Lately, God has been working in my life. I don't know how to describe it really. I just know that lately I have been lacking in certian area's that He has brought to my attention. Sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable, because its conviction. But I know that God never means to hurt me. But it hurts because it is sin. And that means, He wants to do something about it.

The past two days God has been doing just that. You might find this common since I dicuss it so much. But it has been in the area of being that lady in waiting. I have been in the waiting period since I knew the term dating existed. Yes I have had trouble with being content and single at the same time. I have grown as a single, and God will continue doing so with me until He says I am ready to read my love story that He is still in the process of writing. In the mean time, I am His student and He is teaching me about what it means to be a woman of God, as well as my role and character of being a wife. So from this, I feel led to share a small testimony to you as an encouragement because God has a huge plan for each little girls life.





I wear a purity ring on my wedding band finger. The reason I chose to wear this ring on this finger is for many reasons. The most common, of course, is to symbolize saving my virginity for marraige. Yes, I am doing that. I have never slept with anyone before. I still have this gift that I plan to give to my husband on my wedding night. But thats not the only reason why I wear this ring. I am saving more than my body. I am also saving my emotions, my journey, my past, my loves and desires for him alone. Very few people know my life. Not many know the road I have been on. Its not something I talk about. Because that is a big part of my heart, that I only want one man to have.

I have never dated. I don't see anything wrong with dating now as an adult (that is if there are two good Christians who will do dating the right way!), but as a teenager I was against it. At thirteen I felt the desire enter my heart to one day be a wife. Most thirteen year olds are not thinking about marriage. They are thinking about just being called a couple, or to tell their friends they have a boyfriend. I was once like that. Until I gave my heart to Jesus. And then I saw how foolish it was to think like other girls did. I wanted to be a wife, not just a girlfriend. Not to say I didn't struggle with wanting to be in a relationship. Really I did. I wanted a boyfriend so bad because I was using that to define me. But God did something I cannot describe. And once again, He too custody of my heart. And it started from there.
As a teenager, I allowed God to teach me. Teenage years are some of the best, and worst years of a persons life. I didn't want them to go to waste by putting my focus on a guy, as hard as it was not to do just that. I devoted my time to God. I allowed Him to transform my thinking and my heart. It was some of the hardest stuff I had to go through, but I look back now and see that giving up my dream of being a wife was something I had to do. Sometimes I would give it to God then take it back again without realizing I was doing so. Only to once again surrender it to Him over and over until I got to the place where I saw He needed to be my number one in my life period.
I read books to help me see who I was supose to be as a woman. I studied the Bible and studied about what Gods Word said marriage was supose to be. I focused on what type of guy I should look for in a relationship, such as characteristics and moral views. Because I didn't want to be with a bozo.
I focused on God growing me and me getting closer and closer to Him through His Word.
God has been preparing me to be a wife. I understand the needs of a man, and instead of groaning and making fun of a mans needs and why he needs them, I have grown to appreciate them. As well, I desire to meet those needs. I desire to be his help mate.

I have never kissed a man. I have virgin lips and I'm quite proud of it. My first kiss is for my husband on our wedding day.

Last but not least, I have never said the three words, " I love you." These three words are often said with no meaning. Anybody can say those words. When I say those words one day, I want to also be saying, "Yes. I am ready to commit to you. I am ready to be yours. Yes, I love you." I will not say these three words until I am engaged to whoever God has chosen for me. Because I want to show that I want to commit first if it be God's will. "I Love You" are words to be taken seriously. And I take them very seriously.


I'm not telling you this to show I am perfect. It hasn't been easy to be able to say all that I said above. It has taken all my teenage years to say what I have just said. I have had doubts, and I have been heart brokened before. I have been scarred and hurt. I have been desperate for attention and companionship. I have been in many levels of discontentment. But what I'm trying to say is, when I finally let God be my Prince Charming, is when I finally began to grow and feel the peace about being single. I still want to get married. I still want to know what its like to be in love with somebody. But God is still preparing me for that. He wants all of me. He wants my time. I see now I am not a girl anymore, but a woman. Because I allowed God to have His way with my heart, which belongs to Him. He has my very best in mind. He will not let me down. And He wants to make dreams come true.

I have high standards. When I've shared them with people, often they roll their eyes at me because there can't possibly be any men out there who can meet those qualities. The reason why that is, is because very few men will even try. I won't settle for second best, which is what the world has to offer. Instead, I'm settling for Gods very best, which I know He is making me to be.

Qualities I want in a Future Mate
**************************..********
Spirit Controled Christian
Phillipians 4:8 Ephesians 5:18

Jesus is No. 1 in his life, not just an ornament
Mark 12:30

Broken; understands how to rely totally upon Jesus
Phillipians 4:13 Proverbs 3:3-6

Ministry-minded; wherever he is, he is available
1 Corinthians 4:2

Motivator; man of vision, concerned about lost souls
Romans 10:14

Sensitive spirit; in tune to the needs of others
Galatians 6:2-5

Understands the awesome responsibility of a husband to his wife
Ephesians 5:25-31

Humble enough to be a disciple (teachable) and able to disciple others
Matthew 28:19-20

Man of prayer; he knows the key to success in his private time with God
Colossians 4:2 2 Thessalonians 5:17, 18





I know many think this is quite stupid, and I will never marry this way. But my purpose in life isn't to get married. My life has already started. And I want to live it God's way, not mine. I don't want to end up hurt like so many people have already because they have chosen not to give their hearts and love story over to God. I have learned from their mistakes. I want a life that is pleasing to God and His will. And I hope this will encourage you to do the same. No matter what you have done in your life and what holds in your past, God is ready to start something great inside of you. Don't ignore it any longer. For He has been ready from the beginning, and is excited to show you that He wants to make dreams come true.

COMMITMENT: Following Jesus....Taken from the Womens Study Bible: Second Edition NKJV.

"Following Jesus" is the definition of "commitment." Commitment demands a choice. Jesus wasted no time getting to the heart of commitment: Either the disciples would be committed to Him to deny their own desires, or they would be determind to go their own ways and deny Him (Matt 10: 32-37). The choice to commit is the same for all believers, either we deny ourselves or deny Him; either we go His way, or we pursue our way.
Talk about Christ would be meaningless without the walk with Him. The disciples were to take up their crosses. Carrying the cross beam was a public declaration of Rome's authority. Jesus challenged them to put themselves voluntarily under God's authority, doing His will His way. Commitment demands action; it cannot be divorced from responsibility. It extends beyond our relationship to the heavenly Father to other areas of life. Ruth's words of commitment to Naomi did not speak as loudly as did her actions. She left her family and homeland to return with Naomi to Bethlehem (Ruth 1: 16, 17).
Commitment definitely limits choices because it is exclusive. For example, in a commitment to marriage, God's plan is for one woman and one man to commit to each other exclusively and permanently (Matt 19: 5, 6).
Jesus demonstrated in the Garden of Gethsemane that the Father's will always takes precedence over His. The next day, He picked up His Cross, demonstrating that He would do the Father's will the Father's way.
Commitment builds up faith and develops character. It is spiritual discipline (Prov. 16:3). It is a lifetime venture, requiring time, work, and determination (Matt 16:24).



If there are two words that defines the average Christian, they are "NO COMMITMENT!" We all know that as a fact. You didn't have to think about it, search for it on google, or go talk to the President about it. I seriously hope you won't consider doing that last part because you really won't get the right answer. I hear the word "commitment" in church all the time. But rarely do I see the definition ever expressed. To tell the truth, I think Christians are afraid of that word. Like, its a curse or something or the fact that they have to give up something thats so so precious to them. Sure. I can understand. Some guy or girl has walked into your life and they make you the better person, make you feel so happy, and they have a certian way of filling in the void in your life. Sure. I can almost understand that part. The part I can't grasp at is the part when they walk out of your life, which is going to happen sooner or later. Either they get tired of you, or they die. Now what?
I'm not wanting to down relationships. I want to get married just as much as the next person someday. But are we willing to give God our future spouses completely instead of keeping them all to ourselves? When I see people in relationships, ( and its not just their talk. You can look at a person and see who is really in the center of that relationship) I see and hear a lot of "ME, ME, ME!" It makes me want to puke. I never see that couple in church. I see them making out on each other all the time though.
Some people just like dating because they get something out of it, and it just makes you feel good. Another thing that makes me want to puke. Living for the here and now, not living for the long run. Yeah. If you see this, come along and we will puke together on this one.
OK, not only do I see no commitment in todays dating generation, but average Christians actually do believe they are commitmed. For example, they go to church on Sunday Mornings...that is if there isn't something else going on like watching Football on ESPN or Jeff Gordon winning another race. Other excuses for not attending Sunday School are; they don't like the teacher because she caught the kid texting during the lesson. They get mad at the preacher because for a small little reason while he was preaching he made them feel "convicted." And nobody likes to feel that. Thats scary! Get out of there and run for the hills folks! Don't forget to say hi to Grandma for me while you're at it since she lives up that way.
I'm pretty sure that some people who just read that paragraph are frowning at me right now and probobly won't even acknowledge I exist anymore. Fine with me. It won't me be you will have to answer to. Its God you will someday answer to.
I'll admit I'm not perfect. There have been times when I would hold something that prevented me from wanting to go to church. I use to hold in my version of the perfect love story to myself because I didn't trust God enough to write it for me. Like if I gave my whole heart to Him he would make me marry some skinny guy with no backbone whatsoever. He would refuse to work out at the gym and have no abs on his stomach or anything else physically attractive glued to him. As well, what if he was a farmer or some insurance saleman or something? Thats boring! And what if his body make-up was so powerfull that I ended up having six kids because the birth control pill couldn't keep up? I thought about all this stuff. I decided God didn't know what He was doing.
Lets talk about dreams. Since I was thirteen my dream and desire was to be a rockstar in a punk rock/metal band of some sort. I always got upset when I would hear someone my age who managed to get into the music industry. Like, Krystal Meyers who was sixteen when she released her first cd, the same age I was at the time. Um, God hello? Why have You opened doors for her and not for me? I'm just as good! I decided God loved her more than me. Humph. Figures.
And then the time came when the "older" sibling got the opportunities to do stuff with other people and I had to sit at home and mope. My brother always had contact with some big hunter or fisherman someplace in the State and he always, ALWAYS, got to tag along with him. Or he had friends from church who would go to the Bass Pro. Shop and invite him to go along with them and stay in Missouri for a couple of days. He got what he wanted. I stayed home and cried my eyes out cause no girl at my church wanted to start a rock band. They wanted to go on dates and look pretty. Wimps. I'm glad I didn't turn out that desperate.
So I guess by reading a little about me, you can easily see I wasn't happy when what I thought should happen, didn't happen. Yeah I was pretty sick of the way God was making me live. "Its Your fault You're not making me happy! Now get to work!"
Reading over that last sentence makes me laugh at myself. Its so easy to tell that when many people decided that giving Jesus their life might be worth it, they expect to get some good toys in return because God loves them. "God loves me so this means now I'm going to UCLA and I will meet the man of my dreams and we will live on a private island in the Bahamas!" Sorry I sound so sarcastic. But its not like people don't think this way. I know many people who think this way! So being sarcastic about it makes me feel so sorry for them. Plus its kinda funny. :p
There are a lot of people who have had it better than I had. This time I'm talking about Christians. There are Christians who are profound missionaries. Christians who are in the best rock/metal bands of all time. Christians who got their opportunity to go to college and Christians like Joshua Harris ( who wrote the best non-dating book ever, " I Kissed Dating Good-bye ") and Eric Ludy ( who has such an awesome testimony! ) who God brought into their lives wonderful women who together now serve in ministry, and they got married in the end and they ended up getting THE Love Story of all time; one that God wrote for them and it turned out better than any chick flick movie. Sometimes I would think this is so unbelievable. I think God has overlooked me or something. Apparently so! Cause Jen Ledger who is the new drummer for SKILLET is the exact same age as me and she gets to tour with THEM! This would be the time to faint and play dead.
I still remmeber when all that I typed above was once living in my heart. I was mad. Well, wouldn't you be angry if you were me? Unless you are me and you enjoy being lazy like that. Poor pitiful you. But beside that, I was very upset. I mean, wasn't I good enough for all of what other people were getting? I think only the COMMITED Christians can see where I was going wrong with all of this. And you got it right: I was trying to make my dreams become God's dreams.
You remember the passage I typed at the beginning of this? If you don't, go ahead and read it again. Just don't forget to come back to this very spot so you won't miss out on anything. Sometimes people tend to think they know what it means to deny themselves and pick up their cross. Oh sure, like, OK I gave my life to Jesus and now he lives in me. Yep I got it made. Of course I do! But people seriously don't seem to understand that there is a price to pay, which we know Jesus did for us already. But how can we truely live a happy successful life if we don't let God have any say so in it?
What does it really mean to deny yourself before God and pick up your cross? Its more than making a cross out of two wooden beams, glueing it together, then placing it on your back and walking up the road a few miles. When denying yourself before Christ, you are saying that you're life is no longer yours. Your body, your dreams, your spouse, your job, your car, your last slice of pizza, you dog, your everything does not belong to you. You are literly giving up everything that you held so close to you including your family. You're giving up your college dream, your love story, your whole entire heart and you are making the commitment to follow the lifestyle that Jesus lived on this planet. Thats a lot to give up! You are totally reliving another life outside your own. The choices you once made are now the choices God would make. People are not willing to make that commitment. And thats when you have the right to call them the Average Christian. How many people do you know who follow this verse? "...If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me." Matthew 16: 24. Wake up people, it is so much more than waking up early on a Sunday Morning and going to church. It is so MUCH MORE THAN THAT! Why is it so easy to keep your word to call your boyfriend at seven in the evening but not keep your word when telling God you are going to read your Bible?
You already read above all the stuff I wanted and thought should be mine. If you have already forgotten it you might as well exit out of your browser because obviously you don't care and never want to. You I feel sorry for because its you who are missing out on what it means to live. "For what profits is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul?" Matthew 16: 26. What would be the point of me getting my way with my life when I'm gonna die someday anyways? It will all end then and very quickly it would be forgotten about.
Look, there is nothing wrong with having big dreams like the ones I have. God has given us all dreams for a reason. They inspire us and strive us to accomplish them.
But they are nothing unless they are God's.
Giving everything to Jesus isn't a bad thing. Sure you will have to wait probobly. I'm still waiting for doors to open so I can start a punk rock/ metal band. But since I've given that dream to God, it doesn't mean that much to me as it once did. I'm okay if it doesn't happen. Because my fullfillment is found in Jesus. And wherever He puts me, I'll be okay with that. I am satisfied, and I found peace about waiting on God's timing. But you know, the more you wait, the more you find God to be somebody who is sacred. And how sacred His power and His will is. This is what commitment is. Following after Jesus' footsteps before your very own.
God can never move or do anything unless you let Him. And He wants to! I have proof! See see-----> " But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special peolpe, that you may proclaim the praises of His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 NKJV. Now does that sound like a God who only sits on a high chair and points at people who do wrong all day? Thats a freaky thought. Good thing it ain't true or I'd be dead by now.
Remember who you are living for. Mirror Him already! You think you're a commited person? Compare your heart to what the Bible says. Then ask yourself that question.