I never do this blog thing but I feel this is a good time to use it. If you really know me, you know I always have a lot going on in my life, whether it was going to school and work full time, having long distance relationships, or just working 12 hour days to feel I've succeeded or to pay off bills. Right now, I feel I have too much going on and the real important things in life are passig me by. However, I or many other people, may only feel this way when we've lost something.
My family has lost a wonderful woman this week, my Lola Luisa. She's been sick for awhile, losing weight, and was just diagnosed less than a month ago with pancreatic cancer. Last week, she suffered a stroke and was comatose. I went to her bedside last Friday afternoon and spoke to her to let her know I love her, that I appreciate her in my life and how lucky we are to have her in our family. I told her what my cousins have been up to, why I've been working like crazy, about her great grandson, Brent, and my hopes for my future with Nicholas. I know she could hear me though she could not respond. That was the last time I saw her.
She was an amazing woman. Like my grandmother, Victoria, who is my Lola Luisa's older sister. My Lola Luisa worked hard all her life. It seems as if she only retired a year or two ago. During holidays, she would always arrive late to the get-together because she worked on those days. She lived in a house with her children and grandchildren. She gave up her own room for her family and was always cooking in the kitchen (you should have tried her putos) and cleaning the house, taking care of her family. And ALWAYS with a smile. I have NEVER heard her complain. She had this great laugh, unlike anyone else's I've ever heard. And she was sooo funny. Cracking jokes and so affectionate. She let me squeeze her as tight as I wanted and as long as I wanted, and she'd do the same to me.
I regret not seeing her more than just holidays and other special occasions. She'll be missed. So, to minimize regrets, I have dropped from three jobs to two jobs now to allow time for myself and to spend with my family and friends. I have a new nephew who I've promised that Auntie Bernadette will always be there for. My relationship with my mother is slowly getting better. My grandparents, my Lola & Lolo (as I call them), will always be a priority. My father is irreplacable and he doesn't need much. (That's where I get my independence from.) And then there's Nicholas, who I've lost before and don't plan on doing so ever again. Time is slipping away. I can't believe I'll be 26 this year and my uncle just had his 90th birthday party this past weekend. Funny how time is what we have so little of, yet it goes on for eternity.