So wow I really need to be more consistent with this blog writing. I think I should just do video blogs for some reason I think it's easier.     I usually vent right when i'm dealing with an issue so by the time I've resolved whatever the hell is bothering me. It doesn't make it to my page haha. AH! I know what I can talk about! Okay let's start this shizz
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Okay I know someone that is confusing as hell. We seem to have a lot in common. I mean a lot! Sometimes we will be talking and then I'll say something and then they get all nervous or uncomfortable for whatever reason. Then I feel like uhhh what the hell dude I thought we were on the same page. So then I feel all confused and liek a dumb ass. I mean don't you think that's annoying??
 It makes me feel like this person maybe said things make lead me to believe they had similar interests. Was it just to impress me, or to make me think they are just as informed as me or something on that level? I am a very outspoken person as far as if you ask me a question you will get my honest uncensored response. I mean isn't that why we ask questions?
Don't we want the truth???? So my thing is if you can't handle the truth or what I have to say DON'T FUCKING ASK ME!!!!!!!!!  If you can't handle my personality or what I have to say and my views on things then just say peace out bro. I'd rather end it then someone being to much of a pussy to tell me that I make them uncomfortable sometimes.
 Honestly if you just said that maybe I might reconsider some of the things I do or say around you. Okay so how's that haha I went on a rant right there haha. So yea there you go....

My brother passed away. He took his own life. It’s been about four days now. I still can’t function. I just missed him so much. I have so much sadness and regrets. I’m not really angry with him. More hurt by it. I just wish we had been close enough where we could talk about things goign on in his life. Even though we had differences I still loved him so much.  I was at the store today and saw the beowolf and I am Legend came out. Normally I would be super excited but I just started crying cuz I knew he’d never get to see them and I remember saying those were movies he had to see. He always waited for movies to come out on video to watch them. I just want people to know how awesome he was. He was a great artist and an a great writer.  I just keep thinking he’s gonna come around the corner to go to the porch to have a cigrette. I hurt so bad inside.  I will always love you Chachee (Thats his nickname) I wish I could have talked to you more recently. I need you so bad I miss you and even though you were my little brother You looked out for us all like You were the big brother. YOU were my big brother.

Lorenzo Stelmach-Lopez
The Lion
Jan. 14, 1985 - Mar. 14, 2008

super fun! I can't wait til next year already!!! it's never enough I need more! they need to just run it for like a month. fuck it year round! i'll just move into the convention center lol. I love it there. I love the people. It's like you meet all these people who you never would have met out in the world. Everyone comes from different walks of life and social circles. It's events like this that bring people togeather in a way that always gives you a taste of what peace would be like.   except the nazi security managing the people. they are kinda assholes. for no reason!!

So tired...
training all day long
eyes with weights attached
eight hours of orientation videos
who does that?
I think to much
where did all my friends go
what did I do to isolate myself?
money comes and goes
I get happy when it comes
cherry sprite is the bomb!
beef flank streak in the oven
is that to much before bed?
I look good in a suit
why don't I like suits though...
Does anyone know what friendship is?
random writings are fun.

I love the way this fan feels on my feet.. 

How do we go throughout our lives not sharing ourselves. I think somewhere along the way we get lost. We take a wrong turn and then don't want to admit we are lost. Then we take another turn and end up even more lost than if we were to stop and just retrace our footsteps. Why are we so afraid or to proud to admit that we screwed up. That we strayed off the path because we thought we knew the waY. But we didn't and thats okay....right?? Sometimes we just need to... no I need to just pat myself on the back and say "You know what it's okay that I screwed up. I can still fix it. It's not the end of the world if I just stop right now and figure out where I went wrong." Take a deep breath and a sign of relief that always helps. That weight who wants that overbearing weight on there shoulder?? It feels so good to just drop that weight. To let go it's such a great feeling.

people spend more time buried at the root of a problem. instead of grazing on the grounds to a solution.

Life is like having this perfect garden and letting the weeds take over and destroy it. Now all you have is a garden of weeds with a few flowers hidden underneath. Even those wont survive without proper nourishment! Just think of it like this.... your body is the garden.... you are the landscaper. Your the one the shapes the hedges, pulls the weeds ,mows the lawn, and waters the ground. Some things need to be pulled some things you might add. Over all you have to consider how it will affect your garden! I'm sure everyone has a beautiful garden.You just have to keep up the maintenance. Remember though you have to tell people to stay on the pathway and not walk all over your beautiful flowers.

Lucky Stars
By: Roman

I count my lucky stars
and throw them all away
I paint them all with blackness
The shadow hides the pain
I count my lucky stars
and give them all to you
No wishes they have granted
No dreams of mine came true
I loved my shiny stars
now I give them all to you
I count my lucky stars
but some have lost their way
All to my dissapointment
and some to my dismay
I count my lucky stars the numbers are now few
The ones that I miss most are the ones I made with you