A decade ago, I never thought I would be, a 23 year old living in a guest house, woe is me. Honestly, I really did not picture myself in this position back in 1999. I have been here for..what now, five months? It's weird, reading old blogs, posts , I would always talk about moving out here, making X amount of money, and suddenly everything would be fine. Now, I'm in the position, and is it fine? Depends what you mean by "fine". As far as not living on the streets or in a bad neighborhood, working a minimum wage job, and children I am too self centered to take of, then, yea, I'm doing "fine". Heck, I think I would be doing "great" compared to that. But if you were to say that doing "fine" is working a job you like somewhat, having savings, a car that does not struggle on the freeway on ramp, and working towards your master plan, that would be a no. You see, I am still doing what I was doing in 2006. Difference now is no car loan, being able to drink, and being deflowered. ...

Anyway, from what I read from the old blogs is that I wanted to be a music producer, or an actor, or a loan officer, whatever, the point is, I wanted to be doing "something". My 13 year old self would be happy that I no longer live at the parents, have my own car, and my own place in Los Angeles, but once I would tell my past self what I do in a living, I'm willing to bet the elation would suddenly die down, followed by a "Oh. That's cool".
"That's cool"? That is what one says when they are let down. I can not let my past self feel like I have cheated him out his creativity, tenacity, and moxie for a "safe job", something just to pay the bills. "Where's the excitement, the cool car, the reasonably attractive girlfriend, where is all that?!" my 13 year old self would say. This would give me the time to explain how much things costs, and taking risk in this recession is not the smartest thing to do, while the deprecated look on my face does most of the talking for me. But the 13 year old self is not really buying this, sounds like an excuse, which, even at 13, I have heard plenty of times. "You can't go to the movies why, girl of affection #XXXX?" And in the temporary moment of brilliance, my 13 year old self would say "Sounds like you are coming up with excuses." The mood changes from a self disappointment to immediate defense. "Look, you have no idea what I go through. I have to..., well I got.. I only have have!..." Stumped.

The 13 year old self has locked the 23 year old me up. Now my brain is looking for more excuses, and I run out. This moment of self reflection is to really look at what is important to me. Thankfully for me, the career I want has the pay to make me feel fulfilled, so it would not be a matter of finance, just how to get to there. While I may seem to paint my teenage self as some ultra Travolta, I was no where near that. In fact, most people that might be reading this know me when I was 13. I was a nerd, still am, who still has that sense of humor, with the occasional moment of pure rage. While I was not when it came time to perform, I was, still am, shy in the social situations that matter, making relationships, platonic or other. That is a hurdle that needs to be crossed if I'm going to be apart of this professional society, see the Slim Thug incident.


So what is important to me, what would it take for me to be, "fine"? 13 year old self just wants a Sega Dreamcast, a computer, and a video camera. Now, things are little more technical. If I can get rid of the financial suffocation the city of Los Angeles like to entangle us in, the loneliness issue, and a faster car, then yea, I would be "fine". So now it is time to figure out how to get there.

I need to stop taking things so seriously. Stop taking work too seriously. Stop taking the expectations that others have for me too seriously. Need to realize that I can survive without having a SO. I will get to where I need to be, in time.

No, I did not join Konvict Muzik.


While working, and listening to New Boyz local hit record "You're a Jerk" (If Armando's word has anything to do with it, I might get them to perform over at the High School..), I was thinking about selling out. Instead of being my usual "alt-comedy geek self", as Nylon Magazine would put it, go to the usual side. Wear fitted caps, know about different brands of weed, listen to Lil' Wayne's Dedication 1-3 and the other unofficial mixtapes, drive a Dodge Charger base model on rented 22" rims, have an undeserved sense of self confidence, you know, like a typical Black guy my age.

Funny thing is, if I wanted to be accepted (by stupid vapid 18 year old girls), it would totally work! Funny thing is, I have a lot of friends who are like that, and don't get me wrong, they are great people and by no means am I dissing them, but at the core of it all, they are just like me. We all geek out over cars & videogames, music, and shit. Only difference is the outer apperance and of course the...um.. mannerisms..? ("I'm sorry Uncle Kent, I lost my thesaurus.").

It is weird, because if I was maybe a little less agro at times, or maybe more Jewish, I would be accepted more, jokes would be realized for what they are, yeah, yeah. At the end of the day, or 3am when I go to sleep, I just have to keep pounding fools in the head to let them know that I yams who I yams, I'm not a thuggie bear, I am the ghostwriter for your Apatow films, the embedded code to your Funny or Die videos, the only Black guy in a Kings jacket at Aziz Ansari's show. I am Cornlieus..SHIT! Corey Barnes...wait.. I am... Sasha Fierce? Pause. Corey Baines, also known as CBX.

A few weeks ago, I went out to the AV, say hello, etc. Talking to a friend, she went on and on about some stuff that went down in '02-04, better known as my junior and senior year of HS. I didn't want to seem rude, but I really wanted to say "Baby girl, we are no longer in high school." I, along with most of my peers are 22-23. We have been out of that system for about four, five years. It is time to give up the ghost on all past dramz and associated fodder from that era. I care less about who flogged who in the parking lot, what happened with that guy and girl and guy at a Team Fatt party, screw it. It just does not matter anymore at this stage in life. Maybe it is a part of growing up, maybe it is that it seems so long ago, but the more you hold onto a HS grude, crush, or bad blood, the weaker you seem in letting minor things run your life.

I stopped by a 7-11, and these too guys, both dressed in rinestone ed hardy-esqe clothing with Yankee caps were buying like $50 worth of magazines, and left in their new Range Rover. It made me think, "I wonder what that lifestyle is like? To be so careless with money, whether they earned it or not." I never owned a car that is from this decade, what it is like to get into a hot night club with no guff, actually buy something from those stores at the Century City mall. What it is like to be on "that" level. But on the flip side, compared to others, I am "living the life". I have my own car, moderately good health, a job that pays okay, not too ugly, I am doing better than a lot of folks right now. Hell, compared to some people, I am on "that" level that they are looking at like I am looking at the higher level. I guess what I am truly thinking about is, why don't I take more risks, particularly more financial risks, lol.

I would love to get a newer car, but I know (from experience?) that probably will not get go well for me. Still wearing the same clothes from last year, I haven't re up on new thrift store gear in months.Still wearing the same old dusty Reeboks.  I  think I need to figure out a way to were I can finally upgrade in life, without being stupid.

Was driving around, not really doing much today.
Went by Fry's to pick up a pocket radio, got sticker shocked by the
mobile homes in Torrance, $1050 a month for space rent (!!!), then I found a
skatepark (Inglewood ave and 120th), and man.. most fun I had in a couple of months. They were
mainly teens there, a freaking 4 year old girl was ripping it way
better than me.
Inline, skaters, and BMX there. It was
like I had to learn how to skate all over again. I got my ollies back
up, still working on my BS 180, and kickflip. I learned how to drop in
a little. But when it comes to rock and rolling at the top of the pipe,
I bail. I actually worked up the courage to go all the way up, I
couldn't switch my momentum correctly, and fell down, lol. Everyone
there were actually courteous, having fun, something I rarely see
nowadays. And to top it off, it is right down the street from the
apartment I am trying to get, so I will end up beefing myself up if I
move there, lol.

Besides our red hair, we both have something in common. We are both ending our sixteen year run. I am finally.. finally leaving the AV. I got a job in Beverly Hills, doing the same old stuff, but for a much better place. The pay is different, but I will make enough to get by. I can't really think of much to say about it. But yea.. 5000.

I'd rather not have the people I may know I'm on here, because they are mostly assholes, fatties, and bozos.




..I have not had a real job, I mean, a full time job, for almost two years now, Pizza delivery and temp custodian work does not count.

..facebook makes me sad because I see so and so and whosit that is like 2-3 years younger than me, and they are wrapping up their senior year of college, while I am stuck in Virtua Unemployment, smelling up my room with no college credits.

..If my intellect could do this physically, it would probably choke people out.

..While I have not been in a committed relationship never, I am not , and will not turn gay.

.."Well if I wasn't suppose to eat the Chap-Stick why is it so tasty?"

..The Antelope Valley is seriously a waste of time.

..I am broke.

..Ima Lawyer!

..TMZ on TV has rotted my brain so much.

..I can't wait for that new Lily Allen album.

..The more I listen to music on headphones, I notice little details.

..Thriller is probably one of the most iron tight produced albums.

..Michael McDonald is still the shit.

..Pharrell think he is too cool.

..I am on Twitter.



..ahhh