I didn't write this & I don't necessarily agree with all of it. But hey, it's all true.
1. Long hair is not the most important factor. Some short hairstyles are bangin', short dicks ain't. Get your priorities straight, stumpy.
2. Definition of a gold-digger: Former innocent, loyal, sweet, heartbroken girl who has come to the conclusion that men just don't give a fuck about women and have nothing to offer besides dick, and money. A Dick disappoints sometime, money never does.
3. Just cause your loyal girlfriend forgave you for cheating, it doesn't mean things will remain the same. Newsflash: Any cute male "friend" that she may have has now moved up a few notches, playa.
4. Big titties can't suck a good dick. Nuff' said.
5. If she's mad cool, the two of you always get along with no arguments, and kicking it with her is like kicking it with your boys, keep up the good work. You haven't pissed her off yet.
6. Girls can fuck you and keep it movin' too. Stop thinkin' that if you fuck with us we're gonna catch feelings. Ain't nobody thinking about you nigga. Our boyfriend was just acting up that week.
7. The REAL freaks aren't the loud, obnoxious, promiscuous, titties hangin' out, tight everything on, excessive makeup wearing girls who emulate chics in a Jay-Z video. Nah, she's the QUIET one with the baggy jeans, sneakers, ponytail, and makeup-less face, doin her thang, just chillin'. That unsuspecting, "plain" chic will have you thinking your dick will fall off if she leaves. Not to mention, kick one of them obnoxious bitches' asses.
8. Real freaks keep their shit undercover because if every nigga knew how good her shit was and how easily she gives in to temptation, her coochie would wear out like a stretched rubber band. We all know how many times you gotta wrap that sucker around before it holds tight.
9. Just because a girl gives you her phone number that day, doesn't mean she expects to hear from you that night. Pretend like you have a life.
10. Shouting obscenities at a girl just because she DIDN'T RESPOND to your, "Yo shorty", (when you're shorter than her), or your "Ma, Ma, Ma", (when you ain't her fuckin' son), or to "Damn! Girl!" (When she's with her man), only makes you look EXTRA stupid. All that cursin' while she's walking you still think she's fine, nigga!
11. If you want to mess around with the next chic, just tell your girl. She's not gonna drop dead from sadness. She might drop on her knees though...to thank God for giving her the opportunity to mess with that cute: guy at school/work/the grocery store/next door/on the train/on the bus/on the UPS truck/ex she use to mess with/friend of yours that's tryin' to get with her on the low/ etc. etc. nigga.
12. You don't choose the girl you want to be with. By the time you even recognize her, she has already, loved you, kissed you, touched you, sucked you, fucked you, played you, and thought of a way to drop you, for that other nigga whose eyein' her too.
13. Men swear that girls resort to masturbation like they do. If a girl says she doesn't play with her shit, it is conceivable. When we get horny, we call a nigga. As women, we have more sex appeal, more seductive tactics to trap guys, and therefore more options than guys. And, our options never have their period and are ALWAYS ready to fuck. With so little resistance from you all, why play with our own shit?
14. A girl's love and trust is like tissue. Once you shit on it, you will never get it back to it's original state.
15. ATTENTION ALL NIGGAS, STOP GIVING FLOWERS WHEN YOU FUCK UP:
Flowers don't make amends for all your wrongs. If anything, they remind us of the course of the relationship: at first it's colorful, bright, and blooming everyday. Then it dries out, crumbles, and disintegrates until it's dead. Now it's time for some new flowers, if you know what I mean.
16. Girls don't dress up and look attractive to impress guys. We do all that xtra shit to make us happy. We could have a rag on our head, no teeth, and one leg, but if our ass or titties are big, we could still bag one of you fools. Why dress up unnecessarily?
17. Oh yeah, those girls in the video? THEY DON'T WANT YOU. You better pay attention to the girl sittin' next to your droolin' ass.
18. If a girl claims that you're sexually harassing her, you're ugly. Plain and simple. Sexual harassment is based solely on how attractive or unattractive the so called "harasser" is. Like a girl is gonna press charges because Allen Iverson told her she had a nice ass.
19. When her girl calls your house and leaves a message on your answering machine, blowin' up your spot when she knows you live with your girl, you're quick to call her a dumb bitch. No. Dumb bitches hang up and pray that you eventually break up with your girl for some miraculous reason.
20. When you really have a chic's heart, and you really have her open, she's sucking your dick. If she ain't doin' that, go re-evaluate yourself playa. She ain't open.
21. If a girl is sucking your dick and you're not even eating the pussy, and she ain't complaining, don't brag to your boys and laugh cause you think you're the man. Another nigga is handlin' what you're scared to do. Ha! Ha!
22. Just cause a girl introduces you to her parents, doesn't mean she's serious about you. It's just that her parents keep sweatin' her because they want to see the face of the person giving booty calls waking up the entire house at 3am in the fuckin' morning every night.
23. Just because you spent a couple of nights at your girl's apartment, doesn't mean you live with her. Take your dirty draws home and wash them yourself. And stop tryin' to leave signs of your presence. Other niggas drop by too.
24. When you interrupt our making out to get up for a sudden bathroom run, we know you're jerking off to get rid of that inital nut. If she doesn't know, it's because she hasn't caught a nigga yet.
25. Do you really think we don't know when you're on the phone with some chic? Nuff' said.
26. If your girl is always asking about how one of your friends is doing, she's doing one of four things: dreaming about being with him, wishing she met him before she met you, considering sleeping with him after the two of you break up, or sleeping with him already.
27. Just because you honk your horn at a girl and she turns to look at you, it doesn't mean that she's diggin' you. It's because she's in the street and you honked your horn. Basic reflex is to turn and look. Drive on, genius.
28. When you don't call your girl, compliment your girl, take your girl out, romance your girl, adorn your girl with flowers and gifts, but you're still able to call her "your girl"...it's because someone else is calling your girl, complimenting your girl, taking your girl out, romancing your girl, adorning your girl with flowers and gifts, and has people thinking that's his girl, fool.
29. Once you forget her birthday, she may forgive you, but she will never forget it. It WILL come back to haunt you one day.
30. Motels are not romantic. The idea of lavish surroundings to a girl consists of more than just whether or not a bed is available.
31. If your girl has a baby daddy, he can get ass anytime he want, no matter what she tells you.
32. You'll NEVER be able to understand, figure out, outsmart, out think, pull as many girls as she does guys, out talk, out argue, or out love a girl. It just isn't possible.