getting smaller. It would be no surprise that the size 8 in women's by the end of the century will be a size 11! This must be stopped or we will have to resort to dealing with it like we deal with everything else: Don't care!
Really, to me, it is not a big deal whether the shoes run small. I look forward to the future wear a size 17! My feelings are as long as they feel good, that is all that matters! Of course, not all people feel this way. Like my Step-mom once said: "It hurts to look good!" As the human race goes, I came to the realization that we like to torture ourselves. This explains why high-heels still exist. And if you ladies out there have anything in this world to hate guys over than any of the stupid things we do, men invented high-heels. Somewhere in a small community farm, some guy thought about being taller to make work easier instead of simply getting a ladder, and created high-heels. Later, it would turn into a fashion with rich French men! For some reason, French nobles seemed to be almost always be short. Either way, the figured out that they, in fact, were uncomfortable. Hence, the ladies took over. I can only figure that this has something to do with the fact that girls always had their growth spurts first, and they did not like the fact that guys grew taller! And something about making legs look longer?
And though, I am lucky that my department does not deal with high-heels, I still have to deal with selling one of the world's most stupid ideas: Heelys! I can understand roller-skates; I can understand roller-blades! They are fun! But Heelys are a bad idea based on the word "heel" Everyday, I see parents coming into the store to buy these so-called shoes, because it is an advertised fad. Kids everywhere want a pair of Heelys and parents are not getting the warnings. When 50 major stores outlaw the product to be worn in stores, because they are dangerous, this should register as common sense and a sign to not get them for your children. When Doctor's openly state that they love Heelys, because of the 20% increase in injuries due to Heelys, that's your sign! I just think of the few people that were walking that broke their heels just by walking normal, and then, I imagine them adding wheels. That is my image. That, and most kids that are getting them can't walk normal yet, so let's put them on wheels! Brilliant!
Either way, despite our inventions against our feet, I am here to remind you to be good to your feet. Your feet are your friends! Remember that when all other transportation fails such as our trains, planes, and automobiles, your feet are all what is left to take you where you want to go. And if someone brings up horses, I will slap the tar out of them, since I do not own one! Anywho, think Happy Feet! Or you may be defeated! Yes, I went there!

Skibicki

Once again, I took another moment out of my busy schedule of working to enjoy myself! Try not to look at it too deeply, but I decided to go to a Ween Concert in the Capital Region! It seems to be called to The Capital Region to remind everyone who failed Geography that New York City is, in fact, not the capital city of New York! I can see the confusion, and we'll blame it on movies and Superman. Either way, for those of you who don't know who Ween is, shame on you. Really, it is okay. So here is the rundown, they are a fun band that plays anything from Country to Funk, but are mostly a rock band. They are most known for being slightly preverted to put it lightly. If you weren't a dork in High School, this band may have escaped your knowledge, since it has a Dork Factor of at least 8, 10 being the dorkiest! Needless to say, I was told of the entertainment that I would witness at a show, and it was a worthly $28. Though, I would have prefered to go with someone to the show, I came to the realization that there is a lack of people who are into any music I like. It shouldn't have been a surprise, since bands such as Linkin' Park are glorified more that Led Zeppelin up here. It's a crazy world!
Anywho, back to the tale at hand, I took a half day at work in honor of Ween who were playing in Albany's Palace Theatre which reminded my of the Fox Theatre. I was a good venue. Their popularity was at an all time high in New York, only a third of the seats were filled! Which brings me to the question on how they could not be a sold out show. They play such classics such as, well, here was what they played:

Exactly Where I'm At
Transdermal Celebration
Wavin' My Dick In The Wind
Mr. Richard Smoker
 Even If You Don't
Voodoo Lady
Zoloft
Push The Little Daisies
She's Your Baby
Bannanas And Blow
Touch My Tooter
Gabrielle
Tear For Eddie
Buckingham Green
Spiral Meningitis
At Your Party
Pork, Roll, And Cheese
Mollusk
Johnny On The Spot
Stroker Ace
Pandy Flacker
Tender Situtation
Squelch The Weasel
Sarah
Demon Sweat
Ocean Man
Someday
Powder Blue
Homo Rainbow

And for the bootleggers out there, that is the set list in order on 6/12/07
Anyway, their titles do not really hide what the song is about. They are what there are. After all, they have a song called "Poopship Destroyer", so they toned down a little. And though, the music may not be known to all, the experience is worth the show. As the experience went, I arrived on time to see no other than my old boss tuning guitars on stage. I guess he went back to being a roady. But one always knows that a show will be interesting when fifteen people show up drunk before the show. Especially, when dancing to what sounding like Nat King Cole. I guess you can do the Hippie Dance to that. Important Note I forgot: Alot of so-called free-spirited people go to most shows I go to. SO Free, that six people where arrested for nudity at this show! Yes, the adventure never ends. The first girl to do it threw Security off from their coffee breaks, because the girl not only was naked, but managed to kiss each band member before the Police arrested her. That was the sixth song in, but Ween played on! It is a great reminder on why us guys used to create garage band to begin with. Well, that is one of them! It took the third person to climb the stage for Security to ignore all of the Weed and stop the crowd for storming the stage. At yet, there was only a third of the place filled.
UFOs! Nothing seems to complete a concert experience with Unidentified Flying Objects! Even if you can indentify them, they still need to be there! Since, the Palace was an indoor venue, the audience had to improvise with object since we did not have the convience of grass. The first Big Day Out Show I went to in Lakewood Amplitheatre in Atlanta, Ga had a nasty severe thunderstorm which ended with sod-throwing. You can imagine large flying grass transplanting themselves on top of people like an alien invasion! No, we had none of that! Instead, the ladies resorted to Bra-throwing. So the drummer had them hanging all over the drum set like 3D art. It was a masterpiece. But people tend to get creative. Someone threw a hamburger bun up there. Maybe, they thought, Gene Ween, the singer was hungry? It is best not to question these things. Then, there was the glow sticks that went back and forth to the balcony. Even the soundboard members threw stuff! Gene Ween somehow caught some broken sunglasses which he later wore. By this point, at least 20 people were kicked out of the show. But it served well to entertain!
Either way, it was a fun show! It even convinced me to go see Gwar! Just remember to bring UFOs to your next concert, whether it is Mariah Carey or Garth Brooks! Simple entertainment goes a long way!

Skibicki

For those of you that do not know, I have rejoined yet another rat trap called Sporty Authority. And seeing how I am such a sporty individual, I should fit in just perfect. Okay, maybe not so. I just know that for day 7, it reminded me of Easter. Though, this may not apply to some of you that I know, New York has not been exactly springing into the Spring season. Mother Nature misplaced her memo for warm weather leaving us with snow after Easter. Personally, I think that Jack Frost is the mail boy in that department, but some of the locals claim that this happens every-so-often.
Either way, back to work, everyone was in shop mode today, because that is the thing to do up here on warm sunny days when you finally see sunshine. You are suppose to go indoors and rub in the fact that you, the consumer, can go outside when every they please, while other people, like myself, are inside working. And so, I miss the random popcorn thunderstorms of the South. Nothing like a lightning bolt to change the local population count! So today was a reminder of how Easter was. It seemed like a moment of insanity. The usual suspects of a busy day at your local retail store tends to happen on weekends before Christmas, Black Friday, Father's Day, and Mother's Day, and sometimes, the 4th of July depending on what crap your store sells. A with this knowledge, I was expecting the grocery to have thousands of individuals buying last minute 'shake and bake' things for dinner. But strangely enough, times have changed. I found that Easter sales increase in places like EB Games, Barnes and Noble, FYE, and the Party Store ( the place I buy my Christmas wrapping paper, which is usually St. Patrick's Day or Valentine's Day kind)? After seeing mobs in EB Games, I was expecting some impending doom like the the whole Y2K (Revisited). That would mean that they would probably make another movie like that. Again, I am guilty of giving USA another B-Movie! Lord, I apoligize! But I can't complain; this did not stop me from adding to my Resident Evil collection or getting a replacement Time Splitters. And yet, another suscess story!
As for Sporty Authority, custumors, last minute shoppers, and plainly shady people: nice weather is meant to be enjoyed! Go outside! Be happy! Be as merry as the squirrel fornicating in the woods! Whatever it is you do outdoors, illegal or not, please, stop raiding retails store across the country like it was K-Mart with blue light specials. Thank you, and have a nifty day!

Skibicki

So you thought I was down and out, but as the story goes, the only thing that is certain is Death and Taxes. So it brings great terror to remind you all of our favorite American duty: Taxes. Everywhere across the country, people are collecting paper work for the big government bite. It is a fun subject to talk about, but the big question stands on why we pay taxes. As the usual explaination goes, it is to pay our government to keep running so we can pay for happy things such as Postal Workers. And who can forget the DMV. Yes, us Americans have the power to provide ourselves with services that we usually hate. It is in Human Nature to do hateful things to ourselves. Which brings us to the IRS, better known as the Blood Sucking Mosquitoes, I mean, Internal Revenue Service. Every year, We, the people pay the IRS. But as Skibicki research shows, there was always something funny about those guys.

Question:
                      Name all of the people you know that are IRS Agents?

   As we all know, there is only one place to find IRS agents: that is at their office. The Government probably uses the Witness Protection Agency to get them out of the building. But there is a reason we do not like them, it just does not seem right that we pay them. So Skibicki Research went further into the IRS. Historcially, if there is one thing that the South hated the North for was taxes. Back in the day, the Southerners had issues before the Civil War over large tariffs. Too the surprise to most people, there was another reason to fight the Civil War for the North other than Slavery. The income tax! It was a wonderful idea to pay for wars and other problems, so President Abraham Lincoln invented the income tax along with the IRS. It was one of two agencies that have stood the test of time. The Pinkertons, a secret service agency that protected the president by sleeping through President Lincoln's assisnation, and the IRS. The funny thing is that the IRS is not really a Government Agency. They are like contractors without an end date! Imagine the surprise to the South when the income tax was introduced! It was like John Kerrey when we all found out that he was a Lawyer! Cancell that idea!
   In either case, our IRS is listed under the US Treasurey Deptment to make us Americans feel good about pay taxes! Then again, the Secret Service is also in the Treasury Department? Maybe, the DMV is too! The point is that, since we now know that they are not part of the government, can we refuse to pay taxes? The answer is "yes", though there is alot of Government resistance on this based on the National Debit, which is a bunch of bills that we seem to owe to other countries and ourselves. I am not sure how that works, but it appears to me that our country is listed as the most Powerful Country in the World. So why can't we just say there is no National Debt? Death!
  Another intersting thing that I learned from those IRS buddies is that there are currently about 99,000 active IRS agents in our country, which seem to be more secretive than the Secret Service. I just always wondered how one becomes an agent with the IRS. After looking up a couple of website, Skibicki Research has no answers about that. I figure that they were given a questionare that asked questions like "Are you willing to get shot, stabbed, or  papercuts from those 1040 forms?" or "Do you eat Popcorn with Texas Pete Sauce?" We all assume that it is just a paperwork job, but you have to be a little crazy and willing to go skydiving. It has the same dangers. If you can imagine the first IRS Agent, they were probabbly all carrying guns. Now, they send paperwork through the Post Office, because Postal Workers won't stand for violence, unless it is their own! I just imagine an IRS Agent to be like Agent Smith from the movie, The Matrix. He always acted like an IRS Agent! They do not seem to laugh much, but at least there is more personality than a DMV worker!
  So that is it! I decided to apply for the IRS. I know it is a death wish, but I need to spice up my life! Just remember that Toy Story 2 theme song: "You Got A Friend In Me!" That way, I won't have to go Postal on  you! Just remember, taxes are your friends.

Skibicki

There comes a time and place when we all have to escape from our day to day lives. Some of us escape into hobbies. Some of us take a vacation! And some escape mentally, though some never really seem to return! I, on the other hand, do what most bored people do to escape when you are slightly poor! The Road Trip! Of course, this maybe confused with Road Tripping, an activity that the local Police seem to look down on. No, mine was the real deal! The real adventure full of danger, thrills, and excitement! So I went to Vermont!
I can see that that does not sound exciting, so I decided to convince you on what a great idea this was by turning this over to Skibicki Research. The Realm of Vermont. That was what the guide said that was lying on the counter at work. But Skibicki Reseach has discovered that there are lots of things that one can do in Adventurous Vermont. For one, you can look at the scenery. Or you can look at the scenery! And you can look at the Scenery! Yes, Skibicki Research shows that this place can be as exciting as the maple syrup it makes here! I just hope that they don't stare that the making of this product! But believe it or not, there seems to be alot of history and information on this place like being the 14th state to our lovely country. Apparently, the British won this place from the French after the French and Indian War! If the Revolutionary War had started over anything, I'm sure the root of it had something to do with accepting French Canadian Products! Of course, the French cannot be the only ones to blame. Look at RC Cola! Also, Vermont was the first state to rid of slavery. As grand as this sounds and adding no convincing excitement to my adventure, Skibicki Research must comment that this was not much of an accomplishment at the time considering the current population is 97% White! Though, Amazingly, there is .05% of NHPI (Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander). As Rick James once said, "Cocaine is a hell of a drug!" I wonder what .05% of a person is?
And maybe this is what drove me to drive to the-not-so-distant Vermont from the protection of the Capital Region a.k.a. Albany, NY! A place that illegal immigrants are afraid of! Was it because of the mystic moose? Was it the fear of backwoods Whitey?! Mountain lions and bears? I had to find out. After hearing the advice from my dad to travel around the local area, I figured it was a ploy to remind me how unimpressive Upstate New York was. This is true, but then, he gloried the state of Maine! I personal would not want to visit Maine, or for that matter live in it after Stephen King got ahold of it! Either way, on my typical weekend day of Tuesday, I got up prepared for my trip with a box of Cheese-Its, a Led Zeppelin Album, and Pepsi and treked out to local Vermont. Oh, I sorry, The Realm Of Vermont! We got to keep the theme here, people! For you gaming geeks out there, imagine this like a RPG or World of Warcraft! Either way, my total road trip took about three hours. It was amazing! IT was a sight to see! I could not believe the amount of trees, mountains, and scenery there was. Okay, maybe this wasn't the greatest road trip in the end, though, I did confuse a white guy for a pregnant girl! So I didn't see his ZZ Top beard! So sue me! Though, Vermont maybe mocked and run as slow as syrup, they still help make breakfast at Waffle House and IHOP more enjoyable! Oh, did I mention there was a lot of scenery there?


Skibicki


P.S. If anyone read this that is from Derry, Maine, please answer the following questions:

1. Have you seen any Man-Eating Clowns?
2. Have you seen any Space Aliens?
3. Have you seen any Ghosts?
4. Are you sick of Stephen King making your town scarier than the Projects in Baltimore after dark?