After an eight day bout of dysentery, I am finally ready to tell you about my vacation in Belize.

I did sunbathe naked, a little. I did improve my tan. I did do some lovely snorkeling and I did ATTEMPT to get my Scuba Diver's certification. You see, all went well, and many fears were overcome and skills learned  until at the beginning of the last dive, I couldn't equalize the pressure in my ears and sinuses and I was unable to get my red and white sticker after all.

It was because we were on a small resort where the meals were thrice a day, take it or leave it. They wonderfully avoided peanuts and garlic for me but I was forced to eat dairy or starve which caused... the dreaded sinus infection- which creeped up slowly and finally made me a Dive-Quitter for serious risk of bursting eardrums. My girlfriend, I must say, breezed through with flying colors and is now lifetime certified. That should boost her competitive ego for at least a year. (I will hope to finish this last task within the next year).

We made new friends who made us laugh- Rick and Carlene from the small state of RI. They entertained us with thier thick accents, constant laughter and dirty minds.

Island life was great but I do not reccomend spending much time on the mainland. Absorbing culture is one thing, getting sexually harassed every five minutes is another. I was forced to dress like a mormon.

42 mosquito bites on me in all- and get this- we spent most of our time in the least-infested area. I'm thinking next time maybe Paris or Venice.

Still, a great vacation. My favorite parts were learning new species of jungle birds, hammock lounging, ocean kayaking and getting up to watch the sunrises and watching Pelicans dive for fish at sunset.

The "sleep number bed" at our last night's hotel was also a highlight.

 

I am off to Belize for 12 days. So no music news for this month. I will be birding in the forest and marine invertebrate species identifying in the clear ocean. Probably smacking mosquitos too. If you can't escape to sun like me, buy some liquid vitamin D drops!

If you are in Seattle, make it down to Beach Blanket Bimbos (on my calendar) Feb 20. Hopefully my ass won't be as white as when I returned from Hawaii. I'm hoping to sunbathe in true Naked Folksinger style. The show will be so much fun, for a good cause and produced by excellent people.

Love,

Moorea

Moorea Malatt December 2007 Newsletter!

Aloha from Hawaii!
I'm in Hawaii for Hanukah and tonight is the first night! It's rainy and with a high-wind advisory! Not unlike Seattle, hah!

Seattle-ites, check my myspace page for my upcoming gigs so far they are mostly Fridays and Saturdays at the fancy-schmancy Pink Door. http://www.myspace.com/mooreamalatt
I am excited about a whole bunch of good prospects for 2008, but they are too secret to share as of yet!

I was recently interviewed for Jew-ish.com and here is the article:
http://www.jew-ish.com/index.php?/stories/item/1104



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Here are the lyrics to my new Naughy Hanukah Song to tide you over until I get back. (set to bell-ish christmas finger-picking guitar, key of A)

Presence (The Naughty Hanukah Song)

Its a miracle, it's a miracle
The flame's still burning bright
I always thought it would burn out
In some Holy-land-ish fight

But the sanctuary of your body
With the synagogue of mine
Builds a temple of our happy home
All is kosher, all is fine

Chorus:
You're Hanukah to me every day
With every look and every lay
A gift for every single night
It's what I call your presence

And when I get all sad and whiney
You just add some pounds onto my hiney
You're always cookin' nosh for me
If that ain't love, then I don't know

And when I think I've lost my noodle
From livin' frugal, eatin' too much kugel
You wrap me in your arms like rugalach
And squeeze me like a matzo ball

And while we're on the subject of yummy cookies
You sure do give some delicious nookie
Let's play a game of strip-dreidel
What a Shanda! I'm all out of Gelt!

You're Hanukah to me every day
With every look and every lay
A gift for every single night
It's what I call your presence

And you're not unlike the lord that way
I see him in your eyes of white and blue
When you look at me and laugh and say
Babe, I'll never leave you

Cause I know it's real hard not to tease
Me for my sinus pain and food allergies
And thanks for puttin up with my anxiety
I know it isn't easy, loving a jew.

You're Hanukah to me every day
With every look and every lay
A gift for every single night
It's what I call your presence
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*Nosh is -food/snacks
*Rugalach is a rolled dough eastern European cookie often with cinnamon and nuts.
*Shanda is "A Shame!"
*Gelt is that gold money-candy you see this time of year


Don't forget, my Naked Folksinger LIVE! Makes a great holiday gift!
http://www.cdbaby.com/moorea3


Thanks to all of you who donated to help me send songs to the International Songwriting Competition! I entered songs in the categories of Singer-songwriter, Country and Comedy! They have received my package and the judging is already underway! I can use everyone's prayers and good thoughts. It sure would be recognized for what I most love to do in the world- to write songs!

Love,
Moorea

Moorea Malatt Newsletter: November 2007

1. Get Naughty this Friday in Seattle!

2. Sponsor me in a Songwriting contest!

3. Holiday Shopping Made Easy!

4. BLOG : Why I Love Not Being Right

5. Home For the Holidays Coaching!

6. Songwriting Class

 

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Friday's Shows-

FOR EARLY BIRDS:

This Friday 8pm The Cabaret with Tamara the Trapeze Lady and some of the best performers you will see, and it just so happens tonight they all my personal favorites, my good friends! Burlesque by Miss Indigo Blue, Ravenna Black, Waxie Moon and aerialist Michelle Francis and Tamara's Stripteasing on the Trapeze, of course.

At Columbia City Theater, 4916 Rainier Avenue South, Seattle 98118
Hosted by Tamara "The Trapeze Lady" $20 and worth it!

Purchase advance tickets on-line to Columbia City Cabaret shows!
http://www.brownpapertickets.com
(Just search for Columbia City Cabaret) Will Sell Out! Reserve Today.
Reservation Line: 206-605-9920

 

FOR THE WIDE-EYED OR BROKE:

NAKED FOLKSINGER SOLO SHOW is right afterwards at 10:30pm and it's only $5!

Be There or Be Square this Friday the 16^th!

Other upcoming shows are listed on http://www.myspace.com/mooreamalatt

 

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2. Sponsor My Songwriting!

I am going to enter ten songs in the International Songwriting Competition, which is the biggest and best of the year.

I will be entering in the fields of Comedy, Singer/Songwriter and Country. The judges are fantastic.

The prizes are huge including huge steps-up for a music career. You will not be forgotten if you sponsored me and I win something.

Each friend/fan can sponsor one song entry fee for $35. You can even pick the song, PLUS You can have whichever CD of mine you don't have or one for a friend along with the deal. I have always been too nervous to enter this contest. Help me take this leap, please!

Email me MooreaMalatt@hotmail.com and I have many easy ways you can get that sponsorship donation to me including in person, by mail, and even so quickly by Paypal!

http://www.songwritingcompetition.com

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3. Holiday Shopping Made Easy By Me.

I abhor holiday shopping. In fact, I dislike it so much that I usually don't do it at all. Sometimes I paint really ugly watercolor pictures of evergreen trees for people instead. That amuses me. This year I'm doing something else that amuses me: Inexpensive Naughty gifts for everyone. More specifically, people on my list are only getting phallic-shaped items.

If you want to give a Naughty gift, you can buy THE NAKED FOLKSINGER, LIVE from me and I will ship it anywhere in the country and get it there by the Last Day of Hannukah or by Christmas and your shipping is free. It will be wrapped by me, your little Jewish Elf. The CD is only $15 and will bring such joy and laughter. Please help me send my message of sex-positivity and endearing neurosis around the country.

Email MooreaMalatt@hotmail.com to arrange payment and shipping.

OR, if that gift is too naughty for your sixteen-year-old cousin Debbie, or your Eccentric Aunt Rita, you can buy her one month of Metamorphosis Life Coaching for Creative Women. That's Certified, Trained and Established coaching by Me, Moorea Malatt. I can send your gift-reciever a beautiful certificate in the mail and she can start phone-coaching from anywhere.

And what are you getting yourself for the holidays? Wouldn't Life Coaching be a great way to start the new year? You can learn how to be a brazen shameless self-promoter like me ( as in this newsletter!) open up your full creative potential, embrace your intuition, be rid of the old patterns and bring in healthy relationships. Oh yeah, baby, doesn't that sound good?

Again, to set up coaching, email MooreaMalatt@hotmail.com

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4. Blog: Why I Love Not Being Right

There are phrases I love to spout which make me sound full of myself:

The first comes in answering people who ask my sign:

"Libra. Practically Perfect in Every Way" which is just…true.

And the second is:

"I'm Always Right."

Now, many people claim the latter, but I have almost always meant it literally, staunchly, smugly. Then I read more self-help books. I got a Life Coach. I became a Life Coach. I got older and I started working an Al-Anon program to get over my codependency and control issues. I started taking intense inventory.

And as it turns out, the ways I am right are usually fairly worthless to others: song lyrics, biology trivia, psychiatric and medical diagnoses of characters in movies and television, world geography, and did I mention song lyrics?

Yet, the places I have not been right in the last few years have been astonishingly meaningful:

-Two of my current best friends are people I HATED when I first met them (probably the ONLY people I've ever thought I hated). I was not right about them, which means I was not right about myself.

-I am madly in love with someone I had known for years and never would have picked for myself. Now I can't imagine ever picking anyone else.

- I met a friend with the kind of horrifying childhood I had always imagined people to need to commit suicide to escape the legacy of, and this friend turned my predeterminations upside down- creating his life of strength, ownership and service from what I did not believe existed- inherent, enduring, un-crushable self-love.

- I had a underlying belief that I was a very unlucky person and that good things probably wouldn't happen to me. Some amazing events happened recently which would unequivocally prove me wrong. I was then able to look back and realize the ways I had always been lucky.

I really did not have it "Right". What I did have was inflexibility, severe images of myself, hopes and fears not based in my experience of reality. I had internal stories like, "I do not date blond sporty girls."

We are ignorant to the future. We have intention but we do not have control. This is the magic of conscious humanity. This is where surprise, serendipity, irony and abandon live. They are why I have come to love not being right.

I like to coach on some of the elements of the "Secret" which is about the law of attraction and putting out only those positive thoughts of good things you wish to come to you. And this technique works very well. Still I have my own little "secret". If you can't change all the ways you think, the ways you construct your story; just be willing to have your story interrupted. Be willing to be wrong about how life works, be willing to be wrong about what you wanted.

 

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5. Home for the Holidays Coaching

I am offering specific Coaching Sessions on Going Home for the Holidays. I have been told I have an uncanny ability to ease holiday back home frustrations. This form of coaching is so needed in our culture this season that I am offering it at the bottom of my sliding scale of $45 for a 45 minute session. I recommend two sessions leading up to the event and each person to sign up for this coaching will have emergency holiday access to me by phone while you are in the midst of the yelling, the sarcasm, the teasing, the drinking, the religion, the awkward silence and the sugar.

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6. Songwriting Class

I will be teaching Songwriting Classes in January! Place and Time (One weekday evening in Seattle) is yet to be determined. Maybe you play keyboard, guitar or percussion; you can write a-capella songs if you can't play an instrument. You can have never written a song before or you can have published four albums like me. You can be a poet who thinks he/she has no rhythm or melody. You can be opera-trained or tone-deaf. We will laugh. You will write songs in 2008. Please express interest and get on my list by emailing MooreaMalatt@hotmail.com

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To be removed from the Moorea Malatt mailing list, please email MooreaMalatt@hotmail.com with "remove" in the subject header.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did You Know that my new CD, The Naked Folksinger, LIVE!  Is available for purchase?

Before you can even get it on CDBaby, you can get it from me! (I prefer this and you get free shipping!)

This offer is only for my mailing list and MySpace and I am already running low before having to order again, so get yours now for a yourself or a friend.
Why you want one:

1. Laughter is good medicine and this will do it for ya.
2. It's new, it's hot, it will make you cool.
3. You will have a better sex life, just by listening.
4. The sound quality is amazing and it's just like being at a show
5. Sexy photos included.

Here is How :

1: Log into your PayPal account, or create a new one. www.paypal.com

2. Click "send money" and enter my business email address:   metamorphorganizer@hotmail.com

3. Add up $15 per cd and enter your total (shipping to you is free!) Pay with a card or checking acct.

4. Use the blank section to enter the name and address where you want it sent, if you want a sharpie note on the CD to someone, it signed for you, etc.

5. Receive CD in three to five days!!!

Extra, Extra!!

The Naked Folksinger's Guitar Was Stolen and Now She's Truly Indecent! But You Can Help!

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What: New Guitar Fundraiser and The Naked Folksinger Live! CD Release

When: August 8th   at  8pm. Write this on your calendar now if you'll be in Seattle!

Where: Columbia City Theater, Rainier Ave. S. Seattle, WA next to Tutta Bella. Parking all around.

How Much? $ 10 cover or $20 and receive the new CD too! (save $5)

This will be two 40 minute sets:  first part clothed (children welcome), second half naked with a borrowed guitar covering what which would make you blush.

 

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The Story on How I Came to Be Without My Guitar:

 

On a very recent  Sunday afternoon, in broad daylight, my beautiful Martin Guitar, "Butch" was stolen from behind the front seat of my car, after a window was bashed in. I had left it at my friend's house and went with him for fish and chips on Alki Beach Seattle. My purse was also stolen, but I happened to have my wallet with me and that purse and it's junk was later recovered in a neighbor's  trash can. I am pretty sure my thief was not very girly because they did not take my expensive avocado-silicone hand cream from Laguna Beach.

 

Yes, humor and a tremendous catapult into gratitude for what I have and the support of my friends is keeping me from completely falling apart during this …I would call it a tragedy, but I just cannot. I'm pretty sure that I haven't even encountered true tragedy in my life yet. I have to be grateful for that. Still, the guitar was a big part of my current  livelihood, artistic existence, and was one of my best friends.  I'd be lying if I didn't  say I have been feeling a little PTSD about it in moments. But mostly, I believe things happen for a reason.

 

Though the Martin SWOMGT Sustainable Wood Series Auditorium shape guitar is a special edition, I did find someone in Rochester New York re-selling one for a great price. The great price for this guitar is still, well, pricy. I sold an acoustic, and an electric and then paid layaway for three months when I bought Butch five years ago.

 

As a Jewish Buddhist, I belong to this beautiful uber-progressive Christian church where my Sunday School friends headed by a one young Bailey Guess had a last minute bake sale to raise money for my new guitar (I often play in church and with the children for sing-alongs) They amazingly, with random donations, raised over $300!!! One of those dollars did come from me because I couldn't stay away from Kay-Anne's molasses cookies.

 

That three-hundred dollars was just applied as a holding payment for my new replacement guitar. I am truly blessed. And it just so happens that I have a new CD coming out just in time for a big party! In fact, it was shipped the very same day I am writing this!

 

But I still have $1000 to raise which includes the rest of the guitar on which sits in Rochester and having a guitar pick-up (microphone) installed. I bet you want to come to my fundraiser! I will make you laugh- a lot!

 

What if you can't make it?!

 

If you cannot make it to the show to get The Naked Folksinger, Live!, you will in a week and a half be able to buy it at www.cdbaby.com, just look up Moorea Malatt and my three CDs should pop up at that point. You will also get a reminder of this when CD baby receives my stock and is ready to sell it! I promise, it's very naughty.

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Help Get Nakie Some Press!

 

I had a dream the other night. If some bad things happen for good purposes, maybe losing my guitar will help get me some press. In the dream, Seattle's alternative paper, The Stranger, did a great feature on me with the title. "The Naked Folksinger, Stripped" I have been having a very hard time getting press so this is my plea to you that if you have any connections to anyone at any publications at all, tell them my story ! Anyone who helps get me press is entitled to a free house concert after the new guitar arrives! Any other way you'd like to help? Email me.

 

That's it for now, of course, there are millions of other things happening in my neck of the woods including a ridiculous new drive to re-learn French and visit paris, Going to Hawaii for Hannukah and of course, working my magic as a Life Coach for some pretty fabulous creative people.

 

Love,

Moorea

http://www.mooreamalatt.com
http://www.myspace.com/mooreamalatt
http://www.mooreamalatt.com/metamorphosis

SUMMER PLANS
 
As some of you know, I've spent over two months in Portland, Oregon trying to give myself a writing retreat. I'm under advisory by multiple mentors to stop mentioning the title of my book until producing even more pages than I have currently managed. This is to adhere to the "talk less, do more" plan. Anyway, my rent in Portland was too high and I found out that it is a city of much art and beauty, but very little paid appreciation for such. It wasn't good for burlesque dance and people really didn't have the expendable income for Life Coaching or Personal Organizing. So I couldn't really build my clientele there- and because of other circumstances combined, I have just moved out of Portland early.
 
This weekend I am embarking on a long road trip with my best friend, Miss Indigo Blue, to visit our parents in the Bay and L.A. and also to Vegas, Baby, to help her run theVendor Fair at this year's Miss Exotic World Burlesque Festival and competition. I have never been to Exotic World and am looking forward to dressing up every day and being inspired by lots of rad performance art.
 
Then, I'm going to be vagabonding. I am thinking of it as vaga-Bonding, meaning that I will temporarily bond for short periods of time with new places, new homes and new people! I will be doing a stint as a professional house/pet sitter. The Buddhist part of me thinks this is a great way practice non-attachment. The Christian part of me says this is a great way to "Let Go and Trust God." The New Ager in me thinks it will be great for practicing "radical acceptance" And well, the larger Jewish part of me thinks it will save a lot of money on rent. I will concurrently be doing more coaching, personal organizing and personal assistant work. Oh, and of course! Performing as the clothed folk singer, and the naked folksinger!
 
My parents are getting better with age, like a stinky cheese. So, in December, I will be back to spend time with them, for about two months. I haven't spent that much time with them since I was seventeen. This will continue to function like a writing retreat, at the end of which, my book should be finished. The Seattle cold this past year finally succeeded in making me feel cramped and depressed and my Muse told me that she wouldn't do it with me again next year. I expect to spend Dec,/Jan and May/June too in L.A or somewhere else without natural tall grasses because I'm currently croaking of Hay Fever allergy. Some people are "Bi-Costal" so this will be more like "Bi-lateral" (as in latitude). So now when people ask me if I'm "Bi" I can easily say yes.
If you need a house sitter somewhere, let me know. I will bring my own sheets because sleeping is the other thing (besides folk singing and swimming) which I do naked. Sex, you're wondering? No. I wear socks.

The Naked Folksinger part of me thinks that we can help reduce global warming if we spend this coming summer without clothes. Do not further your energy footprint by buying new shorts and tank tops and tevas and bikinis. Find those hidden nude beaches (As me about the lake in Seattle where you can find 'Nude Yoga Man'). Go nude in your house and on walks, even to restaurants. This will reduce the amount of friction caused by clothing chafing in your armpits, on your thighs, etc, and generally make you cooler, thereby doing your part in reducing the warming of the earth. If you get arrested, it will be for the best cause around, saving the entire planet!

Just An Idea.

It's Saturday. The first weekend day I've had in well, three months that didn't include writing something important, driving, performing or counting sea birds for eco-census. I am at the Red and Black cafe in Portland. There is nothing like Portland's community feeling vegan cafes with thier ugly furniture and freakishly-friendly-yet-politically-wigged-out people. I'm going to have moved here officially in a little more than a week. I am muchly looking forward to being in a place that demands that I not be complacently capitalist. I have decided to figure out how to cut down my global impact dramatically. I am finally going to bring my own tupperware with me for leftovers, cook at home more, and get my hot decaf earl grey in my own aluminum non-chemical-leaking mug.

My interperetation of Portland, OR so far is : slow weekends (nobody but me got to this cafe until after 12pm.) Good mexican food- who knew?! You can park downtown, on the street! NO SWEAT! (Portland's new proposed sweat-shop free importing ordinance) - I may start to be better dressed. Plenty of places to buy sustainable, fair trade and/or locally made clothing. And no sales tax!

I also think they desperately need my Naked Folksinger act and maybe a little burlesque. I may have to produce a vaudeville show. I do believe the Naked Folksinger will soon be writing about how to fix global warming through nudity.