A lot of things have changed since I made my last blog. I don't like keeping them up because I feel like I contradict myself quite a bit. I used to let myself be walked on, a doormat, let myself be hurt. I grew out of that once I went a few years without being in a relationship and realized I didn't want anyone to change what I had turned into. I am my own person, I helped mold who I am. I went from too afraid to walk downstairs to check the mail without my mom's permission, to flying out to California to meet an amazing chick I met on the internet (
sup Sarsh). The friends I have right now are the people I NEED in my life. Most of my decisions have never been supported by the people I considered friends. If I'm pissed off at someone the advice I get now is "punch them in the face and run away." And strangely enough, it makes me feel better. I usually hide my feelings, but clearly, I don't do it well enough because everyone can tell when something is wrong. I think too much, I worry too much, I am immature, I just want to live my life and have fun. No, not partying or doing as many drugs as I can get my hands on. More like going to Disneyland in Feburary and riding Splash mountain in 50 degree weather, telling the bassist of one of my favorite bands to run because a screaming psycho is chasing him, meeting people at concerts and making the best of friends. I want my life to be something I can be proud of. I don't really have the drive to "make something" of myself. It's not that I don't want to be successful, I do, just not in the way that I want to have a $20/hr job that I go to every day. I want to be comfortable. I want to have the things I want, but I still want to be challenged.
♀ My birthday is September 17,1987.
♀ My best friend lives in California. I met her over the internet and she's one the best people in my life.
♀ I love spontenatity. I don't really like making plans, but I'd like to have an idea of what we're doing.
♀ I'm too nice, but I throw a fit if I don't get what I want.
♀ I want people to think i'm in control of my life, no matter what's going on. I don't want to be stepped on, I don't want to be passive about anything.
♀ I'm a bitch when someone says something I don't like. I will willingly admit that I am an asshole most of the time. If I like you, i'll give you the fucking clothes off my back and anything I can to help you.
♀ I've accepted the fact that no one will ever care about me enough to want to marry me. I don't really care. I just feel like I missed out on growing up when half the people I went to school with are now married/engaged/pregnant/have children. Better them than me, I hate kids.
♀ My dog is the love of my life. He is my son. He is my one and only. He will be the only constant thing in my life. Do not say shit about him, he will be around longer than you will.
♀ I love purple.
♀ I don't care if you say something rude about a band I listen to, except The Used. There was a period in my life where I considered myself without feelings. The Used helped me find them, as cheesy and corny as it is. We all have those bands, though.
♀ I'm not easy.
♀ I have issues.
♀ I rant a lot.
♀ I love animals.
♀ I hate stupidity and idiocy.
♀ I love texting and horror movies.
Someone once told me that my mood swings scared them. My reply was "I don't have mood swings!" Oh, how things have changed. I'm just tired of being hurt, walked on, ignored, and waved by. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you... you're cool, i'm out.