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Last Updated: 6/7/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 29
Sign: Leo

City: Philadelphia
State: Pennsylvania
Country: US
Signup Date: 4/13/2007

Blog Archive
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Tuesday, August 14, 2007 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Poetry presented to me by a talented artist in his right... Thanks Adam for this beautiful poem. It made my Happy day Happier!!!I needed to share this with the world...

A Poem titled What Black Women Mean to Me


So many things can may be overlooked within the essence of a black woman. I see so much more than care-free happiness in that sexy brown smile. I see your struggle and the celebration of achievement. I watched your acceptance when we explored other alien beings and loved your patience when we returned home to the mothers of our chance. I watched your diligence as you held our hands until we were men. I know you so much more than you may realize. I learned you by loving my sisters. I have gained respect for you as I watched my mother securely lead a strong black family when the path was fraught with circumstance. I love you even though as black men we have abused the concept. Heal through me my sexy black baby. I will show you pure bliss when I learn to love you the way I did at age three when the sparkle in your big brown eyes guided me to give you my lollipop, because you dropped yours in the sand. We will get this right. I promise! Love us don't give up my chocolate princess. Generations have rested in the mere hope that one day we would realize and celebrate our divinity. On this precious day I will celebrate you and what you represent. A strong mother, amazing lover, eternal friend, soul-mate, and last but not least god's greatest creation. Black Woman!


By Adam Check out his poetry at www.myspace.com/1842553315


5:56 AM 
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Saturday, July 28, 2007 

Category: Life
This is Potent!!! Take a read...

Do African American Women Need Charm School -- By Iya Oyapemi


to realize most times men don't fool women -
women fool themselves
because they ignored the truth that was in front of their faces;

to stop needing designer labels and name brands to validate their
self worth;

to learn to raise up en mass to save themselves, their communities
and future generations;

to realize they don't have to wear Korean manufactured hair in order
to be beautiful;

to stop supporting disrespectful Korean, Arab and other businesses
as welcome in our neighborhoods to take their dollars out of our own
community;

to realize we can pay a little more for products in order to save
African American businesses, to create jobs;

to remember the time when we corrected bad behaving youth when we saw
bad behavior in public and acted and cared like families in our
communities to correct the problem;

to stop having unprotected sex;

to decide we will no longer be the number one victim's of HIV and
Aids;

to help refine our behavior in public;

to help deal with anger issues;

to stop using sex as a weapon;

to stop measuring the quality of a man by the possessions he has;

to keep our children out of jail;

when they can't get or keep a man;

to trust other African women;

to share with their men;

to not take female lovers;

to stop having different baby daddies;

to soften up and show their femininity;

to stop back stabbing and crab-in-the barrel fighting each other;

to stop depending on the government to provide for them;

to love ourselves and each other;

to be the women the creator, our ancestors and the Great Mothers want
us to be.

Shared by Mercedes Terzol
***************************************************
The Name - Mercedes A. Terzol a.k.a www.myspace.com/MsAuthor7
The Book - 999 Ways 2 Say No 2 A "No-Good Man"
The Site -
CLICK HERE 4 MORE INFORMATION. THANK YOU!
6:32 AM 
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Wednesday, July 25, 2007 

Current mood:  uncomfortable
Category: Life
Well, Hello My fellow bloggers,

My flesh is hurting right now, but my spirit is ready, content. I have been struggling with something for the past couple of weeks: I have the privilege of knowing why I'm here on this Earth. God has shown me my purpose and what I am to focus on. But there's a problem...I have different dreams and desires of my own, that I've always wanted to do: Such as modeling, getting involved in pageantry adn other things. Well I know that most won't see this as a problem. The problem lies in that now that I've started, I'm actually good at it and it is starting to pick up. But I know better. If anyone knows how the enemy comes in, it's me. I know that he sends you blessings that look like God would send it, and they resemble the blessings God would send. But the major difference is that these blessings cause you to choose between what God says and what you want.

There are a few questions I've been forced to answer for myself.
So I've learned a few things. Can I share? ok...

1) Is modeling something you cant do if you are a Christian? Heck no. That's not it at all. But the major difference between passion and purpose is that when the passion for it runs dry, then it has reached its course, whereas, for purpose, you won't be happy until you fulfill it, even when you don't feel like dealing with it. God gives you a dispensation of grace to handle the load it incurs. Though you face difficulties in the pursuit of it, b/c you trust God in it, you won't feel the BRUNT of the weight that comes with pursuing it.
Also, if modeling is your purpose as a Christian, then this is the arena that God uses you to save souls and minister through. This is a method He uses you in and therefore you won't compromise. As for me, I feel as if a part of me has been silenced when I pursue modeling, which lets me know that this is not the arena for me.. At least not now. Whereas in singing and ministering, it comes natural to me and people remind me of how I've blessed them. Well I haven't really sang in 3 years and people still remember being touched by my singing. This is what I have to focus on now.

2) Yes God gives you the desires of your heart, but it's only after you have delighted yourself in Him. Psalm 37:4. It was desire of my heart to get into modeling and pageantry and Giod did not refuse, but reminded me, that it's only after I've delighted myself in Him. He knew what He was doing when He said that. I began modeling and sacrificing my time , money and all with God and I felt miserable. I missed Him so much. I wasn't content. When we put God first, then we can enjoy the things of this world. God knows what will make us and what will break us. so He leads us into things that will protect us from destroying ourselves.If we don't listen, we can't expect Him to save us later on, when we went forth into our mess.And anyone that knows God and serves God knows, that it takes time to learn to tust Him, walk with Him daily and put Him first . Our flesh is used to our own ways. When you truly commit yourself to God, you can't pursu what you want because your life is not your own anymore. Your gift is not your own anymore. He has redeemed you. And truly, You will blessed more if you did it His way than your own.

3)I am the essence of my Father. He raised me. God raised me and God alone. I can't be happy not obeying Him and doing what I want even if I am good at it. I not only  want His blessing on what I do. I need His direction on where to go, I need His wisdom on how to do it well. Then can I experience the blessing that comes with the gift.
Gifts come without repentance, but you cant enjoy the gift when it's only about you and you pursue it according to your own desires. Many people have an understanding of what God has given them, but they are stressed because they pursue it in their own way instead of seeking God's direction and provision on how to make it a reality.  I don't want that. The only reason why things are hard is because we make them hard and we depend on ourselves, cuz when we depend on God and it is God directed, we have a peace that surpasses all understanding.

4) Lastly, to whom much is given, much is required. If I want all that God has in store for me, than I have to follow Him His way. I cant do what everybody else does. it doesnt make what they do wrong, it is just wrong for me... at least right now.  (I keep using that statement "at least right now" b/c I believe that God will allow me to return to modeling when I am spiritually, emotionally and mentally ready for it) Sometimes wisdom comes in recognizing when to bow out.

Is this the end for me?

Nooo..

Just a breakk...

But be on the lookout for my music. I am working on my album as well as singing with John Payton & Co.

Also, look for blogs still. I am still an avid supporter of the Plus Community and will be until I start up again. .

Much Luvv to a beautiful plus community...
Currently listening:
Joyous Salvation
By JoAnn Rosario
Release date: 24 July, 2007
2:35 PM 
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Sunday, July 15, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Blogging
Topic: The Business  of "Hatin"
You know I must have been naive or simply just ignorant to the fact that this business is full of women, who are still struggling to find themselves. I forgot that for a moment when I went to a fashion show rehearsal recently. It was only a couple of us there, so one could easily pick out the trained and untrained, the secure and insecure, etc.(Thank you FFDA, I see what u were talkin bout ladies) But really, As  I began to walk, being one of the only plus models there, it made other girls, yes girls feel uncomfortable and intimidated.  But what was even worse, when it came time to walk in pairs, it was like I had some kind of smell or something because the other girls didn't want to walk with me! A number of thoughts came to my head: Is it because I'm plus sized? or have a bad walk? or a boogie hanging from my nose? I soon realized the problem and it was none of those reasons.

The problem that I've noticed is that women automatically put themselves in competition with other women, and they rarely liked to be shown up.So instead of encouraging and learning from each other we tear down and (for lack of a better word) we "hate" on each other. I noticed that as I complimented the ladies (that's just what I do, I see something good, I acknowledge it) many didnt know how to take it. Also, a friend reminded me of the minds of young girls who think they know but don't.

It's a damn shame it is.

Sad to say, I believe that women are our own worst enemies. We allow ourselves to play this game where we tear each other down to get ahead. But we seem to forget that what goes around comes around. There's always gonna be someone prettier, someone who can work a catwalk better, or work an outfit like no other. So why do we have to forget that we have something to offer too? Why not help each other out? Why do we have to fulfill the stereotypes of cattiness? §"WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS, WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS"§ (so funny, this guy was singing this on a NY train today..oh let get back to my original point)

To some this may sound naive and unrealistic. But someone who knows business knows that you don't trample on anyone. If you want your endeavors to be blessed, you bless others. (And you don't even have to be saved for this principle to work!)

So I look forward to the day when, models (especially female ones) can work together without all the animosity, hatred and drama that this industry seems to be rampid with. Because drama may make good reality shows but it does not make a good career! And I'll end on that note...
5:01 AM 
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007 

Category: Quiz/Survey
Self Esteem Test by Queendom.com
Scientifically Validated
Take it for yourself, here are my results:
..> .. END TEMPLATE /usr/local/software/plumeus_tests/templates/reports/_generic_templates/teaser_sub_z_graph.html --> .. START TEMPLATE /usr/local/software/plumeus_tests/templates/reports/_generic_templates/queendom/teaser_footer.html --> ..>
..> ..>
..> ..>
Snapshot Report
Sense of Self-Worth
 96
Your results indicate that your sense of self-worth is very healthy. You rarely, if ever, put yourself down or fall victim to self-depreciating statements. There are certain attitudes and beliefs that have been found to contribute to and "feed" a positive self-image, and you appear to have most of them. Examples would be believing that you deserve to be loved or respected, believing that you're good enough for someone, and focusing on your good qualities rather than only your perceived faults. While you may not necessarily feel all of these things all of the time, your opinion of yourself is quite positive. This is a healthy attitude to have, as a poor sense of self-worth can hold you back from pursuing your goals, cause you unnecessary stress, and even become self-fulfilling prophecies.


2:25 AM 
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Sunday, July 08, 2007 

Category: Life
I saw this in a bulletin today and thought this was such a blessing I decide to include it in my blog. Thanks to author Mercedes Terzol for passing it on.

A Forgiving Spirit -- By LadyBuddaFly


Forgiveness is a journey of many steps that delves into the depths of one's past.

Have you learned to forgive all past hurts and pain?

Forgiveness looks back in order to leave and truly forgive the offenses.

Have you looked back into all past hurts and pain?

Forgiveness releases the WHY and sets you free from the past.

Have you released the why and been set free?

Forgiveness causes calmness to govern your mind which opens doors to healing.

Have you opened the doors to receive the calmness needed to heal?

Forgiveness is losing blood and canceling a moral debt that could never be paid.

Have you cancelled your moral debt?

Forgiveness exercises God pleasing Faith and increases our Faith.

Have you exercised Faith?

Forgiveness requires vibrant Faith that clears the air.

Have you cleared the air and trust God for the results?

The thought of forgiveness is met by an avalanche of emotions blocked.

God Says "By Faith Forgive, Just Do It". Faith gives a Second Chance.

Forgive the person, place or thing that was unfaithful, that swindled your security, made slanderous accusations against your reputation, that spoke with cutting words and stole your dignity.

These painful situations are small change to what God has forgiven us for.

So do not give the devil a foothold, evict the trespasser, the squatter, by depositing grace and freedom in the account of the forgiven. Protect your heart from future heartache.

Forgive and embrace healing, flow up stream against the rapids of emotions, allowing the healing grace of God to heal you.

Love Thy Enemies!

Forgiving cause's life changing experiences made possible by the HOLY SPIRIT.



©LadyBuddaFly 05/07
5:26 PM 
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007 
When I talk to you about my personal life I'm always amazed at how
many there are of you that can relate. Thank you for all the comments
on the Father's day email that I sent out recently about forgiveness.
Your stories are so inspirational to me. My prayer is that you will
receive the forgiveness and grace that so many of us seek everyday.

I'm not going to beat you up every week with these emails about HOUSE
OF PAYNE. Because the ratings for the show are still great, I'm so
grateful for the faithful...smile. This week the show has been turned
up a few notches. I can't wait to see what you think of these two
episodes this Wednesday. I'm glad that you all didn't give up on the
show after the first week. As many of you wrote last week after seeing
the last two episodes about Janine's addiction you can see that it's
truly finding its feet.

I have never been the kind of man to dwell in negativity but I have to
say something about this. You all know that the critics have hated
every thing that I have done over the years. Roger Ebert gave DIARY OF
A MAD BLACK WOMAN-THE MOVIE an awful review, one critic called MADEA'S
FAMILY REUNION-THE MOVIE the worst thing that he'd ever seen, some
other critic said that DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS shouldn't have ever been
made and that I had to be stopped. Not to mention the plays, a critic
in L.A. said of MADEA GOES TO JAIL, that it was the worst play he'd
ever seen and that this type of show should not be at the Kodak
Theatre, the home of the Oscars.

So over the years I have learned to ignore these people and keep doing
what I feel that I am being led to do. But when people begin to attack
certain cast members of HOUSE OF PAYNE because they are overweight,
then I have to say something. Just because a person is overweight
doesn't mean that they are less than anybody else. That's why these
people have not been able to get a job for years in Hollywood. One
person even asked, "Why do you even hire them?" I hire all kinds of
people--thin, not so thin, tall, short, in shape, not in shape, Black,
White, Latino. When somebody comes to work for me I don't see color, I
don't see their size, all I want to know is "Can you do the job?"

One person asked why does the mama have to be a "FAT BLACK WOMAN" and
said that I am perpetuating stereotypes by putting these overweight
people on the show, as if there are no fat black women in America that
are mothers. My mother and aunts are fat black women. And that upsets
me to think that people, especially Black people, would say that I'm
doing a disservice to America by putting them on T.V. Skinny does not
make you beautiful. There are all kinds of beautiful women in this
world. And if we begin to look at the heart of a person rather than
prejudge then we would see that we are missing some of the nicest and
most talented people in the world. I'm sorry but I had to get that off
my chest. I just don't like to see good people hurt because of
ignorance and intolerance.

I won't apologize for putting these people in this show. I don't ever
remember hearing any of this about ROSANNE. They deserve to be on this
show. They are very good, caring, God-fearing people who needed a
hand. And I am so grateful that so many of you are watching HOUSE OF
PAYNE and making their dreams come true everyday.

God bless,

T.P.
7:52 PM 
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007 

Category: Writing and Poetry

 I received this in a blog and it is so true. If asked, this is what I would say to a sister in need...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
! He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

 

6:41 PM 
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007 

Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

My First Fashion Show-Stilettos & Curves- A great Success

Had a wonderful time! Met some great people and formed some friendships. I think this experience has taught me a lot:

First- If you really want something go after it with all your heart... no matter what! I lost alot during this experience: almost lost some teeth from falling down the steps, lost my car, lost the support of my closest friend (and regained it slightly) and some confidence. I realized that confidence is essential to making it in this business and I almost forgot that. I pulled it together by the end and I'm well prepared for the next endeavor.

Second- I have a lot of potential, but I can't forget my reasl focus. Yes I have potential, but I realized so do a lot of other women. What causes me to stand out is not what's on the outside but what's on the inside. I'm not the normal fit for a model, but I'm intriguing because of Christ in me. It is Christ who I represent and it is He who causes me to be seen way beyond the pictures and the catwalk. I can't let the pressures of the world sway who God has called me to be. So as Shanick-my full figured diva sister stated, "It's for His Glory!"

Third- Modeling is fun! I love walking the catwalk and being on stage. It reminded me of simpler times in high school when i ruled the stage. Since when did I become so TIMID!

well well...

I'm done for today...

8:11 PM 
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Tuesday, May 08, 2007 
..> ..>

Pursue Your Dreams!! The Affirmation Challenge...

Thoughts->Words->Actions->Habits->Character->Destiny

I don't know how many curvy sistas are spiritual but I wanted to share something that I thought was powerful with you all.I was talking with my Pastor the other day and he shared some info on the power of words. God gave him this process and he gave it to me and now I give it to you.

He said our brain doesn't recognize most times the difference between fiction and reality. So if your crazy enough to believe something, through affirmations and hearing this word you've written, you can literally cause your dreams to become a reality. No hocus Pocus. Just the way our mind works. And matter-of factly, it is the very nature of God to speak things into existence. We, being beautifully and wonderfully made, are made in His image and have that same power to speak things into existence. With that said, here's the challenge:

1)Write down a list of your top 10-12 things that you really want to accomplish.

2) Say them to yourself each day.

3) Write them down each day (and if your really serious, write it each morning and nite)

4)In 3 months time, you should see beginning results and if you continue the results will be better and better.

5) Your affirmations must be positive and written in present tense and can be used for anything (ex. "I am enjoying my new sense of freedom and I love my body the way God has made it.")

6) Think about areas of your life that you struggle with and want to improve.

7) Most importantly, don't forget God in the equation. As you seek Him , He shows you YOU and helps you enjoy life the way you were created to enjoy it.

Well, I'm pumped! I have alreacy written my list and am taking this challenge. I will send updates on my progress, but who's with me? Take the challenge!!


 

9:37 PM 
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