I am weird. I've known it for a while now... in the last couple years it really dawned on me, as my self-awareness has grown to a pretty phenomenal level.

Unfortunately, when I was younger, I was not as self-aware and I would imagine as a result I had less success in some endeavours than I thought I should have. As an example, I didn't really realize this, but I never used to smile much, almost at all. I imagine this made me a lot less attractive to the ladies, which definitely sucked, because in high school being someone's potential mate is all that matters (slight hint of sarcasm, but a silver lining of truth there)... Well, that and video games (and in my case, music and guitars).

"Not smilling much" was only the beginning of my social awkwardness, but again, I didn't even really know how socially awkward I was. I did things, physically speaking, that I didn't even realize I did, like looking down at my feet because I was afraid to look into someone's eyes. I would also stumble through sentences like a man falling down a mountain during an avalanche.

You'd hope as time went on I became less weird... Nope. Well, I am definitely way less socially awkward, and I keep getting better with dealing with people. But the weirdness continues... As a musician, I am constantly in bars and clubs where they serve alcohol. Yet I don't drink. At all. Anyone over the age of 19 who doesn't drink is definitely weird, in the eyes of many.

But what if I told you that I don't drink because of my singing voice? Perhaps the demands I place on my voice as a singer are so high that I can't afford to do anything that might jeopardize my ability to sing (they are). Or maybe I went through a period of time where I lost my voice almost completely, for months, and I now do everything I possibly can to stay in good health to keep my voice strong (I did, and I do).

Anyone I know could probably give you more examples of how I'm weird. And the funny thing is that I could offer an explanation, just like the one above, to justify virtually every little "odd" quirk that I have.

Being weird isn't inherently bad. Sometimes it's good. It was once weird to think the Earth orbited the Sun (actually, it was criminal!)

Don't judge us weirdos too harshly. Give us a chance and you might find that we're weird for a reason.

with love,
Thomas

On a regular basis, I see people who want to believe that they are so much better at something than they actually are. In doing that, it usually hinders their ability to get as good as they want to be at that thing. For example; at the gym, I see people working out, which is good for them. But, a lot of the time, I see people lifting a lot more weight than they should be. And really, they're just kidding themselves into believing they're stonger, when they really aren't. Lifting too much weight leads to bad technique, which probably isn't helping muscle growth how they want it too. And this isn't just a blog about working out. I think people have this mindset with a lot of things they're trying to accomplish, even myself. Sometimes, if I'm learning how to play a new song, I will want to try to do it as fast as I can, to prove to myself that I'm that good. When really, I should be taking it slowly and reinforcing proper technique, so I don't reinforce bad habits. I should gradually work my way up so that it is easy, and gives me the best results. And I find that when I don't kid myself, and take it slowly that I end up a lot more pleased with the results. Think about how this might relate in your life, if there's something you're learning or practicing. Maybe you're not as good as you want to be. Maybe the best way to get there is not to force it, but to do it properly. It might take a little more time, but I guess you get what you give.

Cheers,
Darren

sounds dumb and obvious, but some people need to be reminded...

There was a point in my life where I truly thought the world was crashing down around me. I had no social life. I was in constant pain... I couldn't sing, I couldn't even talk without it feeling like my throat was on fire. My hands ached and burned constantly and turning a faucet was excruciating.  I couldn't work. I couldn't do much of anything. I definitely couldn't play music! (The one thing that mattered most to me)

I felt like I was in hell. And it felt like everyone around me either didn't believe that it was that bad (was I lying? or exaggerating? or maybe just plain lazy? I don't know, but believe me, I wish it had been that simple!), or couldn't relate at all. Nobody had the answers for me (I tried going to doctors and they were either unsuccessful in finding the problem or kept changing the diagnosis).

I said to myself, "if things don't get any better than this then it's probably not worth living".

I decided I wasn't going down and out like that, not without a fight. I promised myself I would at least give it my all, and try to find an answer for myself, BY MYSELF, over the next 6 months. If nothing came of it... well, maybe it wasn't worth living. After all I felt like I was basically a cripple... the only things I was good at I couldn't do anymore, and I couldn't support myself financially.

It's more than four years later and I'm the happiest and the healthiest I've been in a very long time. I'm closer to living out my dreams than ever before. And best of all, I can share my experiences with others to know that everything is NOT lost and that there ARE solutions out there.

And all it took was the planting of a seed...

So don't give up just yet. The answers you need are out there, you just need to keep looking, and you'll find them like I did.

-Tom

On Tuesday afternoon, we held our first ever audition. It was a lot of fun and a great experience. It went really well, and our auditionee was better than what we would hope for in many ways. We'd like to congratulate Kristyn Milner on an excellent audition, and welcome her to the band as our bassist. Rumor has it she also plays a mean cello. So maybe if we ask her nicely enough, we will get to hear her play cello at a future show as well!

We are still looking for a drummer to complete the band. If you are interested, or know someone who is, send us a message, or e-mail us at unionoflanterns at hotmail dot com (replace "at" with "@" and "dot" with "." ; just trying to keep from getting junk mail).

We are very excited about the new addition to the band and what is yet to come.

Stay tuned!

-Darren

PS: This was my first blog. Hope you enjoyed it!

Don't stop dreaming. Even though there's a chance that others won't believe in your dreams, you never really know when your dreams might come true.

Don't stop working towards your dreams. Even though there's a chance that you will fail at the task at hand, you never really know when you might stumble upon success.

Don't stop giving. Even though, in your life, you may not always be given what you think you deserve, you never really know when your gifts will change someone else's life forever.

Don't stop loving. Even though there's a chance that you won't be loved by those that you give your love to, you never really know when you might stumble upon someone who can actually love you in return.

Don't stop living. Even though there's a chance that you're doomed to misery, you may as well keep living and keep dreaming, working, giving, and loving... you never really know when you might stumble upon the life you've always wanted.

I write this, in part, for you, in the hopes that it may be of some value. But to be honest, I mostly wrote this for myself, because at times I have my doubts about all of these things and I need to remind myself that these things are all true, even though they sometimes do not seem that way.

I know most of my blogs paint me in a more positive light, and make me seem a lot more optimistic... and this blog might seem to invalidate them. But it does not. I never claimed to be perfect. I'm just some guy; some screwed up guy who sometimes thinks this isn't life, but it's actually hell, and I've already died and I will never, not ever, have what I really want out of life, but instead it will always be just out of my reach. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can't. It's how I feel, at times. But I want to keep changing.

The reason most people ultimately fail is because habits don't change overnight. So when those bad feelings don't immediately go away, people assume that they have failed and that whatever they just learned that was supposed to change their life, is a load of crap. Well, perhaps sometimes it is a load of crap. But to really change in life you begin by planting a seed, an idea. It starts small, but if you nurture it, it will grow.

When you were an infant, and you first started walking, you did not walk as well as you walk now. This seems to be true of every person on the planet. The reason is because all humans learn the same way... successive approximation. The same method for learning applies to thought patterns. Currently you think bad thoughts; if you begin to correct those thoughts with better thoughts, you will become happier. Your mind will learn to think better just as you learned to walk better.

I love you (but more importantly I need to learn to love myself).

-Tom

Seriously.

You'd better do everything in your power to make yourself happy, because some day you are no longer going to have the opportunity to even try.

Everything you do affects the rest of the universe. Maybe you think that some things you do don't make a difference; if you do, then you think wrong. I'm not telling you this so you can spend hours analyzing your behaviour and nitpicking at every mistake you make! I'm telling you this so that you realize that you actually have significant power to change the world around you, and it starts by changing yourself.

If you are anything like me, you aren't perfect (lol). And sometimes you just feel like shit. Believe it or not, that is YOUR MIND making you feel that way. Wanna know something crazy?? YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. Yep. All those things that make you miserable, that frustrate you, that piss you off (!), can be changed, can be eradicated. You, yes you, unhappy, miserable, you, can actually be happy.

Of course, the question is, "how the hell do I change my mind"? The key is understanding how the mind works.

[Disclaimer: I am not a scientist, I am not a medical doctor, I am not a psychiatrist, or a neurosurgeon of any kind. I have no formal degrees or formal education whatsoever. I am just some guy who plays guitar and sings, who claims to know how to make you happier. You can read what I have to say and choose whether or not you agree. It is my opinion only. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't listen to me. I won't hold it against you.]

It all comes to down to programming and reprogramming. I can't possibly explain all of this in just this blog, but I will give you some helpful information about how the mind works that should get you started on the path to awesomeness!

Those things that you do without thinking, like clench your fists when someone is talking trash about you, or avoid eye contact when you're scared of someone or what they think, or tense your muscles and feel panic when you're being tested on something, etc etc... those come from your subconscious (whenever I say "your mind", this is what I'm referring to). They happen without you directly choosing to make them happen... they "just seem to happen".

The choices you make based on your mind's output (ie. the stuff I mentioned in the above paragraph), are choices that you make consciously. That is "you". "You" are not "your mind"; the two things are inherently connected, but not the same thing at all.

When you are learning a new skill, the two interact in an interesting way... let's use throwing a basketball through a basketball hoop as an example. I'll assume you're not very good at basketball, no offense. (I'm going somewhere with this, trust me, keep reading!)

You throw the basketball towards the hoop, but the ball doesn't go far enough. So, you consciously notice that, and you basically say to your mind, "I need to throw farther". The next shot goes too far. You consciously notice that, and say to your mind "ok, that was a little better, but I don't need to throw quite that far".

You do this a bunch of times, over and over, each time mentally telling your mind what needs to be done differently ("throw farther", "aim more to the left", etc,etc). After a while, what will probably happen is that you will actually get better at shooting a basketball.

All of this happens because of the way you interact with your mind. Why is this important? When you started playing basketball, your skill level was worse, then it got better as you practiced. This is because your subconscious stores the data (information) from when you were practicing, and whether or not you agreed with the results consciously (ie. whether or not you sunk the basketball in the hoop), and used it to make you a better player.

Everything else you do in your life works more or less the same way... You can actually reprogram your physical/emotional reaction/actions to certain situations. It may seem odd, but you can actually learn to deal with stress the same way you learn to play basketball. Of course, you have to believe that it actually is possible to become less stressed, that's the first step. The second step is to notice how you are reacting physically to a stressful situation; notice any muscles that are more tense than they need to be (this isn't always easy at first, you probably have tensions you aren't even aware of!) Then relax those muscles. They will probably tense again. Relax them again. If you do this enough, you will actually become more relaxed in stressful situations... in other words, you will become a more relaxed person.

Emotionally/mentally, one of the keys to feeling better is understanding why you shouldn't be stressed. I'll get into this in another blog, as this is a lengthy subject in and of itself, but I've touched on it in other blogs (what? you haven't read all my blogs?). One little tip though, to get things started: You must let go of any belief you have that is negative, like "I am an angry person", or "I get stressed when I'm up against a deadline". It is much more productive to believe "I am currently an angry person", "I currently get stressed when I'm up against a deadline. Honestly, do you ACTUALLY KNOW FOR SURE that you can never change, that you will always be angry, stressed, stupid, whatever?!??! NO, YOU DON'T! Until you have learned everything the universe has to offer, you must acknowledge that it's at least possible that you can change. That is the first step.

When you are equally ignorant of either the positive or negative belief/assumption in any situation, always choose/assume the positive.

[I am going to assume that you enjoyed this blog so much that you will buy my album if you haven't already (lol!), which is available online at http://www.indiepool.com/uol2007CD. You can also buy our songs on iTunes and other fine online music stores (Napster, PureTracks, and many others). If you've already done that, I am going to assume that you are going to tell all of your friends to read my blogs because they are so awesome, and encourage them to buy our album or download some songs from iTunes. I am assuming you've already downloaded the songs on our mySpace and that you're going to tell all your friends to do the same!!!

I'm also going to assume that you're going to post a comment on my blog, or send me a message or e-mail me (unionoflanterns at hotmail dot com ... just replace the at and dot with @ and .) if you have any questions or comments about what I've written. I DARE you to try to pick holes in what I've written, I highly encourage it!!! (If I am right I will be able to show you why, if I am wrong I am happy to be corrected.)]

Take care!
with love
Thomas

Whenever you enter into a situation with expectations... you are asking for trouble. Especially when you are completely wrong about what happens, and the outcome of said situation is something you really didn't want to happen!

I'll be the first to admit, when I just "let things happen", when I don't put some forethought into what I'm about to do, I often have expectations, and when those expectations aren't met, I'm often disappointed.

The problem is my mindset... Inna nutshell, I am not smart enough to predict the rest of the universe's happenings (not yet anyway, lol). And I set myself up for disappointment by "hoping" that something will happen, that doesn't end up happening.

But, if I had instead had the mindset that I am merely one person, that can't predict or control the outcome of every situation that presents itself, I wonder, would I have been better equipped to handle the problems that faced me?

The first step is acknowledging that you don't really know everything that's going to happen in this seemingly crazy (but really rather organized) thing we call "life". The second step is just recording/observing the information [when I say "information", I mean whatever is important to you in any given situation; the way your girlfriend is acting around you, the way people behave when you try to sell them something, how your opponents in a competitive game or sport react when you act a certain way] and trying to come up with a way to make good use of that information. Develop an awareness for what's going on around you, and notice any patterns that seem to be present. Then use that information to your advantage.

Stop trying to make the rest of the world fit your preconceived notions of how things should/must work, and start noticing how things really are working right now. Then use that to get what you want out of life.

So many more things I wish to write about, but that's for another time.

Peace,
Tom

ps I know you have to have SOME expectations in any situation, like the expectation that you would be arrested if you didn't wear clothes in most public places... I'm just trying to make a point about how people set themselves up for misery when they really don't know how other people might act in any given situation, and they expect something that turns out to be unrealistic. By all means, believe that your friends are going to treat you kindly every time you see them... but if they don't, understand that it is your expectations that were wrong (whether or not your friends were wrong doesn't change the fact that you guessed wrong what would happen).

You are probably unnecessarily tense in some way as you are reading this right now. Focus on the muscles in different parts of your body, and notice if you can't relax any (or all) of them a little more. Repeat this process as you're doing something, anything - laundry, office work, working out (just promise me you won't relax your arms while bench pressing heavy weights!!!)

This is one small, easy way to retrain your body and actually just feel all around better. It will become habit the more you do it.

Have a great weekend!

Realize that most of what you know, you learned from someone else...

So, next time you think you're smart because you know something that someone else doesn't, just realize that you're either:
A) Lucky someone taught it to you, and not to them, in which case you have no right to gloat (they didn't choose not to be taught something), or
B) Lucky that you are capable of learning what was taught to you, and they aren't, in which case you have no right to gloat (they didn't choose to be born incapable, just like you didn't choose to be born capable)

Either way, you have no right to to hold yourself in higher esteem because you were lucky enough to be taught, or to be born without some significant mental defect so that you could be taught, or whatever.

By the way, if you think about it (heh), you might realize the same reasoning can be applied to forgiveness, and to why you should always forgive.

Be grateful, you are luckier than you think.
-Tom

As I mentioned in an earlier blog ("The Mind"), changing your mind is not necessarily easy, it is not automatic, and it's not always fun (maybe that should read "not often fun", heh)... but, it is possible, it is the only effective way to becoming happier, and there's no time like the present to get started.

"You can potentially be completely happy no matter what your life is like right now"...

I know you probably won't believe me when I say that, and at times I admit that even I doubt that it is true... but, I've noticed the more I try to change my mind, the more I actually just "automatically" have more positive thoughts. Thoughts are based on habit, which is based on programming your mind, whether you realize you are programming your mind or not. Everytime you agree with a thought that your mind feeds you, you strengthen your belief in that thought. This is partially why it seems so hard to break bad thinking habits... even if something I say sounds brilliant (hehe), and you believe it after reading it, the fact that, the very next day, or hour, or five minutes from now, or whenever, you feel bad about something again, seems to disprove the idea.

But it doesn't make what I'm saying false!!! The problem is that beliefs are based on approximation, not logic. Without going on a long, boring schpiel about what the heck I'm talking about, I'll simply say that appromixation is based on guessing and logic is based on certainty (I'm oversimplifying for the time being.) And I will now restate the most important sentence from the last paragraph, because it is so crucial for you to start to believe it:

"Everytime you agree with a thought that your mind feeds you, you strengthen your belief in that thought."

So, if you start feeling miserable, because, I don't know, you got rejected by another girl after trying to ask her out, or, you have to work an extra shift this week, or, you just can't seem to figure out how to solve a problem you have, you have to understand that if you agree with your feelings, you are basically telling your mind "I should feel this way". Do your very best to seek to understand why you shouldn't feel bad (about anything, ever... but start with the problem at hand), and you will find you will not suffer nearly as much. Give it a shot.

Oh yeah, we have a show tomorrow night at the Black Walnut Folk Club. 216 Mill Street Kitchener, corner of Mill and Stirling, it's the Mill-Courtland Community Centre... Parking is in the back. We go on at 8pm, then there's an open mic at 8:30. It's only three bucks! Hopefully I'll see you there.

With love,
Tom