Blog-Neglecting Bum reporting for duty, SAH!
First of all,
MIXES/RECOMMENDATIONS
We did, in fact, do one last week but, between me getting my braids tangled up in the headphones about three times in as many minutes, and Merf's Zen conking out after thirty, I'm afraid its ..err… not really available for public consumption.
We're going to try again tonight though - hopefully with less hair and more battery this time round.
There's also a light-n-fluffy mix on standby which includes 'When I Hear Music' (No, no, no, not the Duke Dumont version - Final Level blows that out of the water anyways, if you don't mind me saying) and be expecting to hear some more Ed Chamberlain, Modeselektor and Wee DJs in all their fulsome glory later this week.
In the meantime, though, you could do a lot worse than listen to this fella's latest offering:

There's plenty of ear-pleasers here, Crooker's 'Salmon Dance' remix and the closing
Deadmau5track to name a couple – but my particular favourite is
this.Wheeeeeeeee!!
[Newcomers can find some more dark techno-ey goodness from Kompakt Extra Germany on
Breaky Bits btw, after the Krazy Baldhead track.]
Lurvely neat mixing from Mr Ark too, so props to him..
..a top-hat and umbrella might make a good start and look rather dashing. Boom-boom CHING!
Anyway, staying on a techno-ey slant..

…the original mix of Branon-Vikta on this has been causing my ears much glee this week – possibly cos it's vaguely reminiscent of that Anthony Shakir track on
Disco Ball…. but more likely cos I cant stop imagining a club full of people all tripping over their own feet trying to dance to it.

A re-examination of the Kompakt back-catalogue in the wake of that Up track also belatedly uncovered Broke's - 'overthat'. As that cheeky toe-tapping-type techno goes, i reckon it's up there with
Monsters.Also, it sounds like the bloke's making frog noises, and you cant argue with that - ADDTOCART!
And Merf's found himself a new version of Put Your Hands Up for Detroit'

..the difference being that this time it's done by someone who is actually from Detroit. Oh, and also that its more-or-less completely different song. Whowouldathunkit? 'The Dark' is pretty cool too.
[For them wot don't already know, there's more DJ Godfather to be found in
Bootyquake btw]
- - -
TENUOUS MUSICAL LINK TIME:

Now, when he's not behind the decks it may surprise you to know that Merf listens to the sort of music that gets him labelled a 'Lesbian!' (by actual lesbians, and they should know..) and that '.. if it sustains a regular beat for more than ten seconds he writes it off as commercialised rubbish'.
So it was in this experimental spirit (as well as the spirit of fancying some ridiculously overpriced fish-n-chips followed maybe by a little light cottaging) that we set off to Brighton a couple weeks ago to see
Mice Parade at
Audio.Since Satan and his evil dance music have had my ladyballs in a vice-like grip for quite some time now, I'm not really qualified to review such a thing – except to say that it was ace when Adam whatsisname went ballistic on the drums – but the point I am getting to is: on our way there we became privy to the Best Marketing Campaign that Never Was, and, frankly, it'd be rude not to share.
A friend works for a graphic design company down that way, and told me that their boss had recently returned from a meeting barely able to control his giggles.
He'd been chatting to a marketing guy about ideas to promote a petition to stop animal cruelty – maybe it was against intensive farming or some such – via a viral campaign.
It's not the done thing to name Marketing Guy really, but i will say that he's been behind some massively successful campaigns for Greenpeace, PETA, and the like. All of which makes the following even more bewildering:
Apparently Marketing Guy labours under the conviction that if you throw enough balls (or utter bollocks, in this case!) at a tree, one of them will eventually hit it. Because one of his many 'brainstorms' allegedly went like this:
'We need a celebrity.. someone like…. Billie Piper.
Yes, we need Billie Piper…
…being milked…
…by a cow.
No-no-no-no.. being OVER-milked by a cow.
And in the background there could be rows of animals all dancing to a samba beat, and a rapper going:
'It doesn't have to be like this.'
(By the way, please can you get one of the middle class white boys in your design studio to do the rap on the cheap?)'
That was his idea.
Oh, alright, I might have 'paraphrased' the last line a bit, but that's the crux of it.
All of which raises several burning questions.
Apart from the obvious one of: which part of Ms Piper is this cow milking.. there's the rather more pertinent matter of how the hell a cow is supposed to milk any part of anything with HOOVES FOR HANDS?!?
And, even if we were to find our way around that l'il stumbling block, how is the process of 'over-milking' to be denoted? Does Billie pull a sad face? Maybe she gets a tear in her eye and starts looking a bit red and chaffed round the 'relevant' areas..
And finally, this 'rap'.
'It doesn't have to be like this.'
Erm.. is that because it isn't?
I wish it were though! We can but hope for a utopian existence where no-one has the time or inclination to be bad cos they're too busy pissing themselves laughing at b-list-celebrity-babbage getting yanked about by overenthusiastic-yet-strangely-dexterous Aberdeen Anguses.
But for now it shall have to remain a bee-yoo-ti-ful, unobtainable dream…
*sigh*
So in the meantime I'm going home to ease my crushing disappointment by cutting up some mixes, watching
this yet again (because apart from it being funny, I quite fancy the speccy one tbh), and trying to work out for the umpteenth time whether Marketing Guy and his so-bad-its-almost-genius Idea should receive a promotion, or the business end of a P45. Or both simultaneously (Ouch).
BackWithMusicSoonBye!
Oh PS: ..wont even pretend this has even the vaguest connection with music but, while we're on the subject of Brighton, any veggies looking for somewhere that isn't The George should definitely try
The Hartington. I had a dirty great bit of awesome pork belly myself (which almost got regurgitated several times thanks to the milking story) but apparently the veggie/vegan options – of which there are plenty – are just as good. DO IT!