so, here we are. a new year, a new blog. god i hate that word. who would've thought that after so long i've actually wanted to begin journalling (isnt that word nicer?) again? i pretty much lost all interest in it during the course of this year, what with all the stress and worry going on in my school life. now, however, that is all over and done with, most likely forever. now i have to grow up and move on, become a proper person. enter the work force. i'm going to say this once and once only so it doesn't upset me anymore than it already has in the past. i did well-ish on my exams; my UAI was absolutely terrible and will keep me from getting into uni. ugh. hence, why i am going to be getting a job. or something, if i can feel up to growing up and accepting that kind of responsibility. i feel like i'm leeching off my parents at the moment, and i know my father isn't happy about it, but hey, what can you do.

right now, i'm sitting at my computer, trying to make this update substantial and meaningful for my first proper update of 2007, but its not as easy as i first thought it to be. i've never been very good at personal reflections. especially when i've got a movie going on the tv which is right beside me. at the moment its The DaVinci Code. i know a lot of people didn't like that movie very much, but i think its fantastic. it follows the book so exactly, its incredible. it was mostly the people who haven't read the book who believed it to be terrible. pshh.

i think now would be the right time to post my new years resolutions, don't you? i mean. i didn't make any last year, and look how this year turned out? not the best. i have no idea what way my life is going to go, so i might as well set myself some kind of goal to stick to.

MY 2007 NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:
01. figure out what the fuck it is i want to do with my life
02. set about on my way to ACHIEVING that.
03. GET. A. JOB!
04. set up a bank account and save $3000 for a trip to america to visit caet and eddie
05. LOSE WEIGHT.
06. be more honest, to myself and to others.
07. keep my room clean.
08. go out and socialize more and become less of a hermit.
09. get my first tattoo
10. be a better daughter/sister

well there it is. my plans for 2007. i could have been a lot more specific with them, but then i figured that the details of my life should be kept to myself, rather than letting everyone know every details of my life. i do like some privacy. i. don't have anything more to really say here but to everyone - have an amazing 2007. i love you all.

sarah.

Why the fuck is myspace so addictive? It's nuts. I hate it. I used to not come on here much, now i'm here everyday. Ugh.

I really hate the word "blog" too. Ew.

Um. So right now my nan's in hospital. But, she's over in England. She was visiting my Aunty Alice and Uncle Don, and felt sick. So they took her to the hospital, and they discovered she's got an irregular heart beat. Ugh. Kinda freaky. So yeah. THATS WHY I'M NOT AT SCHOOL TODAY SO DON'T HOUND ME ABOUT IT.

I really felt like McDonalds, too. Sorry about the discs, Drew, i'll give you them on Monday or whenever.

Why the fuck can't I get HAPPY again? This is fucking stupid. I'm sitting here with my happyhappy songs on repeat, trying to make myself smile and be cheerful like I usually am and all I can do is fucking try not to cry. It's really really hard. I'm hating this so much. Someone cheer me up, please? Keep me happy. I'm not usually all that demanding, but I just, right now I need it. The only thing thats come close to cheering me up lately is me cuddling my cat and having him let it happen, then my sister trying and him squirming badly, then me doing it again and having him calm, and the show I went to last night. I was happy then, god.

I went to that groovin' the moo festival yesterday, it wasn't too bad at first. Faker were awesome, god they were so good. The singer jumped off of the speakers, which was no mean feat, i mean they were a good 15 metres off the ground, and he totally took out their guitarist. Lmfao. God that was pretty funny, i'll admit that. He got pretty hurt though, by the looks of it. I'm amazed he could actually keep singing. Then it was some shit band, then End Of Fashion who i'm really not all that keen on, then another shitty band, THEN Shihad.

Ohhh my Shihad, shit I love them something chronic. That was the third time i'd seen them live, SO fucking good. I'd had the best spot, second row from the barrier, but my little sister got freaked out by all the people so dad took us out. I was so pissed off. BUT! I somehow, miraculously worked my way back into an ever BETTER spot, right up against the barrier in the middle. It was increedible. They did all of their songs that I love which blew me away, it really did. I was one of the only people who knew all the words to their old songs. The guy next to me knew them too though. He had dreadlocks. It was awesome. We were both singing at the top of our lungs, holy shit I could barely speak when I got home. Then once it was all over dad called mum to come and pick us up from the venue, and SOMEHOW I miraculously talked Lauren (sister) into miraculously going on the giant slingshot with me. lmao she was shitting herself the whole time, it was so funny. I'd coaxed her into it, and we'd paid and such, and then she was like "IDONTWANNADOTHIS!!" and I had to basically push her up onto the platform and into the seat. She was still panicking once we were all strapped in, and all I could hear the whole time we were up in the air was her screaming. lmfao.

I suppose I should describe this thing, huh? It's like... this giant cage thing attached to these wires, which is then attached to these two poles (for lack of a better word) that are fifty metres up in the air. FIFTY FUCKIN' METRES. Ohmygoditssomuchfun. Lmao. I'm taking Michael on it with me at the next Big Day Out. So much fun.

On the way home we got pizza, and dad and I just talked and such. It was pretty nice, actually. We don't talk half as much as we used to. So yeah, it was nice. A really good night.

I then proceeded to stay up until like. 3am or some shit, watching Rage and waiting for fucking Eddie to wake up. WHICH SHE DIDN'T, DAMN HER. God I was shitty. Lmao. Um then what. I'm basically just typing because I can and it keeps my mind off of the fact that I feel like utter shit right now. They had The Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Rage. It was sick. I know Drew will appreciate that ;] They had a stack of NIN as well, which always amuses me to no end. Trent Reznors is really hot now. Lmfao. What is it with me and the drug addicted ones?

So yeah. I slept until like, 3:45pm today. It's now 11:18pm and i'm already ready to go back to bed. Yay for depression! Ugh, there you go kiddies secret's out.  Um. Yeah. Awkward pause. That's all I got. lmao the entry long enough for ya?

SARA YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, NOWNOWNOW!

& hearts ; Sarah.

Ooohh, I love my angry rants. I do I do I do. I'm not angry right now, but I feel like I should be. I guess.. disappointed? I wish you'd just LISTEN. I don't do it to be a bitch, I do it to try and keep you SAFE. You're young. I feel like I need to protect you, and when you do this, you just... it hurts.

dgphpfghpdg I give up.

IN OTHER NEWS!

I'd really love some new comments... I love them ohsomuch. OR EMAILS! punk_lives_on_27@yahoo.com Ohmyyy I love emails ohsomuchmorethancomments. Please?

<3 Sarah

I hate you.

I hate you. SO fucking much. You have no idea. I've never hated like this before. I'm so.. so crushed.

I should be livid. I should be about ready to snap and break shit, but I can't. All I can do is sit here and cry, try and control myself.

You've bled before. You can do it again. C'mon, you love the rush. You love the pain. It makes you smile, in that crazy, sickly sweet way you have. You love it. You crave it. They think it's pathetic. You know it's pathetic, but it's release. It makes it better. The sting, the rush, the red.

This place is a bloodbath, and we won't be taken alive.

It's fucked up in the best of ways. I should stop, but I know I never ever will. It's a vicious cycle. Everyone thinks i've stopped. I haven't. I just got smarter about it. My forearms aren't the only place with scars. Self loathing is the quickest way to destroy someone.

All I can see is the flaws. Do you know what its like to look at yourself, and only see the bad things, the things that make you a terrible, horrible, disgusting, unloved person? Do you know how hard it is to wake up and try and face the world when you're hiding yourself from everyone?

You were always my enemy, carefully crafting my demise

I'm the enemy. I always have been. I build up walls to push you all away. Just trying to keep my guard up. Keep myself safe. It's so hard. I never let anyone in. Ever. I don't want to. I hate people. I hate too much.

I'm the reason why I can't sleep at night. Why i'm up until four in the fuckin' morning, shaking and panicking and trying to calm myself down. I bit my lip so hard it bled down my chin because I was crying so much earlier. You don't know pain. You don't know hurt, don't know hate. But this is stupid. I shouldn't be saying this out there. Obviously i'm just being self-deprecating and "bagging myself out" as someone so kindly put it. Stupid fucking emo kid, right? God.

You wanna call me emo? Go ahead. I know you all hate emo's, but if you put all of your hate together, you'll still be nowhere near close to how much I hate myself.

... the fact that Avenged Sevenfold have FINALLY put Johnny as their default! God, that boy is gorgeous. I sound like a groupie, but I don't care. That's just how things go.

In other news, tomorrow I am participating in the Hunter Schools Battle Of The Bands along with my wonderful schoolmates Cameron, Heather, Tina, Andrew, and some little dude from year ten named Jacob, who has pretty cool hair. We are gonna own everyone's faces like nothing else, I swear to god. It'll be an early start, up at six, BUT it'll be worth it. I'm going to Tina's house beforehand and she's gonna tease my hair and such. Gosh, I haven't had my hair teased since I was like, eight, and did dancing. Now that brings back memories...

But enough of the memories. You all need to wish me luck! Not that we're gonna need it, cause I mean, we're just awesome. Duh. ^_^

..every fucking girl on myspace, who likes Avenged Sevenfold being all "OMFG ZACKYYY!!"? Jesus christ. He's not that fantastic looking, seriously. If you're gonna go after someone in that band, why not Brian? or Jimmy? They actually have faces you could stare at. Gah. Bah! You people piss me off.

So in other news, I got a job. I didn't even ask for it, I just got offered it. Aren't I wonderful? It's sort of like a receptionist kinda thing. All I have to do is sit on my ass, log people into the computer, answer the phone, and put money in the till, and get twenty bucks a night, two or three nights a week. It's friggen awesome.

That's all. <3