Another Legend, a fantastic Diva has left this world for the glittering stars above. The world today is a little less bright.

Well what the hell took ya so long?! Actually, I'll be honest because it's Christmas and my Jewish Grandmother said, "Never lie on Christmas." So here's the thing, I've spent a great deal of time on this here space of mine and finally crawled out of obscurity - so i got brave and started inviting friends that I don't even goddamn know but who had the same interests. After all isn't that what this is about, meeting new people in a kinda "I don't know you, you don't know me, lets me myspace friends because all the hipsters are doing it?"

 I'm sure some people will be like, "Have mercy, you big haired bitch! Who the hell are you?!" and reject me... and normally I'd be the same way, except i'm certain my hair is bigger than yours. To those who said, Hey, a big haired broad with style - Thank you for accepting my request and not pulling the same stunt that Harold Bauman did to me in the seventh grade - of course you can't pull my fatty skirt down at he school dance, but you CAN laugh an point at my granny panties (Which I now longer wear of course, I'm a fashionista, darling, but we all have a past. And I have no shame.)  

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 Here i sit on valentines day morning with a cup of hot coffee and my cigarettes. Ahhhhh, does life get any better than this? Of course, if the coffee were vodka and the cigarettes were free, but I digress.

 I have been a busy little DiVA lately, what with all hats happening with the show. We have one more episode before the finale and I haven't been this excited since i found my ex-husbands (God rest his soul, all of them) life insurance policy. We're going to do a youtube taboo and rip down all of our past episodes and completely rescore them so every episode has entirely self created content. It's all for the art, honey. I love working with these four people I share the DiVAS stage with, they have been, each one, a blessing. They tolerate me so well, this neurotic, vulgar, intensely creative heifer I am, and they make it so much fun. I never imagined the show being this successful, or the show being such superior quality. They inspire me to strive further with each episode.

 I adore comedy, I adore creating, collaborating, brainstorming and performing. From writing each episode to doing the final cut, it is such a fantastic journey- and always a learning experience. More than anything else, I love the marraige of the minds that happens between creative people. I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame. It is such a wonderful experience.

 I am watching with great interest the elections this year. I'm not a political person, I never even voted until 2000 when I was determined not to have Bush in the white house - a lot of good that did. I did it again in 2004. /sigh. This year I actualy want a bush in the white house! Miss Hilary! I have considered both democratic front runners and I actually like both of them, but I feel like the democratic party has shot itself in the foot and we'll likey get another Republican in office. I am thrilled we have two political minorities running for the most powerful seat in our nation, A man of color and a woman- this is historic. Both have tremendous potential. It disgusts me to admit we still thrive in a society of sexism and bigotry, I'm just not sure which affliction is worse, prejudice or sexism. Regardless, we will have a party that is divided, and no matter what, the country as a whole will most likely not vote for either of them, whomever wins the democratic nomination- simply because one is black and one is a woman. I believe even some democrats, thwarted by the unique circumstances of the nominees, will vote Republican just because it's a more traditional individual. So, despite the amazing race we're witnessing and as progressive as it is, I wonder if we haven't shot ourselves in the foot. The Republicans have a history of sticking together, their nominee is always the same moe, rich, straight white conservative male in his 50's. While this election year we have introduced some fascinating premise into the election, the democratic party seems segregated as we find both of the democrats running neck and neck for the nomination. I wish we could somehow persuade the country not to focus on color or gender and simply look at the character of those involved. Who is most likely to deliver on all these promises thrown about?

 I feel really good about Hilary, and not just because I'm a woman. I believe she has the experience behind her necessary to resolve the issues created by the priod administration. Her husband had a meticulous track record for maintaining positive relationships with foreign nations... in fact, in recent history the only time war has ocurred was when a Republican (or a Bush) was in office. How can we find unity when political correctness has been so heavily ingrained in recent years. If you vote for Hilary, are you prejudice? If you vote for Barak are you sexist? In any case a line has been definitevely drawn here, so thickly that it will likely divide American Democrats right down the middle while the Republicans across this great nation all vote for McCain. It doesn't take a mathmetition to figure out who will win the presidency. It provides a wonderful advantage to the Republican party, they can support their incumbant while we swish around like hippies, promoting our causes for our passionate nominees, the Lady and the Man of color. I'm a hippie, what can I say. Like so many voters i applaud both Hilary and Barak for instituting charge, for simply being present and pushing us forward socially.

 I never talk about politics, I talk to much and someone always wants to beat me up. So I'm going to finish my coffee and go!

Tata

Phaylen    

Really, what better way to spend an evening than sitting on myspace and sipping some champagne. I fell on my face yesterday- out in public in front of God and everyone else, I went down like a hooker on discount night!

 A couple of weeks ago I bought this incredibly gorgeous full length Diane Von Furstenberg coat with a slit up the back to just above the knee. Well for some reason, while the slit was open, apparently the seamist sewed the actual bottom of it together at the hem. 

 So my gentleman friend was opening the car door for me on the curbside and I had on the stupendous black leather booths with a big heel on them, and as I went to stand up, me heel of one of my shoues caught inside that slit. I stood up straight, had this knowing expression on my face as if to say "Figures" and as if time stood still for a fraction of a second found miraculous balance before digging up the sidewalk with my chin.

I laughed that kind of hysterical, awkward laughter I do when I have no idea what else to do as my eyes darted around like two marbles in a hamster ball to see if anyone noticed. It's New York, honey, I could have been turning cartwheels while balancing chihuahuas on my nose and no one gives a damn, but still, I have that wicked pride.

 I came up with nary a bruise, and recovered nicely, leaping quickly to my feet like some pro athlete, smile perpetualy plastered across my face. I figure, if no one else noticed, I didn't either. Smile and keep moving.

 Anyway I'm back at work and toiling away over the DiVAS christmas special. I am so lucky to be able to work with such glorious people are immensely talented! They never care if I fall, it's practically in the job description. Since May I've been blown up, attacked by killer bees, been the victim of botched plastic surgery, assaulted by a vicious turkey, crushed by a billboard sign, shot with a shrink-ray, pummeled by PETA members and still I thrive.

You can't keep a good DiVA down.

  

We get older and forget to see the magic around us, and yet it remains, somewhere, in the mists of our forgotten heart... or perhaps, fleetingly, before our very eyes.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/777544/the_last_unicorn_das_letzte_einhorn/

Okay so I'm a busy girl. I'm only at MySpace 5 years later than everyone else, and well I take fashionably late too far in every aspect of my life. So Jaren sends me an email telling me how hysterical this link was, how it was absolutely something I had to watch. Clicked the link.

 My first impression is wtf he sent me porn? I crinkle my nose and then BOOM ~ The chick pushing doody from unthinkable places into some kinda cup and I flipped it off. 4 second in, it was all I needed to see. Oh.My.God. Is this what people are using the for nowadays. I have missed some critical memo? While I toil away in virtual worlds to make a living, all I really had to do was ....?

However I turned a negative into a positive honey. Youtube has hundreds of "Reaction" videos of people who've set up friends, family and loved ones to watch the video, none of whom have any idea what they're in for. Now those I enjoyed. Between the twitching of schoolgirls, and men clinging to garbage cans as they dry heave, I thought to myself... "And you always thought the world had become desensitized." I was under the impression no one reacted to much of anything anymore, and with the global atrocities, socially, politically, whatever, you just get the impressioon our culture is numb.

 It took a woman to crap in a cup to prove to the world that we aren't as unphased as we thought. Lovely.

 Now, I think I'll go watch Babe. That baby pig always makes my mascara run. 

xoxo

Phay

 It is so cold outside that the minute I stepped out in that frigid air my nipples fell off and went rolling into the gutter like a couple of stray marbles. With frosty breath trailing behind me I had to chase those bitches! Where is this Global warming that Greenpeace, the EPA, and everyone else keeps telling me about? Bring it on for the sake of everything Holy! 

 I don't do well in the cold, I'm rail thin, so it just takes a good stiff breeze to blow my ass over (Or just a good stiff drink.) I shiver, my teeth chatter, every muscle in my body tenses, and for no damn good reason! Maybe I'm just hard to please, I can't stand extreme heat either, it makes me sluggish and my ice melts too fast. Plus, the hair height is impossible to maintain in humidity and by the end of the day it's hanging off my head like a soggy sponge of fabulousness. I'm all about neutrality, sweetie. Put me somewhere in between (two gorgeous guys with trust funds.)

 I've been a busy little bee lately, Thanksgiving  was nice, sentimental for a moment when I passed Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on channel 9, then all but gone by the time I got to Judge Judy on 11. I've been filming segments for DiVAS during the evenings, while doing my consulting in the afternoon. While we were in a voice conference, I had a client today that said to me her assistant had just come into the room. I was polite, the eternal professional, darling, and I said; "Tell him I said hi if he remembers me." There was a pregnant pause and suddenly I heard her say. "Phay sends her best, Joe." And the response was: "Who is phaylen?" My client retorted immediately, "Tall woman, blue beehive..."

"HI PHAYLEN!"

 I had to tell her my hair was purple that day, a wonderful shade of eggplant, which I don't understand why it's called eggplant give neither eggs nor plants are purple at all.

xoxo

 In my wildest dreams thought I would wake up today, sit down with my Martini, and find Roseanne Barr and Perez Hilton having a pissing contest in my inbox. It was quite the girl fight, let me tell you. Perez called her nuts and she called him fat. I was speechless. I read the text with my mouth drooping halfway and wondering how on Earth these two people manage to find the time to fight. Good heavens don't do it online, no one wins! I say they compete in a wrestling match, or run an obstacle course, something that at least gives the rest of us something fabulous to watch. 

 I think it was Ester who said, Fighting on the internet is like the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.

 So I had to actually go have a tooth removed from my head today. You know, it's not the best experience in the world. I have a very cute doctor though... and so is his boyfriend. But there is nothing like having someone use like, brute force atop your face, pulling and prying, pushing and twisting. I make my mother proud when I say I have never had a tooth pulled before, but this was a necessity; unavoidable.

 So i forget to breath while metal instruments are jammed up in my face, I was there a half hour, I'm not sure I breathed the entire time. It's not that it's painful, my doctor was VERY generous with the novocaine, but it's just so unusual for me to be lying there prone with someone fussing around my mouth...

...

.......

Oh shut up.

Anyhow, so I survived, but omg I walked out of the office with my coat over my head. The WHOLE half of my head was numb, i couldn't feel my nose or my eyeballs, so when I smiled I looked like I has suffered a horrible stroke because only half my face would move, the rest just lay there like a I was half cadaver. HORRIBLE!

And then I got my Vicodin. It wasn't so bad. It turned out to be a pretty good Tuesday after all. I don't mind having people jab icepicks into my head as much as I thought I would. I wonder if i can have pumpkin pie. Not that I cook. I never cook, I'm the smart one, I go to other peoples house to eat.

 You know my latest obsession besides Myspace is Mika. I absolutely ADORE him, he is so my type. He's absolutely gorgeous honey, but not too gorgeous to where you know he's a complete schmuck. I hurl things at those flawless men who KNOW they're stunning and so like every other part of their life has suffered a retardation... like, they don't have to be smart, or skilled, or have a personality, or understand the concept of loyalty and privilige instead of entitlement. My Sencond husband Wilmer Vood Wat Haidu was drop dead beautiful, and he knew it. He used his looks to get everything, he was a model. All he had to do was stand there and everyone was impressed. He didn't have to speak, or use influence, just stand there like some statue of Adonis, so he was like the male Helen keller. I never had to vye for the attention of others, nor did he know what rejection felt like because women were clammoring over themselves to get at him like he was Elvis. And trust me when I say, he didn't often reject them either, as long as they were blonde and underweight. However he liked big boobs, so teh women I always caught him with looked like popsicle sticks smuggling dodge balls. He;s an old man now, darling, and everytime I see him with his leathery face and bald head, hump on his back and IQ of 10, I just smile. He eventually married his nurse, Wanda, a behemoth Scandanavion woman who I imagine he lives in absolute terror of. 

I feel like i want to talk on the phone

 This is why I will never date a drop dead gorgeous man again, good looking is fine, but baby give me someone with flaws, not the mental kind. Flaws give people character I find. You know, look at Mika, *lust* he's incredibly skinny, almost malnourished, tall, but beautiful and talented, and a little physically imperfect. I like the imperfect guys now. I can hoot and howl over the ey candy like every other good woman and gay man, I shove dollars in g-strings like the best of them, but at the end of the day, give me someone in tighty whities that can have a conversation thats not about body waxing before we fall asleep. Wow I'm totally babbling. Is it been four hours yet?

But  I want to slap perex hilton in his ass is anyone els tired?