Our first full length is nearly ready for release. The CD will be available on our upcoming tour and the LP will follow at a release show at the Lager House in Detroit on July 29th. The track list is as follows...

1. When She's Not Wearing Black
2. Mess
3. Entropy
4. I Always Feel Like I'm Forgetting Something
5. Giant Centipede
6. Get Bent
7. Gotta Split
8. Yer Generation
9. Bitch Bitch Bitch
10. Rumor of War

The dates of our tour are listed under the show section. Check it out. We'll also have our 7" from Milk 'N' Herpes, the Shiftless Decay comp and other shit. Word.

Reviews of our "I Feel Like a Jerk" E.P....

Rocket Reducer Records-
This is recorded amazingly. There are no gimmicks on this record--no Garage Punk (tm) echo, no lo-fi/Weird Punk (tm) slumming, no phoniness whatsoever. This is straightup great songwriting by excellent instrumentalists. I’m impressed at how sparse the songs are while retaining a very defined structure. Credit the rhythm section with doing their job. Awesome Motor City Mayhem going on here. Give this one spin and you might like it. Give it two and you might love it. Give it three and it might be your favorite record of your order.

Florida’s Dying-
This fits in well with the rest of the X! family. They probably sit between Tyvek and the Frustrations as Thanksgiving dinner.

Terminal Boredom-
Nice three-track EP here from Michigan’s Fontana, the first I’ve heard from these kids who share label-space with other recent area phenoms Tyvek, Terrible Twos and Frustrations. "Dumb Luv" is a quite Brit-sounding aloof and near goofy punker with a very Raw Records vibe and fun-sounding whooping vocals. "(Having A) Fun Time" exhibits some thuggy guitar-rock feel with elements of classic Detroit rock energy. Two ace A-Side cuts. "You’re Obscene" fills the flip side with a Frustrations-like busy-ness, with a quiet song-within-a-song guitar interlude/workout bookended by energetic Tyvek-like DIY punkitude. A nice companion to their more "famous" stablemates. (RK)

Ben Blackwell (Metro Times)-
Sloppy, inept punk rock that’s heavy on squealing guitar swaths which cut through the modesty a la the Voidoids. "(Having a) Fun Time" resurrects the audio verité of the Germs, while "You’re Obscene" does the punk-by-numbers jig before spilling into a slow, sing-along-tempting breakdown. Nice!

Katie Helegda-
After listening to the E.P of Fontana I understand why it is entitled "I Feel Like a Jerk" because anyone who records such garbage should feel like a jerk for making people listen to it. Their three song "E.P" is really just short for "Exceptionally Poor." I don’t understand why anyone would put themselves through the torture of listening to the mindless droning and half-ass recording of the song "(Having a) Fun Time" yeah, I will have a fun time, when the song is over and I can return life without the screeching and out of tune vocals of the seemingly prepubescent boys that yell into the mic. The flip side of the E.P "Your Obscene" is a little prequel to how the purchaser of the album will feel after the 45 is done playing, obscene for wasting five dollars of precious burrito money.

Dusted Magazine-
Buzzsaw garage-punk that’s willing to dirty it up rather than play nice, a rarer quality than you’d think these days, when it seems everyone in practice is going for more of a tight, professional presentation. Nah, though, Fontana slug it out, happily trudging in muddied grey slush once trod upon by the Pagans, Halo of Flies, maybe even GG in the vocals. Great recording with lots of space and a strongly defined instrument sound, particularly the guitar. Even the long, wandering track "You’re Obscene" works despite its loose sound and wayward arrangement. This is a killer!

Eric Allen (Real Detroit Weekly)-
Best Vinyl Release: Fontana I Feel Like A Jerk
You should feel like a jerk if you don’t own this three song EP. As a band, they musically bridge the gaps between Black Flag, The Stooges and The Ventures. Easily one of the best bands in the city.

Mish Mach Music Reviews-
Fontana packs a whole lotta stoopid into three songs. This is sloppy trash punk at its best, with plenty of noisy guitar-bass-drums and aimless shouting, just to make you feel like a good punk should. Dumb Luv starts it all off with a straightforward punk stage dive, which gives way to the Black Flag-inspired (Having A) Good Time. Side two gives us the wild and meandering You’re Obscene, a track that breaks down into a slow, plodding groove in the middle that almost makes it two songs for the price of one. Your turntable is begging for this one, don’t let it down.

br>Maximum Rock ’N’ Roll did a review, viewable in their February issue, but since it is not already available on the internet for anyone’s reading you should go out and buy a copy if you really need to read it or other things in the magazine. C’mon.

Rumor of War (Lyrics: Derochie)
Danang '65 never felt more alive
U.S.A. '66 never ever felt so sick
The only thing I learned from the Viet Cong
Is artillery rounds make a beautiful song
And self-preservation with an M-16
Is a lot harder than defense with a college degree
Rumor of war rumor of peace
Nothing from you nothing to me
Mekong '67 defoliated heaven
My Lai '68 now I'm really feeling great
A Shau '69 having a fun time
LRP '70 coming home casualty

Gotta Split (Lyrics: Iverson)
Only way I'm gonna get even
Is leave this town on old 97
Cute blond girl on the railroad tie
Crunch crunch crunch my-oh-my
Gotta split from my mom and you in half
From my pops and you in half gotta split
I think that I'm pretty neat
Here decaying on the street
Well oh well a wasted life
Stabbin' dudes and causin' strife

Not a Leg to Stand On (Lyrics: Derochie/Iverson/Simon)
I'm so sick of walking around ... this town
Think I'd rather be pushed around ... sit down
Running around work is such a chore ... so sore
Wish my legs would just get tore ... no more
If I show up late the boss will have my neck ... get bent
Life would be easier on a government check ... what the heck
Life in a wheelchair would be so easy ... feed me
Life in a wheelchair would be so sleazy ... please me
Nobody will ever understand me
Jesus doesn't know this kind of pain
Nobody will ever feel what I feel
Everybody thinks that I'm insane
Surgeon please help me...
Without my legs I feel complete ... bye feet
Now I got the system beat ... it's neat
Life's so easy on a government check ... what's next?
Lots and lots of pity sex ... fuck yes

Get Bent (Lyrics: Derochie)
Get bent get bent get bent get bent
Take her seat take his smokes
Expect us to laugh at your stupid jokes
When we're around you'll be there
With your stupid band and stupid hair
Always fucking with my head
Make me wish you were dead
Always fucking with my head
I heard your girlfriend's good in bed
Wanna buy some trinkets?

Entropy (Lyrics: Derochie)
Oh your fragile kneecaps taste just like baby powder
Gleaming mountain ice caps stand so uninspired
Deposit salt to taste-bud from deep within the follicle
Daily medications are only water soluble...
They dissolve ... in water ... without making a solution
Were you ever pronounced dead inside your mother's womb?
All the frayed vessels fractured through and through the wound
Stupid self-inflicted I'm burning down your bridge and
Blocking the ambassador who to my limbs will impinge...
and impose ... and upset ... a new chemical reaction
Blackened frames ... cover your pupils
Cover me ... I'm your pupil
Peripheral ... I see you bend your joints
Bend so well ... bone structure reaching melting point
Your kneecaps ... are like magnets
Attraction ... just like a maggot
It flagellates ... into my cranium
Masturbate ... it's self-medication
You are the pixels glued on my eyes it's hard to scratch them off

Sir Francis (Lyrics: Derochie/Iverson)
Sir Francis come with me
I'm not that far
Sir Francis walk with me
To last shining star
I want you to come with me
We're leaving at dawn
Meet me in my blue van
It's on my front lawn

You're Obscene (Lyrics: Simon)
I can't take it no more
I'll kick your culture right the door
Now they ridicule me
Just because of what I don't want to be
It's obscene obscene obscene
She is sucked in by the swallow
They took away what I wanted to follow
Now I'm on my own
In this world that I cannot call my home
It's obscene
I'm dirty but I'm clean
Depends on your definition of obscene
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh

Mess (Lyrics: Iverson)
You're my personal vampire
You suck me dry
And I don't think it's cute
When I'm passed out alone
Disconnected the phone
To my deaf ears
The world is mute
Cause I'm a mess
My obsession grows
Exponentially so
They oughtta shock my fucked mind straight
But you little girl
With all the friends in the world
I guess you don't know about hate
I'm a mess
Oh baby I must confess
Life without you leaves me in such distress
From this one point I will not digress:
Everything in my life is just one huge fucking mess
There's no getting over
Some things in life
And one of those is myself
I go to the shows
Where my cancer grows
They attack my emotional health
I'm a mess

Rusty Gates of Hell (Lyrics: Derochie/Iverson)
I heard your screams sail over
Wretched masses far below
Your face was in desperate pain
As mine once was long ago
You think that you left me well
I'll see you at the rusty gates of hell
Circle two is for the lustful
That is where we both shall be
There a cruel whirlwind
Will be tearing at our souls
I miss your embrace
But needn't fear
I'll feel it again
For eternity
Ye who enter this house of pain
Beelzebub welcomes your sins
Lost shades we are reduced to
In the city of the damned
Hell hell hell hell

Bitch Bitch Bitch (Lyrics: Iverson)
Well if it pays the bills
I guess I'll be here all night long
If it pays the bills
I'll be here all fuck damn night long
You've gotta admit
It's kind of a ridiculous song
But that's OK we don't sing it for very long
You know we're a simple kind of band
Who would never think of joining
The Ku Klux Klan
No No No!
But I'm sure that that's all right with you
As long as everything goes according to plan
Yeah Yeah Yeah!
(Stupid bullshit for an indefinite period of time, "bitch, bitch, bitch," then awkward silence)
Well do ya like Wayne Kramer from the MC3?
Do ya like Wayne Kramer?
He's the guy from the MC3
If you gotta do that thing you do
You might as well do it to me
Until we turn into giant centipedes

Giant Centipede (Lyrics: Derochie)
You love me
You need me
I am your centipede
Don't you worry
I'm in a hurry
Don't you worry I got super speed
Broken tentacles
Vision blurry
Don't be nervous I'm a centipede
I got 27 legs and all the problems in the world
Stupid, useless, hopeless,
Not beaten down

Dumb Luv (Lyrics: Derochie/Iverson/Simon)
Dumb love
Good fuck
Feels so
Straight up
Girl I know you're just sixteen,
But you're the prettiest thing I've ever seen
Dumb love
C'mon girl don't you live with me
Your dumb love is all I need tonight
Alright
You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen
Too bad thats all you are to me
Let's take it to church

(Having a) Fun Time (Lyrics: Derochie)
Having a fun time and doing alright
The day slips away and the night rolls into sight
My hands start to shake and I can't sit still
You know I'll do it up you know I will
We're having, fun time
Everybody did and said it the same
Everybody wore it and everyone is lame
Eyes on my body it feels like a crime
I feel like a jerk when I have a fun time

I Always Feel Like I'm Forgetting Something (Lyrics: Derochie/Iverson/Simon)
I always feel like I'm forgetting something

When She's Not Wearing Black (Lyrics: Derochie)
Like a cure or cause of cancer
You can't reach out with your hands for
Motherly love of a candy-coated color screen
Stale scent of an air conditioned hospice queen
When she's not wearing black
She's upset
Wake from cruciform bed rest
To semen trees that make you nauseous
Bathroom tile kind of a drag
Toothpaste blood trail sadness rag
You touched my arm

Hot Rock 'n' Roll Destroyers:
Fontana

Sometimes I too get the sense that rock 'n' roll is pretty much dead. I don't just mean dead and buried with a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the tombstone. I mean dead, laying in the gutter and getting splashed with rainwater by every car that drives by it. Then little nuggets of hope come along and spur me to keep on keeping on. Who is the latest you ask? The hottest band in my world … Fontana.

Do you remember how there were the kids in high school that started a band really early on? You would be like, "Wow, they are really good for someone my age," but then they would break up. Some of those kids were probably in Fontana, but luckily they never stopped rocking.

It all started in 2002 when guitarist Paul, bassist Geoff and drummer Colin got together and began banging out some classic rock cover tunes. "We played our first show on May 14, 2003," Geoff says. "It all went downhill from there." I remember seeing them do Fugazi covers at a show at Flipside Records. It was incredible. It was amazing. It was rock 'n' roll.

The band's sound is something that is completely lacking from most modern music. It's a hodge podge of several prehistoric artifacts such as The Stooges, surf music and Sun Ra that is sonically challenging without being completely spastic. "It's not like we have some set formula we operate by," Paul states. "After playing songs hundreds of times, what may sound totally improvised or whatnot is just natural."

Something else that is natural is the band's exciting stage show. Paul flops around like a chicken with his head chopped off while Colin destroys his drumset and Geoff is left to smile and watch the mayhem unfold. It's certainly not boring, folks. "I'm sure I feel some 'connection to the music' or I'm letting out some inner frustration about things and all that kind of crap," Paul says, "but I really find a thrill in acting so absurdly and having people shake my hand for doing so."

Up on the platter for Fontana this month is their new three-song EP for X! Records, entitled I Feel Like A Jerk. As for future shows, Geoff states, "As long as people keep coming to see us, we'll keep playing." Colin interjects, "And even if they don't, we'll probably keep playing anyways." | RDW
by Eric Allen July 17, 2007