The last time I REALLY wrote a blog like all long and winded was some time ago. Also last time i wrote about how I felt emotionally was quite some time ago. But now for a recap of what's happened since July.
Jason Michael Reynolds and myself are still together and our feeling for each other are getting stronger everyday whether we are together are apart. Since July He's seen a lot of ups and downs and had the stresses of his life overcome him. but i've been there for him and was the one there for him when he needed a shoulder to rest on. He's currently back in Chicago getting away from the chaotic life he had while he was here last that could have taken his life. So He's back home for a year - 15 months. I think It's what's best for him I'm not mad that he left because i feel it's good for him to get away from here for a while. I mean he said goodbye to me before he left and we still talk on the phone and text each other when he's not busy with work.

Anyways had the guy that caused my break up with my ex IM me like months ago like right after Jay left telling me he doesn't want to be my friend but wants to be more. I can't indulge that wish because I feel like Jay is what I want even from the first day we met I fell head over heels for him and can remember so much of the time we have spent together.

I remember our first date when we met up and I was so nervous and he touched my shoulder to reassure me. He'd given me yellow tulips they were so pretty. We couldn't decide to go to the movies or go to dinner but went to dinner in old town only for him to later lecture me on my only eating soup.  after that my heart was pounding and i couldn't wait to see him again. A couple days later we met up again and went to hang out at his house watch a college foot ball game. He wrote me a love note and gave me chocolate....I don't really like chocolate if it's lacking in nuts...so I still have them.

Valentine's day....I still hate valentines day with a passion but even though he missed it he was still here to me.

Blah blah blah  between here  and now lots of bad things happened but we are still together wanting to see each other every day. he even knows now that I can cook more than peach cobbler and cookies even though I love making deserts. I can make a mean pasta dinner (that tastes like his grandma's).

hopefully the next year goes by fast  of i can at least go visit him back home ( which is also my hometown.)  My heat aches for him and at night I want to be held by him. I think I finally found what I was looking for so long ago....the one for me and only me.


Moving on I'm on quarantine until after the 11th sooo yeah not fun have problems breathing at night that like send me into panic attacks  other than that I'm alive.  The boyfriend person is aware of the situation. But nothing he can do since he's not here.

I'm back at school doing my graphic design thing and all.

but if anybody really cares I'm doing good not hurt and living life to the fullest while god watches over and guides me through all my hard times only to make things better.

Life is good and god is great.

Sooooo,
It's 12 in the morning now and that's PST...2 a.m. CST
I'm still up...
just spent the last like hour going back to my childhood of the 90's
yeah I was watching tributes to the great tv shows of toh 90's
I must admit I feel really really old now....
Honestly I just told my mom I feel old,
Because I actually know what a record and cassette tap look like.
But looking back on tv from back then it was so much better
Cheesy as all hell yeah but that's what made it good.

Here's a list of the stuff I REMEMBER watching:

V.R. troopers
Power Rangers (up until galaxy)
Big bad beetle Borgs
Ghost writers
Wishbone
Fraggle rock
Eureka's castle
Smurfs
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Legends of the hidden temple
Wild and crazy kids
What would you do
Salute my shorts
Dude ranch (or whatever it was called)
Pepper Ann
Doug
Recess
Bill Nye the Science guy
Beakman's world
Bobby's World
Sailor Moon
Dragon ball
Bananas in pajamas
Mr. Men (the original)
Double Dare
TaleSpin
Chip 'n' Dale
Darkwing Duck
Aladdin
The little mermaid
Gargoyles
Freakazoid
Tiny toon adventures
Animaniacs
Timon an Pumba
Bonkers
Muppet show tonite
Boy meets world
Dinosaurs
Family Matters
the Fresh Prince
Saved by the Bell
X-men
Spider-man
Sesame Street (When Jim Henson was still around)
Mr. Rogers
Goof Troop

Holy shit!! from the list I have now it's like I spent half of my life infront of a telvision.
sad thing is that I only saw this stuff on the weekend (One Saturday Morning, the WB, TGIF), in the morning before I went to school while I was eating breakfast...( like 4 shows before 7:30 when I had to leave), or at night when I was done with homework and for a bit before bed. that's honestly more time than I spend now watching television...but really wasn't a lot back then cuz something was ALWAYS on.

Now I spend like no time watching tv because everything sucks so bad it's almost like torture watching this crap WTF chowder?? total drama Island??
Do we really need a cartoon about reality TV?
Do we even need "reality" tv?
Honestly if I wanted to watch reality I would step outside and watch the neighborhood and that's probably better than what's on tv.

When I watch Tv I watch a select few things
NCIS
Bones
House (used to)
Law and Order:CI
Law and Order:SVU
No Reservations ( just because Anthony Bourdain is funny as shit)
Man vs. Food ( Just to watch somebody who's going to hell before me. Since Gluttony is a cardinal sin)
True Blood

Other than that I spend little to no tin watching television...I want the 90's back when you couldn't go to bed just because you didn't want to miss THAT ONE SHOW.
I miss those times when I went to bed at 8 and my mom would have to literally almost take the tv from my room to get me to sleep....( yeah, since I was like 6 I had my own tv mostly for SNES though)
But man those were the days!
I hella feel old at 22 WTF?!
In a way I feel like I didn't really grow up past maybe 16...
you know when good tv was starting to die...
But hell if somebody ever made a tv channel with just old school everything on it then I would so be down to watch... I 'm even talking commercials..you know for like the easy bake oven, and weird shit like that...It's honestly crazy as fuck the stuff we wanted to play with as kids. But the amazing thing was we all lived to see adulthood and half that stuff was dangerous as hell.

Anybody remember the toy where you got to melt metal to make your own jewelry? Or the thing where you made rocks into precious stones? Power ranger toys with the tiny guns and pointy corners? Easy bake oven with the 40 Watt light bulb you use to cook with?

We Are Generation X... We were the kids that survived anything and everything. SO what happened generation Y? you guys just totally dropped the ball.

going back to the old school thing We had the corniest stuff on tv just watching some of the intros to these shows was hilarious ....mostly because the cinematography was so bad you could see the strings on stuff...Hahaha but who cared right? Also noticed all the theme songs repeated the names of the show over and over again ... I guess we all had really bad ADD and forgot what we were watching in the first place (I have ADD and rarely forget what I'm watching at least not during the theme song I don't  forget).

Man I'm too riled up now to sleep thoughts of the 90's are like killing me. I want that time back more than anything. damn to be cool again just because you had a walkman and the newest Immature or Spice Girls tape...or that one tape you recorded stuff from the radio on ( yeah I've owned one of each)

Even music was better back then...you didn't have to call anybody a Ho, Bitch, or talk about your family jewels to get a hit single. you didn't even really need to get shot 5 times to get some street cred.

i think I should stop rambling now cuz this could go on all night as I think up a bunch of stuff.....But Hey at least generation X knows we're still the most resillient (pretty sure I spelled that wrong).

I think my Boyfriend could fit into generation X too since he was born in the late 70's....1976 to be exact( yeah, yeah he's 32, almost 33. I know that already doesn't stop me from liking him)...But he does remember as much of the 90's as I do. And the 90's was his favorite time...along with the late 80's (I wasn't even born until '87 so I don't know anything about the 80's unless it came over to the 90's somehow)

( Generation X: is a span of about 15 years most of us being born in the late 80s growing up in the 90s.
Generation Y: is anybody born at the end of the 90s growing up now)

right now well I'm just sitting here cuz have nothing at all to do cleaned my room earlier which took like 5 minutes so it was no big thing then watched some stuff that i recoreded on Video a long time ago. but yeah other than that spent most of the day in my room re-reading my 7th book of harry potter and only started doing that just because I could and it was stiing in the floor. UH also ate a small sandwich bag of cereal, 3 bagels, 3 jello cups and had 2 sodas, and bag thing of 100 calorie oreos. yeah  this is over the course of today not really much considering every thing is diet or low calorie in my house now. but yeah spent most of the day locked away in my room....ok not really locked since there is no lock on the door. but yeah been in my room all day since Adrian was out at a meeting with his mom all day and I guess he went out with genshinken a while ago since he read my emails sometime between like 6:30 and now.

well going back to my room with another jello cup.

So next friday January 25th makes 21 years dude I've been waiting for this  for so long now I can buy alcohol and drink it in a restraunt if I so choose.. but mostly I want to invest in buying bottles that look really nice because well I can don't plan on drinking any of the stuff i buy just want to collect the bottles. but yeah if I drink in a restraunt i tell you now i'll get the girliest drink in town. I hate the taste of beer...how do I know this you ask...well when i was like i dunno 6 or 7 my mom let me have a sip and honestly tastes like licking an ash try...(i've done that once lol. I was 4.) but yeah girlie drinks for me I really like pina coladas, I wanna try margaritas and appletinis and god knows what else is out there. but yeah next friday makes 21 years  always thought I would make it further in life you know like actually have a degree in something but that might take longer than expected. thinking of actually trying to get a desk since i have nowhere to just sit an do homework or anything at the moment and have like nothing but space in my room.


but moving back turning 21 i'm happy about it  and I'm happy that i'm still with adrian and that we've been able to see each other age for the last 3 years since i was 18 when we met and yeah yu get it.
but anywho just saying finally made it to another milestone in my life.

So was lookign around the internet whrn I saw It.... the Ds Internet browser I so Want one I could also use the Ds wireless usb stick.
 eh I dunno since my ds is the only system I have right now i feel like "tricking" it out. Kind of want an xbow 360 now too even though they have so many issues *rolls eyes* just cuz I like having people to talk to and stuff.
wish my ps2 worked so i could make up a life on sims 2. too lazy to pay sony 45$ and send them my system.

wow life has just screwed me again just typed a huge blog and don't feel like typing that all over again because I was getting sonme frustration out and becasue I'm hella fucking depressed right now what the fuck ever all I need now is for like my grandma to die or Adrian to break up with me and I will have been royally fucked by the universe.
God does somebody have it out for em or something because i mean damn there can't be any one person as unlucky as me right now fucking computer froze and my best guy friend decided to move on and not talk to me anymore, My boyfriend haven't really talked to him much since he works like all the time now and is always busy and evern when we do talk he doesn't tell me a thing like I found out about their house warming party from a friend today and my boyfriend has never even mentioned it. God maybe I really should have slit my wrists the last time I sat in my room and thoguht about it because seriously what the hell am i doing to deserve this so much shit god damn it  i need somebody to talk to really badly.

at the moment I'm sitting here doing pretty much nothing waiting  to put in my classes for the new semester and then spned the rest of the day in japanese class probably spacing out and hoping i get my financial aid today since I have bills i need to pay.

but anyways recently be stuck between a rock and a hard place my life seems like it's going nowhere fast  and there is nothing i can do about it. school is taking forever...my boyfriend makes me happy and i feel like nothing matters when I'm with him but since like i dunno July it's been kind of hard because I miss him like crazy.
But I get to see him again for christmas so this christmas will be a very special christmas for me ( yes I know that's a line from a song) But I feel good this year because we get to spend that holiday together and it's also about the time of our 2 year anniversary...actually that would be on the 13th and I have a test on that day lol so won't get to spend time with him till my last class on the 19th or 20th.


but really rock and a hard place been sorting out somethings with myself because i feel trapped in my own thoughts like I can't think too well. Probably because all i do now is go to school and sit at home on the weekends doing homework so I'm feeling like i need something to do but can't get a job because of my school schedule and the fact i can't drive...the bus is my 1 mode of transportation.....well that and walking but can't walk too many places now.


whatever I'll figure something out to keep me occupied.

just felt like typing so yeah.

so I sat online today and thoguht about the stuff i want for christmas since every year people ask me and I say i dunno ... and they normally ask me in like july and I never know until the day of christmas what i really wanted. but this year the first thing that I want and I let everybody know...since i can't save money on my own to get one I want a wii cuz it's fun and it's made me actually want to play video games a bunch again...... but here's the rest of the stuff I want for christmas.

Sims 2 pc version (picture taken from half.com)


Sims 2 University expansion pak for sims 2  (picutre taken from half.com)


Sims2 Seasons expansion pak (picture from half.com)


Sims2 fashion stuff (picture from half.com)


Panda plushie ( i like pandas and penguins too but want pandas lol) ( picture taken from somebody's flickr page)



well that's about it I never really want much especially compared to when I was little when I would go through every catalog known to man and write down what I wanted and would come out with 3 pages of stuff.... man i was a wanting child.

but any ways yeah I really like the sim2 series and own it for Ps2 and Ds but I really want the pc version because it's so much better. but like I said before really want a wii too lol partially to fill in my nintendo game syatem gap since i never wanted a game cube and have just about all the others except for the original nintendo lol but other than that I want it because it's fun to play and I'd probably would never be bored at home again between my homework stuff all the time.

Today I took a few moments and had a nice sit with myself and asked myself. ...what exactly is a real true friend.
I know it a hard question and i really thought about it.

Is a friend somebody that is there for you when you need them. SOmebody you can tell everything and they won't laugh at you or judge you based on what you say.
That one person that understands how you feel even though you don't say anything.
their that one person that even though you don't talk to them much anymore understand how you feel that their still your friend and have impacted your life.
They also understand when you ned your space for a while even if you aren't dropping hints like hot potatoes all over the place.

I mean a friendship is a couple stepps down from dating but it's still important and it's still a relationship based on trust and usderstanding and that's why it hurts so bad when your friends stab you in the back and trample over your feelings.
So why is it so many people destroy friendships everyday just becasue they aren't your "group" anymore or they aren't "cool" It's not cool to desert your friends especially if they have been there for you and helped you through things in life that were difficult. Those are the good friends that a lot of people forget so that they can have a "better" group of friends that don't give a shit about them and would ditch them at the first sign of them not being cool enoguh or what ever the hell theri problem is.

But the main topic of this is keep your good friends and never forget them and don't ever treat them like crap because they will be the ones there for you when you need help. All I really have to  say is show your appreciation for your good friends and don't burn all your bridges.


Ja Ne,
Hina-chan

Update: July 26, 2007 - Late this afternoon, following the earlier searches of several staff members' homes, the state police arrived at the homes of the remaining members who had been arrested in Baltimore this last weekend. However, when they arrived at the home of one of the staff members they were surprised to find that the member had removed all the hard drives from his computer and they now lay in pieces in a garbage bag. Frustrated officers then began to yell at that staff member and accused him of destroying evidence. When the staff member met their response with silence they decided to take him into custody. Family members looked on in shock as they tasered this individual repeatedly despite him not fighting back. Suddenly, the staff member began to convulse on the floor. Doctors would later say that the individual had suffered an epileptic seizure, possibly resulting from the repeated tasering. Officers claim they then mistook these convulsions for an attempt at escape and one of the officers fired his firearm, injuring the individual. The injured staff member, in handcuffs, was later transported to a local hospital where he is now in critical condition in the ICU. The member's identity is not being revealed, on the request of his family. The staff member's lawyer has already been contacted regarding this incident. More details are sure to follow, and we will attempt to keep this story updated as details are forthcoming.