OK, so shoot me. (with an arrow, of course.) I went to my first SCA event this past Saturday. Medieval reenactment. And you know what? I'm not in the least ashamed. Go ahead and make fun. Yeah, I put on a wimple. So there. When was the last time any of us just went and _played_ for an entire day?

Things are speeding up with the Ben + Vesper project. I think I'm going to need to don 13th century attire and pretend to be someone else.

Love,
Vesper (or Eleanor de Glynwyhm, hopefully)

If we were reading a history book or watching a movie in which a doctor prescribed a course of therapeutic treatment which caused the patient to vomit, have persistent headaches, develop kidney stones, lose their hair, etc., what would we call such a doctor?

A quack.

And yet, here is the story of Abraham Cherrix, a 16-year old with cancer who, with the support of his parents, refused to undergo any more chemotherapy because he was not sure he would "survive" another round, and decided to pursue a less toxic course of action. And the medical establishment had their day with him in court, obtaining a court order _mandating_ that this boy undergo chemo. Thankfully the __child neglect__charges (!) were dropped against his parents, and he was "allowed" to see an oncologist who would support his right to informed consent.

Who said that these people are to be in charge of our health???

My grandfather died 4 years ago. He had chronic lymphocytic leukemia. This is a type of cancer that a person can live with for several years. He lasted two. But I am convinced he did not die from his disease. I believe the "treatment" killed him. He was not given any nutritional counseling, even though we know that cancer patients often die sooner of malnutrition than anything else. He was part of an HMO and a generation that did not question the all powerful M.D. Grampa, I miss you terribly.

Let's start asking some deep questions, people. Some really deep questions. Look at the medical treatment you may have been given and ask yourself, are you "suffering at the hands of the physicians", like the hemmorhaging woman in the new testament? Have you "spent all you had on doctors and find your health worse"? This is not new. We think snake oil salesmen disappeared in the 1800s. Not so. While there are many wonderful doctors--don't get me wrong--the medical establishment *as a system* is founded on very shifty soil.

THANK YOU, SHIPRAH AND PUAH

Exodus 1:15-22
[15] Then the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiph'rah and the other Pu'ah,
[16] "When you serve as midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the birthstool, if it is a son, you shall kill him; but if it is a daughter, she shall live."
[17] But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live.
[18] So the king of Egypt called the midwives, and said to them, "Why have you done this, and let the male children live?"
[19] The midwives said to Pharaoh, "Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; for they are vigorous and are delivered before the midwife comes to them."
[20] So God dealt well with the midwives; and the people multiplied and grew very strong.
[21] And because the midwives feared God he gave them families.
[22] Then Pharaoh commanded all his people, "Every son that is born to the Hebrews you shall cast into the Nile, but you shall let every daughter live."

This story of Shiprah and Puah gave me chills and a huge revelation last night.

I had spent the day at a Fourth of July party sitting around a table with a group of women (and one of their fiances) talking about nothing but sex and birth for four straight hours. Maybe it was more. But it was amazing to see these women talking together about these intense subjects, being completely candid, laughing together, asking each other questions. I hope it happens again, but these are things you can't plan.

That morning, I was reading the latest issue of Midwifery Today, and a midwife quoted this Scripture passage. I could not stop thinking about it all day. It was amazing. These two midwives, subverting the government to protect life. When the powers and the culture were saying "kill", these midwives said "no". That was incredible enough. I had been praying for a couple that would be open to home birth, that would see birth in general in the same way that I do; I'd been praying that God would give me confirmation of my calling, too. I'd had a very definite experience of being called to midwifery, but, as I suppose every midwife experiences, I had been so discouraged by the choices I saw women making all around me, the bad care they were subject to, that I wondered if it would ever be my time to really make a difference. And then we had the "girl chat".

I had a wonderful chance to share my heart and my story, and to hear from others about theirs. We talked about our experiences as women. Not as competitors, but as women. We were on such blessed common ground. It was then that I knew I could ask God for what I needed in my calling. Money, time, confirmation--it was all mine in Christ. If he called me to this, I could ask for the equipment. So I am asking you, Lord, for the equipment. I need $3000 to start my program. I need reliable and flexible childcare. And I am asking you for the prosperity of my husband in music so that those things can, in part at least, come from him. I am also asking you for a mentor, an older experienced Christian midwife to mentor and apprentice me. AND I am asking you for the women.

Here, then, is the revelation from Shiprah and Puah, who were truly my sisters!

The Pharaoh called the midwives. He recognized them as authorities. He recognized them as what they were. He did not understand their calling, however. No doubt the Egyptians used midwives, too. (Doctors did not attend birth until about three or four hundred years ago. They are still on unproved territory.) But the Pharaoh thought that the Hebrew midwives would do this repulsive thing. However, they feared God! And so they did not fear Pharaoh, but refused to do what he said. And this is telling, what they told him when questioned: "The Hebrew women are vigorous--full of life--they don't need us to deliver their children. They give birth on their own, whether we're present or not." In essence, they said, "God is watching over their births. He is the one who gives or takes away life. We're just servants. We don't have the power you think we do." And because they recognized who created, and who was in charge of birth, God blessed them with families! God gave them the desire of their hearts.

And this is the amazing thing: Because of the midwives, these "vigorous" mothers gave birth to their healthy babies, nursed them, raised them to fear God. Because of the midwives, Moses was spared from infanticide, and was alive to set the nation of Israel free!!!

Because of the midwives, there was freedom!

And that has not changed, to this very day. What an encouragement to follow the calling the Lord gives us, no matter what the pressure otherwise. And how telling to us as women, that God intends to keep us safe in childbed, because he designed it, blessed it in this incredible way. Who will we believe about our bodies, our births, our children? Pharaoh? Or the God who called these women, and us, for such times as these?

Because of the midwives, there is freedom!

:whoa:
My mother-in-law said tonight, in effect, that I should write songs for Radio Disney. :whoa:

Pop songs for 6-11 year olds. OMG.

On this day 13 years ago I met the crucified Jesus in a vision. Today feels like my first day of kindegarten.

This made me weep last night, for all I don't know. God is someone who I seem to refuse to believe on his own terms. Or as I told my father-in-law today, "a chaotic force that needs me to tame him so i don't die". But that's not what Psalm 25 says. Thank GOD.

1To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
2O my God, in You I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
3Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.
4Make me know Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
5Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
6Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
7Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness remember me,
For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.
8Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
9He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.
10All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
11For Your name's sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
12Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
13His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
14The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.
15My eyes are continually toward the LORD,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
16Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.
17The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.
18Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.
19Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.
20Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
21Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
22Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles.

OK, now that I've gotten your attention...
Of course, we all love this myspace thing, but boy, those ads...:^P
It saddens me that we think we need to go through these mating rituals--the pursed lips, the accentuation of private areas in (strange) clothing, adding all these adornments, toys, rituals, blah blah blah...no wonder people are so confused, so lonely.

I love the human body in its bare perfection. There is nothing on earth so glorious. And I trust it. I trust who made it. I love the one I'm in and the one I'm joined to. Both have done amazing things.

Sometimes for some stupid reason i watch those birth shows on TV. And invariably, they piss me off. I think there's a link, though. We don't trust our bodies to just make love, without a million external preambles, excuses, preparations.

Neither do we trust our bodies to carry and birth the result of that love. We hook ourselves up to machines, we give our bodies to "experts" (what a laugh), we are so grateful when they insert things in and drag things out. WTF? This is just like the current sex scene, which feels, well, like surgery! Either a sterile, medicalized event--or one where everything is ripped out of you, heart and soul and body.

What makes me even sadder is when people of faith give away both of these events--or start off with the first being so pure and lovely and memorable, only to think they "have to" give it over to the medical industry. Who invariably bungle the whole thing.

In my classes, I run a thread through the teaching that birth is just like sex. It's just another part of that cycle. A painful part sometimes, certainly an intense part, but, just like orgasm, it's an event that can open your eyes to a beautiful part of reality you never knew was there. If we were to think of birth as an intimate, loving event, it would change EVERYTHING. Especially our lives as couples and lovers, and our babies' lives. It would change how we see each other as human beings, i think.

I've been thinking about home a lot lately since we have just bought our first one. It occurs to me that even though I don't consider myself a "homebody" (I really like to go out), a lot of my big life events have been home events.

We got married in a little church but had our reception at our friends' home, where we also lived for the first 3 months of our marriage.

I gave birth to both of my children at home.

And I want to die at home and have my funeral at _my_ home, not someone else's "home" (I've been looking into this).

Homeschooling, well, that would be the exception. It appeals to me but I am not interested in it as a daily endeavor.

I had kieran monahan at my house the other day to do a song swap. It was like a "christening" of my new place. It was wonderful. I want to invite every singer I meet over for tea and a couple of songs. It was so nice, intimate, just right. Thanks, Kieran. it meant a lot. That's exactly what I want it to be about.

I'm in FL right now with family and the boy is swimming in the pool. The girl is sleeping (hooray). Ben is working on our home, getting it ready for me to come back and feel sane. Over these past 2 years it has become painfully obvious how much I draw from my home, and when it is not a peaceful place, everybody suffers from my malady. I don't need a palace, though. I just need a sanctuary.

Welp, the FL thang fell through. Good news for us. How do you feel? Leave me a comment.

Welp, we are done recording our album for Sounds Familyre. Wow. What a wonderful experience. The Smiths welcomed us into their home for 5 days...we slept in cozy beds, had good talks 'round the table...they rocked my baby to sleep...marvelled at Marian's exquisite cross stitch work...NOT TO MENTION made some gorgeous music thanks to Josh, Chris and Sufjan's mastery...I got to know Elin who right away made me feel like we'd known each other since kindergarten (which can't be true since she was in Norway then) as we knit together and talked about our children and God's goodness and many other things. I think this may be the beginning of friendships that will last a good, good long time. The professionalism was undoubtable, but how often can you say your recording session was imbued with _love_?

We think the CD should be out in the fall. What torture! We don't even have a rough mix in our hands! Dan's brother, David, has to lay down drums, so we may have a rough in our hands in a couple weeks. Still! It's torture. I still haven't even heard all the parts; I've heard _nothing_ that Sufjan did. Josh and Chris, though...what freakin' masters. Last night our very last take was an accordion part that was the easiest 2-chord little waltzy schmaltzy thing, but my fingers and back were so done that I had to record each chord separately...when i went in the control room i told Dan that I half expected to see the computer screen full of little pieces of scotch tape...but we finished, at exactly 1:59 AM. Praise the Lord.

I am so honored and humbled by this...I feel like I had a mountaintop experience and I think I may have a good cry over it. Maybe that's the exhaustion talking.

I think about what it would have been like if God had let me have success when I was striving so hard for it 10 years ago. I THANK him that he didn't. And at the prospect of this opportunity, I tremble. I so badly want to do this right. If God strikes our match (which he could just as easily snuff), I want to give light, and not burn things down.

Ben and I will be recording next week for Sounds Familyre (home to Danielson Famile, Sufjan Stevens, Soul Junk et. al.). Very very exciting. The record will be out in the spring. Ben is artistically directing this one. We're still tossing around the name of "us" as a duo, but so far we're resting on Ben + Vesper (+ being a heart).

Any SUGGESTIONS? let me know.