...and am so happy...

Since I have been here, I have lost 65 lbs., seriously.  I have joined WW and my sis and I joined a gym...don't go as often as I should, but I do go...sometimes...lol.  I am feeling awesome - do smoke black and milds (wine, thank you) but am ok with it - my man Frankie smokes cigars - so we chill together...he makes me smile...alot.   Pain in the ass sometimes - aren't all men???  lol - Love the autumn...my favorite time of year....

I miss so many of my peeps in Pembroke and in NC - More than u will ever know...but I will be coming home for bizness in a few weeks and pleasure a few weeks after that...love to all my peeps...you all touched my life in such a way- and showed me that I mattered - those that got in my way, and caused me drama - I don't miss you at all...lol.  

I updated my profile - added some of my favorite songs...hope you all enjoy it...it's all good..  All the songs are soo dang me...songs I grew up on...and loved - lived thru...

Anyways - take care and always know u are loved....

Me- a. kay oxendine

Hey loves - our radio pod is back up at Pow-wows.com....check it out - my segment is an update to the latest pow-wows happening around...YAY

http://www.powwowcast.com/

Enjoy and know that you are loved....

Is it just me or has trouble and turmoil affected many folks these last few weeks and months?  I have been counseling so many friends, and needed much counseling too, but there just seems to be an upsurge of disharmony happening.  Whenever this happens, I know there is peace coming—I claim it immediately and thank God for the challenge, but it doesn't make the journey any easier—just gives me faith to know it is going to be ok.  There are things that I find I do to just get through such times.  With so much going on, it is easy to slip into a depressed, woes me state.  Again, these are the things I do to keep that valley from claiming my mountain...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

1) First and foremost, I talk to God.  Not just pray, I really talk to God, and say, What's up Big Guy?  I ask him for guidance and thank HIM immediately for all he has done –but look at the skies and say, ok, what's the lesson?  I realize I am never alone, and I do listen for the answer.  Take a minute—what is He whispering in your ear?

2) I have a prayer group and circle of friends that I stay in constant contact with.  We not only pray with each other, we talk and we keep each other informed about events happening in our lives.  But I always have this group to help me with issues.  We formed our group 5 years ago when I was going thru my divorce—we all just prayed for each other each day.  We called ourselves the  KLAJ CREW (for Kristy, Kay, Laralyn, Liz, Lesa, Angel, April and Joseph).  Who is in your crew?

3) When I am feeling low, I reach out and pray for others.  I realize that my burden may seem big, but that others may be having just as hard, if not a harder time. 

4) I enjoy sending out inspirational e-mails to my distribution list.  I figure we all have enough to worry with—why not open up something that just makes you smile?  I get enough feedback from my family and friends that thank me for sharing.  Even when I was in church at my homecoming in Hollister this past weekend, a distant cousin shared with me that his wife shares my e-mails with him.  I don't know how it got to that e-mail, but it tells me I am doing something right, and that makes me smile.

5) I tell the folks around me that I love them each and every day.  There is never a conversation that goes by with my Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, or other friends and family that they do not know that I love them.  I say it, I mean it, and I want them to know it. 

6) If I am feeling totally overwhelmed, I just set out a list of things I need to do.  Nothing gets done by just sitting—so I make a plan and I follow it thru.  I even make a checklist and sometimes the simplest things give me a sense of accomplishment when I am done.  Checking off waking up is a real pleasure—YAY!!

7) I try not to engage in negativity.  This is hard, because when you are a positive person, negativity seeks you out like a magnet.  People think I am faking it because I always smile—truth is, I just love life.  I am thankful each day that I am here.  But because I do walk this path—I am constantly attacked by ugliness.  I just try not to let it break my stride. 

8) When someone does call me and they just want to spew, I let them.  I don't try to give my opinions, I don't try to change their mind.  I just allow them to talk.  When I was talking with my friend Jeff last week, he was just mad.  I told him it was ok to just be mad.  Stay that way if he chose to, I was going to go ahead and hang up and let him stay mad.  He might still be mad—I don't know.  But there was no reason for me to absorb that anger—his deal.  Love him, his deal.

9) Did you miss your cherry on your ice cream sundae?  I got really upset last week—I went to a local dairy treat and ordered a sundae.  It was a treat for me and my son.  Well his treat was the ice cream cone—mine was the sundae.  (To my weight watchers buddies—I think it was about 80 points...went into next week with it!)  Anyways,   I was a little surprised that the price was $4.50, but since I had already promised my son an ice cream treat, I followed through with it.  Well, after I got my sundae, there were no nuts and no cherry...I was like—what tha?  So I asked the lady, excuse me, is there supposed to be a cherry here on this sundae?  She said, there is, but we are out.  Well, I hate that, because I do make an effort to support local businesses, but this is the second time I have gone there with no cherry.  I won't let it get me down—I just won't go back to this business.

10) Be happy. Make the choice to be happy.  Smile—even when you feel like frowning.  When you offer love—love will come back.  You will be blessed in heaps and bounds—if you just know that happiness is yours to be had...claim it. And know that you mean the world to someone...make your life count.

One of my favorite sayings is:  Don't look at the big storm and say, My God, how big you are….look at the Storm and say,  "Storm, You Don't Know  How Big My God Is…"  Changes perspectives real fast….be blessed...until next time….

Breathe - Pray - Release - by A. Kay Oxendine

 Hello my loves!

I want to begin this weeks column with a huge thank you to those of you who have taken out time in your day to share your thoughts and comments about our newspaper, and especially to all the folks who have shared with me that my column in some way touched them.  You have to know, that no matter where you are in your life, someone else, somewhere, that you may never have met, has also experienced pain, joy, heartbreak, misery, grief, passion and love.  These are all just helpful hints to remind you that you are not alone.

1) Are you a succubus?  All of us are faced with challenges, trials and just life, and all of us face valleys.  You have to know what makes you different than everyone else, is how you handle your time in the valley.  Do you camp out there and live for days, weeks, months or even years, and try to bring everyone else to your tent of woe, or do you wake up each day, repack your gear and begin to climb the new mountain?  There are folks all around who want to hold you accountable for their woe.  How does their burden constitute and mold your being?  You see, recently, I have been faced with folks that have not only camped in the valley, but are building a bridge to bring everyone down to their commune, and if they had their way about it, it would be a nation of woe.  The proper title for these people is a succubus.  They are unhappy and are only made happy when they latch onto you and suck each and every drop of your joy and energy from you.  They have decided that they are victims, that life has cheated them, and it's not only their job but their dang right to show you how unhappy you should be.  Then when you begin to wallow in despair, you then become their victim, their prey, camped in their village of woe, misery and anger.  There goal has been reached!  Don't do it… Breathe...Pray for them…Release it all.

2) Making time to pray.  When I first turned my life over to God, I didn't know how to pray.  I was broken.  There were things happening in my life that were forcing me to change, whether I liked it or not.  I would come home each night and pray for sleep to come—that way my crying time would be cut to a minimum and the morning would bring another chance to just be.  I re-learned how to pray, thanks to my prayer partner Kristy, who thought enough of me to share very specific Bible verses.  Each night, before I went to bed, it was like an assignment to me, a chore.  I made myself read each verse, sometimes reading so fast that I could never remember the verse if you asked me, but I made myself read them.  Why?  Because this also made another 15 minutes of my day go by, and that in itself was a victory.  Spending that time in God's space, made me smile, even for a little while.  Before long, I realized I had created prayer time.  I started really reading the verses, and actually digging them, and realized the amazement of love that God had for me.  It was awesome.  I released that allotted time that used to be spent speaking word garbage to learning and understanding God's word.  Hence, my prayer time was created.

3) Learn to forgive others.  When you have anger, bitterness, hatred or loathing for someone, all you are doing is giving that person your energy.  They are thriving from your misery.  Forgive them, and release their power on you.  Stop being a victim from someone else's hand.  Breathe, pray, and release it.  Go ahead.  Try it.

4) Learn to forgive yourself.  When you have anger, bitterness, hatred or loathing for yourself, you are tearing down the incredible temple that has been created to house your soul.  Realize that you are not perfect and you will make mistakes—learn to accept the responsibility of the mistake and let it go.  Breathe, Pray for strength, and release it to know that you will not walk through it again.  Why are YOU denying YOU the blessing of loving YOU?

5) Take control of your life.  All of us have faced some pretty hard situations in our lives but we are also all in control of our own destiny.  When you look at life, is the cup half full or half empty?  Decide to make it half full and watch your cup overflow.  What are you doing to help you?  How can we expect everyone else to save us, when we don't think we are worth saving.  You show people how to treat you.  If you want to continue being a victim, they will continue obliging your needs.  If you want to be treated like a queen or king, show them how royalty is handled.   Just breathe, pray and release it. 

6) Not everyone is going to get you.  Deal with it.  (Note to self.) No matter how much you think that you get someone else, you can not judge that person's walk. (big note to self).  You can offer prayers, love and encouragement, but you can't make them do anything.  (amen to the amen).  It is ok that not everyone likes you.  It is really ok.  The plain fact is that you can not judge another brother until you have walked in their moccasins for a few days.  You can not control how your message is going to be heard.  But that does not mean you stop talking, or breathing, or praying or releasing.  Preachers face this dilemma each time they stand before their congregation.  They have a message, and some will get it and some will not.  Some will accuse him/her of speaking out of turn, some will ask "how did you know I was going through this?"  He does not stop spreading the message of God's love because someone may not get the meaning, instead, he prays harder, breathes in and out and releases his words through his sermon each Sunday morning.  Remember, not everyone is gonna get you, but that doesn't mean you stop sharing your story.  Just one person might.  And that makes it all worthwhile.

7) Believe it or not, I have been all those things that I write about.  I sometimes still am that victim, that valley dwelling succubus.  But I continue to make choices to change my path.  I keep breathing, forgive others, pray harder, forgive myself, and continue to try to take care of my life, then I move on to the next challenge.  I do this again and again, as needed, like taking my meds.  I choose to camp out for moments not months. I pray you get some awesome blessings from these words, but I'm ok if you don't.  However, if you think this message is for you...well, it just might be.  Claim it and be that change you want to see. 

We are all guilty of it—admit it.  We ask and pray for something to happen, and even though it may be in a slower time than what we expected, it does happen.  But it is never in our time.  We are reminded in the Bible in 2 Peter 3:8-10:    ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

         ⁸ But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to         the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. ⁹ The Lord isn't really being slow about his         promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want          anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. ¹⁰ But the day of the Lord will        come as unexpectedly as a thief. Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and the very elements themselves will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be found to deserve judgment.

We as a society, want it to happen yesterday.  None of us have patience.  All of us strive to get better, but we are just a spoiled society.  We want to hear the news, yet we immediately want to know how to resolve bad issues. We become our own judge and jury.  We want all the problems to be resolved quickly with as little effort from us as possible.  If this is you, don't feel alone.  Some of our blessings are coming and floating right past us, and we still sit and complain about what is not right in our lives.

My friend Lynn and I were talking about how to remain positive in stressful times.  How to not just have patience, but have the ability to simply wait on God.  We came up with a few things that helped us during our 45 minute, save the world conversation.  You know, normal conversation.  This is what we came up with—hope some of it helps you.

1) The first thing that we all must do before we plan anything, is be thankful in the moment.  So right now, stop what you are doing—I mean it—and just give thanks for all that you have been brought through.  The fact that you are here, tells me that God's business is not done with you.  Give thanks for what he has done, what he is doing, and for what he is about to do.  Go ahead.

2) Look around you—is life really so bad?  Each day there are stories of woe so incredible that will far outweigh anything you can carry, and each persons load is different.  To some, carrying a pea will strain your back, and to others carrying others boulders for decades doesn't phase them.  How big is your load?

3) Don't be afraid to just talk to others about your life.  My friends laugh at me—I am an open book.  It is who I am—I tell everything.  It helps me to just spill the beans—and talk openly about things that affect me, because I have seen a lot of healing come from my testimonies.  I came to a realization a long time ago that things happened to me that just did not happen to normal folks.  It is important to share it—even the craziest thing—because you never know when the person you are talking to will learn or have something to offer to your situation.  Tell it—don't hoard your strife.

4) Have faith to know that your situation, no matter how big or small, will get better.  You must visualize what the end result will be in a positive matter.  When you think positively, the good will come from it.  Go ahead—imagine greatness.

5) Take time each day to do absolutely nothing.  I mean nothing.  You have to give your mind a break so that you can hear things that are passing you by.  Just stop, drop into a seat and listen to the whispers of nothing.  Sounds pretty good, huh?

6) If you are having a hard time resting your mind, take your mind on vacation.  Imagine a deserted island, where only you is resting, listening to the waves hit upon the shore, and revel right there in all of God's glory.  Pretty majestic and amazing, huh?

7) Don't deny someone else who is trying to give you a blessing.  If you are having a hard time and someone wants to help in even the smallest way, let them.  If you don't, you are also denying them their blessing. 

8) Seek the good in everything you do.  Ok, all of us can find fault in something.  Instead of crying about the rain, realize the blessing it is giving you by nourishing your community's needs.  Instead of crying about cutting the grass, get out there and smell the awesome smell of freshly cut grass and thank goodness you have the ability to cut it at all.  I am one of the those folks who would complain about cutting my family's grass.  My ex-father in law, would sit and watch me cut his grass and from his wheelchair, would guide me—tell me where I missed a row, show me where there was a higher patch.  I finally looked at him one day, and said  "Old Man, you get out here—it is hot as I don't know what—you cut your own grass!"  He looked at me and said, "If I could get out of this chair and walk behind that mower like you can, I would give anything to do it, baby."  I never complained about cutting his grass again.  Well, at least not to him.  (smiling)

9) Do the very best you can each day, and realize that you are loved.  Even though you may not hear those words every day from someone that you really wish would say them—doesn't mean that you can't say the words to someone.  Be that person that you want to know.

10) Realize the blessing within you and cherish the moment—right now.  Realize that in this moment—you are blessing me and the incredible staff at the Country Courier just by being a part of this community that we serve.  We are so thankful for each and everyone of you.  Thank you for blessing us for 19 years!!

This is my friend Frank's Niece - I am so proud of her!

Incoming freshman receives first Trevarthen Scholarship

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News · Press Releases · Student achievement

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Author: Erin Zagursky, Source: Press Releases

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Date: Jun 10, 2008

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(Left to Right) Frances Broaddus-Crutchfield, Morgan Faulkner, W. Taylor Reveley III and Ken Adams (Chief of the Upper Mattaponi Tribe) assemble in the Brafferton Building at the College of William and Mary on June 10, 2008. By Stephen Salpukas.

(Williamsburg, Va.) – Morgan Faulkner, an incoming freshman at the College of William and Mary, recently received the first annual Anne Trevarthen Memorial Scholarship from the National Society Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR).

The $4,000 scholarship will be presented each April to a high-school senior who will be attending William and Mary and who has demonstrated a personal connection to American Indian culture and traditions.

"Morgan is an extraordinary young woman who'll bring much to our College community," said William and Mary Interim President W. Taylor Reveley III. "We're delighted that she has received the first Trevarthen Scholarship, and pleased that she'll be a member of William & Mary's Class of 2012."

Faulkner, of King William, Va., is an active member of the Upper Mattaponi Indian Tribe. She was part of the Virginia Indian delegation that traveled to Kent, England – the place where Pocahontas is buried -- in 2006 to commemorate Jamestown's 400th anniversary. Faulkner has also served as the head, junior lady dancer at numerous powwows and as a delegate to all of the major Jamestown 2007 events, and she participated in last summer's Smithsonian Folklife Festival event on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. Currently a senior at King William High School, Faulkner chose to attend William and Mary over several other prestigious institutions, including Dartmouth College, as a result of the Trevarthen Scholarship.

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"I was extremely shocked when (William and Mary) called me and notified me of this scholarship becoming available to me. It definitely helped sway my decision to attend William and Mary over the other institutions I was considering," said Faulkner. "I feel honored to be the first recipient of the Trevarthen Scholarship and am glad that my education at William and Mary will be furthered by it."

Frances Broaddus-Crutchfield, a national vice chairman for DAR and state historian for Virginia DAR, came up with the idea for the scholarship in 2006 when she served as the organization's Virginia State Chairman for American Indians. She said she wanted to do something for "First Americans" in memory of Trevarthen, who passed away in 2006. Trevarthen was a 43-year resident of Williamsburg who was highly involved in the local, district and national levels of the DAR. She also worked with the Virginia Gazette, Daily Press, Colonial Williamsburg Foundation and Norfolk's Immigration and Naturalization Services.

Broaddus-Crutchfield said she chose William and Mary as home for the scholarship because of Trevarthen's ties to the area and the College's unique connection to American-Indian history, which dates from the 18th-century Indian School at the Brafferton building to the 21st-century research of faculty, students and staff. For example, the American Indian Resource Center at William and Mary is involved in numerous research projects, including the construction of an oral history of Virginia Indians. Researchers at William and Mary also played a pivotal role in the uncovering a 17th-century American Indian settlement on the York River, which is thought to be the village of Werowocomoco, home to Virginia Algonquian Chief Powhatan from 1607 to 1609.

Broaddus-Crutchfield's son, Henry Broaddus, is also the College's dean of admission and the one who offered Faulkner the scholarship.

"I knew we could work together, and I wanted decisions to be left in the hands of the academic institution long after we were dead and gone," said Broaddus-Crutchfield, adding she and Trevarthen's best friend, Sandra Walker, worked with other members of the DAR to raise the minimum of $50,000 that was needed to establish the scholarship.

"It has taken two long years, but we were successful thanks to many generous Daughters who loved Anne," she said. "We are very excited that a member of the Upper Mattaponi Tribe will be the first recipient."

For more information on the Werowocomoco research project, visit http://powhatan.wm.edu/. For more information on the American Indian Resource Center, visit http://www.wm.edu/airc/.

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COMMISSION REJECTS OFFER FROM G105..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />RALEIGH – The Commission of Indian Affairs today unanimously agreed to not enter into a settlement agreement with G105, which had offered free advertising and internship opportunities for American Indian students in response to broadcasting that negatively described Indians on April 1.

During the Commission's quarterly meeting, members and guests expressed strong feelings about the derogatory comments, which were made during "Bob and the Showgram." The broadcast generated an intense response among North Carolina's tribes and organizations, collaboration among other minority groups, as well as supportive feedback from agencies outside of the state.

G105 General Manager Dick Harlow attended the meeting and restated apologies previously offered by G105 and host Bob Dumas, noting that this incident resulted in the first-ever formal, on-air apology from Dumas. He maintained that remarks made by Dumas were made "in character" and were never intended to cause offense. He also said that Dumas and his colleagues would not be fired and the show's format would not be changed.

Harlow excused himself prior to the Commission's vote. Members agreed that, while G105 pledged to not make negative comments about American Indians in the future, allowing similar remarks to be made about other groups prevented the Commission from entering into any agreement with the station.

In addition to rejecting the offer, Commission members agreed to support continued efforts by partner groups to draw attention to G105 broadcast policies, boycott its advertisers and encourage a formal investigation by the Federal Communications Commission.

....and I believe it!!!

What this means is that communications are tried on their best day - if you are in a relationship, do not fret over the little things - this time will pass.  It also affects electronics, machinery, etc.  There is just a time of misunderstandings and miscommunication...have patience (I keep saying to myself too) this time shall pass.  Try to refrain from making any major major decisions during this time (if u can...)

This all began at the end of May and will continue until around the middle of June, and surely will be cleared up by top of July.  As a writer, it is really snarling me - I try to come to the computer and work on my book and just look at a blank screen - I feel pulled and yet, do not have a desire to really talk to anyone - just want to spend time with my son and chill.  Been real quiet and just chill (and try to maintain coolness in the house - ouch - it is hotter than hatties here!!!) 

So I guess this blog is for all of my loves and for me too - to remind us all to keep focused and remember - this is just a test....

Peace out my beautiful peeps (dang, I sound like the glorious Sunshine there, huh???  I can not even touch that awesome beaut of a woman....she's my hero!! lol)  Keep your (our) heads up and hold on - the ride is just going thru some bumps...

Til next time....

Keep smiling and know you are loved and blessed...

a. kay oxendine

I am who I am  - a strong Native woman who is driven beyond belief - I am amazed at the folks that scatter and throw obstacles in my way and try to make their junk mine - it is true that one man's junk is another man's treasure - but if you don't even treasure yourself - then you allow your own being to be junk.

There are some crackheads that take my blogs and cut them out and send them to each other saying, see what she is saying about me - get over yourselves tricks - if I had that kinda energy, I surely wouldn't waste my time writing about it - I would say it to you, if it was worth saying to you.  Sometimes, it is better just to pray about it - cuz if you think that low of yourself - you need prayer. 

I am at a place in my life where I am tired of apologizing because I have this heart that loves people and that I care for people, and I really do pray when I say I do pray...I am tired of having to "tone down" my spirituality because "you" can't handle me....this is me...I am Kay - there is no one else like me and there will never be....God has blessed me with the ability to love and forgive - why hate on that? 

I wish each and everyone of you the peace and love that God has intended for you to have - reach for the stars instead of others throats - hear the words of Deitrick Haddon - "God did not give up on me....get your foot off your brother and consider yourself..."

Peace out, my loves..