I was standing in line at starbucks today (It's like crack) and I found myself looking around and judging the people around me compared to myself. I know that everyone does this and if you say that you don't then you are obviously perfect or you are lying.
Anyhow, lately I have been trying not to compare myself to others so much. I find myself trying to be something other than myself and then I dive into a consumer binge to make it all better. At least thats the traditional pattern in my behavior, which unfortunately is something that comes naturally to many people. Ever since I was in elementary school I remember trips to the mall because my Mom said it would make her feel better.
I digress.
So the line at starbucks, I was looking around deciding wether I was thinner than some other girls around me or larger, do I feel proportionate? Do I look like a slob today? Is my hair awful? Would people be more likely to excuse sloppy appearance on a very thin person? Then I began to think about how many people in this cafe were dieting, not eating, had food disorders of any kind and how many ate whenever they felt like it, when they are hungry, or felt that they had complete control over their eating habits. I wanted to know how many people order non-fat coffee drinks or make a concious decision to choose a lower calorie drink. By the end of this train of thought I was ready to give up, simply because it seemed so stupid and tiresome to worry about all of these things. But how many of us think these thoughts every day? Every day I am sure that I see at least twenty adds geared toward losing weight. No wonder I feel 'fat' as most women say daily. I began to think of some positive things that I could work at to try to at least partially remove this 'fat' vocabulary from my daily life. I find myself having very little time for exercise or any kind of routine because I am back and forth so much so I will make an effort to do things that make me feel good, that are also active...such as bikeriding or walking in a pretty place. I try to choose healthy but it doesn't always work out as well as I would like it to so part of my personnal manifesto will be to stop feeling guilty for past actions and focus on the present.
I think that it is extremely important for everyone to be able to love their body and not put so much stock in 'fat' or 'skinny.' If anyone else would like to try to change their thinking of weight and personal acceptance I would love to hear anything about it. Also if anyone has any suggestions or information to share, feel free.