Que un extraño me envio.

de chavela vargas:

Que no somos iguales dice la gente
que tu vida y mi vida se van a perder
que yo soy un canaya y que tu eres descente
que dos seres distintos no se pueden querer

Pero ya yo te quise
y no te olvido
y si vienes conmigo es por amor
yo no entiendo esas cosas
de las clases sociales
se tambien que me quieres
como te quiero yo

Y vámonos
donde nadie nos juzgue
donde nadie nos diga que hacemos mal
y vámonos
alejados del mundo
donde no haya justicia, ni leyes, ni nada, nomas nuestro amor

Que no somos iguales
que nos importa
nuestra historia de amores tendra que seguir
pero alguien me dijo
que la vida es muy corta
y esta vez para siempre
he venido por ti
pero quiero que sepas
que no te olvido
y si vienes conmigo es por amor
di con todas tus fuerzas lo que soy en tu vida
di tambien que me quieres
como te quiero yo

Y vámonos
donde nadie nos juzgue
donde nadie nos diga que hacemos mal
y vámonos
alejados del mundo
donde no haya justicia, ni leyes, ni nada, nomas nuestro amor

Que no somos iguales dice la gente...

Most of the time I feel like I’m the center of a cruel joke everybody’s in on. And when I least expect it, the bucket of blood will come pouring down on my head, and everybody will point and laugh. Everybody.

So it's been quite a ride since, lets say, last january. A lot has happened, mostly because I chose it and willed it so. It seems like this gigantic pool of emotions is waiting to burst out of me that will rear its head in wave of tears, but its yet to happen. Perhaps I've been subconciouslly suppressing it? But I know it coming.
It hasn't been easy, but I wasn't expecting it to be. I knew I needed to get out of Los Angeles. As far away as possible an just start over. Why New York? Why not?
Even when I was telling myself I would just visit and come back I was positive I wouldn't be returning. I wasn't happy all those years I was there, never really happy. I hated every aspect of my life.
Finding a place to live here was a huge ordeal and I rushed in to one fearing I wouldn't find anything better later on. I hated the place and moved out within a week. Thankfully the second place I found, and I'm currently in, is lovely. My roommates are great. It's in Bed-Stuy which isn't the nicest place in Brooklyn but I like it. I'm working at a comic book shop in Manhattan. It's not the best job but it pays the bills and it'll do for now.

Then shortly after the move in mid November, my mother called and told me my father had died. I never really knew him that well so I didn't know what to make of it. I'm still confused as to what I'm suppose to feel and the occasional spurts of guilt reappear for not "properly" mourning him.
I do wonder what he would've thought of me had he known me. Did I pop into his head in those final moments on the library floor before his brain gave out? Was it his intention to think of me, or was it that final brain fart? Or perhaps he didn't even think of me those last few years? I cant say I miss him. But I do think a lot about him now. He was after all, half of the team that produced me.

Is New York perfect? It sure as hell isn't. There's weird smells around every corner. The trains suck sometimes. It has many flaws like any other place. But I can tolerate and accept it's flaws and get around them. I never could tolerate L.A's flaws. L.A. was the big, ugly, unbearably itchy, sweater that you wanna take off and burn. New York, for me, is the bedazzled sparkly sweater with a lions face on it. It's the perfect fit. Maybe it'll turn out horrible later on. But I'm glad I risked everything to find out.
This move and everything that came along with it, the good and the bad, has been the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love change, I love the effects it has. Any little spec of it makes one evolve a bit more. It really does. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now. I'm a better person here. I'm happy here. I belong here. I fit here. I've come out a better man because of it.

Am I flunking out? Perhaps, but at least I author my own disaster...

;)

10. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away


9. The New Pornographers - Challengers


8. Bodies Of Water - Ears Will Pop & Eyes Will Blink


7. Panda Bear - Person Pitch


6. Sunset Rubdown - Random Spirit Lover


5. Blonde Redhead - 23


4 The Fiery Furnaces - Widow City


3. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, are you the Destroyer


2. The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible


1. Beirut - The Flying Club Cup

On my way to work this morning. so many people almost slipping. I don't mind the snow and cold. but i hate it when the sidewalk looks wet when its really iced over.
:(

I'll no longer be blogging here. I'll be over at

When I first started going to school at the age of five, I, like many of you thought it was the wierdest experience after a life of being home everyday. Teachers weren't seen as human to my five year old brain. they were more robotic than anything.
They were a curious species, I tought. Whose one purpose in life was to teach.
Never did I think they could have children of their own or a significant other. The students always left and they stayed behind, so naturally, I assumed they lived at the school. Their home I was their classroom. I thought after we left they had a lever under their desk and once it was pulled the walls would rotate.
The chalk board wall would turn and revealing a bed, complete with a nightstand and lamp. The other walls would reavel a couch, a televison, a kitchen and such. The bathroom of course woul be at the end of the hallway.
Once morning came they would get ready and push the lever and the classroom would be as we left it. I never questioned where all the desks went. Or where they showered.

My probiotic pills ran oout yesterday.
My tummybox has felt broken since yesterday.
I'll have to go to Whole Foods tomorrow to pick up another bottle.

on a side note

Oh this is for everyone. NO ONE SPECIFIC, REALLY.
You've heard this many times, I'm sure.
But nobody likes a Negative Nancy.
Dont EVER focus on all the horrible things in your life.
ALWAYS Focus and be thankfull for what you have.
It's life changing.
Yeah no one is perfect, and these bad thoughts will surface every now and then.

Close your eyes at your darkest moments, and smile for a minute.
You'll feel fantatsic.

Dont critisize and judge others even if you think it's fun or funny.
It's makes one look weak, envious, and bitter.
People wont be able to stand you.
The ones that do stay only agree with you for the sake of shutting you up.

Bottom line BE THANKFUL.
Yeah, I used to think it was bullshit too.

The golden hour through my window and Beirut are the best.
I think I ate to much.
A Sunday Smile.
Went to the West Hollywood Bookfair.
I met James Jean he's a lot smaller than I pictured him, he liked my shirt.
He signed my copy 1,001 Snowfalls, and the poster of my favorite Fables cover...

My mom comes tomorrow to visit for a week.
It shall be fun.
I got us tickets for Wicked.
I'm learning the accordion, some of the bass keys are stuck, but I'll fix it in due time.
For now I bought a book.
Oh  What melody will lead my lover from his bed?...Do do do, do do, do do, do...