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Messiah For Hire I wish that I could reach the sky, and kill your god, you never question why.

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Antikrist



Last Updated: 12/3/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 20
State: Virginia
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/30/2005

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Friday, October 02, 2009 
So follows the lyrics for the latest brand new prodigium song.



Icarus


We

Pray for absolution
Dream of completion

Trust me when I swear to never let you go
she said I know it's too late
to fight back
to be saved

Never to late to fight back
to be saved
See these bleeding eyes and believe
You will never again be alone
These broken arms were meant to be your home

Thrown to the gears of discord
by the very
hands that
rocked you in the cradle
I will carry you in my broken arms
when you are not able
to walk on the ashladen paths to perdition
fabled purgatory was only transition

No longer will you search
Two eyes shining spotlights
down the sunless alleyways
of your tired mind
Spit from your gods
This is a love that will heal the blind
while the rest of the world dies inside

and we will be
and we will be
the richest wolves
to ever have nothing.

Stalking this shell of a world

The further we fall
The farther we will fly
The further we fall
The farther we will fly
The harder we hit
the faster we will die

This is a journey
that we may not survive

Too many years spent in tormented suffering
fearing a hell that's been seen by none
united as one now our words are the truth
that will burn through their lies like a nuclear sun

When
you
fall

Icarus

You desire peace from your nightmares
to soar freely seeking high
for salvation from the blackest fears
now embrace me one last time
and kiss our love goodbye
soon I will be another dead pariah
who wished that he could fly
for you to live free, safe above the fires

Here's to the end of a beautiful thing
Hold my corpse while the sirens sing

truth.






12:39 AM 
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Friday, September 11, 2009 

Current mood:Breathing clearly
Sometimes I just want to pull everybody I know really close, make you trust me because I know a lot of you don't have any reason to even though you don't have any reason not to either.  I want to introduce you to one another and create something new and wonderful, then break it all just so I can get away from you all.  I just thought I should let you know, because you know I would want to know if it were you.





Violets and Aphroditis
So that I won't feel as bad when I fail
Even though it will still hurt when these
letters in the mail
travel from every direction to say the
same thing

Oh and by the way your aunt is terribly
sorry I'll be sleeping alone in a king-sized bed
from now until the end

.she says.

So that I won't cry when I think of you
I'll draw cartoons and smiling faces with
sticks of glue
and sprinkle them with glitter that
latches on, reflecting the shattered
pieces of this visage that hides in plain
sight a thousand times over in the
dying light of another silent day.

So that I won't hold it against myself
Two eyes will open every morning and half
-conscious one hand search for glasses on
the shelf
I will still feed your dog Butterfinger
(who sticks a cold wet nose like a baby
seal in my face at 2am)
I will still talk to your parents every
Christmas and buy your mother roses
(even if dad throws them away while she still
stands in the front doorframe.)

So that a mind still not entirely mine
won't betray and forget
Every month I will lay violets in the
grass because violets stand for
faithfulness
(and Iris or hydrangea because
your favorite color is blue.)
but only in the dark when no one will see
me collapse among the stones, rocking back
and forth with empty arms and damp cheeks
wishing you'd come home.

So that these thoughts will succumb to
sleep instead of I to them
I will take two pills the shade of robins
eggs, wipe the water from my chin,
lie back down again.
listening to your measured breathing
on the pillow
a sighing of the breeze
through golden fields of wheat
a picture of the providence
that I have yet to see
and pray forever never to awaken from this dream..





05:11 PM 
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Tuesday, July 14, 2009 

Current mood:  pensive
I call you malice
You name me perdition
Purgatory is only transition

He is a rebel, she is a writer
His fist in the air
leads the people to freedom
she incites them to riot through words

                sprung from hands meant for love

He is summer wheat 
she is crimson and silk
together their love is strawberry shortcake
brief and sweet with a crisp not entirely unenjoyed aftertaste

he tells people they first talked across a window table in the coffee shop
she says they met waiting in line at the bank, whispers, marble, and steel
nobody knows quite how these things begin

today she tells me her father died of emphzyma
(a curse that eats away from within)
I stop smoking for her and no more can I sit on the patio under stars
pretending the vaporous spiderwebs are pieces of my soul

                 slipping away on the wind.

when words don't fit her needs she makes them up
tortures, nurtures, melds, and transforms
letters, phrases, grammar, terms.
English is her second language, there is no name yet for her first

Her dialect is tears falling from warm blood hued lips
these pained expressions burn my eyes
brush past and feel her face

                 beneath my fingertips

I stopped smoking for her but in the morning sometimes I still cough up blood on the porcelain
maybe something is broken, leaking       inside
Currently listening:
Rareform
By After the Burial
Release date: 2008-07-29
06:20 PM 
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Thursday, May 07, 2009 

Current mood:  blank



“why do they hate us so much?” You asked me

with monochrome rainbows in both eyes

I don't know I said, but it's going to be dark soon and we need to be ready
and click
click
     loaded the last two bullets into my magazine

Years passed by, brushed by, the manes of horses that run along so quick
Close enough to break your legs if you move the wrong way
too soon.


Stand still, watch time
“Do you love me?” you asked.
Yes was yesterday, No time like the present and Tomorrow is a mystery
I thought to myself, eye to the scope, searching, searching, found
Do you? the steel and polymer, wood and glass slam hard into my shoulder, now we've only got two shots left. Yes I say.
Take my eyes from the human wreckage slumped over the podium and look to my little tugboat.
'Forever,' I tell your two-tone eyes

it's not a lie if you don't really know there's truth
'Why do you hate them so much?'
Come on let's go home I say and take your hand.
her hands are Calla lillies the color of rose pink sandstone

one time you called me adorable, said I was as cute as an orphaned kitten in the rain in the mud curled up under the porch
I'm allergic to cats I said, and ran to the bathroom to paint the bathtub with the contents of my stomach.  I'm sorry I got
foodpoisoning and made you hate me.  I didn't mean to

Her thumbs weren't really green but some days her eyes were like the seedlings we used to plant on fresh graves.
'somebody around this place has to reach for the clouds,' you said.
The longer you reach for the sky and can't grab onto it the deeper the roots go that hold us down.

Every time you think of sleep know you won't ever want to wake up and admit to yourself she's not there next to
you.    wrap me in your finest linens, dirt nap

Over my shoulder to my face in the mirror you're asking again
'why do you hate us so much?'
It's going to be light soon and we need to be ready
and click press that last bullet in its clip
and wait...what?  But over my shoulder
to my face in the mirror there's no one, there's nothing left on the corner of the bed...

She was the girl with little monarch butterflies on her cheeks in the summer sun, dancing around the raindrops that fell
from above.


05:34 PM 
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Sunday, April 12, 2009 

Current mood:out of your mind
I won't say anything profound in this post, I'm just relaxing so here is some of the playlist music that puts me at ease and to sleep, enjoy ;1


Tears of ... --Silent Hill 1 ost, Akira Yamaoka
Aurelia --  Advent Rising Ost
Maria -- Akira Yamaoka
Samson -- Regina Spektor
Misery's Introduction -- All Shall Perish
Prologue -- Carter Burnwell, In Bruges Ost
Stem/Long Stem -- DJ Shadow
Whatever is Wrong with you -- Marillion
Echoes (Intro) -- Heaven Shall Burn
The Hands that Built America -- U2
Hide and Seek (strings mix) -- Imogen Heap
Sing for Absolution -- Muse
Ruled By Secrecy -- Muse
Room of Angel (Piano)
Fly Away
Nyfaedd Von -- Heaven Shall Burn
Poeta -- Advent Rising OST
Goldenthal: Adagio & Transfiguration -- Dirk Brosse and the London Symphony Orchestra Final Fantasy Spirits within ost
Progeny -- Hans Zimmer Gladiator OST
Ein Lied -- Rammstein
On The Radio -- Regina Spektor
Sorrow -- Hans Zimmmer Gladiator OST
Parachutes -- Coldplay
Awoken (intro) -- Heaven Shall Burn
iO -- Heaven Shall Burn
Medieval Waters -- Carter Burwell
Here Comes the Sun
Undenied -- Portishead
Promise (Reprise) -- Silent Hill 2 Akira Yamaoka
Right Where it Belongs -- Nine Inch Nails
Sleep [Solar Stone's Chilled Out remix] -- Conjure One
Deyjandi Von (outro) -- Heaven Shall Burn
Greater Lights -- Charlotte Martin Advent Rising ost
Blackout -- Muse
Endlessly -- Muse
Lisa Dies -- Silent Hill 1 ost Akira Yamaoka
Stirb Nicht vor Mir -- Rammstein
Meltdown -- Akira Yamaoka
Vermilion Pt. 2 -- Slipknot
Goldenthal: The Kiss -- FF Spirits within ost Dirk Bross; London Symphony Orchestra
Glorious Human -- Tommy Tallarico Advent Rising ost
Roads -- Portishead
Earth -- Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard Gladiator ost
When He's Dead -- Carter Burwell in bruges ost
Goldenthal: the Eighth Spirit -- FF spirits within ost Dirk Brosse and London Symphony Orchestra
Somewhere over the Rainbow -- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Dressing for Death -- Carter Burwell in bruges ost
Memories of a Glass Sanctuary -- All Shall Perish
Ohne Dich -- Rammstein
To Zucchabar -- Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard Gladiator ost
Risandi Von (outro) -- Heaven Shall Burn
Californication -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Summer in the City -- Regina Spektor
In the Sun -- Joseph Arthur
California Stars --Billy Bragg and Wilco
The Passing -- Lamb of God
Here Comes the Sun.

go to sleep you need your rest.
happy easter
Currently listening:
Whatever It May Take
By Heaven Shall Burn
Release date: 2008-05-13
08:00 AM 
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Friday, March 27, 2009 
I am the monster you love.

The lover you hate.

The hate you can't live without

the sunlight will wait


Everybody overrates to seem more interesting?  I think the reason that I drive fast when I drive fast which is not terribly often because I'm not really one for freaking out.  I do enjoy taking my time.  BUT and don't start sentences with but because it's grammatically incorrect thank you very much.  anyhow, when I drive alone it means that I have to be by myself and that means my thoughts begin to wander inwards.  Sometimes this can prove to be extremely undesirable, and so in order to take up the thinking space hit the gas and demand faster reflexes.  More information to process means less thought paths to lead you astray.

blablablablabla.

This notebook here is full of stories and poems, little couplets and descriptions.  This file open is like another one except almost none of it coincides with the notebook.  I don't have anything to write about.  wow this thing is old-ish

Misguided religions, corrupted prophets
'Dear god guide my hand let every bullet find it's target'

I'm going to do something productive.  Maybe next time there will be something useful here for you.  No next time I promise more organized thoughts.


Currently watching:
Revolver (2005) (Region 2)
04:40 PM 
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Thursday, February 26, 2009 

Current mood:  accomplished
*talking off camera: Morpheus? is that you?

you're here!

ohai! nice to see you how've you been? You're looking very well today, I like your hair, very nice.  What's going on in your life?  If you'd like to tell me I'd like to listen. 

I was just wondering some things about life and the world, love and science would you like to hear? perhaps we can bounce burning blazing white ideas off one another and come away more scarred with new concepts than your previous impression of happiness at a young and naive age. oh my!

FIRST OF ALL click play on this vide so we can have some ambient background music for this conversation




very good we're doing just swimmingly now aren't we!

First of all I was wondering, and this has been rotating about in the rotisserie backburners of my mind for quite a while. 

In Regards to Love
Who said love had to be so hard?  Was there someone who decided that from a certain point on everything had to take a long long time and we should all have to be terribly cautious and sure about things before we commit to them?  Who made such a difficult to trust society?  No that's not the right question.  Try and try again isn't it!

let's leave that in brief to elaborate upon later.  Is that all right with you?

NEXT

Wouldn't it be just terrible if you could control the passage of time but not the outcome of actions put into play already?  take as a PERFECT example of this concept myself diving headlong off of a 900 story high skyscraper.  what's that hotel in wherever it is called? let's look it up....

yes that would do it
The tallest manmade structure in the world Burj Dubai Skyscraper stands at 2,688 feet
not quite nine hundred stories, for the purpose at hand let's pretend it's 900 STORIES HIGH and I just jumped off the top
OH GOD!

now firstly looking past how horribly uncharacteristic this is of me seeing as how I do not like falling off of hight points and hitting hard things (that's what she said!) wait what?...  But over looking that!  imagine being able to slooowww tiimeee dooowwnnn like in the maaatriiccckksss. I could fall for AGES but then when I reach the ground in SLOW MOTION still being at that horribly accelerated speed and unable to stop ANYTHCRUNCH

how terribly inconvenient for me.

are you still with me here?

in another tangent...if I sprayed myself with enough fake tan could I be mistaken for hispanic?  or would my european facial features give me away?  who's saying that hispanics aren't the white people from spain too!  and if I were someone raised in an all spanish speaking middle americas country then wouldn't I be hispanic by all other means anyway?  What would set me apart at all?

WHAT!?!

are you following me here?

and for that matter can black people get skin cancer?

you'd better go up there and start that music again it's probably over by now...
no I'll wait...

doo de doodee dum...

back yet?  Okay here we go again
WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT

here's one for you

If I fell through the planet and came out on the other side would my gathered falling momentum propel me miles up into the air or would the momentum from the core on out decrease to the point that I might not even make it out the other side?  and if I did shoot MILES up into the air what would the reaction of people living around there be at some guy flying up out of the ground

'JESUS CHRIST THE RUSSIANS ARE ATTACKING!'


But really I want to know, who said love had to be so hard?  Does anybody have the answer?  nothing to do with anything but it would be good to know.  Is there an answer? did anybody say that at all?  and if they did who said that was how it had to be?  just because somebody says it doesn't mean it's true. We can talk about this more later when I am coherent!  not that I am not right now but you look tired and giggly.  So we should take a cocaine and coffee break, do you have any more klonapins left?  NO DON'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION!

the sky is purple with ignorance!


05:53 PM 
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Saturday, February 14, 2009 

Current mood:bothered
I will admit to you all that I am not entirely happy with my job, the people are nice and sometimes it's a lot of fun, it's also a lot of work and I enjoy the challenge but when I look at the people in charge they're rich, and by judgement of what I can see they have pretty decent lives, but that's really only if I gauge on their material possessions.  but they're in their middle ages and they don't have families, they've spent their days working and working and it just seems like chasing money they let their lives slip away.

but that's just my view and I'm not trying to be morally presumptuous, but I want different things out of life.  Now I don't know what to do...
04:33 PM 
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Thursday, January 22, 2009 
Now regret is pouring from my crushed face, only it looks like blood
and tears are flowing towards me from her eyes only they look more like bullets

and the roses blooming from my chest

are shedding petals
                                     of
                                        burnt
                                          
                                     flesh.


I'll have an update for you all soon, it's been a long while.
Currently watching:
The Black Donnellys - The Complete Series
Release date: 2007-09-04
12:57 AM 
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Sunday, December 14, 2008 
Savagely Fuck

Make Love

Take into with reckless abandon

Feel ecstasy as if through a divine connection


It's all the same thing there isn't it?  Prostitutes don't make love do they?  How would you know?  She is young and broken, sad and alone in a world too cold too early, like the changing of day to night hours at the onset of these winter months.  Where used to be warmth and comfort now is naught but cutting wind that slices to the bone, unrelenting and unforgiving.  Maybe she imagines him when she is being taken every night by these different men.  Who is to say the man who pays her isn't imagining one lost?  oh tragedy embrace us both and make us in your flawed image of an unseen atrocity.

Now really...
you would never even consider it would you?
that's not to say it couldn't be a wonderful and almost supernatural experience, maybe you've found the perfect other half

to complete your hole.
it's all the same thing, life only depends on your point of view.  How far are you standing back from the window that holds between your mind and the world?  Or perhaps your eyes are closed to the truth, some things are better left denied.

grow tired roll over and throw me away, more power to you
Currently listening:
The New Reign
By Born of Osiris
Release date: 2007-10-02
05:15 AM 
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