The plan was to go to Palm Springs for the afternoon...when all of a sudden, on the way...Tyler pulls into a little private airport.
"I need to pee!"
There were definitely more convenient places to stop instead of this little airport and I was begging for him to tell me what was going on!
Planes? What? Are we going flying? Why?!
After about 10 minutes of confusion and driving around this place...Ty finally finds the entrance and he pulls up to this little shack (office) where there were a few old men hanging out on the patio.
We go in and Tyler says hi to Betty...Betty says hey to Tyler...and i’m so shocked and so nervous. I have no idea what we were about to do.
Betty asked us to sign our names on a little contract...signing our lives away...
and says "These planes have no engines."
I laugh...and then I say, "wait, you’re kidding right?"
I look to Tyler and look to Betty and I realize that there really are no engines.
At this point my heart is racing, i’m terribly excited and can’t contain myself...we go to meet our pilot outside, one of the verrrrry old men.
His name was Richard (it still is).
My initial thought was...oh no, I hope he’s really healthy. I found out later that Ty was thinking the same thing!
We go to our glider plane...and help Richard push/pull the plan to the run way.
We see the plane that was going to tow us up in the air in front of us...
we’re in the plane and we pray with Richard before our flight...so nervous and we take off!
We finally reach 8,000 feet...above the clouds...and it’s just so beautiful! I was just in awe of God’s creation...ascending closer and closer to heaven!
Tyler was talking to me...beautifully as always...so inspirational...we were just in awe of what God has done in our relationship, and how beautiful it was for us two (and Richard) to be away from the world for about 40 minutes.
And then he pulled out the ring and asked me to marry him...I said yes. Of course!
We enjoyed the rest of our flight...as a newly engaged couple...and Richard started doing acrobats and my poor Ty was getting motion sickness!
Richard brought us down...safetly. We helped him put the plane away and told him we’d see him in heaven, if not before.
We concluded our evening with a nice romantic dinner up in the Idyllwild mountains in the cute village. It was perfect...the best day of my life so far with my fiancé.
I just cant wait for Tyler to be my husband. I am so thankful for him and for what God has shown me through him and through our relationship. I love you so incredibly much Tyler...thank you for being the most amazing fiancé!

Okay, so we've all heard the Phil Wickham song, Divine Romance. We sing it, we love the tune...but what does that really mean to you? A Divine Romance with God? Sure, a romantic relationship involves love, being swept off your feet, generally between two people...people you can see. But being romantic with God? I mean, we can't see Him...He can't touch us and give us the butterflies...right?
WRONG! ahh...that couldn't be more wrong!
God created relationships...He's the number one wooer. He longs so much to be intimate with us...and when we finally understand what that means, to be completely faithful in Him, considering all things pure joy...it's then when we open our hearts to the romance God is constantly revealing to us. He's so personal that God romances us in our own personal ways...He KNOWS what captures YOUR/MY heart.
For me, when it rains on a quiet peaceful day...my heart is totally captivated and I get that achiness inside that is wonderful. Or i'm in the mountains, breathing the crisp air at night, looking up into the white stars against the black backdrop...so breath taking! Hello...God created this earth to be so romantic...didn't he? When you experience those things you love, the things that are personal, that's Him romancing you.
It's a romance no person can top...no one has ever filled an ocean for me, no one has ever made me a star, nor put water in clouds for me...i'm so taken!
Lately I've really just been sitting back and listening...opening my heart to the beauty He has to show me. He's romancing me more and more each day...

:::sigh:::

Today I tried writing another song…but I have so many words…so many words that don't fit in a line, or a rhyme, or my chord progression, or what society and myself make a song to be…haha. I'm trying to stray away from that…let me explain my struggle…

My heart is yearning to explain the Infinite Love of my God. But I just can't…I'm frustrated and overwhelmed with the joy and the comfort knowing that The Father sent His only Son, to die for MY sins, my oh so many sins, so that I may be a LIVING sacrifice and love others as He loves me!
This is a fact I have known for so long. It has hit me many hard times, and today is one of those days where it hits me! I feel so incredibly privileged to be secure in the God that wants so badly to have a relationship with me and with you…a God so close to us, that we may call Him our Father, our Daddy. Yes, He is Great and Mighty, and we must recognize that in reverence. At the same time, though, He doesn't mind if we come broken to Him, or overjoyed to Him and be simple and ask Him to hold us!
To some of you, this may be crazy talk. Many of you don't understand why I believe and love something I cannot see, nor touch. But this Faith I have is a tug in my heart that is far greater than anything I own or anything material I desire. This Faith is a promise, not a crutch…a promise that He is real and that He loves you and one day wants you to be in the heavens rejoicing with Him. There is no watered down way I can explain this, no measly interpretation…
My heart is overflowing with joy…I hope yours is too.

This is one of my favorite poems.

A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING.
by John Donne


AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

An excerpt from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge:

"We need to not be ashamed that our hearts ache; that we need and thirst and hunger for much more. All of our hearts ache. All of our hearts are at some level unsatisfied and longing. It is our insatiable need for more that drives us to our God. What we need to see is that all our controlling and our hiding, all our indulging, actually serves to separate us from our hearts. We lose touch with those longings that make us women. And the substitutes never, ever resolve the deeper issue of our souls."

This kind of backs up what I said in my earlier post, "Our Holey, Cheesy Hearts." That it is normal for us that our hearts ache in our longing, because God's does too. Just like we want to be pursued, God wants us to pursue Him! It's so amazing how much we really are made in His image and I love that so much! It goes full circle in a sense that when we do struggle with our unsatisfaction in any aspect of our lives, we indulge, we try to control, or hide, and in the end, and the only solution is God. The substitutes are useless.

My prayer is that I continue to seek Him…that my desires are His desires.

A lesson i've recently learned: It's so often that women in relationships expect men to make everything ok (or visa versa), to have all the answers, to fix everything. I know I have...it's a horrible thing to do to anyone, to put that burden on their shoulders, to make them feel guilty. We often forget that man alone (or woman) cannot fill the voids of a woman's (or man's)heart and desires.
Why do you think God longs for a relationship with us? Because it's the divine romance, it's the ultimate, perfect relationship! God also made a woman in His image...her name was Eve. She obtained the desire for a relationship, a desire for romance and attention, a desire for love. God is all of those things, He's the creater of all those longings because He longs for those in all of us.
Our hearts are like blocks of holey cheese...we have big holes that can easily be filled, by man or woman, and then we have many of those tiny holes that are so hard to get in, so hard to fill, and since nothing is impossible for God, He can and will fill those if you just ask him.
Like Matthew 7:7 says, " Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Oh the lessons of life.

What's life without purpose, without a challenge, or interest? What's life without love, being genuine and whole-hearted?
I encounterd someone at the gym the other day who has seen me around church and this individual approached me, introduced themself, and started the conversation with..."Well, I'm going to be a bad christian for a minute and say..." and then the brutal gossip began. My heart sunk...I didn't not agree, I did not say a word. I wish I would have and I know we are called to stand up against this - but in my mind I just could not believe the huge percentage of Christians this person represented. The many who go to church because it makes them believe that they are a better person because of perfect attendance in the house of God. It breaks my heart.
I wish I could have said something to challenge this person...to have a meaningful conversation...but all I could share was my passion for Jesus Christ and how I serve and what He's done in my life lately. I hope that was enough for this person to realize that I wasn't interested in the negative words spilling out of his mouth to be "a bad Christian for a minute."

It stinks. Today is my last day of FIDM...ugh, I hate it. I really am going to miss my wonderful professors, I didn't really know how emotionally attached I have been to them until today. I am very scared, I don't really know what I'm going to do. Not only about my job, but in life, moving back out in 3 months, this summer being far away, crazy, unexplainable emotions...I know everything will be fine in the long run, but I'm a worrier sometimes...is this normal? I think that this time is one of the most confusing times I've ever epxerienced. I'm sure it only goes uphill from here...things i've loved i've suddenly not loved, and visa versa...I know, it's confusing.

I just need to step back and see that life is an adventure, and God intends for us to enjoy it and not worry about it. Ahh...last day, it feels very bizzare.

I just need a really good conversation is what I need...anyone?

Isn't it funny? We stick on our headphones, and listen to our favorite music. Music that moves us and makes us want to bop our heads no matter who's around, music that makes us want to close our eyes and smile, music that makes us dance no matter if you're in a cafe, at school, in the train, maybe even at work. We may look like fools because no one else can hear the moving music in our ears, but we can, we don't care, and it puts us on fire! Faith, on the other hand...too scared to look like a fool. Get it?

What a joy it is to be alive and well. Today is my day off from everything, just a day to myself and it's been wonderful so far. I get to do all the little things that are meaningless to most people but things that my busyness takes away from me. I got up, read some Timothy, finished my painting, washed the dishes, went to the gym, took a nice long shower, got dressed in real clothes, not my Starbucks clothes, had lunch with my mom, and then I spent time at Target. It's a great past-time...Target. I bought a mop. Oh, and some batteries. Ordinary to you maybe, but I really enjoyed it. Now I am at Starbucks because I am uncivilized at my apartment without internet. I don't have any plans for the rest of the day, and it's nice to not know what i'm going to do next. My life is like that right now, I don't know what to do next...but do I have to know?