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ANTHONY RAYMOND GOODRICH III

 You died way too soon, a death no one should of had to endure and your thoughts were to keep those you loved out of harms way.  You were always thoughtful and protective of your family.

You were a light burning bright and shining like a star that drew people to you with that wonderful smile and your thoughtfulness and care for others.  You would give the shirt off your back if someone needed it.  You were special.

You were planning your future the day you went missing.  You and your mom having fun over the GED questions.  It was to of been a wonderful future for you, but it was not meant to be. 

I will always remember you with your cowboy boots on your horse with your sister Rachel in the ring with you riding.  You seemed so happy then, you both did.

My next memory is of you and your sisters standing up to your mom's wedding to Bob.  What a happy day it was for everyone.  And you looked so grown up in your tux, and you were so shy acting. 

I know you are in heaven being held by Jesus, and I know our relatives are there with you and one day, we will meet again.

There will be the day when our spiritual bodies and heavenly bodies are joined together when Christ comes back, and that is our hope, my hope.

You are loved much and missed just as much.

Till we meet again, in heaven, little Anthony, rest in peace here on earth and know we are all going to see you again in a much better place, where there will be no more sorrow, tears or people to hurt you.

Love,

Aunt Cindi, Uncle Mike, Carl and Renee 

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There is one thing that can help those who have been abused is to volunteer as a crisis line worker in your county's domestic violence or sexual abuse hotline.  I can tell you it is a rewarding experience and you are helping someone who truly needs it.

As a volunteer you can help make the suffering end.  As a survivor your story can help people far more than you know, just to touch one life with yours makes a tremendous impact.

By volunteering, speaking out, mentoring someone who has been abused physically or sexually (for sexual abuse is a community problem also) you are being a part of the solution. 

Is every victims hope is to survive the abuse and you can go beyond surviving to thriving.  It is hard work but you can do with help and that is why volunteers are so important.

I think in the three parts of abuse I have showed in different pictures and words how it is for the abused, how you can survive, and we  can make it, but without volunteers to help it makes it rough.  So, please, volunteer. 

The stats on death by violence of domestic abuse is high  30%.  1 in 4 will be raped.  This is a sad thing to happen to people and these numbers are outrageous, how many more need to be raped and violated before we get involved? 

Won't you join me in helping to educate men and women about rape and domestic violence?  Thank you.

Love and peace, Cindi 

I thought I would finish up showing you about domestic and sexual violence with the wheels that tell about the violence and what it is, because it is not always about being beaten.  Abuse is about power and control, it is NOT LOVE by now means and if you believe he/she loves you, I am sorry to say it is wrong, I know I have been there, and denial is a thing that keeps the relationship going along with the silence of it.  So, here we go.

This is what is called the "honeymoon" cycle, and you can see how it builds from there.

This shows the different types of abuse, the power and control used in a relationship. 

This one is like the above one but it gives more information as to how that control and power looks like.

These power wheels are excellent tools to give an indication of whether you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship.

You can not run from yourself no matter how hard you try, been there, done that, and it does not work.

I still have a hard time dealing with the violence, it is easier to say I am a survivor and not talk about it, but you can not heal if you do not speak out. I know and it is painful, just like speaking out about being raped, but I know I have to for I want to be emotionally whole.  It also affects your physical body and I don't like what it has done to me there either. So...

The numbers for help again, are:

There is help, it is not easy, but you can live a life without violence, you deserve it.

Love and peace, Cindi

I know the wheel of justice runs slow, but for my nephew, Anthony, I think they just stopped dead itn it's tracks.  There has been no news on what is going on with his investigation and I am not very happy about it.  It is so frustrating to set back when you know all has been done to find information and get no answers. 
Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

For those of us who knew and loved Anthony Goodrich III, he is truly missed and justice has not been served.

This poem struck my heart so deeply I felt I had to do a separate part on this.

I suffer from PTSD, like many survivors, vets, and others who have gone through a severe trauma.  To sexual abuse survivors, the teddy bear is a source of comfort most of us own one.

I wrote a poem to show others the impact PTSD has on survivors.  It once ranked 1 but now is slipping in numbers.  The site it is at is:

http://www.helium.com/users/361483, I write under a pen name, as you will see when or if you go to the source.  I want to share 3 poems.  The first on PTSD, the second on some of the different abuses I went through and how after I started therapy, about 10 years ago, (due to finances I go only once in a while, not enough at times and others too many, lol) the third is how a child can view abuse.

Anxiety-To Those With PTSd (this poem now ranks 7 out of 49-because this double spaces, I will not write these as they are on line.Spacing will show a new sentence.

I cling to my stuffed teddy bear       Hoping the world won't come crahing down on me        The noise and shouting have just begun but; To me it all seems to be spinning out of control.         What a scare!    Fear of loud noises, people yelling, things smashing,     I feel I have regressed to the age of 2.     Finally the shouting stops,     I am at peace     The world stopped spinning and I am my normal age.   Thankful I again made it through the horror of it all.

Shattered  (this is ranked 1 out of 18)

A life shattered by physical, emotional and sexual abuse.       I find pieces  of myself surrounding me.     I tenderly pick up the pieces and look at them;    I wonder if I will ever be whole again.

How can I be so shattered and yet those who abused me go on as if nothing happened expecting me to forget and go on?        Why am I considered the  "crazy" one when their bad behavior left me in pieces?       Why am I to blame for their abuse?  What could I have done so "bad" to be abused?    

I will never know the answers to those questions,    but I will continue to suvive,  I will gather my shattered pieces     and slowly, painfully, put the pieces back together again,      and then I will be whole and free of  their power!

 Tori Amos founder of RAINN, a charity I support.

The Child Of Abuse   (this is ranked 87  out 157)

The child cries out   "what have I done wrong"?   Verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually assaulted.       What have I done that is so bad?

The child assumes the "punishment" is deserved      Internalzies the negative harsh words and  actions.

Self worth plummets, it is down to zero.     Self loathing, escalates, it is up to 10.

Self injury, cluminess, physical aiments, all manifest, but  NO ONE associates the abuse the child endures at home.

Lost and alone the child makes up a world where she (he)  is safe and secure from the rest of the world.

The only dream and wish:      "I wish I could be good; maybe then my parents will like me"

Many survivors at first or for along time cannot deal with what has happened in their life, running from yourself is appropiate for what most of us do, although it is unconscious to us at first, but when things get tough we run.  But as I found out I cannot out run me.  I had to deal with me, the past and present so my future would be better and it is!

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I know my dogs were abused because of the anger my husband at me, there is no excuse for this behavior, it has to stop and yes, from animals to people is just a step away, I know. 

If you are in a domestic violence situation, or have been a victim of rape, incest or sexual abuse please call the hotlines listed in this blog.

Thank you for going on a journey with me.  I want to do another blog soon about how to tell if you are in an abusive relationship, too many don't see what they are going through as abuse, but often times it is.

Love and peace, Cindi 

There is more to show you on this issue and I will in another blog, this is a sad reality and only we can stop it. If you suspect abuse REPORT IT.

My next blog I want to show you something that touched my heart to tears, and share a  poem I wrote on the subject.

Thank you for looking at some of the images I saw at

www.photobucket.com  where I did a word search for sexual abuse and domestic violence.

I wanted to end something so sad with something beautiful. Please read the rest of this pictorial blog to finish what I feel needs to be said.  Thank you so much.

Love and peace, Cindi

It seems like there are times when life just goes gently by, then there are times the storms roll in and just seem to settle, and for me it is a time of storms.  A time of sad good byes this year, my Aunt Barb, my wonderful companion dog, Sandy, my brother-in-law Bob, and now I hear my uncle is failing fast.  Death has a way of making you look really hard at life.  Sort of want to put your life in order and move on with the dreams you have.

For me, my I got another medical blow, I have a huge hiatial hernia, could be cause of sqeeking in diaphram area, and a few years ago I had surgery for it, but it is back and if I need surgery this will be my 3rd major surgery in 3 years.  Seems like summer is my time for surgery So if anyone is reading this please pray for me, and my health.  I have other digestive problems that need to be addressed when I see the Dr. about the hernia.

On a good note, I am again volunteering a week a month to man the crisis line for the Domestic Violence Coalition, Inc. It is a cause I truly believe in, being a survivor of it myself. So, I am confident this will help me when it seems like everyone I love so much is dying this year.

Life is not easy, but thankfully God is there to show me the way and keep me in the palms of His hands, I truly need it.

My brother-in-law died Friday after a bout of fighting esphogus cancer.  My sister finally found a man who made her happy and now he is gone.  He was a great guy too.  So, please keep Pam in your thoughts or prayers.  Thanks.

Love and peace, Cindi