...someone had stolen his mustache in no particular order, while he
waited for the city bus. Leaving behind a few wiry remnants of his most
prized possession since junior high, now glistening with a yellowed
perspiration collecting at the ends of his once post-trend setting
facial statement...

...yet somehow he still felt complete as suspicious new sensations
overwhelmed his feelings of despair. These feelings mixed with the
strong odor of exhaust slowly trailing from the ass of the public
relocation transporter vehicle commonly know in fashionable circles as
the city bus...which he inadvertently forgot to board in all the
confusion...

...astonishingly, whoever was responsible for this highly intelligent and
stealthy executed theft; fortunately had somehow forgotten to take his
hat...

...a highly sociable injustice often reserved for commoners in the wake of a new Beard-Advocating Campaign...

.....