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英雄 k' .

Sidney San

Last Updated: 11/16/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 17
Sign: Aquarius

City: 562
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/4/2005

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Friday, June 19, 2009

Realization to be met and made .
Current mood:

determined

Thoughts .

Flowing in and pouring out of my head constantly .

I lay in bed for the entire day, passing lots of time by . I was thinking about who I am in the past 4 years, and for some reason, I want to improve even more . I am content, but I yearn for more . Who I was years before isn't me any more . Who am I to complain for what has been done is done, what risk I take that may hurt myself later and the people I chose to hang around .

I lay in my bed for it seems like an eternity, with the pillow over my head and my body refusing to move an inch . Eye muscles fighting to stay focus, It's all a mental war from there on .To be happy for the people around, I place them before me always . So what about my own happiness ? I don't know, I find them in my friends . My flow with life is just all about judging and varies of what I believe to be good or bad . I don't stand by a god or anything to guide what I want to live my life .

I lay in my bed for the accompany of music radiating from the desktop speakers, sending me messages and creating visual passages . Random senses of pieces of my life, happiness, and what I want . But the real irony is what the hell do I want ? I yearn for something I don't even know . I am just for sure, There is something missing but I don't know what it is .

I lay in my bed as I try to struggle with this mental war and commanding my fingers to move . I still want to know what I want . I just can't put it into words . I'm conflicted , with what I want and what I believe to be wrong . When the heart and mind friction, It causes such a mess, it might take days to clean up . I'm not sad, I'm not depressed . I'm struggling to find out me .

I lay in my bed fighting this battle in my head, this whole mental war we go through each day, and finding out what the hell I am and what do I want .