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Friday, November 13, 2009
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Current mood:  confident
Category: Life
Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head.
Find out what you're afraid of and go live there.
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.
If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.
Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit.
People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.
People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone.
Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality. The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly.
The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.
What we don't understand we can make mean anything.
---Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club, Lullaby, Choke, etc.)
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
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Category: Life
Holy crap!! There's been a lot happening in my life lately but I'm looking forward to the future and all of the expectations and surprises it holds. One of the biggest things is finally doing something about getting back in shape. For several years now I've been weightlifting and I'm strong as an ox but my cardiovascular system definitely needed some help and the most important thing was to eat better and lose the gut. Years ago I could run like a gazelle but also at that time I weighed about 160 lbs. and could run 4 miles like it was nothing. Move forward several years and I'm 80 lbs heavier and getting winded running 1/2 a mile. I was in denial saying that with all the muscle I had gained weightlifting that was what accounted for my weight. Well, that was bull. Some of it sure but I definitely had a lot of fat. My wife tried for several years to help me eat better as she knew if I did that I would lose weight. She's right. For the past month and a half I have been eating better by cutting my calories by half and laying off the fatty foods and sugary drinks as well as running 2 miles a day along with my weightlifting. I've lost about 21 lbs. and have gone from a 36 inch waist to a 33 inch waist. I was worried that cutting back on my caloric intake would hurt my weightlifting but I've actually increased my bench 10 more pounds. I thought my running days were behind me but within a couple weeks I've been able to do 2 miles without a problem and think next week I'm going to bump my run up to 2 1/2 miles. I forgot how awesome I used to feel running. Granted, I've gone from being like a gazelle to a bit like a rhino or a buffalo but still...it feels great. The best part of the whole thing is I'm in this with my wife. She's always been a more health conscious eater than me but with us doing this together it makes it easier for her instead of having a husband that wants to eat a pizza or cheeseburgers half the time. She's been an inspiration to me and I hope I'm an inspiration to her. Right now I'm at 220 lbs. and have a goal to reach 195 by October, which is the weight that my doctor told me I need to be at. I'm not stopping at 195 though. My plan is to get to 175 by next May. Here's to being leaner, stronger and faster.....
 | Currently listening: Thirteenth Step By A Perfect Circle Release date: 2003-09-16 |
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Saturday, July 04, 2009
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Current mood:  good
This past week I took off from work (a much needed break) to spend all the time I can with my sister Melinda, niece and nephew -- Chelsi and Greg. It's been awesome! My sister has recently relocated to Missouri to be closer to the bulk of our family and is single (her ex-husband is a jack-ass) and very happy which couldn't make me happier. Her children are beautiful, well mannered, considerate and the coolest kids you could meet. They play with my son so well and he actually has a bit of a crush on Chelsi. Just wish they lived here or a little closer as Missouri is about 14 hours from North Carolina. Really awesome time all around and we will miss them a lot!
 | Currently listening: Arcade Fire By Arcade Fire Release date: 2005-07-12 |
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Wednesday, April 22, 2009
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Current mood:  artistic
Category: Art and Photography
Howdy! I'm currently back on painting pieces for my Monsterpalooza series so you'll see more coming for sure. There are two reasons behind these which is to show my 3 year old son that the word/idea of monster doesn't have to be scary which is why my monsters have smiles or non-threatening expressions and/or to dress them in clothes to make them look like the "monster who lives next door". The other reason is that I wanted to get some unique and fun ideas for a possible children's coffee table type book and who doesn't love goofy monsters? I've got tons of monsters sketched out and over time they will all probably find themselves painted. Your feedback is always appreciated. It would be really awesome if those of you out there with children would show these to your kids so I could get feedback on what they think since in many ways they are my target audience. These paintings are finished pieces but are also acting as first drafts for what I hope will eventually turn into a collected work. They are all for sale at this time unless otherwise noted in my pics section. As far as other work I currently have several paintings sketched out and some outlined on canvas ready to be painted that lean more to the adult side of things. As many have commented my technique continues to improve with each piece and I believe I have found my own vision/style. In just the last 5 years I've taken my art seriously and your feedback on it is invaluable. I've finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized how important art in all it's forms is to me and look forward to the journey it takes me on. C.J. Calvin www.cjcalvin.com
 | Currently listening: Frank Black By Frank Black Release date: 1993-03-09 |
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Saturday, April 18, 2009
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Current mood:  distractable
Category: Life
I was just outside playing with my wonderful dog Luna and along came a butterfly flying in circles just out of her reach. She happily jumped and ran trying to catch it in her jaws and I watched in wonder at the beauty of it all. Yeah, I had a "beautiful touchy-feely moment" and it was accentuated by the sound of the kids across the street running and laughing and the smell of somebody grilling some delicious smelling meat somewhere on the block. Yep, life is good. There are a lot of things in this world that are all frakked up but often you are confronted with what is good. So, that's my "touchy-feely" moment for the day and I just wanted to share. Good day!!
 | Currently listening: Doolittle By Pixies Release date: 2003-05-20 |
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
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Current mood:  catalyzed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
 | Currently listening: Witching Hour By Ladytron Release date: 2005-10-04 |
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
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Current mood:  electric
Category: Life
Okay...my kid freakin' rocks. He is currently dancing and doing air guitar to "Readymade" by the Red Hots. As much fun as I'm having with him I really look forward to an hour from now when I can get crackin' on my newest painting. I've fallen in love with the colors torquoise and purple so I expect these to be prominent in this piece. Alas, I just saw a commercial for the new episode of LOST so the painting might be pushed to the side to delve into my show addiction....love that freakin' show! Digging my new musical find, The Mountain Goats. If you've never heard then you should check them out. Also loving Massive Attack again. I haven't really listened to them much in the last few years but about a month ago I loaded up a couple old albums on my iPod and it's been a blissful audio reunion. My lovely wife has a high school buddy coming into town over the weekend from New Hampshire so looking forward to possibly getting my drunk-on. Peace and chicken grease!!
 | Currently listening: Stadium Arcadium By Red Hot Chili Peppers Release date: 2006-05-09 |
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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Current mood:  determined
Category: Art and Photography
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Thursday, July 03, 2008
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Current mood:  determined
Something is amiss. For months and months I was on a creativity fast track as far as my art went. I painted, when I wasn't painting I was sketching in my sketch book or even something like drawing with chalk on the sidewalk in front of our home with our son. It flowed. New ideas and inspiration was coming everyday, nearly every hour. IT ROCKED!!! Now, it's pretty much stopped. The description of my lack of creativity/inspiration being like a black hole feels very accurate. I get that little idea in my head that you feel a bit of excitement about and then it quickly starts to.....disappear, like a star in the darkness and the darkness quickly absorbs it into nothingness. I have a painting sitting upstairs that is half finished. I feel like it's going to be a good one but I sat in front of it today and nothing went to canvas. It's maddening. I got out the sketchbook, feeling an idea come to me, but as I put the pencil to paper I felt nothing. I've read the term "artist's block" to describe this which is an accurate description I suppose but to me it is a voracious and evil black hole. My life is good. I've got a fantastic wife and kid, great dog and I'm in good health (for the most part) but I miss the whirling dervish of creativity and inspiration that inhabited my life just over a month ago. All artists surely go through periods like this and I hope mine is over soon. Art is one of the best things in life to me. I admire the art of others but it sure feels great to do it yourself whether someone likes it or not. It should always be about how it makes you feel to create it.
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
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Current mood:  focused
I'm not a religious man but I find the 14th Dalai Lama to be one of the most inspirational people of all time and I've thought this for a number of years. Recently, with all of the news about China hosting the Olympics the world has been paying closer attention to the plight of Tibet as well as the awful human rights violations perpetrated by the Communist Chinese government. First off, I don't want anyone to think I have anything against Chinese people. I think that their culture is one of the most beautiful in the world. I along with millions of people have issues with the government of China itself, which leads back to Tibet. China invaded Tibet in 1959 and the Dalai Lama was forced to go into exile in India and has been in exile for 49 years while continuing to be the spiritual leader of his people, striving for a peaceful resolution to China's occupation of Tibet.
There have been protests (mostly peaceful) throughout the decades but the recent ones have turned very violent with many deaths as the Chinese government tries to quell the uprisings with force so their hosting of the Olympics can go off without incident. All of this is brought before the world to see thanks to the media machine of the 21st century. China can hope all they want that the world will view them favorably but arguably, the truth of it all is on your tv, in your magazines and newspapers and on the internet. The Dalai Lama has recently said, "the world community has a real responsibility to bring China into the mainstream." He added, "the whole world stands to gain from a peaceful and unified China, not least the 6 million Tibetans in China and Chinese-occupied Tibet." The Dalai Lama is firm on his view that violence can never ultimately solve a problem, as is the philosophy of all Buddhists. He has said, "genuine harmony must come from the heart. It cannot come from the barrel of a gun." He has recently stated that if the bloodshed gets out of control that he will step down as a political leader. A symbolic act as he will still be the actual leader of the Tibetan people and the democracy that he has set up in exile has already elected a Prime Minister. In China, Tibetans can face years of imprisonment just for having a picture of the Dalai Lama. Some Tibetans have been gunned down while traveling across the mountains to visit family in exile.
The Dalai Lama is currently the longest ruler in history, having led his people for 68 years. That is longer than Queen Elizabeth II and Fidel Castro. He was 4 years old when he came to the throne after being recognized by his fellow Tibetans that he was the 14th Dalai Lama, the mortal incarnation of the Buddha of compassion. He was 11 when fighting with the Chinese erupted around him in Lhasa and at 15 he was the full time political leader of his people. At 23 he fled Tibet to prevent further violence with China and worked hard to preserve the culture of his people while in exile. He strives for peace but he is a realist. He is also a bit of a controversial figure from a strictly religious standpoint. He has stressed that the Buddha's own words should be thrown out in they are shown by science to be flawed. He tells people not to become unneccessarily confused or distracted by religion. He has said, "even without religion, we can become a good human being." He has also suggested that the old Tibet may have contributed to the country's current state.
The Dalai Lama has asserted that we live in a new reality where the concept of "we" and "they" is gone. We have to think as a global community for the benefit of all humanity. The central principle of Buddhism is interdependence -- that all beings are linked in a network. He has said that, "destruction of your enemy is destruction of yourself." Another idea of Buddhism is that we can change our world by changing how we choose to look at the world. Exile to most people would mean loss but the Dalai Lama looks at his exile as an opportunity. He drew up a new democratic constitution for Tibet (which included the possibility of impeachment of the Dalai Lama and more rights for women). He threw out outdated or needlessly ritualistic principles or procedures.
The Dalai Lama has not requested independence from China for over 20 years --he asks only for autonomy. China could control Tibet's defense and foreign affairs as long as Tibetans have control over everything else. He is 72 years old and although he is healthy, he will likely die before the issue with China is resolved. The belief is that when he does pass that if the political climate is unchanged, the 15th Dalai Lama will be selected by the Chinese and will be a puppet of that government and not the true Dalai Lama.
This man and his people are an inspiration to me. While I will likely never call myself a Buddhist I do consider the Dalai Lama the closest thing I could have as a spiritual leader. Buddhism is more to me a science of the mind than a religion. The teachings of the Dalai Lama are a way I want to live my life. I might fall off the path of enlightenment from time to time but I sure will try to get my butt back on it when I do.
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