First and foremost let me begin by saying that this movie is NOT for everyone. In fact, there's perhaps one other person I can think of that I would recommend it to (yes you mentally deranged psycho Ms. Thornton, I am talking about you, hehe!). If you check it out on Rotten Tomatoes you'll see that it scored about a 50% on the tomato-meter. Critics either really enjoyed it or they hated it, were disgusted by it or it flew over their heads so to speak. Director Lars von Trier casts William Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg (in a standing ovation-worthy stunning performance) as a grieving couple who are trying to deal with the recent accidental death of their son. He is a therapist who decides to take his wife out to a cottage in the woods that they refer to as Eden for some healing. The fact that he's attempting to use his clinical skills on helping out his wife is disturbing and wrong on so many levels, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Once they get to "Eden" things start to slowly turn creepy. While there are obvious symbolic scenes about the death of their child, their blatant gimmicky-ness doesn't make them any less effective. Hubby's therapy session quickly gets out of hand, and we, the viewer, soon grow to understand the reason why the film is called Antichrist, both literally and figuratively. Director von Trier fills it with creepy imagery that would make David Lynch proud, graphic, shiver-inducing gore, and some hard hitting emotional punches that hit right where it hurts. To call this a horror film is an understatement! But like I said, it's NOT for everyone. If gore turns you off, if long, drawn out scenes of two people talking bore you, if artsy scenes filled with symbolism make you roll your eyes and dismiss the director as pretentious then do yourself a favor and don't watch this. If you're of the more imaginative and open minded variety then give it a shot. One thing to note is that at the end of this film von Tier dedicates it to the memory of Andrei Tarkovsky. That brought a huge grin to my face and if you understand why then I do recommend it to you. This movie has flown to the #1 spot on my list of best horror films of this year. There's about 1½ months left to try topping it. C'mon indie and foreign cinema filmmakers... any takers?

This movie is currently playing at select theatres in limited runs. It's being hyped as being really scary. It takes the Blair Witch Project approach at filming everying with a video camera to give it a documentary-like feel. There was lots of hype over the Blair Witch Project. I found BWP to be overrated, and so did a lot of people I know. This movie, on the other hand, is the real deal. Believe the hype. It's pretty fucking creepy! It follows the story of a young couple who buy a video camera and decide to record the paranormal things that they are experiencing in their San Diego home. At first it's light-hearted and comical, even silly and uneventful. As the movie progresses the paranormal activity continues to increase and the movie does a damn good job at spooking the viewer! What makes this film so effective is that unlike BWP, things actually happen in this one. It's amazing how simple things such as swinging doors, moving sheets, noises and footprints in baby powder can manage to creep you out. What happens at the ending is really effective and will scare the crap out of you. It's only playing in limited release, so if it comes to your town and you want to see it, 1) buy the tickets early, like in the morning, because it is selling out fast and 2) get to the theatre early, because there was a huge line to get in. Small annoyances, but the movie was well worth it. They need to release this film in a wider release! It will freak you out more than the latest stupid Saw (aka CRAP) sequel! P.S. I also saw Zombieland, which I highly recommend because it's so damn funny. They took the tired zombie genre and regenerated it with some excellent humor. And Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds, which is a nice, bloody revenge flick with all the Tarantino trademarks we've come to love.

Last night I saw the electronic act Apoptygma Berzerk for their first US tour in about 5 years. Opening for them was a band called Aerodrone. They were a basic new wavish band. Their music was decent but not outstanding (at least not to me). However, their lead singer is a cutie pie! He was wearing a pink studded belt, and I would be lying if I said an inpure thought or two didn't cross my mind as I stared at his tight black emo jeans, hehehe! But anywayz, Apoptygma then got on stage to a very enthusiastic crowd. Stephan Groth (frontman and basically Apoptygma Berzerk) is currently sporting the longish black emo hair, although he was dressed in a red t-shirt, black vest and black jeans, very average joe tire (and looking quite hot in it if I do say so myself). Why don't I get approached by dudes who look like this, dammit?!? But back to the show, they were very good, very energetic and the show had a spiritual quality that was quite nice. At one point the guitarist and drummer left the stage while Stephan and the keyboardist did a nice rendition of New Order's Bizarre Love Triangle, and then the keyboardist did a solo version of Depeche Mode's Somebody To Love. Other highlights were Until The End Of The World, Unicorn, You Keep Me From Breaking Apart, In This Together and did I mention Stephan's tight black jeans that showcased his bulge? They did not play Black Pawn, Rollergirl or Spindizzy which I would've loved to hear, but they got quite a few albums worth of material so I was sorta expecting not to hear every song I wanted to hear. And speaking of albums, their latest record, Rocket Science, was not being sold at the show so i'll have to look for it online, because it'll probably be another year before Metropolis finally releases it.

Anxiety is an odd thing. Does it cause certain conditions or are certain conditions caused by it? Why does it make you feel itchy or nauseous? How come you're able to get by fine through certain life changes but not others? Maybe you reach a point where you realize how unfamiliar everything suddenly is and you subconsciously panic, wondering what the hell happened... And these days everything is making me panic. Subduing it doesn't help because it'll manifest itself in some other way. 2 friends suggested I should try online dating. Hell no! The mere thought of going on a date makes me want to upchuck the contents of my stomache. I got a text message from someone I hadn't heard from in years. I hadn't thought of him in years and the last time I did I just wished that he would drop dead, and suddenly a text confirms that he's alive and well. Is that evil of me? On the other hand I got the sense that he was miserable, which does bring some joy to the disruption. Is that evil of me? Then another text exchange with someone else brings me the news that their cat died. The rest of the evening I find myself snuggling with my girls and wondering how much time I have left with them. How am I going to deal with their passing? More panic setting in. Talking to more people confirms how life changes or stays the same. Both thoughts are scary and panic inducing. Even though some changes seem to be for the better I know better than to make such assumptions and just hope that things are really as good as they seem. I listened to the Psychedelic Furs and remembered how simple things used to be. Everything was new and exciting, you met change with enthusiasm and hope. Now you cringe because you've been there before and know from experience that it'll either be bad or lead to nothing. You avoid certain things because ignorance really is bliss and you'd rather not know because it gives you the opportunity to maintain the self induced fantasy that you've been living in. Nothing ruins the delusion that everything is ok like a hard dose of reality. All I want to do is sleep and have meaningless dreams. I want to eat a shitload of food and then when I get sick and upchuck it all look the devil in the eye and say "haha, i'm still alive, fucker!" I want to drink tequila shots with someone who fully gets it because they've lived it and experienced it enough to truly understand the meaning of the words "I need a drink!". I wanna find the black rosary that my sister gave me some years ago. What the hell did I do with it? Yes, i'm a guy who's not afraid to say a prayer, fuck you! I want to get a random e-mail from a toy dealer that says "that toy you've been looking for? I found an extra one in my warehouse, you want it?". I want to stop avoiding things and people. I want to sit down with my mom and tell her "guess what mom? Someday i'm going to die. Get over it!". I want to be able to eat carrots and celery and bell peppers with the same enthusiasm that I eat Hostess Cupcakes with. I wanna go see the Junior Boys at the Mezzanine without the fear of getting another damn parking ticket. I want to stop worrying about the what if's; what if this happens or that happens or what if this doesn't happen or that doesn't happen? What if the world really does end in Dec. 2012? As the great Paul McCartney once sang, Let It Be! Just let it fucking be! Ok, he didn't say the last sentence, but you get the idea.

Last night I went to see Jay Brannan perform at Bottom Of The Hill in SF. I walked in as the first opening band was winding down their set. They were nothing special. The 2nd opening act was a cute girl named Terra Naomi. She was fantastic, beautifully singing her pretty, funny songs with acoustic guitar or piano. She sang a cute song about Vicodin and told a funny story about how audiences in London didn't know what that was. She had a cute personality that resonated with the audience. Then Jay Brannan went on, opening with Beautifully off his new album. He was also fantastic, sounding amazing with simply his voice and his acoustic guitar. He has a great sense of humor and was a great storyteller, telling cute tales between songs about San Francisco having too steep hills, the streets of SF not having a left turning lane, IHOP, some lady at the airport telling him he should only sing happy songs and his reaction (take your happy songs and shove them up your fucking ass, bitch!), his sudden rise in fame via Youtube, etc, etc. During the opening chords of Soda Shop the audience wooed with recognition so he suddenly started singing made up lyrics and told everyone that's what they get for thinking they knew what was coming next. His live rendition of The Cranberries Zombie (off his latest album) was stunningly beautiful, as well as just about everything else he played. He ended his awesome set with Can't Have It All and everyone left a happy camper. It was a sold out show and I can see why. He's an incredible performer and that venue is perfect for his brand of singer songwriter material. I can't help but thing about how amazing Azure Ray would sound if they played there. One can only hope.

This weekend was gay pride, and on Saturday I attended the Pink Party. It was unusally fabulous this year, overflowing with crowds and crowds of people. It also seemed a bit more chaotic and crazy, as the trains (both BART and Muni) were overflowing with riders. Some dude got on the Muni train was carrying a boom box blasting Michael Jackson's Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough, and at once all the irritability in the crowd vanished as everyone started bopping their heads and dancing/singing along. My friend and I hit most of the bars and got lots of drinks; to say that we were wasted was an understatement. At one point we lost each other and I just went straight to the nearest bar to get a drink and wait for her to text me her location, LOL! While I was in Twin Peaks I got felt up by this cute girl. She referred to me as Baby Bear and asked if she could lift up my shirt to see if I was indeed a bear. I said yeah and she excitedly ran her fingers through my chest fur. I laughed at the contradiction of being in a gay bar, celebrating a gay event and engaging in heterosexual flirting. There seemed to be a lot more sexy bears than usual, which was nice. And then there was this silly fight between a muscle bear and a black girl. Near the muni station the muscle bear threw his cup at a black girl and told her to shut the fuck up. She went up to him and pulled out one of those electric zappers and threatened him to try it again. I grabbed my friend and we got away from that drama. Another thing I noticed was that people were being so rude to the poor volunteer workers. That's a job I wouldn't want, having to control a rowdy, drunk crowd. But all in all I had an AWESOME time! I ended up cancelling on going to the Sunday festivities at Civic Center 'cause I was a tad bit too hung over. And that's my report about the Pink Party. Well, there was something else that happened, but i'll keep that one to myself.

Tamara recently posted a similar blog, so i'm copying her, hehehe. How well do you really know me?



1) What is my favorite science fiction film?

a) Godzilla King Of The Monsters

b) Andrei Tarvosky's Solaris

c) Ridley Scott's Blade Runner

d) George Lucas' Star Wars

e) David Cronenberg's Existenz



2) Which is the city i'd most want to buy a home in?

a) New York

b) San Francisco

c) Boston

d) Chicago

e) San Diego



3) Which is my favorite location to see live shows?

a) The Warfield

b) DNA Lounge

c) 103 Harriet Street

d) The Independent

e) The Fillmore



4) Why did I stop drinking Tokyo Teas?

a) because i woke up the next morning in bed with a woman!

b) because i puked my guts out in a public restaurant bathroom and held it up for about an hour

c) because it reminds me of a jerk who broke my heart

d) because I read an article that stated Midori causes impotence

e) because i woke up the next morning in bed with a guy I was not attracted to!



5) What's the one song that i've sung karaoke to?

a) Our House by Madness

b) Burning Up by Madonna

c) Waterloo by ABBA

d) You Make Me Feel Mighty Real by Sylvester

e) Me & Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin



6) What's the nastiest thing i've ever found in my food at a restaurant?

a) a glob of jizz in my chow mein

b) a finger in my chili from Wendy's

c) a mosquito in my hamburger from Carl's Jr

d) a broken nail in my soup at Denny's

e) an earplug in my pasta dish



7) What's my favorite creative hobby?

a) painting

b) drawing comic strips

c) making movies with my monster toys

d) making compilation cd's

e) sewing clothes



8) I was originally named something else, but my Mother immediately changed it to Richard/Ricardo. What was my original name?

a) Sylvester

b) Pablo

c) Guillermo

d) Jesus

e) Francisco



9) What did the teachers at my school recommend my parents to do with me?

a) take speech classes

b) have me see a child psychologist

c) enroll me in special art classes

d) have me see an eye doctor

e) get me evaluated for ADD



10) I had a lot of weird animals for pets as a kid. What's the one animal that I did NOT have?

a) Green Lynx Spider

b) Praying Mantis

c) Crawdad

d) Centipede

e) Scorpion



11) I'm attracted to different types of guys. What's the one type i'm NOT attracted to?

a) a heavily tattooed punk

b) a bearded bear in cargo shorts and hoodie

c) a dude in a nice ironed suit

d) a latino thugster

e) a service technician



12) What's the song that I want played at my funeral?

a) Been On A Train by Laura Nyro

b) Horses In My Dreams by PJ Harvey

c) So Far Away by Carol King

d) Not The Red Baron by Tori Amos

e) One More Last Kiss by Ivy