Ok well anyways, It's now Tuesday morning and I'm about to go to sleep. I feel like I am obligated to write one of these, but I'm not quite sure what to put.

Oh I know!

I'm totally going to the National Zoo in Washington D.C. today with Erynn, Davey, and Alex! It's gonna be Davey's first trip to the Zoo and I'm soo excited. He's such a kyoot baby!

Umm...hmm what else...oh yea, I remedied things with other Chris, and he's coming home tonight. I'm thinking about inviting him to a rather Epic party I'm planning. And yes It will be EPIC!

Ok well I'm gonna go sleepies now. Nighty Nite!

i'm tired of watching guys do shit in front of me. seriously...it's fuking pissing me off...but I an't get mad or I get bitched at...wtf? I'm here too...get off of him...and pay attention to the fat blob blocking the door. Jesus christ...
-Sent from my Helio.

i don't know why, but i feel really depressed tonite. like i'm hanging out with Michael and that makes me happy. i just feel really depressed...on the verge of tears for no reason.i don't understand...i feel happy around michael. He just told me tonite that he is starting to get attached to me...hat made me feel so good...but then i started to think "he is so much cuter than me...why would he choose a fat fuck like me to attach to? What is so special about me?" I mean i like him yes...i care about him yes...i would even like a relationship one day...but why would i think these things? I'm not that great...I'm fucking ugly and i just can't see what he sees in me.if anyone wants to...plz call me.
-Sent from my Helio.

Ok so lately as some of you close to me know, I've been going through a rough patch. Well, during this rough patch I've been in a downward spiral. I'm getting more depressed, more defensive. I've been snapping at people who don't deserve it. I've been crying for no reason. I've been locking myself in my room, because I can't bare to face the world anymore. All I want to do is fade away inside my little space. No one will notice right? If I'm just gone one day.

I'm tired of putting on a fake smile whenever my grandparents come in my room and bother me. I hate it. I can't talk to them either, because they don't care. The last time I tried to talk to them, was when I came out to them...they told me it was a phase and that I would get over it in time. I swear my fucking grandfather is in denial...he's always pointing out "hot girls" and never "hot guys". My grandmother is in this little delusion, that God will fix me if she deals with it long enough. But I have news for her...he won't.

As far as a few select friends go...I'm really sorry I've been such an ass. I'm sorry I've pushed you away, that I've been so blinded that I've almost lost you. I don't want to lose my friends, they are the only things that really keep me together. Especially the ones with gifts like myself. I wish you guys would understand.

Well I'm off for another day of wasting away in my room. Maybe I'll play some Dead or Dead 4...nothing Alive about it...or Bioshock...shit I wish Halo 3 would get here.

Oh well Bye guys.

~Chris~

The last few weeks Goldfish and I, and a select group of friends, have been making trips to the Henryton Sanitarium/Sanitorium. And like the place is absolutely frickin amazing. Now this Saturday coming we're planning on going again. And we want volunteers. If you want to go to an extremely creepy and phenominally active place, please tell me in a message.

I will select 2 people out of the volunteers to go this time. I will choose 2 each trip. If you have a car with a more that 4 person compacity (like 6) that would be awesome.

So let me know.


Here is a link for pics and info on Henryton.

http://www.forgottenphotography.com/Henryton/index.html

I got Blossom from the PetSmart in Glen Burnie. I bought her in June. She was probably 4 months old when i got her. I raised her from then until today, like she was my own child. Last nite around 10pm I noticed she wasn't eating. At 2am she stopped running around her cage, squeaked and fell over. I picked her up out of her cage and sat on my bed. I sat her down and she was moving around fine for a minute then she just fell over leaning against me. I thought maybe she had lost her footing so i picked her up and moved her away. She fell over. I alerted my grandparents to the fact that somethign was wrong. We monitored her for 2 hours. Around 5am she started shaking and twitching. I got scared so i told my grandparents again. We searched around for a Vet or animal hospital open. We found one in Annapolis. On the way there her seizures got worse. She began screaming in pain. It was terrifying. She eventually lost control of her body and peed on me and on herself. When we got to the animal hospital they took her back immediately and did an examination. They said it was either Epilepsy or an infection that caused the brain cells to flare up. They said that they could sedate her and maybe stop the seizures. Well during the time i was there I started thinking. This won't fix it, if anything she'll be suffering more afterwards. So I knew what I had to do. I went out and asked the nurse to get the doctor. WHen the doctor came in I said, "I don't want her to suffer anymore. I think while she is sedated, we should just let her go." The doctor said i was doing a noble thing for Blossom. She brought Blossom in and gave me some time with her. Needless to say I cried. I was hysterical. I was losing my baby. After some time I told the doctor I was ready. She brought in 2 needles. One was to put her into a deeper unconscious sleep. The other to slow down and ultimately stop her central nervous system. I watched as she put her into a deeper sleep, Blossom twitched during the first shot. The second was smoother. Blossom just breathed slower and slower. Her heart eventually stopped and I knew she was at peace and no longer suffering. I cried more. I coudn't believe she was gone. My baby has left me. They brought in a carrying box. I wrapped her up and placed her gently in the box. And we left. I cried most of the way home. When we hit the Bay Bridge, I opened the box, and unwrapped her. I sat there staring off into space, remembering the good days, petting her lifeless body. When we got home I declared that I was going to bury her in the yard, but not until after my grandmother got home and it stopped raining. Blossom is still in the box sitting on my bed. I will be burying her this evening.

Even as the day grows dim, Blossom makes the sun shine. I say this, because when i got back and said i wasn't gonna bury her in the rain...it stopped raining. It stopped raining for her. And there was a rainbow in the sky. It was so beautiful.

I'll never forget my little baby girl. But most of all She'll never forget me.

I love you Blossom, and I know you are finally at peace. Who knows how long you've suffered, but it's finally over now.

I'm watching Bicentennial Man now, because she used to sit and watch it with me. It was her favorite movie...if she had a favorite.

Being sick sucks >.< I'm coughing violently and i'm sneezing...my throat is so sore! I'm taking like 30 medicines at once to try and kill the cold but it just gets stronger >.< but at least i feel better sometimes...maybe it's the drug overdose >.<

either way...i'm hoping that i live to see later today...cuz i'm supposed to chill with the david...eh oh well...i guess i'm gonna go finish the ATHF movie.

Ya know, sometimes i sit back and wonder if what's happening to me is for a good reason. I sit here taking every blow in stride looking towards a bright and happy ending, but that ending never comes. I stand, waiting, ever so still for the happy ending and i die.

They say that sometimes when you wait long enough and with all your patience good things happen to you. I want to know, Where is my good thing? When will my time come? Will I ever get to shine, or will I be just another failure?

Sometimes, just sometimes, they tell you to be optimistic and to look ahead. What you don't know is that they are killing you from behind. Stealing your glory, your life, your sanity. Taking all that you loved. And al the while we sit...ever so optimistic. We're pathetic sometimes.

I sometimes sit by the phone. Waiting. Waiting for the call I'll never get. The call home. Back where it all begins. Where we return in the end. Maybe sometimes, we're never ment to get the call...but we all do. Sometimes.

ah the most whymsical thing in the world is the meaning of life.


well my friend here's my theory  on the matter....fuck you all ^^ that is all.